Office romance

Erwin

I just needed to start this topic. I have being in different relationships. However, I got a crush on a girl a work with. IT would be easier if she would be in another department but she literally work next to me. What is the best approach to this situation?

Apreche

I just needed to start this topic. I have being in different relationships. However, I got a crush on a girl a work with. IT would be easier if she would be in another department but she literally work next to me. What is the best approach to this situation?

Step 1 is to make sure you know the rules and laws in your workplace so you don't get fired or sued for sexual harassment. As long as you don't break those rules or laws, you can proceed as you normally would. The only difference between this and any other similar situation is that there is greater risk/reward because you see the person so much whether it works out or not. So being on good terms with them is very good and being on bad terms is very bad.

gomidog

First be her friend. Don't ask her out or anything until you are sure she is into you. Just hang around together, invite her to things. If she turns you down for going out in a group, then you know it's probably not a good idea to be all "will you date and make out with me honey baby?" Keep it casual for much longer, and make sure she is comfortable with you before you start coming onto her in a romantic way.

George Patches

First be her friend. Don't ask her out or anything until you are sure she is into you. Just hang around together, invite her to things. If she turns you down for going out in a group, then you know it's probably not a good idea to be all "will you date and make out with me honey baby?" Keep it casual for much longer, and make sure she is comfortable with you before you start coming onto her in a romantic way.

I always get stuck in the friend zone this way. *sigh*

Rochelle

Definitely find out the policy at your work about office relationships.

My general rule of thumb is to never mix business with pleasure. If it doesn't work out, things could end up either very awkward and very difficult for you in the workplace from then on. Also, having an office relationship leads to gossip by coworkers who really should mind their own damn business.

I guess for myself, the cons outweigh the pros.

Cremlian

Yea, some work places almost encourage work place romance, It's always best if you are going to try this that the person is not in your department or in one that you seldom work with.

Also note in the long term it's risky to have both people working at the same place as if there was a layoff you might lose both your incomes in one day. (or you might have to work somewhere that laid off your significant other)

Wyatt

First be her friend. Don't ask her out or anything until you are sure she is into you. Just hang around together, invite her to things. If she turns you down for going out in a group, then you know it's probably not a good idea to be all "will you date and make out with me honey baby?" Keep it casual for much longer, and make sure she is comfortable with you before you start coming onto her in a romantic way.

This also gives her plenty of time to starting dating some douche bag and will ruin your chance of a relationship. Screw that! Get drunk together and go for it. She'll probably feel guilty about having a one night stand and it'll turn into a short relationship. It's better then nothing and that's what you're going to get by beating around the bush. Hell, she could be fill out an eHarmony profile as we speak, on a date tomorrow and married by Spring...

Now, as soon as you think she's about to dump you, find someone else you work with and cheat on her. This sets the drama bar as high as possible. Blame what ever you did on the other girl and play the victim. What ever happens is totally worth the sweet story you'll have after the bomb hits.

OK, back to good advice: You're playing with fire. It could work out great for you, or you could find yourself jobless and in the middle of a lawsuit. I know a married couple that works next to each other and falls more in love every day. Then, I know some couples that didn't work so well.

Personally, I'd avoid it.

TheWhaleShark

I had a relationship with a coworker for a year and a half, and we worked together very closely. We continue to maintain a healthy working relationship even though we're no longer together. As long as you're both mature and can keep your relationship out of your work (and vice-versa), it won't be terribly different than most other relationships. Ours failed for a variety of reasons, and I do have to say that any work-related stresses will exacerbate any stresses that are in the relationship already. Basically, if there's something wrong in the relationship, working together will bring it out a lot faster. You need to be very open in communication to have it work at all.

You absolutely, 100%, must determine your workplace's rules about dating. If it's not allowed, DO NOT PROCEED. No relationship is worth a firing.

Wyatt

You absolutely, 100%,mustdetermine your workplace's rules about dating. If it's not allowed, DO NOT PROCEED. No relationship is worth a firing.

This may also screw with any chance either of you has of getting a promotion. If you're openly dating and at the same pay level, then neither of you can be promoted above the other in the same department. This would be a serious conflict of interests and your employer is going to avoid that. If you keep it on the D.L. and someone finds out, you're going to get fired.

loltsundere

"will you date and make out with me honey baby?"

I think that I would run away flailing from aaaanyone who said that to me.

gomidog

What I don't get about the friend zone is that isn't it better to be friends with a bunch of hot girls than not friends with them? Rym hangs around with a ton of his ex-crushes and it's more fun than ignoring them forever. I had crushes on my classmates in college and, although I didn't end up dating them and they weren't interested in me, we collaborated on projects and had a ton of fun. So I think that it is good to become her friend before anything else, and then once you feel like it wouldn't scare her away (because she knows you are good) say you like her.

Kate Monster

Just ask her to lunch. If she says yes and you have a good time, then ask her to do any evening or weekend activity later in the week. Continue in the same way.

gomidog

Just ask her to lunch. If she says yes and you have a good time, then ask her to do any evening or weekend activity later in the week. Continue in the same way.

Yeah, what she said. Listen to the ladies, man, not to That Cad Wyatt.

Kate Monster

You absolutely, 100%,mustdetermine your workplace's rules about dating. If it's not allowed, DO NOT PROCEED. No relationship is worth a firing.

My Mom and Dad met and started dating at work despite the office policy. They kept it quiet and when they had determined that their relationship was worthwhile on a long term basis my Mom found another job.

Luke Burrage

First bit of advice: don't listen to a bunch of self-declared geeks on the internet.

Second: break her in like a horse!

Wyatt

Posted By: gomidogYeah, what she said. Listen to the ladies, man, not to That Cad Wyatt. A Cad!?! My dear you've done me and my epic mustache a great injustice and I will have none of it! I am but the mirthful rogue or the whimsical knave... Ok, I just wikipedia'ed Cad and that's me 110% ^_^

To avoid the friend zone:
Don't be JUST-A-FRIEND. Talk with her and let her know you're interested in something more. Let her know she means something to you and you care about how she feels about you. Make a move. Do it sober and when the moment's right. Every time I'm alone with a girl I like and we do the "I don't know. What do you want to do?" thing twice. I say, "I've been thinking about trying this..." and I kiss her. You're never going to know what will happen till you try and I for one hate thinking "What if..?"

Don't do all the work. If she wants you like you want her, she'll be willing to go the extra mile for you.

Don't sit on your hands too long, or she thinks you're not interested. Men can send mixed signals just as easily as women can. If you act like you want to be JUST-A-FRIEND. You can't blame her for putting your in the friend zone.

The Game and anyone who puts any thought into how to be a Playa' are full of shit. Their is no list of rules for dating or how people interact. Their are some good ideas but that's about it. That's why Psychology is only a soft science. Be yourself. Forget the Game and be real. Lying your way into someone's pants is like cheating on yourself because now they're in love with someone who isn't you.

On the topic of hanging out with a large number of the opposite sex, It doesn't work out so well. Flirting amongst friends who are comfortable with such things is great, but any stranger looking into a group of 5 guys with 1 girl sitting around a table will assume that the girl is taken by one of the guys, and vice versa. This is why my friend Ella bitches she can't get laid: "You jerks keep scaring all the hot guys off!"

Kate Monster

Second: break her in like a horse!

Again with this today? Really? Pathetic.

Wyatt

Second: break her in like a horse!

Ride her hard and put her away wet.

Axel

First bit of advice: don't listen to a bunch of self-declared geeks on the internet.

So true, and yet so not true. I think it's obvious who knows what they're talking about, and who doesn't. For instance, one would never go to me for dating advice. But some of the people, despite being geeks, actually know about dating. Mainly the girls...It seems it's easier for geeky girls to get dates than geeky guys. Or maybe I'm crazy...Or High School simply impairs my judgment.

Nuri

Every guy I've dated with a single exception was a friend first. I don't believe in the "friend zone" as a place that excludes you from the dating pool. I believe that it is a cop-out concept that guyspeople have invented to make themselves feel better about being rejected.

This post is, of course, written based on the premise that the woman you are after is a worthwhile human being and somewhat intelligent, according to my own standards. In other words, she is dating material.

If you are dating material, being her friend first is not going to exclude you from consideration. If she isn't interested in dating you once she gets to know you via friendship, then it wouldn't have worked out anyway. If your goal is a successful long-term relationship, then getting to know each other as people is an important first step, whether you are dating during the process or not. If you aren't dating and you find out you're incompatible, you have saved yourself the pain of a break-up. If you find out you ARE compatible, then there is no reason you can't try dating then. I'm much more likely to go out on a date with a friend that I know I like than a random guy who asks me out for coffee.

Forget the friend zone, stop worrying about strategy, and just be yourself (assuming wok allows). Socialize with her. If mutual chemistry develops, great. If not, and you end up being friends, it's no big tragedy.

Luke Burrage

Second: break her in like a horse!

Again with this today? Really? Pathetic.

If you hadn't edited my post with your selective quote, you'd maybe have seen a JOKE there that works on at least four levels.

1. The first point is a self deprecating point about myself, one who posts here.
2. It also references the second point, saying it shouldn't be listened to at all.
3. The second point is an absurdly grotesque oversimplification of the stereotypical macho male view of women.
4. The second point is also what is known as a "callback", where one references a previous joke.

How you managed to miss all these points, and then comment about it one two different threads as though there's something wrong with my comedy, is quite stunning. How do you walk with such a hard, long stick shoved so far up your arse?

EDIT: This comment has not been edited.

HungryJoe

I dare someone to make a "Women are like _________ because they _________" thread while Kate is in the room.

George Patches

Every guy I've dated with a single exception was a friend first. I don't believe in the "friend zone" as a place that excludes you from the dating pool. I believe that it is a cop-out concept thatguyspeople have invented to make themselves feel better about being rejected.

This post is, of course, written based on the premise that the woman you are after is a worthwhile human being and somewhat intelligent, according to my own standards. In other words, she is dating material.

If you are dating material, being her friend first is not going to exclude you from consideration. If she isn't interested in dating you once she gets to know you via friendship, then it wouldn't have worked out anyway. If your goal is a successful long-term relationship, then getting to know each other as people is an important first step, whether you are dating during the process or not. If you aren't dating and you find out you're incompatible, you have saved yourself the pain of a break-up. If you find out you ARE compatible, then there is no reason you can't try dating then. I'm much more likely to go out on a date with a friend that I know I like than a random guy who asks me out for coffee.

Forget the friend zone, stop worrying about strategy, and just be yourself (assuming wok allows). Socialize with her. If mutual chemistry develops, great. If not, and you end up being friends, it's no big tragedy.

So I'm just a worthless human being? *cry*

Omnutia

So I'm just a worthless human being? *cry*

Don't worry about it, the health plan is pretty good. *Worthless human beings unite pose.*

On a more serious note:
Would people kindly quit with the sexism stuff. While the usual internet reaction to someone taking things slightly too seriously is to try and milk them for it in a humorous fashion, many of you will probably not realise the extent to which discrimination hangs over those who suffer it. Could all parties make a concerted effort to continue this in a constructive and solution focused manner.

TheWhaleShark

Second: break her in like a horse!

Ride her hard and put her away wet.

Won't she get moldy if you do that too much?

So I'm just a worthless human being? *cry*

Here's the long and short of it: if she's into you, she's into you. If she's not, she's not. There is no "friend" zone. There is no magical combination of buttons that you have to press to make it happen. Dating is not a quicktime event. Be yourself, express your interest (verbally and otherwise), and if she is similarly interested, you will soon find out.

HungryJoe

Second: break her in like a horse!

Ride her hard and put her away wet.

Won't she get moldy if you do that too much?

No, but she might get the colic. In the worst case scenario, she'd have to be put down. So, don't put her up wet.

Kate Monster

How you managed to miss all these points, and then comment about it one two different threads as though there's something wrong with my comedy, is quite stunning. How do you walk with such a hard, long stick shoved so far up your arse?

I got that it was a joke, I am playing along to continue it. The "fail" was based on the combined comment of you and Wyatt (on the heels of HJ's comments).
Also, while I get that these are jokes - to me this issue isn't funny and this kind of humor rarely works in real life and falls completely flat in text. The only way to make it genuinely humorous is to have a "straight man" that continues the joke.
The attempt at comedy was a failure on all levels.
As for the stick in my ass, maybe I just like how it feels. ^_~

HungryJoe

Women are like the money you could be saving with GEICO. They have big eyes and they nag a lot.

George Patches

Here's the long and short of it: if she's into you, she's into you. If she's not, she's not. There is no "friend" zone. There is no magical combination of buttons that you have to press to make it happen. Dating is not a quicktime event. Be yourself, express your interest (verbally and otherwise), and if she is similarly interested, you will soon find out.

So I am a worthless and uninteresting human being?

Kate Monster

I dare someone to make a "Women are like _________ because they _________" thread while Kate is in the room.

That is actually very much like jokes Adam and I make on car trips. Like I said in a previous geek chat you say "I like my women like I like my (noun), (descriptor), (descriptor), and (descriptor)." For instance, I like my women like I like my coffee, dark, strong, and ground up in my freezer. It works just as well replacing "women" with "men".

Luke Burrage

I wasn't making a sexist joke about women or dating. I was making a joke about the reaction to such jokes on this forum.