I'm curious, have any of you had psychotic guilt with your depression? I'm talking about feeling like you've done something wrong all the time and starting to think random things are your fault. Also things like thinking everyone is mad at you or everyone is talking about you/making fun of you. I guess I should've mentioned I was hospitalized with depression end of Jan-early March.
That sort of guilt has been a huge problem for me. It feels never ending sometimes. The worst is when I'm so upset that I start making real mistakes, then the guilt from those reinforces the irrational guilt, making more upset, and so on. That reset button is hard to find.
I'm curious, have any of you had psychotic guilt with your depression? I'm talking about feeling like you've done something wrong all the time and starting to think random things are your fault. Also things like thinking everyone is mad at you or everyone is talking about you/making fun of you. I guess I should've mentioned I was hospitalized with depression end of Jan-early March.
Yes. Depression messed with my confidence and security a lot, so that happened all the time. I thought it was common. I may be wrong. Anyway, you aren't alone in that.
I think I may be slipping back. I cried today in frustration with my life as an art bum.
Yeah. I've been doing pretty well recently. Just a little depressed that my ex stopped talking to me but it's not the overwhelming crazy depression I had before. Also, as a side note, the ex and I met in the psych ward.
Also things like thinking everyone is mad at you or everyone is talking about you/making fun of you.
With my depression, it's mostly this. It didn't help that it really happened when I was in middle school, high school, and college. I get so focused on the people who were mean to me that I forget or ignore the few people who thought I was great.
Yeah, that shit fucked me up. I imagined grand conspiracies executed by everyone I wanted to like explicitly excluding me. Then I got sane enough to think "it's just a group of peoples who share a common interest: not being near me," and it's only been in the last two or three months that I've realized no one thinks about me (unless they're talking about Andrew Jackson or Bruce Springsteen or something iconically and damn near exclusively Greg like that).
My conspiracy was that everyone thought I was an idiot wasting the hospital's time and resources and they were trying to get me to go home. The really conspiracy part is I thought they were screwing around with the hospital to show me I was causing problems there or something.
I've had those kinds of feelings too. Always feeling like you're annoying someone or creeping them out and that your friends secretly hate you and are just being nice to your face. Whenever I'm in a store or something I'm afraid they think I'm going to steal something. And I hate it when I'm walking in the same direction as someone else in front of me because I feel like they'll think I'm following them.
Bringing this thread back up. I had a couple weeks of incredibly high stress, then followed that up with some dramatics. Now I'm just feeling really beat up. I'm not sure if I'm feeling guilty or angry or deceived. Symptom is mostly tightness in the chest and a little in the stomach. Also had a light hangover today, so that could be related.
I totally know where you're coming from when you say that you feel beat up and unsure which negative emotion you're feeling at a given moment. When I get depressed after going through the ringer I usually can't put my finger on how I feel beyond "shitty", and if you press me I'll just list the first three or four feelings that come to mind. It takes a careful, almost systemic examination of one's worries and triggers to pull those emotions out by the root and get a good look at them. Therapists and talkative friends are both good for that.
Also, in my experience, alcohol will fuck your mood for the next day or two if you've got clinical depression.
I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth.
My doctor tried taking me off my epilepsy meds over the summer. They have documented side effects as a mood stabilizer. Monday I started keeping a journal with me at school to document how screwed up everything was. Tuesday I had to leave in my first period study, because the Spec Ed teacher said I wasn't fit to be in school (I mean, I could have stayed, but I generally speaking do whatever he asks/tells me to and it's always worked out well). Today I went to see my psychiatrist, who brought me back up to my regular dosage, after I pointed out a strong correlation between my last step down and the beginning of this bullshit. He said "I've never seen it happen like this before, but it's possible" which in my medical history is the clue that something will work.
Things aren't really at their worst, though. It's a mood stabilizer, not an elevator, so there's a really thorough range of emotions. When I'm at my worst, I'm really at a 3/10, but when I'm at my best I'm at a 12. It's not healthy in the long run, but right now it makes the days when I'm at 3 livable. Whenever I think "I'll never feel good again..." I can remind myself that I felt good just a few days ago.
EDIT: yeah, to anyone I bothered in the last week or so, this is why. Sorry about that.
Mood swings stopped, so that's good. I don't catch myself howling like The Joker at nothing anymore. Unfortunately, it hasn't been replaced with moderate happiness, it's been replaced with full blown emotional exhaustion. I'm working on finding new coping methods, because my old ones are failing me. I don't know about the rest of the week, but I'm making it through tonight by reminiscing about Daria and not thinking about whatever I have to do tomorrow.
You know, even though I don't recall ever having to take advantage of it, I am so proud of this forum for fostering such a level of support for one another. You folks do me proud.
So I'd been sceptical of a couple of my friends recommending vitamin D to help combat depression, given this is California, but I got some at costco and have been going from 1000IU to 5000IU, as suggested, over the last month and my head feels much clearer and I'm all round more positive.
It might be that I've had a long term vitamin D deficiency on top of all the other stuff that happened, but I'm going to keep monitoring how I feel and tweaking the dosage.
I'm not super happy all the time, but I'm only down when there's a reason to feel down and my mind is much more clear. There is a jump in mood with each dosage increase that fades slightly then plataus after a few days but now I've hit 5000IU that should hold me steady, but I'm considering 500IU, half tablet increases hereafter.
Edit: The NHS seems cool with this, though they suggest trying to work it in via diet. I get this is healthier than supplements but California doesn't have good fish.
I got my Trileptol bumped up, my Prozac bumped up, and put on Abilify over the course of about 6 weeks. I still feel like shit --in some situations more than before-- but the chemical activity is changing so fast I don't feel comfortable attributing it to any one thing.
I'm at the point where I'm scared of death instead of not caring about dying or trying to die. This is said to be a major improvement, but I feel scared and uneasy. I forgot what wanting to live was like. It's been that long.
I'm at the point where I'm scared of death instead of not caring about dying or trying to die. This is said to be a major improvement, but I feel scared and uneasy. I forgot what wanting to live was like. It's been that long.
So I'd been sceptical of a couple of my friends recommending vitamin D to help combat depression, given this is California, but I got some at costco and have been going from 1000IU to 5000IU, as suggested, over the last month and my head feels much clearer and I'm all round more positive.
I've been eating the Vitamin D as well for the last couple of months, and feel better in general. Not great, but definitely better than before.
I'm at the point where I'm scared of death instead of not caring about dying or trying to die. This is said to be a major improvement, but I feel scared and uneasy. I forgot what wanting to live was like. It's been that long.
I remember that feel. Try two doses of Nihilism and a tab of spirituality. Thats what worked for me.
So I'd been sceptical of a couple of my friends recommending vitamin D to help combat depression, given this is California, but I got some at costco and have been going from 1000IU to 5000IU, as suggested, over the last month and my head feels much clearer and I'm all round more positive.
I've been eating the Vitamin D as well for the last couple of months, and feel better in general. Not great, but definitely better than before.
Could this possibly be placebo?
I've only ever heard of Vitamin D being used for Vitamin D deficiency (secondary or primary).
Isn't Seasonal Affective Disorder partially caused by a lack of Vitamin D? Or am I just associating light with Vitamin D for some odd reason?
You are correct. Lack of sunlight causes vitamin D deficiencies in a lot of people. As far as taking vitamin D supplements, I do it mostly for the immunity boosting rather than making my mood better.
Isn't Seasonal Affective Disorder partially caused by a lack of Vitamin D? Or am I just associating light with Vitamin D for some odd reason?
You are correct. Lack of sunlight causes vitamin D deficiencies in a lot of people. As far as taking vitamin D supplements, I do it mostly for the immunity boosting rather than making my mood better.
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Also Hyperbole and a Half.
That sort of guilt has been a huge problem for me. It feels never ending sometimes. The worst is when I'm so upset that I start making real mistakes, then the guilt from those reinforces the irrational guilt, making more upset, and so on. That reset button is hard to find.
I think I may be slipping back. I cried today in frustration with my life as an art bum.
Also, in my experience, alcohol will fuck your mood for the next day or two if you've got clinical depression.
My doctor tried taking me off my epilepsy meds over the summer. They have documented side effects as a mood stabilizer. Monday I started keeping a journal with me at school to document how screwed up everything was. Tuesday I had to leave in my first period study, because the Spec Ed teacher said I wasn't fit to be in school (I mean, I could have stayed, but I generally speaking do whatever he asks/tells me to and it's always worked out well). Today I went to see my psychiatrist, who brought me back up to my regular dosage, after I pointed out a strong correlation between my last step down and the beginning of this bullshit. He said "I've never seen it happen like this before, but it's possible" which in my medical history is the clue that something will work.
Things aren't really at their worst, though. It's a mood stabilizer, not an elevator, so there's a really thorough range of emotions. When I'm at my worst, I'm really at a 3/10, but when I'm at my best I'm at a 12. It's not healthy in the long run, but right now it makes the days when I'm at 3 livable. Whenever I think "I'll never feel good again..." I can remind myself that I felt good just a few days ago.
EDIT: yeah, to anyone I bothered in the last week or so, this is why. Sorry about that.
Mood swings stopped, so that's good. I don't catch myself howling like The Joker at nothing anymore. Unfortunately, it hasn't been replaced with moderate happiness, it's been replaced with full blown emotional exhaustion. I'm working on finding new coping methods, because my old ones are failing me. I don't know about the rest of the week, but I'm making it through tonight by reminiscing about Daria and not thinking about whatever I have to do tomorrow.
http://www.kotaku.com.au/2013/07/nobody-wins-when-horror-games-stigmatise-mental-illness/
It might be that I've had a long term vitamin D deficiency on top of all the other stuff that happened, but I'm going to keep monitoring how I feel and tweaking the dosage.
I'm not super happy all the time, but I'm only down when there's a reason to feel down and my mind is much more clear.
There is a jump in mood with each dosage increase that fades slightly then plataus after a few days but now I've hit 5000IU that should hold me steady, but I'm considering 500IU, half tablet increases hereafter.
Edit: The NHS seems cool with this, though they suggest trying to work it in via diet. I get this is healthier than supplements but California doesn't have good fish.
I've only ever heard of Vitamin D being used for Vitamin D deficiency (secondary or primary).