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Irrational Fears
People are weird. Even rational people have irrational fears that don't make any sense. I wanted to talk about it, because I have some really peculiar irrational fears that I worry about when I am under stress. Maybe it is the anxiety/OCD but seriously, WTF brain!
Fear 1: I am somehow going to get bitten by a wild animal and contract rabies, but since I don't notice getting bitten, I won't get the shot. Then, one night I will come down with awful neural diseases and die horribly. This is my big phobia.
Fear 2: Becoming a hoarder, especially an animal hoarder. I am a person who loves things to be very neat, organized, and clean, and even though I have slight hangups about wasting things and tend to reuse stuff (I came from super environmentalist family), when I really have to get rid of something, I recycle it or throw it away. The idea of animal hoarding just terrifies me incredibly, because the people have a mental illness deluding them into thinking they are saving the poor animals, when in reality they are letting them die and starve. They just busted a lady upstate who was keeping 73 bunnies in a trailer without food, water, or light, and one of them was dead and the others starving when the animal control came. I can't stand the idea of being an insane cat lady with filth and dead cats surrounding me, thinking that I was being good and helping animals. I want to help animals, and I am scared because of that I would snap and be awful. Brrr. The most scary!
Fear 3: Suddenly becoming hugely fat from being a wasteful and overindulgent person and not being able to run and jump like I want to.
What are your weird fears that bother you?
Fear 1: I am somehow going to get bitten by a wild animal and contract rabies, but since I don't notice getting bitten, I won't get the shot. Then, one night I will come down with awful neural diseases and die horribly. This is my big phobia.
Fear 2: Becoming a hoarder, especially an animal hoarder. I am a person who loves things to be very neat, organized, and clean, and even though I have slight hangups about wasting things and tend to reuse stuff (I came from super environmentalist family), when I really have to get rid of something, I recycle it or throw it away. The idea of animal hoarding just terrifies me incredibly, because the people have a mental illness deluding them into thinking they are saving the poor animals, when in reality they are letting them die and starve. They just busted a lady upstate who was keeping 73 bunnies in a trailer without food, water, or light, and one of them was dead and the others starving when the animal control came. I can't stand the idea of being an insane cat lady with filth and dead cats surrounding me, thinking that I was being good and helping animals. I want to help animals, and I am scared because of that I would snap and be awful. Brrr. The most scary!
Fear 3: Suddenly becoming hugely fat from being a wasteful and overindulgent person and not being able to run and jump like I want to.
What are your weird fears that bother you?
Comments
That's mostly it. That's the vast majority of my fear matrix. Although, having had two car accidents not long after first getting my license, both of which were entirely the fault of the other person just being dumb and not looking while speeding and ramming into me (both times on the driver's side door), I do have a fear I've never been able to shake since then, of, I guess, driving in general. Not crippling to the point where I can't get around or anything - I just always have this vague awareness that I could die at any moment through absolutely no fault of my own. Which, is the case at all moments in one's life, but I become especially aware of it when I get into the driver's seat of a car. I think that's one of those things that human brains aren't supposed to be aware of in their day-to-day going-ons.
S'one of the reasons I want to move some place where I can get most everywhere I need to via public transit.
Also, I had an ex with a massive aversion/fear of mirrors, visual recursions, and being shaken or vibrated.
Probably a lot of others, but I can't think of them right now. But I swear to God I'm full of them.
And irrational fears, too.
Goats. Those eyes are unnatural.
Nutcrackers teeth. The Christmas ones. They look demonic.
Laughing crowds of teenagers.
Things being stolen from me. I always check if the door is locked. I also used to hide important things before I left the house. Growing up men would always break in and Ma was gullible and would trust people who eventually steal from us. Someone broke into me and Jed's old place and once someone tried to break in when I was home when I was young. I always keep my purse close and eyes open.
I have lots of rational fears and concerns, but often they make me a better person in general - of not being a kind enough person, of not doing enough for my family and community, not taking for granted the fact that I live in fairly extreme luxury compared to many people, of not making the most of the time I have, etc.
I'd say my worst one is losing control of myself. I am very capable, and if I lose control, I could very seriously harm someone, possibly someone who doesn't deserve it. I keep myself on a very tight leash, but I know that I'm not perfect, and I could slip - and if I do, even for a very short period of time, and I hurt someone, that is a monstrous thing.
1. Spiders. Okay, it's not really a fear, but they are gross. One time, one dropped down from the ceiling to dangle in front of me while I was on the toilet. Not cool. But at least I can retaliate with shoes or by giving them vacuum death.
2. Locking shit. Like Sail, I always have to double-check that I've locked doors and my car. One time I missed a train because I couldn't remember if I had locked the front door, and had to run back across the street to check.
3. Being mugged/home invasion. I don't know what the fuck I'd do if someone tried to break in while I was in the house. As a result, I have to lock both locks and the bolt on the door at night. Open windows would bother me too, but that was when I lived in a first-story apartment. My sister's problem with recurring robbers - who ransacked her apartment once and then almost got in again later when she was asleep - has given me nightmares.
4. Being raped. Other than catching/developing a horrible disease and dying, or losing loved ones, this is probably my biggest fear. I know this town is probably pretty safe, and stranger rapes are far, far less common than acquaintance rapes involving alcohol (which I am really not at risk for), I still will not walk around in lonely areas at night by myself. The one time I walked home from the train alone at 2 am was kinda freaky.
I'm under no illusions - even if I have to outright kill someone to protect the people I love, I won't lose a wink of sleep over it. But senseless violence and losing control, that's what wakes me up and keeps me up in the middle of the night.