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Dating

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  • edited April 2016
    Not be crass but what about simple physical attraction. If both parties want to bang each other for no other reason than they each see the other as hot. Would that not also count as 'chemistry'?
    Post edited by Josh Bytes on
  • The way I've always seen chemistry doesn't necessarily have to be about sexual or partnership intimacy. You can use the same term to talk about a sports team who works together really well. I see chemistry as innate qualities and thought processes that make interaction and coordination easier. Mutual attraction and curiosity between two people certainly are a part of that, but are not necessarily the defining factors. You can still have good chemistry with another person without those, particularly when it comes to working together towards a common goal.
  • Not be crass but what about simple physical attraction. If both parties want to bang each other for no other reason than they each see the other as hot. Would that not also count as 'chemistry'?

    I think there's more than one type of chemistry. For example, me and my ex definitely had that "LET'S BANG ALL THE TIME" kind of chemistry, but not the kind of chemistry where we could just talk for ages and silences wouldn't feel awkward.
  • Not be crass but what about simple physical attraction. If both parties want to bang each other for no other reason than they each see the other as hot. Would that not also count as 'chemistry'?

    Maybe. Chemistry can happen in bed, despite chemistry not happening over breakfast the next morning.
  • To me, "chemistry" is if I, without effort, find myself naturally comfortable with, interested in, and amused by another person, and it appears that they feel, without effort, similarly.
  • Rym said:

    To me, "chemistry" is if I, without effort, find myself naturally comfortable with, interested in, and amused by another person, and it appears that they feel, without effort, similarly.

    This is mostly what I identify it as.
  • You guys are getting way too complex with this. It's literal.

    Chemistry refers to the hormones your body releases in response to being around a specific person. Literal chemicals, pumping through your body. When you both have complimentary hormonal responses, you "have chemistry."

    There are different kinds of hormones, so there are different kinds of chemistry. Sexytime hormones, cuddle hormones, all kinds of good stuff.
  • MATATAT said:

    Rym said:

    To me, "chemistry" is if I, without effort, find myself naturally comfortable with, interested in, and amused by another person, and it appears that they feel, without effort, similarly.

    This is mostly what I identify it as.
    Mm-hm.
  • The easiest way to come off naturally comfortable is to be comfortable with yourself, which of course is the hardest part.
  • Beer helps with that. Or Wine if your sophisticated.
  • Are there signs as to whether close friends would or wouldn't make good partners? There's this girl I've known for about two years now and I want to take it to the next level but don't know if that would actually be a good idea.
  • Greg said:

    Are there signs as to whether close friends would or wouldn't make good partners? There's this girl I've known for about two years now and I want to take it to the next level but don't know if that would actually be a good idea.

    Next time you see her, just ask.
  • Apreche said:

    Greg said:

    Are there signs as to whether close friends would or wouldn't make good partners? There's this girl I've known for about two years now and I want to take it to the next level but don't know if that would actually be a good idea.

    Next time you see her, just ask.
    She has a history of saying yes when she shouldn't. I worry I'll get both of us into something we shouldn't be in because neither of us have good judgement.
  • Greg said:

    Apreche said:

    Greg said:

    Are there signs as to whether close friends would or wouldn't make good partners? There's this girl I've known for about two years now and I want to take it to the next level but don't know if that would actually be a good idea.

    Next time you see her, just ask.
    She has a history of saying yes when she shouldn't. I worry I'll get both of us into something we shouldn't be in because neither of us have good judgement.
    Ask someone who actually knows both of you.
  • Ask anyway, if it doesn't work out in the long run, hopefully you both had some fun, learned some things, and remained friends.
  • Greg said:

    Are there signs as to whether close friends would or wouldn't make good partners? There's this girl I've known for about two years now and I want to take it to the next level but don't know if that would actually be a good idea.

    Okay, Victor's time to shine.

    So, I met Amanda, in a class and our friendship started off with me subtly hitting on her and her subtly flashing her engagement ring. They were long distance but serious. This was about... oh, six or seven years ago,. We both had a big laugh and lost touch after that semester, but reconnected a year later in a different, totally unrelated class. We have been best friends ever since. We literally tell each other everything. Nothing is out of bounds, nothing taboo, and we trust each other with some pretty personal stuff.

    Now, during the course of our friendship, our parents met each other and both of our mothers basically wanted us to get married, even while she was engaged. This was annoying between the two of us because we were very comfortable as friends. About two or three years ago, she and her fiance' broke it off and, being her best friend, I was naturally there for her the whole way. Not too long after, it was clear that we both, in our heads, were toying with the idea of becoming a couple. We became a lot physically closer to the point that there were moments where we almost kissed. But, at one point, we both became frustrated by all of this and basically said, "What the fuck are we doing? We're both grown ass adults: let's just sit down over pancakes and hash this out".

    And we did. We listed the pro's, the con's, and points of contention between us and whether or not they were resolvable. For example, she is deeply religious and believes in ghosts and I find all of that laughable. In the end, we decided that, while we would kill for each other and would always be there to help each other, becoming a couple would be the worst thing for us. Since then, she's met a FANTASTIC guy named Darrell who is now good friend of mine and they are set to be married next September.
    Rym said:

    Ask anyway, if it doesn't work out in the long run, hopefully you both had some fun, learned some things, and remained friends.

    On that note, however, it can be VERY hard to remain friends in most cases.
  • Greg said:

    Apreche said:

    Greg said:

    Are there signs as to whether close friends would or wouldn't make good partners? There's this girl I've known for about two years now and I want to take it to the next level but don't know if that would actually be a good idea.

    Next time you see her, just ask.
    She has a history of saying yes when she shouldn't. I worry I'll get both of us into something we shouldn't be in because neither of us have good judgement.
    1. You're not responsible for her. Don't try to make her decisions for her.
    2. If you're seriously concerned about her judgment and don't trust her ability to say no, then WHY DO YOU WANT TO DATE THIS PERSON??
    3. If answering #2 didn't make you think maybe you shouldn't go forward here, then make YOUR choices and then present her with the choices relevant to her. You don't get to make her decisions. Don't be an arrogant ass who thinks he has to save someone from themselves by not giving them the chance to make "the bad" decision.
  • I agree with Nuri. If you can't ask her for her genuine feelings (Do you think you'd want to date me, do you have any romantic feelings for me, etc.), I don't know that you should proceed into a romantic relationship. If you can trust her to answer those questions honestly, then go for it.
  • you only regret the moves you don't make - Andrew Jackson :-p
  • I don't know man, this sounds like a bad time just waiting for someone to happen to. I'd not be having any part of it.
  • Greg said:

    Are there signs as to whether close friends would or wouldn't make good partners? There's this girl I've known for about two years now and I want to take it to the next level but don't know if that would actually be a good idea.

    Okay, Victor's time to shine.

    So, I met Amanda...
    This is deeply disturbing as the person in my case is also named Amanda.
    Axel said:

    I agree with Nuri. If you can't ask her for her genuine feelings (Do you think you'd want to date me, do you have any romantic feelings for me, etc.), I don't know that you should proceed into a romantic relationship. If you can trust her to answer those questions honestly, then go for it.

    The issue isn't her being dishonest. She's very emotionally aware and vocal. We've discussed plenty of emotionally charged stuff. She's been honest. Some time ago she even said she'd date me, but wasn't in a good place for romance (which she wasn't). She's had a bf since then so apparently that period's over.
    Nuri said:

    2. If you're seriously concerned about her judgment and don't trust her ability to say no, then WHY DO YOU WANT TO DATE THIS PERSON??

    In many ways she's the kind of person I've been looking for for some time. She's been a very positive force in my life and I in hers. I feel like going up a level would amplify that. We're not soul mates, but then that's not what either of us want from our next S.O.
    Cremlian said:

    you only regret the moves you don't make - Andrew Jackson :-p

    The old "My only regret is that I did not shoot Calhoun and hang Clay" quote gives this joke a lot of power.
  • Cremlian said:

    you only regret the moves you don't make - Andrew Jackson :-p

    That's bullshit. I've done plenty of things I regret.
  • Nuri said:

    I've done plenty of things I regret.

  • Nuri said:

    Cremlian said:

    you only regret the moves you don't make - Andrew Jackson :-p

    That's bullshit. I've done plenty of things I regret.
    Greg got the joke :-p
  • Cremlian said:

    Nuri said:

    Cremlian said:

    you only regret the moves you don't make - Andrew Jackson :-p

    That's bullshit. I've done plenty of things I regret.
    Greg got the joke :-p
    It now occurs to me "You miss %100 of the shots you don't take" may have been a better choice XD
  • I just chimed in where I felt my input was most relevant.
  • Greg said:

    Cremlian said:

    Nuri said:

    Cremlian said:

    you only regret the moves you don't make - Andrew Jackson :-p

    That's bullshit. I've done plenty of things I regret.
    Greg got the joke :-p
    It now occurs to me "You miss %100 of the shots you don't take" may have been a better choice XD
    True!
  • I've attained a gnosis I was neither aware of nor seeking with regards to my girlfriend. It's illuminating to see what's really making her tick, even if she only has her best interests at heart. At least I found out before I got in wedding deep.
  • Ruffas said:

    I've attained a gnosis I was neither aware of nor seeking with regards to my girlfriend. It's illuminating to see what's really making her tick, even if she only has her best interests at heart. At least I found out before I got in wedding deep.

    Vague, yet concerning.
  • Short version: I waited two years and moved half way around to be closer to her again, she did...neither of those things. I thought she was interested in me as a person as well as a path to citizenship, and I'm pretty sure she still is, but now I know that while my passport is still as blue as the next American's, I'm not interesting enough for her all on my own.

    At least this means I get to move back to Japan guilt free. I was a lot happier there, other than dealing with a long distance relationship, and now I won't have that holding me back.
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