No one who is actually cool thinks they're nearly as cool as they in fact are (I'm talking about both you and her with this statement). Ask her the fuck out, and when you do, talk about stuff that you like and be interesting. Don't front and try to talk about stuff she likes, because you don't know it and you will be boring. Don't forget to be awesome.
That's how you handle different interests and different worlds: follow the oldest dating cliche and be yourself. If she's got the emotional intelligence to be worth seriously dating, it'll work. If not, well, you can still try to have some fun, right?
You want to write organisms from scratch. How is that not awesome? The fact that you can feasibly consider doing that almost literally makes you a god amongst men.
Talk about what you're into and why you're into it. Ask about what she's into and why she's into it. Share your passion for science and learn about her passion for music. You're fucking Spanish; passion is what you do.
I have a feeling this forum is an easy bunch to feel proud of. We are, after all, quite awesome; Each in our own way.
Anyway, my dating thing:
On thursday, I told a girl that I've known for a while that I really like her and wanted to take her out on a date. She seemed a bit overwhelmed, but she's kind of a shy person so I expected that a little, so I offered to message her about it later. I messaged her on sunday over facebook and I still haven't gotten anything back.
Eh, wait a day or two more. If she's feeling overwhelmed, the added pressure, even if unintentional, won't help. If she's shy, then giving as much time as you can, within reason, for her to sort things out in her mind might be the way to go.
This is kinda long and rambley, so you may just want to I suggest you skip to my tl;dr.
I recently met up with a girl that I hadn't seen in forever, went on a real dinner-and-a-movie date with her, and had her be uninterested with me all in about 2 weeks. This is my story.
The girl of then-interest has been away for many years. We're both 16, both Juniors, and the last time we really saw each other was in 7th grade, and we're both very hazy on our memories at that time. The only thing she remembers is holding hands with me in French class, and I remember that very very fondly. To my 7th-grade self, she was awesome. She was short, curvy, into anime and videogames, and crazy creative, and had Romona hair. What wasn't to like?
Now, she came back about a year ago, and I re-developed my crush on her from way back when. At points I wondered if I even stopped crushing on her all this time. So, I was more than happy to try and IM her basically whenever she was on and I was paying attention to Facebook (not often, I swear I'm not creepy). She hasn't changed much. She's still the short, curvy, geeky, creative, Romona-haired girl I was infatuated with, but I tried to hide it. Easy enough, being a flirt naturally.
So, this summer, I "test the waters," if you will. I'm IMing her, and I flirt. A bit more than is expected of me on any given day, but not overwhelmingly flirty to the point where I can't stop, like the demons of flirts-past have possessed me. Just a little more.
All of a sudden, she saya simply, "please stop. I don't like you that way." Oh well, I thought. At least I tried. I turned off my flirting, she explained why she didn't and couldn't like me. "I'm bad to nice guys," "I'm a bad girlfriend," things of that sort. I don't believe her. No offense to her, I just don't believe people when they put themselves down that way. We continue our conversations, and we head off to bed. She doesn't really talk to me much after that.
Flash forward to last month, mid-September. I get a text from her asking for help on her mother's website. I have a website, I can run Filezilla, and I'm ready to Google myself silly at a moments notice, so I say I'll give it my best shot. After a while, we realize texting is probably the worst way to help out, so she calls me.
I'm on the phone with her for about 3 hours, give or take. Less than 1/5 of that was website help. We talked about everything we could. Her Cosplay outfits, my webcomic ideas, our Pokemon geekery, our changed friends, our new friends, the weather, and the kitchen sink. I haven't talked to someone that long, no pauses, in a lonnnng time. I almost forgot what it felt like. As our conversation is winding down, she talks about sewing, and I admit my interest in it. She suggests I come over next weekend, maybe I could tech her some things, and I say that I'd be thrilled!
The next day, I realize that obviously she must like me. Why else would she just invite me over? And talk to me for so long? Ask me to go to Ikkicon with her and be her Brock? MIXED SIGNALS, MIXED SIGNALS EVERYWHERE.
It's that Saturday. I uploaded Pokemon Black to my SuperCard, I'm wearing my longcat shirt, wearing my Old Spice, and I shaved all nice and proper. I feel good, and I think I look alright, too. I get to her house, and she greets me with a giant smile and hugs me tight. Man, I forgot hugs felt good. She leads me into her room, and I sit on her bed, and we talk about everything, again. She told me about her super fun adventures at ComiCon, cosplaying, writing, Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Just plain everything.
After about 2 hours, she looks over at me, slightly smiling, and notes that we've been talking without any type of awkward pause the whole time. Obviously, being me, I put one in on purpose, and she smiled more. "I really like this," she said to me. "I like it, too," I said back to her. Then she apologized for being so blunt during the summer. I told her not to worry about it. "I was going to ask you out, so I like that I didn't have to face that while opening up to you, it would have been hard," I explain with a smile. I then explain my previous girlfriend of 1.5 years dumped me while she was on vacation early in the summer. For a openly gay guy. "So yeah. Best it happened this way," I joke.
She then looks at me, takes a breath, and opens up to me about past relationships, guys doing her wrong, going at great lengths to hit it and quit it. Her love-life story, and how it now effects her. "That's why I'm mean to nice guys," she says, looking down slightly. "I want to be with them, but then I push them away because I know they'll stick around. You're just sweet Josh over here... [she cuddles up to me on her bed]... and I don't want to hurt you. You've been hurt enough."
As we're laying there, she starts to explain how she likes to express feeling physically. I explain I'm the same way. I love giving hugs and holding hands and cuddling and makin' out. It's just how I express myself when I'm that comfortable with someone since I'm not that great with my words. We lock eyes, and in her blunt style says "I've wanted to kiss you since you walked in the door." "Same here," I smile. And we kiss.
I'm smiling like a goof all the way home. We text back and forth during the week in class and after school. Occasional goodmornings here and there if I'm awake enough before school to do it. At one point, she explains to me that I'm going to need to keep her attention. She's tried "different-school" relationships, and she has a problem keeping interest in boys. Just a heads up, but she doesn't feel that problem will happen with me.
Red flags should have shot up there, but they didn't. We kissed, I liked her, she liked me, what's the worst that could happen?
That next Friday is our date. We meet up at the theater, and I buy us tickets to the new Resident Evil movie, as per her request. I offer to take her to Souper Salad next door since we have some time to eat before the movie, and it closes after the movie's over. She decides not to, so we play -Men Vs. Street Fighter in the lobby for awhile, before breaking down and just going to the earlier showing.
The movie, looking back on it, didn't go as well as I had hoped. I was a bit nervous. Movies are interesting situations. We're both physical people, loving to be held and to be kissed, but that might not hold true during movies. So, I'm kinda slow and absentmindedly doing things. Hand on arm rest to her hand to her shoulder. At the time, I thought I was smooth. After figuring out what she wants, not so much.
We get out of the movie (it sucked) and I hand her a folded up piece of paper. "You told me you like notes, and I like writing them. Thought it fit." She opens the note, reading it out loud to herself. At the end I say I hope I'm not too nervous (I was) and that I was probably mildly intimidated, but it'll get better! She looks at me, and says very calmly, "While I enjoyed spending time with you, you need to work on how nervous you get. Go with your gut, or this most likely won't work." I look into her eyes and ask "Can i go with my gut now?" She smiles and nods, so I pull her in to kiss her. I swear I could feel her smile, and if her smile when we stopped is any indication, she was. "Why didn't you do that in the theater? It's built for that," she jokes as she punches me in the arm
So we spend the rest of the evening talking, wandering around, and kissing. It was awesome, and she was very verbal as to how awesome she thought it was. "Finally! A nice guy who's willing to listen to his gut!"
The next monday I text her, she texts me, it's awesome... Except for some small details. I'm leaving Wednesday (this last one, as of right now) to go to Florida for my grandfather's 90th, and I won't be back until Sunday night or Monday morning. Then I'm with my dad that week, who won't let me do anything afterschool, and ACL fest is this weekend, and then maybe we could hang during the next week. She says that's all fine and dandy, and that I shouldn't worry about it.
I should have worried about it. I sent her one message a day until Friday, then texted her saying I got back home safe and sound. Nothing.
tl;dr/Where is he now: So, now I'm out ~$48 (resident Evil was only in 3D) because of a girl who everyone warned me about, and they were all right, and I am upset. Also, now girls are flirting with me left and right, especially my ex. So, really, I tried, lost some money, she became uninterested, now other girls are interested in me, and the girl I'm still in love with is flirting with me. Guess I came out okay.
Okay, if we are sharing stories, I'll keep mine short:
Met a girl at the European Juggling Convention in August. Had a great four or five days and nights together. Stayed in contact by Facebook and Skype, chatting pretty much every day. She's French and lives in London. I'm English and live in Berlin. She's coming over to see me this weekend. I can't wait.
Mixed signals pretty much always indicate someone who doesn't know what they want, and the only signal you can get for sure out of that is "TROUBLE." Asking for clarification will not help.
Comments
Also, that slash after Jodorowski was a typo, but I like how it's being conserved.
Thanks guys. If I run into her heading to psych tomorrow, I'll ask if she wants to grab a bite, and if not, I'll call her.
That's how you handle different interests and different worlds: follow the oldest dating cliche and be yourself. If she's got the emotional intelligence to be worth seriously dating, it'll work. If not, well, you can still try to have some fun, right?
Talk about what you're into and why you're into it. Ask about what she's into and why she's into it. Share your passion for science and learn about her passion for music. You're fucking Spanish; passion is what you do.
You got this.
Anyway, my dating thing:
On thursday, I told a girl that I've known for a while that I really like her and wanted to take her out on a date. She seemed a bit overwhelmed, but she's kind of a shy person so I expected that a little, so I offered to message her about it later. I messaged her on sunday over facebook and I still haven't gotten anything back.
I guess I'll text her.
I recently met up with a girl that I hadn't seen in forever, went on a real dinner-and-a-movie date with her, and had her be uninterested with me all in about 2 weeks. This is my story.
The girl of then-interest has been away for many years. We're both 16, both Juniors, and the last time we really saw each other was in 7th grade, and we're both very hazy on our memories at that time. The only thing she remembers is holding hands with me in French class, and I remember that very very fondly. To my 7th-grade self, she was awesome. She was short, curvy, into anime and videogames, and crazy creative, and had Romona hair. What wasn't to like?
Now, she came back about a year ago, and I re-developed my crush on her from way back when. At points I wondered if I even stopped crushing on her all this time. So, I was more than happy to try and IM her basically whenever she was on and I was paying attention to Facebook (not often, I swear I'm not creepy). She hasn't changed much. She's still the short, curvy, geeky, creative, Romona-haired girl I was infatuated with, but I tried to hide it. Easy enough, being a flirt naturally.
So, this summer, I "test the waters," if you will. I'm IMing her, and I flirt. A bit more than is expected of me on any given day, but not overwhelmingly flirty to the point where I can't stop, like the demons of flirts-past have possessed me. Just a little more.
All of a sudden, she saya simply, "please stop. I don't like you that way." Oh well, I thought. At least I tried. I turned off my flirting, she explained why she didn't and couldn't like me. "I'm bad to nice guys," "I'm a bad girlfriend," things of that sort. I don't believe her. No offense to her, I just don't believe people when they put themselves down that way. We continue our conversations, and we head off to bed. She doesn't really talk to me much after that.
Flash forward to last month, mid-September. I get a text from her asking for help on her mother's website. I have a website, I can run Filezilla, and I'm ready to Google myself silly at a moments notice, so I say I'll give it my best shot. After a while, we realize texting is probably the worst way to help out, so she calls me.
I'm on the phone with her for about 3 hours, give or take. Less than 1/5 of that was website help. We talked about everything we could. Her Cosplay outfits, my webcomic ideas, our Pokemon geekery, our changed friends, our new friends, the weather, and the kitchen sink. I haven't talked to someone that long, no pauses, in a lonnnng time. I almost forgot what it felt like. As our conversation is winding down, she talks about sewing, and I admit my interest in it. She suggests I come over next weekend, maybe I could tech her some things, and I say that I'd be thrilled!
The next day, I realize that obviously she must like me. Why else would she just invite me over? And talk to me for so long? Ask me to go to Ikkicon with her and be her Brock? MIXED SIGNALS, MIXED SIGNALS EVERYWHERE.
It's that Saturday. I uploaded Pokemon Black to my SuperCard, I'm wearing my longcat shirt, wearing my Old Spice, and I shaved all nice and proper. I feel good, and I think I look alright, too. I get to her house, and she greets me with a giant smile and hugs me tight. Man, I forgot hugs felt good. She leads me into her room, and I sit on her bed, and we talk about everything, again. She told me about her super fun adventures at ComiCon, cosplaying, writing, Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Just plain everything.
After about 2 hours, she looks over at me, slightly smiling, and notes that we've been talking without any type of awkward pause the whole time. Obviously, being me, I put one in on purpose, and she smiled more. "I really like this," she said to me. "I like it, too," I said back to her. Then she apologized for being so blunt during the summer. I told her not to worry about it. "I was going to ask you out, so I like that I didn't have to face that while opening up to you, it would have been hard," I explain with a smile. I then explain my previous girlfriend of 1.5 years dumped me while she was on vacation early in the summer. For a openly gay guy. "So yeah. Best it happened this way," I joke.
She then looks at me, takes a breath, and opens up to me about past relationships, guys doing her wrong, going at great lengths to hit it and quit it. Her love-life story, and how it now effects her. "That's why I'm mean to nice guys," she says, looking down slightly. "I want to be with them, but then I push them away because I know they'll stick around. You're just sweet Josh over here... [she cuddles up to me on her bed]... and I don't want to hurt you. You've been hurt enough."
As we're laying there, she starts to explain how she likes to express feeling physically. I explain I'm the same way. I love giving hugs and holding hands and cuddling and makin' out. It's just how I express myself when I'm that comfortable with someone since I'm not that great with my words. We lock eyes, and in her blunt style says "I've wanted to kiss you since you walked in the door." "Same here," I smile. And we kiss.
I'm smiling like a goof all the way home. We text back and forth during the week in class and after school. Occasional goodmornings here and there if I'm awake enough before school to do it. At one point, she explains to me that I'm going to need to keep her attention. She's tried "different-school" relationships, and she has a problem keeping interest in boys. Just a heads up, but she doesn't feel that problem will happen with me.
Red flags should have shot up there, but they didn't. We kissed, I liked her, she liked me, what's the worst that could happen?
That next Friday is our date. We meet up at the theater, and I buy us tickets to the new Resident Evil movie, as per her request. I offer to take her to Souper Salad next door since we have some time to eat before the movie, and it closes after the movie's over. She decides not to, so we play -Men Vs. Street Fighter in the lobby for awhile, before breaking down and just going to the earlier showing.
The movie, looking back on it, didn't go as well as I had hoped. I was a bit nervous. Movies are interesting situations. We're both physical people, loving to be held and to be kissed, but that might not hold true during movies. So, I'm kinda slow and absentmindedly doing things. Hand on arm rest to her hand to her shoulder. At the time, I thought I was smooth. After figuring out what she wants, not so much.
We get out of the movie (it sucked) and I hand her a folded up piece of paper. "You told me you like notes, and I like writing them. Thought it fit." She opens the note, reading it out loud to herself. At the end I say I hope I'm not too nervous (I was) and that I was probably mildly intimidated, but it'll get better! She looks at me, and says very calmly, "While I enjoyed spending time with you, you need to work on how nervous you get. Go with your gut, or this most likely won't work." I look into her eyes and ask "Can i go with my gut now?" She smiles and nods, so I pull her in to kiss her. I swear I could feel her smile, and if her smile when we stopped is any indication, she was. "Why didn't you do that in the theater? It's built for that," she jokes as she punches me in the arm
So we spend the rest of the evening talking, wandering around, and kissing. It was awesome, and she was very verbal as to how awesome she thought it was. "Finally! A nice guy who's willing to listen to his gut!"
The next monday I text her, she texts me, it's awesome... Except for some small details. I'm leaving Wednesday (this last one, as of right now) to go to Florida for my grandfather's 90th, and I won't be back until Sunday night or Monday morning. Then I'm with my dad that week, who won't let me do anything afterschool, and ACL fest is this weekend, and then maybe we could hang during the next week. She says that's all fine and dandy, and that I shouldn't worry about it.
I should have worried about it. I sent her one message a day until Friday, then texted her saying I got back home safe and sound. Nothing.
tl;dr/Where is he now: So, now I'm out ~$48 (resident Evil was only in 3D) because of a girl who everyone warned me about, and they were all right, and I am upset. Also, now girls are flirting with me left and right, especially my ex. So, really, I tried, lost some money, she became uninterested, now other girls are interested in me, and the girl I'm still in love with is flirting with me. Guess I came out okay.
Met a girl at the European Juggling Convention in August. Had a great four or five days and nights together. Stayed in contact by Facebook and Skype, chatting pretty much every day. She's French and lives in London. I'm English and live in Berlin. She's coming over to see me this weekend. I can't wait.
Also, Luke B should definitely host the next Crystal Maze.