Mixed signals pretty much always indicate someone who doesn't know what they want, and the only signal you can get for sure out of that is "TROUBLE." Asking for clarification will not help.
Not necessarily. You might be perceiving something as a signal that is completely innocuous. Or, your question may spur the person you ask to think about what exactly it is that they want from the relationship. Don't just assume that every person is completely aware of what you perceive. Particularly when two people are from different backgrounds, perceptions of behavior can vary widely.
For instance, two different men may perceive a female friend wearing a tank top differently. One may get "she must be feeling warm and desires to keep cool," and the other may get "she wants me to arouse me by showing some skin." Either MIGHT be true, but how do you know unless the girl tells you exactly what her intent is? It could even be something totally different. That doesn't mean that she doesn't know why she wore the tank top; it means that YOU don't know why she wore the tank top, and there is more than one plausible explanation.
That doesn't mean that she doesn't know why she wore the tank top; it means that YOU don't know why she wore the tank top, and there is more than one plausible explanation.
That's not really the same as mixed signals. That's A signal, and you might not know what it means.
I realize that I made it sound like I was against just asking directly, which I am not. I think it's a great idea. It is not a sure road to success, however, because asking someone who's not sure what they want what they want will usually only get you more mixed signals.
For instance, two different men may perceive a female friend wearing a tank top differently. One may get "she must be feeling warm and desires to keep cool," and the other may get "she wants me to arouse me by showing some skin." Either MIGHT be true, but how do you know unless the girl tells you exactly what her intent is? It could even be something totally different. That doesn't mean that she doesn't know why she wore the tank top; it means that YOU don't know why she wore the tank top, and there is more than one plausible explanation.
Cause the girl will totally give you a straight answer if it's the latter.
Talked to her in person for 10 minutes. She's getting back to me on whether or not she's available for dinner Sunday night with a Facebook message. Told me to catch a nap as she was walking away. ^_^
That's not really the same as mixed signals. That's A signal, and you might not know what it means.
Er... a lot of people *think* they are getting mixed signals, but they are actually just misinterpreting one or more things as signals. My point is that someone can be giving off non-signals that you think are signals, so it's not really a good idea to write someone off just because you think you are getting mixed signals.
Er... a lot of people *think* they are getting mixed signals, but they are actually just misinterpreting one or more things as signals. My point is that someone can be giving off non-signals that you think are signals, so it's not really a good idea to write someone off just because you think you are getting mixed signals.
Perhaps, but if it becomes a pattern, then there's probably something to it.
Also, I usually see mixed signals coming from different media of communication: a disconnect between statement and action, for example. This is usually what trips people up, I think. A girl who says "I'm not really looking for anything," but is more than willing to make out and fool around every time she sees you, is sending you mixed signals. Most people do this once in a while; the problem is when a person does this consistently.
EDIT: And just to make it clear, guys do this just as much as girls. It comes down to people not being self-aware enough to understand what they're communicating non-verbally. That tends to indicate a person who doesn't know what they want.
I was dating this girl once and she got mad and said she was leaving. Because my car had hers blocked in I got up (was in bed prior, after 1AM), put some clothes on and proceeded to leave my apt. She asked me why I was up and I told her that if she wanted to leave I had to move my car.
Well, that was not what she wanted to hear (as I realized/found out later). She was pulling the "I'm leaving" stunt in an attempt to get me to beg her to stay. Instead she got the equivalent of "don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out."
She was pulling the "I'm leaving" stunt in an attempt to get me to beg her to stay.
Lesson to all women, this kind of thing does not work. Men are literal minded. Just be honest and say exactly what you mean/want in plain English. You wonder why men complain about not understanding women. Saying you want to leave, when you don't want to leave, is pretty damn close to being a perfect example.
She was pulling the "I'm leaving" stunt in an attempt to get me to beg her to stay.
Lesson to all women, this kind of thing does not work. Men are literal minded. Just be honest and say exactly what you mean/want in plain English. You wonder why men complain about not understanding women. Saying you want to leave, when you don't want to leave, is pretty damn close to being a perfect example.
Sigh. I tell this to my chick friends too. Sigh. Guys play that game occasionally too. I see it as this control attempt and if you know me, you know I HATE control attempts.
I am fortunately single. The way things are right now I have been unable to find a girl who doesn't want to try and control me until she gets tired and throws me away. I refuse to be in a relationship where there is not mutual respect and partnership. I do not want to be treated like a child nor date someone who is like a child in comparison to me.
I hate when people try to manipulate me more than almost anything else. If you are going to play mind games I will just leave. If you are going to try and turn me into a puppet I will leave. For some reason most of the girls I have dated saw our relationship as an excuse to try and 'break' me or whatever, usually trying to use sex or the denial of sex as some form of weapon, so I got sick of that shit and have been single for over a year and things are pretty great.
While Dina (my wife) and I have been married 18 years, there are still times when we feel like we are still dating. On Tuesday when I was visiting her, we grabbed some blue cheese bison patties from the local butcher and grilled them on the gas grill at her apartment. While cooking and eating them, we realized it had been a long time since we had done anything like that. Our plans for when I next visit are to have hot chocolate by candlelight on the patio where the grills are.
While Dina (my wife) and I have been married 18 years, there are still times when we feel like we are still dating. On Tuesday when I was visiting her, we grabbed some blue cheese bison patties from the local butcher and grilled them on the gas grill at her apartment. While cooking and eating them, we realized it had been a long time since we had done anything like that. Our plans for when I next visit are to have hot chocolate by candlelight on the patio where the grills are.
My only question is why are you married for 18 years, but you don't live together? Just curious because it's out of the ordinary.
While Dina (my wife) and I have been married 18 years, there are still times when we feel like we are still dating. On Tuesday when I was visiting her, we grabbed some blue cheese bison patties from the local butcher and grilled them on the gas grill at her apartment. While cooking and eating them, we realized it had been a long time since we had done anything like that. Our plans for when I next visit are to have hot chocolate by candlelight on the patio where the grills are.
My only question is why are you married for 18 years, but you don't live together? Just curious because it's out of the ordinary.
She was able to get a job in another city that offered tuition assistance to attend nursing school. We decided it was easier for me to stay where I'm at since there is a house that is paid for and a stable job I've been in for over four years. Once Dina gets her nursing degree, then we'll make a decision about where to settle down.
My only question is why are you married for 18 years, but you don't live together? Just curious because it's out of the ordinary.
Not so much, I hear about it all the time. It's mainly a economic choice (two people have great jobs and one moves for a year or so) Usually it works out but it can be very stressful.
Aww man. Sorry to hear that. But yeah, that's probably the right way to think about it. She should have been direct with you rather than letting you flounder.
Aww man. Sorry to hear that. But yeah, that's probably the right way to think about it. She should have been direct with you rather than letting you flounder.
Yeah. Like, she made eye contact as I was entering the building and then just kept walking. That could have been partially because I looked like a drowned rat (I had only been up 45 minutes, I'm sick as sin, and I had just showered) and the fact that I didn't try to get her attention, though.
I'll send her a Facebook message later as a tactfully worded "Okay, what the fuck is up?" if I feel like it, but I've been turning this anger into fantastic productivity. I just did quite literally all of the dishes in the apartment, and I (again, quite literally) just put all of my clothing into the laundry, so I'm feeling okay right now. I'm going to make a stir fry, take some medicine, and study and then see how I'm feeling.
I've tried and failed once again. All of these awesome girls need to stop being so unavailable. However, on the upside, it is getting frighteningly easy for me to handle rejection.
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For instance, two different men may perceive a female friend wearing a tank top differently. One may get "she must be feeling warm and desires to keep cool," and the other may get "she wants me to arouse me by showing some skin." Either MIGHT be true, but how do you know unless the girl tells you exactly what her intent is? It could even be something totally different. That doesn't mean that she doesn't know why she wore the tank top; it means that YOU don't know why she wore the tank top, and there is more than one plausible explanation.
I realize that I made it sound like I was against just asking directly, which I am not. I think it's a great idea. It is not a sure road to success, however, because asking someone who's not sure what they want what they want will usually only get you more mixed signals.
Also, I usually see mixed signals coming from different media of communication: a disconnect between statement and action, for example. This is usually what trips people up, I think. A girl who says "I'm not really looking for anything," but is more than willing to make out and fool around every time she sees you, is sending you mixed signals. Most people do this once in a while; the problem is when a person does this consistently.
EDIT: And just to make it clear, guys do this just as much as girls. It comes down to people not being self-aware enough to understand what they're communicating non-verbally. That tends to indicate a person who doesn't know what they want.
This is turning into a terrible experience but a great webcomic.
I was dating this girl once and she got mad and said she was leaving. Because my car had hers blocked in I got up (was in bed prior, after 1AM), put some clothes on and proceeded to leave my apt. She asked me why I was up and I told her that if she wanted to leave I had to move my car.
Well, that was not what she wanted to hear (as I realized/found out later). She was pulling the "I'm leaving" stunt in an attempt to get me to beg her to stay. Instead she got the equivalent of "don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out."
I hate when people try to manipulate me more than almost anything else. If you are going to play mind games I will just leave. If you are going to try and turn me into a puppet I will leave. For some reason most of the girls I have dated saw our relationship as an excuse to try and 'break' me or whatever, usually trying to use sex or the denial of sex as some form of weapon, so I got sick of that shit and have been single for over a year and things are pretty great.
I think it's about time for me to get back on the hunt, I can't grieve forever, can't I?
I'll send her a Facebook message later as a tactfully worded "Okay, what the fuck is up?" if I feel like it, but I've been turning this anger into fantastic productivity. I just did quite literally all of the dishes in the apartment, and I (again, quite literally) just put all of my clothing into the laundry, so I'm feeling okay right now. I'm going to make a stir fry, take some medicine, and study and then see how I'm feeling.