OK, what I actually sent was "Hi I'm George. I saw you profile and you seem like a cool person (sci-fi nerd, woooo). I'm wondering if you'd like to chat sometime?"
"Hi you are interesting" does not make you stand out from irritating spam on a dating site. In regular conversation, fine. The problem is that you are unlikely to get a reply, even if the girl would normally be interested in you, because she will probably just delete the message in frustration thinking you are another douche who can't be bothered to read. Pick whatever simple thing you have in common. It can be as simple as this:
"Hi, I'm George. I'm also a geek in the DC area. Your profile looked interesting; would you like to chat sometime?"
Except he did it while I was composing this post. Yay George!
Chase Gordon is the OKCupid master. There are two secrets.
One is that people should be messaging you, not vice versa. If you aren't getting messages you need to fix your profile, picture, etc. The OKCupid blog is the best. They have actual in-depth statistical data, so you know exactly what works best. http://blog.okcupid.com/
Two is that you gotta spam that shit. If you are obsessing over just one message, you have already failed. The odds of response are ludicrously low. You have to send out a fuckton of messages to get any actual responses. And you need a bunch of responses to be able to turn one into an actual date. If your profile isn't generating incoming messages, then you need a lot more spam to get responses. All a message does, if it gets read, is gets the other person to look at the profile.
I got two dates out of OKCupid by finding people with similar interests, engaging them on an intellectual level and then asking if they want to hang out. I messaged three people total.
Well, the thing is Chase seems like he just goes and does stuff and doesn't stress about it much. He's pretty outgoing. People have different personalities and methods of interacting with people. What works for Chase might not work for George and vice versa.
Well, the thing is Chase seems like he just goes and does stuff and doesn't stress about it much. He's pretty outgoing. People have different personalities and methods of interacting with people. What works for Chase might not work for George and vice versa.
That's sort of the point. Online dating is basically walking up to strangers on the street and talking to them. That's basically Chase's special attack. You can't get it with a TM or an HM. Online dating really only works for those kinds of people. The odds just don't work out. Even if a timid person gets themselves together enough to message someone. What are the odds that one person they messages wants to message them back? And then if that person themselves is timid, will they be able to do it and keep doing it?
Two is that you gotta spam that shit. If you are obsessing over just one message, you have already failed.
There are no words for my hatred of you right at this moment.
Let's be honest, though. Did you expect him to say anything different?
I kinda expected him to say nothing.
Well, the thing is Chase seems like he just goes and does stuff and doesn't stress about it much. He's pretty outgoing. People have different personalities and methods of interacting with people. What works for Chase might not work for George and vice versa.
That's sort of the point. Online dating is basically walking up to strangers on the street and talking to them. That's basically Chase's special attack. You can't get it with a TM or an HM. Online dating really only works for those kinds of people. The odds just don't work out. Even if a timid person gets themselves together enough to message someone. What are the odds that one person they messages wants to message them back? And then if that person themselves is timid, will they be able to do it and keep doing it?
I got a girlfriend out of someone messaging me on OkCupid. Target your profile at people you are interested in, send lots of messages. That's what I did. Just find girls that seem like they might be interesting, send out messages, be kind and courteous. I stood out by always trying to mention something I read on their profile that I wanted to have a conversation about.
I also recommend once you have your profile set up ask a close friend to look at it to tell whether or not it accurately describes you. That helps as you sometimes put things you should not on there or forget to add something that could really help. A friend can be better at recognizing which of your traits stand out the most and that really helps when trying to find some on a dating site who is compatible with you.
My experience of OkCupid (currently 7 months into a relationship started via that website, didn't start a conversation with anyone, only responded to messages sent to me) is that it helps a lot to have two female friends sitting next to you when you fill out your profile. Or have them fill out the profile and you just fact check it.
"It wants a profile picture." "Use the same one as your Facebook profile, as you look cool with with the camera in your hand and the way it covers half your face makes you look mysterious." "Really?" "Hell yeah!" "What should I put in the 'I'm really good at' section?" "Put the video of you juggling in different places around the world. Girls will love that!" "Really? I thought it was a bit nerdy." "You have no idea, do you?" "Hmmm, okay. Six things I can't live without? Well, my laptop, obviously..." "Don't say your laptop!" "Why not? It's the most expensive thing I've ever bought, and without it I wouldn't be filling out this stupid OkCupid profile... How about 'I can't live without hugs'?" "Perfect." "I was joking." "Hugs is cute." "You should message me if... You want an interesting adventure." "I'd message you." "The truth is I'm looking for sex." "If the girl is also looking for sex, she'll interpret that as interesting and adventurous sex."
Two is that you gotta spam that shit. If you are obsessing over just one message, you have already failed.
There are no words for my hatred of you right at this moment.
QFT
Personalized messages are significantly better. A superficial "Hey, what's up?" may initiate a glance, but damned if they're going to read a single thing unless you look like Ewan McJohnannson in every picture.
Two is that you gotta spam that shit. If you are obsessing over just one message, you have already failed.
There are no words for my hatred of you right at this moment.
QFT
Personalized messages are significantly better. A superficial "Hey, what's up?" may initiate a glance, but damned if they're going to read a single thing unless you look like Ewan McJohnannson in every picture.
I don't mean spam as in sending the same generic message en masse. I mean spam as in sending lots and lots of personalized messages.
I don't mean spam as in sending the same generic message en masse. I mean spam as in sending lots and lots of personalized messages.
Then it's not spam. It's just high activity. If all the messages are personalized and you're actually messaging people whose profiles you have read and deemed interesting, then you are just being industrious. Spam is by definition indiscriminate, bulk messaging.
Basically, it's kind of like meeting girls (or people) in real life. Mingle and just casually talk to people. It's like when you are at a party, you should try to talk to a bunch of people and see if there is anyone who you get along with, and then you talk to them for a longer time about deeper stuff. So, it's not "spam," it is just "be social." Not everyone you strike up a conversation with is going to be a friend, but it is worth it to try to talk to them anyway.
Have your OKC friends message you weekly. You don't want that "why don't you message this user, no one had messaged them in years" under your profile in the search results.
Update: gf and I are getting along great. She works (legal), games (board, card, video and darts) and is full of smiles. Things are looking up.
So, regarding OkCupid, what's the deal with this? Why would you pick the correct answer for yourself, and then prefer that your matches do not pick the correct answer? Is this a thing now?
Comments
"Hi, I'm George. I'm also a geek in the DC area. Your profile looked interesting; would you like to chat sometime?"
Except he did it while I was composing this post. Yay George!
JUST KIDDING. Best of luck George!
One is that people should be messaging you, not vice versa. If you aren't getting messages you need to fix your profile, picture, etc. The OKCupid blog is the best. They have actual in-depth statistical data, so you know exactly what works best. http://blog.okcupid.com/
Two is that you gotta spam that shit. If you are obsessing over just one message, you have already failed. The odds of response are ludicrously low. You have to send out a fuckton of messages to get any actual responses. And you need a bunch of responses to be able to turn one into an actual date. If your profile isn't generating incoming messages, then you need a lot more spam to get responses. All a message does, if it gets read, is gets the other person to look at the profile.
"It wants a profile picture."
"Use the same one as your Facebook profile, as you look cool with with the camera in your hand and the way it covers half your face makes you look mysterious."
"Really?"
"Hell yeah!"
"What should I put in the 'I'm really good at' section?"
"Put the video of you juggling in different places around the world. Girls will love that!"
"Really? I thought it was a bit nerdy."
"You have no idea, do you?"
"Hmmm, okay. Six things I can't live without? Well, my laptop, obviously..."
"Don't say your laptop!"
"Why not? It's the most expensive thing I've ever bought, and without it I wouldn't be filling out this stupid OkCupid profile... How about 'I can't live without hugs'?"
"Perfect."
"I was joking."
"Hugs is cute."
"You should message me if... You want an interesting adventure."
"I'd message you."
"The truth is I'm looking for sex."
"If the girl is also looking for sex, she'll interpret that as interesting and adventurous sex."
Personalized messages are significantly better. A superficial "Hey, what's up?" may initiate a glance, but damned if they're going to read a single thing unless you look like Ewan McJohnannson in every picture.
Except not online. You know, with my mouth. In meatspace.
Update: gf and I are getting along great. She works (legal), games (board, card, video and darts) and is full of smiles. Things are looking up.
Why would you pick the correct answer for yourself, and then prefer that your matches do not pick the correct answer? Is this a thing now?