Totally not picking on you, of course, I feel that way about a lot of posts in this thread, including Ryan's. And like, I know I definitely talked about stuff like this that way in the past when I was more uncomfortable with it. It just comes with the territory of trying to figure things out by using the methods you know best. Namely, careful and measured procedure.
No, I get it. It's definitely something I have problems with. I am in that flux state of being comfortable enough with this stuff to talk about it in any capacity like I know what I'm saying and actually being able to say real advice without it sounding creepy.
I get that it sounds sterile, but I think the creepiness is assigned rather than inherent. Some socially challenged folks NEED discrete steps like this in order to have a clue what to do. To remove the creepiness, what would you do? Speak mostly in euphemisms or platitudes? That just further muddies the issue.
It's all well and good to tell people to follow their instincts and feel it out until you encounter the subset of the population for whom instincts are HORRIBLE and even criminal.
Yeah. My thoughts are simply that it's easy to explain in this way. It may sound like you're being overly calculating/manipulative, but I don't know if the latter is fair. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be calculating about this in order to ensure that you don't upset or offput anyone while still being able to let some sort of natural chemistry emerge.
Relationships can work the best when two people just sort of spend time together and a certain level of physical contact happens naturally. This is VERY HARD for some people because it's difficult to ascertain when this is appropriate. Adding weird, creepy sounding rules can be helpful for some people (or maybe just me).
In other news: Cuddle girl was on a date Friday and so didn't make it to our now regular Friday Movie Nights that my friend group is having. I talked to her more explicitly and we very rationally agreed that there was something to discuss involving our hangouts. She said she thinks the person she went out with might go somewhere, so we're gonna tone down our flirting/cuddling. But she likes hanging out and was glad I'm being very understanding.
I'm just gonna say how I really love my girlfriend and I feel like we've grown a lot together and we're coming up on our one year anniversary, which is crazy to me because I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than like five months! So I'm pretty darn happy.
What's also new for me is that I actually really enjoy her family. I probably enjoy her immediate family more than I enjoy my extended family, which is really cool and important, since I feel like what we have together is going to last for a while, hopefully longer!
So I might be going to the movies with Maddison to see Don Jon (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2229499/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1), which was totally her choice (I wanted to see Gravity), and possibly go to dinner. I'm planning on trying to make some more physical contact throughout the night (stuff like hugging her when we meet up, touching her shoulder or back. Nothing sexual or creepy, but trying to get the idea through that I want to be more than just friends). After seeing how that goes through the night and when I go to drop her off at her apartment, I'm going to go for it and just kiss her. If it works, kissing! If it doesn't, apologize vigorously and hope that things can go back to the way they were.
I just really need to figure out what is going on here before I completely miss my chance.
I just really need to figure out what is going on here before I completely miss my chance.
When the other party is mutually interested, it's in my opinion very very difficult, nearly impossible, to "miss your chance" unless you are grossly socially incompetent (and if you were, it's pretty likely they wouldn't have been interested in the first place.)
I'm just gonna say how I really love my girlfriend and I feel like we've grown a lot together and we're coming up on our one year anniversary, which is crazy to me because I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than like five months! So I'm pretty darn happy.
What's also new for me is that I actually really enjoy her family. I probably enjoy her immediate family more than I enjoy my extended family, which is really cool and important, since I feel like what we have together is going to last for a while, hopefully longer!
I'm just gonna say how I really love my girlfriend and I feel like we've grown a lot together and we're coming up on our one year anniversary, which is crazy to me because I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than like five months! So I'm pretty darn happy.
What's also new for me is that I actually really enjoy her family. I probably enjoy her immediate family more than I enjoy my extended family, which is really cool and important, since I feel like what we have together is going to last for a while, hopefully longer!
I fell in love with a girl at a Taco Bell. She was a manager there, with the prettiest face, happiest smile, and a cool hat.
She said I reminded her of someone, and in my head I asked her, 'is that a good thing?', and I imagined she said yes and no simultaneously, in a schrodonger's cat sort of way... I actually said 'I doubt that, but that's ok'
I couldn't decide what to order, I couldn't muster the strength to tell her that not two nights before I pulled up to the same Taco Bell at 2am and their drive through was closed forcing me to eat Burger King because it could make her sad... Indeed I decided to not say that. Instead I asked 'what town am I in?'
I ordered my food, watched her work. She smiled at me in a way that you don't get from a Taco Bell employee, so I knew that she was curious. On my way out I saw her trying to get out of her wheelchair into a booth to eat dinner and I thought of going and saying something else... But kept going and went to the bathroom instead. Because that is important too.
I got out, she was back behind the register. Then I got in my car and it seemed she was looking at me as I sat in the drivers seat preparing my music and GPS.
Then I drove home, because the Taco Bell was 5 hours away.
Relationship with Greek Girlfriend gets even better. We had a pretty lengthy discussion about visiting each other. Even with the chance that it'd be easier to try and find someone else and still remain friends, we both realized we should try to meet each other and see if that last step works. And she's really happy that I find her sexy and make more comments about it.
So she said yes to the date, but I completely forgot what my schedule was like this week and we couldn't actually set up a day and time to do it. I sent her my schedule that night to facilitate the planning process, but she hasn't responded (or even registered as reading the chat post). I'm going to back off for a little bit and see if she says anything before saying something else. It's just naturally terrifying with the waiting to see if she randomly decided to change her mind. I'm also afraid of the idea that she might be avoiding me now, which would totally suck.
So she said yes to the date, but I completely forgot what my schedule was like this week and we couldn't actually set up a day and time to do it. I sent her my schedule that night to facilitate the planning process, but she hasn't responded (or even registered as reading the chat post).
You know how you facilitate the planning process? Look at your schedule and pick a day you want to go out. Then you tell her you made plans for that day. If she really can't make it, she will tell you it doesn't work for her, and then you choose your next available day. Do not try to pick a day by committee. If she wants to go out with you, she will move things around to fit in your plans.
So she said yes to the date, but I completely forgot what my schedule was like this week and we couldn't actually set up a day and time to do it. I sent her my schedule that night to facilitate the planning process, but she hasn't responded (or even registered as reading the chat post).
You know how you facilitate the planning process? Look at your schedule and pick a day you want to go out. Then you tell her you made plans for that day. If she really can't make it, she will tell you it doesn't work for her, and then you choose your next available day. Do not try to pick a day by committee. If she wants to go out with you, she will move things around to fit in your plans.
This, and make the opposite true. Plans? Time to move heaven and earth to make room for what you have to do, and what works for her, and then after having upheaved any prior engagements, make it feel like nothin was even going on and you diddnt actually have a meeting with a client or a session on xbox live with your best friend that night, and you totally are into helping her study at the campus library and getting dinner at 9pm even tho you skipped lunch cuz you were busy finishing the client project you had to submit early because of having to go to the library at 5...
Yeah... it sounds from your post like you sent her a link to your Google calendar or something and said "Here's my entire life, please select a slot for yourself." That... may come off as a bit weird.
Instead, say "How about Friday night after 7? If that doesn't work how about lunch Saturday?" Etc. I wouldn't go past two options at a time.
Comments
It's all well and good to tell people to follow their instincts and feel it out until you encounter the subset of the population for whom instincts are HORRIBLE and even criminal.
It's a tough subject.
Relationships can work the best when two people just sort of spend time together and a certain level of physical contact happens naturally. This is VERY HARD for some people because it's difficult to ascertain when this is appropriate. Adding weird, creepy sounding rules can be helpful for some people (or maybe just me).
Cuddle girl was on a date Friday and so didn't make it to our now regular Friday Movie Nights that my friend group is having. I talked to her more explicitly and we very rationally agreed that there was something to discuss involving our hangouts. She said she thinks the person she went out with might go somewhere, so we're gonna tone down our flirting/cuddling. But she likes hanging out and was glad I'm being very understanding.
New friend get!
What's also new for me is that I actually really enjoy her family. I probably enjoy her immediate family more than I enjoy my extended family, which is really cool and important, since I feel like what we have together is going to last for a while, hopefully longer!
I just really need to figure out what is going on here before I completely miss my chance.
She said I reminded her of someone, and in my head I asked her, 'is that a good thing?', and I imagined she said yes and no simultaneously, in a schrodonger's cat sort of way... I actually said 'I doubt that, but that's ok'
I couldn't decide what to order, I couldn't muster the strength to tell her that not two nights before I pulled up to the same Taco Bell at 2am and their drive through was closed forcing me to eat Burger King because it could make her sad... Indeed I decided to not say that. Instead I asked 'what town am I in?'
I ordered my food, watched her work. She smiled at me in a way that you don't get from a Taco Bell employee, so I knew that she was curious. On my way out I saw her trying to get out of her wheelchair into a booth to eat dinner and I thought of going and saying something else... But kept going and went to the bathroom instead. Because that is important too.
I got out, she was back behind the register. Then I got in my car and it seemed she was looking at me as I sat in the drivers seat preparing my music and GPS.
Then I drove home, because the Taco Bell was 5 hours away.
I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT, IT'S THIS GUY.
Love is a helluva drug
Instead, say "How about Friday night after 7? If that doesn't work how about lunch Saturday?" Etc. I wouldn't go past two options at a time.
That'll probably work.