Wow. My first ticket was doing 52 in 35. This was on the day that my father told me if I ever got a ticket, he'd take away the car from me. I was either 16 or 17.
I was honest and told my dad after I got the ticket because I was pretty much pulled over on the street we lived on. He was mad and disappointed in me, but I was driving the next day.
Congratulations, may you hopefully learn your lesson in this fail.
I was with you until you photoshopped the ticket. That was a bad move.
I just wish I could have handled this on my own, but my mom insists on being involved in EVERYTHING.
I feel you on that. My mother's the same way; I can't leave the house without her throwing a pair of fingernail clippers at me then giving me detailed instructions on everything I need to get done over the next three months.
I was with you until you photoshopped the ticket. That was a bad move.
I just wish I could have handled this on my own, but my mom insists on being involved in EVERYTHING.
OK, that may be so, but just out of curiosity, when exactly did "felony forgery" seem like an acceptable idea?
Just fess up so that your mom can call back and rescind the complaint. It's a lot better than an investigation being opened up and you being on the hook for a crime because you're a twenty-something that's worried about his mom's reaction to a speeding ticket.
Also, legally, your mom shouldn't have any say in this. The law says that at 18 you become a big boy who can take care of yourself in court.
Just fess up so that your mom can call back and rescind the complaint. It's a lot better than an investigation being opened up and you being on the hook for a crime because you're a twenty-something that's worried about his mom's reaction to a speeding ticket.
My mom already knows about the Photoshopping. I asked her if she would give me the phone number of the woman who she called, but she wouldn't give it to me.
Yeah, as much as I sympathize (as it took me a little while to admit to everyone that I was the one driving and my licence had just expired when we wrecked Casey's car), I think the moral here is that ultimately you're better off telling the truth. People tend to figure out one way or another if you're lying, and even if they don't directly confront you about it, it definitely affects the way they view you. It's better to be honest and apologetic then secretive and jumpy. It's easier for you in the long run, too.
That said, I understand why you freaked out and I really hope it all gets sorted. I know you were trying to handle things on your own and your mom has the tendency to fly way off the handle about these things. It's COMPLETELY understandable to try to keep her out of it and considering what I sort of involuntarily overheard, she wasn't about to listen to you either way.
If there's anything I can do, I'm just down the road. Even if it's just to try to keep your mind off of things. Goodness knows I need you right now.
Just fess up so that your mom can call back and rescind the complaint. It's a lot better than an investigation being opened up and you being on the hook for a crime because you're a twenty-something that's worried about his mom's reaction to a speeding ticket.
My mom already knows about the Photoshopping. I asked her if she would give me the phone number of the woman who she called, but she wouldn't give it to me.
Wait, so first your mom is angry that you might have a traffic ticket and wants to clear it up, and then she's willing to more-or-less dime on you for an even more severe offense?
Just fess up so that your mom can call back and rescind the complaint. It's a lot better than an investigation being opened up and you being on the hook for a crime because you're a twenty-something that's worried about his mom's reaction to a speeding ticket.
My mom already knows about the Photoshopping. I asked her if she would give me the phone number of the woman who she called, but she wouldn't give it to me.
Wait, so first your mom is angry that you might have a traffic ticket and wants to clear it up, and then she's willing to more-or-less dime on you for an even more severe offense?
Not the best idea, the whole photoshopping thing - better to just cop it sweet. I remember my mother freaked out about my first speeding ticket. My Da framed it.
Lying to your parents? Bad move. I don't know about the situation between you and your folks, but I've found that parents generally have a vested interest in your well being. I mean, I don't exactly get along with my folks all the time, but I know they're there for me when it counts. Still, you SHOULD go and handle the ticket yourself. Edit:
Not the best idea, the whole photoshopping thing.
Oh, totally. Or, if your going to, at least know the laws. In California and Oregon, if you're going more than 20MPH over the limit, it's reckless driving, not speeding.
Also, if you lie to your mom, you're gonna have a bad time.
As someone who has an equally crazy but less able to be controlling mom, sometimes you have to be pretty skilled about saying things that are decidedly NOT lies, but may not reveal everything. Sometimes you need to keep them out of your business, because lying is obviously problematic and being completely openly blunt-honest doesn't always work either.
For instance: when I got in my wreck, I told the family that "Casey and I got in a wreck in her car", which is in no way a lie and doesn't even pretend to talk about who is the one driving.
When you have one primary caretaker and you're the only kid they have to focus on, it gets worlds more difficult, from what I've seen.
I was with you until you photoshopped the ticket. That was a bad move.
I just wish I could have handled this on my own, but my mom insists on being involved in EVERYTHING.
Yeah, so does mine. And you know how I handle that? "Mom, fuck off. This isn't any of your business." I've told her that verbatim at least twice in my life.
At 24, I sat her down and said (essentially), "Mom, I'm an adult now. I need you to start treating me like one." We then had an hour-long talk about the specific issues that were causing problems.
And I've had smaller versions of that exact conversation with her roughly once a month since then.
It's hard, and it's aggravating, and it doesn't work forever - but you need to assert yourself as an adult, and define boundaries for her. And stick to them. And don't be afraid to re-draw them as needed.
Also, you need to actually act like an adult too. Did you fuck up and get a speeding ticket? Pay it. You fucked up - and speeding tickets are just revenue-generating mechanisms anyhow. Trying to cover up your mistake is something that a teenager would do. And doing so by forgery is just plain stupid. There's no other way to describe it.
And it's probably hard because you're used to your mother being involved in everything - which means you haven't needed to assert your adulthood, nor have you been able to.
Believe me, I know how that works. In the future, tell your mother that you're a big boy and you'll handle your problems on your own. And when she tries to meddle, tell her "no" and stand firm. Then go deal with your problems like an adult.
EDIT: As for Anrild's "don't tell her everything" method, I recommend implementing this tactic AFTER you've learned to stand up for yourself. Otherwise, all it does is teach you that the best way to deal with your problems is to avoid them. Learn how to stand up first, then learn how to dodge sensibly.
Not always, though if they don't give a shit about you, you tend to notice it.
I think regardless of what the sentiment is, it's going to be more noticeable in a really focused situation like that. If my mom is frustrated with me for something small, like making a costume she disapproves of, but is frustrated with my sister for something larger, like moving in with her boyfriend (my mom believes this is a horrible abomination/awful morals etc etc), she will generally ignore my faults or not treat them as severely as she would if there weren't anything else going on. It would be way easier for her to fly off the handle if I were the only person she had around, she'd focus on my issues a lot more.
Edit, sorry:
I was with you until you photoshopped the ticket. That was a bad move.
I just wish I could have handled this on my own, but my mom insists on being involved in EVERYTHING.
EDIT: As for Anrild's "don't tell her everything" method, I recommend implementing this tactic AFTER you've learned to stand up for yourself. Otherwise, all it does is teach you that the best way to deal with your problems is to avoid them. Learn how to stand up first, then learn how to dodge sensibly.
To be clear, I agree on all of the above. I guess I didn't address that part because I've been telling my mom to fuck off and it's my life for years, and I sort of adapted the "don't tell her everything"/strategic explaining as a result. I mean, my mom wanted me to go to a local university, to which I didn't even apply because it didn't have my programs and I told her as such. Now I'm talking about moving away after college gets out, and my mom doesn't want me to leave the area and I pretty much directly told her, "it's my life, and I need to succeed".
So basically, yes, I agree with you, and I meant to imply a very similar way of handling it and wasn't as profound in my explanation so thank you.
That said, you all must have an entirely different type of family than mine. I moved out all at once. I had to ask for financial help a couple times that I was loathe to do, and I certainly benefited from some other gifts from the family over time, but I cut and ran alright. I was the oldest of the oldest though, so all focus could essentially be diverted to someone else I guess.
Also, you need to actually act like an adult too. Did you fuck up and get a speeding ticket? Pay it. You fucked up - and speeding tickets are just revenue-generating mechanisms anyhow. Trying to cover up your mistake is something that a teenager would do. And doing so by forgery is just plain stupid. There's no other way to describe it.
I was going to take care of the speeding ticket regardless of whether or not my mom got involved with it, I was just hoping that I would be able to take care of it on my own. When she started trying to get involved in the whole thing is when I really started freaking out.
We should have a "crazy mother" contest on the forums some time. I'm confident I would win.
Mine is in-and-out-of-mental-hospitals crazy, so there's that. Although I should also be careful saying that on the internet because she stalks me around the internet rather than actually trying to talk to me so that's... fun.
But I'd probably still lose that contest because as nutso-tastic as my mom is, she doesn't hold a ton of sway in my life because she doesn't make the money and my dad is luckily the greatest dad ever.
We should have a "crazy mother" contest on the forums some time. I'm confident I would win.
Don't be so sure.
That's not fair. You're Australian. Your mother is probably venomous. Literally.
Not quite, but a long time back she tried to stab me during an argument in the kitchen, and has pushed me from a moving vehicle before, albeit one only going at about 25 kph, but faster than I prefer to make my vehicular egress. She's gotten slowly better over time, but She's still got problems telling reality from non-reality/fiction/confabulation sometimes(and will get extremely angry and vicious if you try to show her that what she thinks is objective, factual reality isn't), is into all sorts of health woo(usually health and fitness stuff, along with superfoods and so on), and her idea of arguing her case for any particular idea is to go directly from calm to spouting the most vicious insults she can conceive.
While she has got better about this over time, it is still the case that she also considers and display of intellect or education from anyone who isn't actively doing their job with it to almost be a personal insult, and tends to get huffy and angry about it. It's one of her favorite insults to imply that not only is someone stupid, they're so stupid and self-absorbed that they don't know they're stupid.
While our mums down here do tend to be rather firey and fiesty, she's a less than typical case. She's gotten better of late, but it's still a hell of a trial to be around her sometimes.
And I'm sure most of us have some really good "crazy parent stories", just like everybody has the crazy ex girlfriend/boyfriend.
Comments
I was honest and told my dad after I got the ticket because I was pretty much pulled over on the street we lived on. He was mad and disappointed in me, but I was driving the next day.
Congratulations, may you hopefully learn your lesson in this fail.
Just fess up so that your mom can call back and rescind the complaint. It's a lot better than an investigation being opened up and you being on the hook for a crime because you're a twenty-something that's worried about his mom's reaction to a speeding ticket.
Also, legally, your mom shouldn't have any say in this. The law says that at 18 you become a big boy who can take care of yourself in court.
That said, I understand why you freaked out and I really hope it all gets sorted. I know you were trying to handle things on your own and your mom has the tendency to fly way off the handle about these things. It's COMPLETELY understandable to try to keep her out of it and considering what I sort of involuntarily overheard, she wasn't about to listen to you either way.
If there's anything I can do, I'm just down the road. Even if it's just to try to keep your mind off of things. Goodness knows I need you right now.
What the actual fuck.
Also, if you lie to your mom, you're gonna have a bad time.
Still, you SHOULD go and handle the ticket yourself.
Edit: Oh, totally. Or, if your going to, at least know the laws. In California and Oregon, if you're going more than 20MPH over the limit, it's reckless driving, not speeding.
For instance: when I got in my wreck, I told the family that "Casey and I got in a wreck in her car", which is in no way a lie and doesn't even pretend to talk about who is the one driving.
When you have one primary caretaker and you're the only kid they have to focus on, it gets worlds more difficult, from what I've seen.
At 24, I sat her down and said (essentially), "Mom, I'm an adult now. I need you to start treating me like one." We then had an hour-long talk about the specific issues that were causing problems.
And I've had smaller versions of that exact conversation with her roughly once a month since then.
It's hard, and it's aggravating, and it doesn't work forever - but you need to assert yourself as an adult, and define boundaries for her. And stick to them. And don't be afraid to re-draw them as needed.
Also, you need to actually act like an adult too. Did you fuck up and get a speeding ticket? Pay it. You fucked up - and speeding tickets are just revenue-generating mechanisms anyhow. Trying to cover up your mistake is something that a teenager would do. And doing so by forgery is just plain stupid. There's no other way to describe it.
And it's probably hard because you're used to your mother being involved in everything - which means you haven't needed to assert your adulthood, nor have you been able to.
Believe me, I know how that works. In the future, tell your mother that you're a big boy and you'll handle your problems on your own. And when she tries to meddle, tell her "no" and stand firm. Then go deal with your problems like an adult.
EDIT: As for Anrild's "don't tell her everything" method, I recommend implementing this tactic AFTER you've learned to stand up for yourself. Otherwise, all it does is teach you that the best way to deal with your problems is to avoid them. Learn how to stand up first, then learn how to dodge sensibly.
If my mom is frustrated with me for something small, like making a costume she disapproves of, but is frustrated with my sister for something larger, like moving in with her boyfriend (my mom believes this is a horrible abomination/awful morals etc etc), she will generally ignore my faults or not treat them as severely as she would if there weren't anything else going on.
It would be way easier for her to fly off the handle if I were the only person she had around, she'd focus on my issues a lot more.
Edit, sorry: To be clear, I agree on all of the above. I guess I didn't address that part because I've been telling my mom to fuck off and it's my life for years, and I sort of adapted the "don't tell her everything"/strategic explaining as a result.
I mean, my mom wanted me to go to a local university, to which I didn't even apply because it didn't have my programs and I told her as such. Now I'm talking about moving away after college gets out, and my mom doesn't want me to leave the area and I pretty much directly told her, "it's my life, and I need to succeed".
So basically, yes, I agree with you, and I meant to imply a very similar way of handling it and wasn't as profound in my explanation so thank you.
Rep++.
That said, you all must have an entirely different type of family than mine. I moved out all at once. I had to ask for financial help a couple times that I was loathe to do, and I certainly benefited from some other gifts from the family over time, but I cut and ran alright. I was the oldest of the oldest though, so all focus could essentially be diverted to someone else I guess.
But I'd probably still lose that contest because as nutso-tastic as my mom is, she doesn't hold a ton of sway in my life because she doesn't make the money and my dad is luckily the greatest dad ever.
While she has got better about this over time, it is still the case that she also considers and display of intellect or education from anyone who isn't actively doing their job with it to almost be a personal insult, and tends to get huffy and angry about it. It's one of her favorite insults to imply that not only is someone stupid, they're so stupid and self-absorbed that they don't know they're stupid.
While our mums down here do tend to be rather firey and fiesty, she's a less than typical case. She's gotten better of late, but it's still a hell of a trial to be around her sometimes.
And I'm sure most of us have some really good "crazy parent stories", just like everybody has the crazy ex girlfriend/boyfriend.