If they don't work out for you, communicate with your parents/doctor and see about trying something new. You aren't committing to a drug for the rest of your life, and starting medication is about finding out what works for you. No one should force you to keep taking something that makes you feel worse than your symptoms do.
Stay calm and aware of yourself, and you can do it.
Sometimes I think about medication, but considering how badly burnt I got in my high school years by the regimes of meds my parents had me on, I honestly feel much more secure in the relatively stable cycles of good days and bad days then the constant uncertainties of trying new medication out, and the related anxieties I have about the way the medication interacts with how I think. I don't think I could handle the daily on/off patterns and the big crashes again; it's emotionally draining to watch your own mental processes dragged around by chemicals over short periods of time as meds kick in or wear off. I know it's irrational, but it's honestly more comforting at this point just deal with "Oh, I guess the next four to sixteen hours will just be shit, then."
Besides, I'm doing so much better than I was, and I've long learned to recognize the points when my thought patterns aren't rational anymore and all the bad stuff is just my brain trying to hurt me.
The medications are so, so much better than they were ten years ago. The half-lives and release mechanisms have been improved to the point where missing a dose won't fuck you anymore, and I've never noticed an "on/off pattern." Current-gen SSRIs are a lot better than Zoloft and Prozac, and the atypicals that have just hit the market (Wellbutrin, etc.) are like silver bullets. "Zombie" side-effects are mostly limited to the brute-force MAOIs, tricyclics, and lithium of old.
I'm not trying to pressure anyone into getting medicated, but there's a lot of misconceptions out there about the medications that have prevented people I really care about from getting help they desperately need. I also know that my life has improved a hundredfold since I started treatment. I feel emotions I didn't feel for a decade (happiness, excitement, love, and wonder among them) all the time, and I've made tremendous strides in my social and professional life. I'm actually living my fucking dream right now. I could not have done that without Lexapro.
It's not like trying a medication will weird you up forever. If you don't like the drug, talk to your doctor, TAPER IT (brain zaps suck, trust me), and then switch meds or stop altogether based on your doctor's advice. I've known a lot of people who thought they could hack it without a medication and instead just fell apart, and I've known a lot of people teetering on the edge of suicide that the drugs have saved.
That last part covers me pretty well. It's odd saying it. I've always felt making that kind of omission would make me appear weak, which I suppose it does. I guess I've just stopped caring at this point.
But do be sure to be careful about what you take, and make sure your proscribing doctor knows your condition(s) well. Fixing things is good, but making a mistake like not telling your doctor everything can lead to some rather less than desirable complications.
Some conditions will react poorly to some SSRIs, and if you don't tell your doctor about something, they may prescribe you some shit that would ordinarily be fine, but when combined with your unmentioned condition, will be problematic.
Don't be afraid, by any means. Absolutely seek these treatments out, if you feel it appropriate, or you feel you are able. But be smart, and be careful. Know what you're taking, and monitor your behavior and condition, just in case. Talk to your doctor - they are a professional, but they don't teach psionic powers at Med school - though it would be totally sweet if they did - you still have to talk to them for them to find things out.
I dunno, I don't think I could trust any doctor who doesn't even have psychic powers. I mean, seriously, what did you spend the better part of a decade learning?!?
Seriously, though, meds are a tool like anything else. I can't think of any reason to consider somebody weak for wanting to iron out those instances where their own brain tries to fuck them over.
Though, when I first started taking medication, what I did feel was super guilty. I thought it was totally unfair that I got the pills that would make me happier and better focused and everyone else went without; I figured the responsible thing to do was to slug it out like everyone else. The total lack of perspective I had is mindboggling to me now.
I am going to get a physical done before I ask for the script. I haven't seen a doctor in any context for over a decade. Also kind of afraid if that means I'll learn some other hidden medical issue.
That last part covers me pretty well. It's odd saying it. I've always felt making that kind of omission would make me appear weak, which I suppose it does. I guess I've just stopped caring at this point.
Hey man, when I was at the bottom I used to stay up for 36-48hrs straight to get that sweet sleep-deprivation serotonin kick. I'd spend most of that time in my flat or my bedroom, and I'd put out matches on my arms because I wanted to feel anything at all. Eventually I'd crash, sleep 14hrs, and then wake up to start it over. I lost something like 80lbs on the depression diet. I never considered suicide, but I invented a million intricate methods and had a lot of ideas for notes and phone calls.
I drank myself into the hospital because I didn't like how an exam went. Seriously. I saw a number I didn't like and I could have died over it.
Now I sleep 6hrs a night (sometimes more, sometimes less), I'm moving to Chicago in the summer (my own place!), I've got a big group of awesome friends I see every day, I'm probably going to learn a trade next year, and I've got a PhD program or pharmacy school to look forward to. I'm designing furniture and writing raps and getting paid to take photos. I lose weight because I like walking places. I always have plans with people I dig and there's always a new adventure right around the corner. I actually have a love life now; like, what??
The line in the sand between the dark part of my life and this new totally excellent one was when I started my meds, without a doubt in my mind. I've got the journals to prove it. Sometimes I still get the blues, but then I remember that I'm kicking all sorts of ass and I am honest with everyone, constantly having fun, and am keeping myself happy almost constantly. I hide nothing from anyone and I share my passions with people I care about, passions that depression had stifled for most of my life.
That's my story, I suppose. Your treatment path is something you have to discover for yourself, but I would at least try meds. There's no shame in it. They're pills that let you be who you really are.
I am going to get a physical done before I ask for the script. I haven't seen a doctor in any context for over a decade. Also kind of afraid if that means I'll learn some other hidden medical issue.
What. Dude, what were you thinking? Physicals are NOTHING. Just go in and get it done! You need to keep on top of your health. Sometimes a routine doctors visit can reveal a life threatening issue that you just brushed off as something benign. I mean, c'mon, wouldn't you rather know than not?
I never said it was a smart move. I feel a great deal of shame over it, actually. My family history is rife with medical issues. I know this should make it more of a priority, but in some way, it makes me all the prouder I haven't had a major issue.
It's not exactly like my family is overflowing with willingness to share medical history. My brother was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago and didn't tell me until 2 years ago. The only reason I found out was because my parents felt it important to share so we could add that to our medical histories.
My father has been a big reason for this change in attitude. He recently got a very large part of his nose removed for his skin cancer treatment and he's been talking up the psych meds for over a year now. For all of my life he was like me and feared them and now he cannot stop singing their praises.
I got a lot stronger the day I stopped worrying about being weak.
THIS. I've gone through the same thing and when you need help, you need help. It has nothing to do with weakness and way more to do with knowing yourself.
Also if you have not been to a physical in years, it is smart to get one now. Seeing a doctor for depression-related problems should be just as important now, but the rest of your body needs its maintenance as well.
I got a lot stronger the day I stopped worrying about being weak.
THIS. I've gone through the same thing and when you need help, you need help. It has nothing to do with weakness and way more to do with knowing yourself.
And accepting that you're a walking sack of water running off protein, etc., and bound to the occasional processing error.
I am going to get a physical done before I ask for the script. I haven't seen a doctor in any context for over a decade. Also kind of afraid if that means I'll learn some other hidden medical issue.
What. Dude, what were you thinking? Physicals are NOTHING. Just go in and get it done! You need to keep on top of your health. Sometimes a routine doctors visit can reveal a life threatening issue that you just brushed off as something benign. I mean, c'mon, wouldn't you rather know than not?
I don't think you understand exactly what depression does to motivation. You ignore things more important than the doctor's office. I used to regularly go 72hrs without food because I'd forget to eat. When I remembered, I usually didn't care enough about the hunger to do anything about it.
This is a disease that renders you unable to do anything except lay in one place and hurt.
I need beats and haven't had time to make any of my own. I'm probably going to lay down a few tracks over AraabMuzik tracks during Spring Break and see if I have the chops for an EP.
Apparently an innocuous text message I sent asking someone if I could ask her questions about her homeschooling (as in her homeschooling her kids) created all kinds of drama and fighting among the family. Shit, I just wanted to talk and gather information. People writing things into stuff blows my mind sometimes. Super stressed out about it now because there is a whole balloon of mutual friends around this cluster of people and all I've done is ask to have a conversation.
Shit is getting real. I may or may not have a bottle full of narcotics that I'm considering consumption of. I only say this here because all my other channels are ignoring me. Judge away. I just had to let it out.
Shit is getting real. I may or may not have a bottle full of narcotics that I'm considering consumption of. I only say this here because all my other channels are ignoring me. Judge away. I just had to let it out.
What are you saying? Don't do what I think you're gonna do.
Shit is getting real. I may or may not have a bottle full of narcotics that I'm considering consumption of. I only say this here because all my other channels are ignoring me. Judge away. I just had to let it out.
Well, I'm having-your-phone-number away from calling a hotline for you. You're cool, man. Do you want to talk?
Shit is getting real. I may or may not have a bottle full of narcotics that I'm considering consumption of. I only say this here because all my other channels are ignoring me. Judge away. I just had to let it out.
Bro, call a hotline. Call me if you think that would be better than some stranger operating a switch board equivalent. Do something. Suicide is never the right answer -- not without doing something rash and life-changing first. Whatever your problem is, there's some better way to fix it. It might be something crazy, but it's better than death.
One of the exercizes I used to do to keep myself from suicide was planning to run away. I figured out everything I needed to do, multiple ways to do it, and multiple places to go. I never followed through with any of it (obviously), but knowing it was possible made everything easier.
So tired of being tired. Been sick since Tuesday. Quarantined myself in. I've been starting the process of sterilizing the environment.
Also finding out more horror stories about my friends being victimized. Humanity sucks. Give me my flaming sword with which to right some wrongs. Purge the unclean. Burn the heretic (and everything diseased around me).
One of the exercizes I used to do to keep myself from suicide was planning to run away. I figured out everything I needed to do, multiple ways to do it, and multiple places to go. I never followed through with any of it (obviously), but knowing it was possible made everything easier.
You know. I've always known that, for some reason, 99.9% of people intrinsically don't like me. I've never been able to figure it out.
I keep running into the table saw that is opening myself up to situations, putting myself out there and getting hurt. It just keeps happening and it fucking sucks.
I'm sick of it. I can't wait for the day that I get the courage to just be a hermit forever.
I'd bet money that 99% of the people you're acquainted with don't know you on a meaningful level. You can't figure it out because it's a thought distortion, one you've probably latched onto so hard that it feels like truth. Don't be afraid.
Comments
Stay calm and aware of yourself, and you can do it.
Besides, I'm doing so much better than I was, and I've long learned to recognize the points when my thought patterns aren't rational anymore and all the bad stuff is just my brain trying to hurt me.
I'm not trying to pressure anyone into getting medicated, but there's a lot of misconceptions out there about the medications that have prevented people I really care about from getting help they desperately need. I also know that my life has improved a hundredfold since I started treatment. I feel emotions I didn't feel for a decade (happiness, excitement, love, and wonder among them) all the time, and I've made tremendous strides in my social and professional life. I'm actually living my fucking dream right now. I could not have done that without Lexapro.
It's not like trying a medication will weird you up forever. If you don't like the drug, talk to your doctor, TAPER IT (brain zaps suck, trust me), and then switch meds or stop altogether based on your doctor's advice. I've known a lot of people who thought they could hack it without a medication and instead just fell apart, and I've known a lot of people teetering on the edge of suicide that the drugs have saved.
Some conditions will react poorly to some SSRIs, and if you don't tell your doctor about something, they may prescribe you some shit that would ordinarily be fine, but when combined with your unmentioned condition, will be problematic.
Don't be afraid, by any means. Absolutely seek these treatments out, if you feel it appropriate, or you feel you are able. But be smart, and be careful. Know what you're taking, and monitor your behavior and condition, just in case. Talk to your doctor - they are a professional, but they don't teach psionic powers at Med school - though it would be totally sweet if they did - you still have to talk to them for them to find things out.
Seriously, though, meds are a tool like anything else. I can't think of any reason to consider somebody weak for wanting to iron out those instances where their own brain tries to fuck them over.
Though, when I first started taking medication, what I did feel was super guilty. I thought it was totally unfair that I got the pills that would make me happier and better focused and everyone else went without; I figured the responsible thing to do was to slug it out like everyone else. The total lack of perspective I had is mindboggling to me now.
I drank myself into the hospital because I didn't like how an exam went. Seriously. I saw a number I didn't like and I could have died over it.
Now I sleep 6hrs a night (sometimes more, sometimes less), I'm moving to Chicago in the summer (my own place!), I've got a big group of awesome friends I see every day, I'm probably going to learn a trade next year, and I've got a PhD program or pharmacy school to look forward to. I'm designing furniture and writing raps and getting paid to take photos. I lose weight because I like walking places. I always have plans with people I dig and there's always a new adventure right around the corner. I actually have a love life now; like, what??
The line in the sand between the dark part of my life and this new totally excellent one was when I started my meds, without a doubt in my mind. I've got the journals to prove it. Sometimes I still get the blues, but then I remember that I'm kicking all sorts of ass and I am honest with everyone, constantly having fun, and am keeping myself happy almost constantly. I hide nothing from anyone and I share my passions with people I care about, passions that depression had stifled for most of my life.
That's my story, I suppose. Your treatment path is something you have to discover for yourself, but I would at least try meds. There's no shame in it. They're pills that let you be who you really are.
It's not exactly like my family is overflowing with willingness to share medical history. My brother was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago and didn't tell me until 2 years ago. The only reason I found out was because my parents felt it important to share so we could add that to our medical histories.
My father has been a big reason for this change in attitude. He recently got a very large part of his nose removed for his skin cancer treatment and he's been talking up the psych meds for over a year now. For all of my life he was like me and feared them and now he cannot stop singing their praises.
Also if you have not been to a physical in years, it is smart to get one now. Seeing a doctor for depression-related problems should be just as important now, but the rest of your body needs its maintenance as well.
This is a disease that renders you unable to do anything except lay in one place and hurt.
One of the exercizes I used to do to keep myself from suicide was planning to run away. I figured out everything I needed to do, multiple ways to do it, and multiple places to go. I never followed through with any of it (obviously), but knowing it was possible made everything easier.
Also finding out more horror stories about my friends being victimized. Humanity sucks. Give me my flaming sword with which to right some wrongs. Purge the unclean. Burn the heretic (and everything diseased around me).
I keep running into the table saw that is opening myself up to situations, putting myself out there and getting hurt. It just keeps happening and it fucking sucks.
I'm sick of it. I can't wait for the day that I get the courage to just be a hermit forever.