I feel myself backsliding in a major way. I can't remember what it's like to be happy or content. I usually feel anxious or numb. I've been very isolated ever since I lost my license, I think that has a lot to do with it. It is very hard to understand what is going on in my head these days.
Nukerjsr, simply, do not be friends with people who treat you like that. You do not deserve it and they don't deserve or appreciate who you are. I'm sort of blind going into your situation based off a single post, but bro, fuck those people. I reached a point in my life that was extremely important- the moment I realized that I need to straight up DROP people that are immature, abusive, or not "good" to you. There are so many things to be avoided here that although it might be difficult at first, the reward over the long term is more than worth it. You're a better person than that, and you don't need to be wasting your time and emotion around people who do not care about you. You will be the one to regret it in life, not them.
As for replaying the situation, just give it some time and try and get over it. Things don't always come out the way they are, and all you can do is ignore those people, remove them from your life with a swift, but metaphorical middle-finger, and move on. There are plenty of situations in which I regretted what I did (or didn't) do, but as hard as they are, it's just something that you work through and settle on over time. If it is deep, meds do a lot to help.
I hope I haven't missed the mark too much, and maybe I'm just preaching to the choir advice-wise, but I do hope you get to feeling better and also wish you luck with dealing with inconsiderate people like that.
Basically I talked it over with my friends there at the call, and because they got my side of the story, they definitely turned around and went "Wow...fuck that dude." So everything thankfully was patched up. My Skype friends and I had a pretty intense chat about friendships and people within our group that we need to straighten things out with. He was really asking fucked up questions, like if I advocated rape or if I was an alcoholic because I drank to celebrate Obama's victory. And this is all unprovoked and there's no conversation even leading up to that.
I made that post before I talked with anyone else about the situation. And my mistake was that, I was more of trying to find a reason for why this person was angry or being a dick, rather than immediately counteracting him then and there. My good buddy Chris told me that it was more of a problem that I took the beating rather than standing up for more myself. (Which I generally don't fight, as I'm very docile and very much about saving face)
It was a good thing I walked away from the conversation rather than going off (which my friends DID compliment me on, because more drama is always bad). Next time I am dealing with someone who just wants to screw with me for no reason, I am really going to not hold back, call them out, demand answers and judgement because I can't tolerate people like that at all.
But I'll still admit, it was a rough 12 hours. I recovered after really talking it out and thinking about how I would talk to my friends later.
One of my best friends talked to me today, started a conversation with, "My problem with you right now is not about your depression," and then proceeded to list a bunch of problems linked directly to it. She made a bunch of hypocritical and hurtful criticisms and then couched them in a sort of false worry for me, even going so far as to tell me I shouldn't drink because I "don't know what things'll do to me." Please note that I am 21, so keenly aware of what alcohol does to me that I have almost entirely stopped drinking, and I had my first drink in weeks last night and didn't even end up especially drunk.
I'm kind of angry about this. It's a huge double standard, too, because this girl called me at 4am drunk and crying numerous times my sophomore year, but a few tipsy text messages from me noting what a good friend she is somehow precipitate this. It just feels really manipulative and shitty to veil an, "I'm too busy for you," with a, "You're sick and you need professional help." I'm a fucking adult. If you can't talk, tell me that. If you don't want to be woken up at night, put your phone on silent. And don't manipulate friends so that only YOU wind up on the receiving end of all the support and advice. Christ.
People with depressed friends: Don't be shitty to them. If you can't offer the support they need or can't deal with their weirdness at that moment, just tell them that. Don't play along and then pretend you're a victim when they finally get their shit together.
I'm going to give her this chance; she deserves it. I'm well aware of the fact that basically did the exact same thing with my depression that my grandparents do w/r/t racist comments, though.
I was pretty devastated by the divorce from my first wife, and the experience resulted in permanent changes in how I deal with relationships and with people in general. I was in a deep depression for at least a year, probably 3.
All that said, I really don't miss the cheating, ignorant bitch one bit. For the first 2 years I'd have gladly taken her back, no doubt about it, and been very happy about it. Now? Can't stand the sight of her. I've had a few conversations with her here and there on facebook and such when we've had incidental contact, and I honestly couldn't say why I was ever attracted to her in the first place beyond physically. While we shared some interests, she's just flat out ignorant in a way I had somehow managed not to notice for years.
I've been feeling very suicidal lately and I finally confided to someone that fact (aside from this board not, obviously). She's trying to make me promise that I need to reconcile with God and Jesus before I do anything.
Fuck, it's just reminding me why I stopped believing in those things so long ago.
It's a brilliant plan. Tell the one person you know won't try to help but rather convert me into a believer before I do it and then tell myself, "Whelp, you tired telling someone!"
*** EDIT***
This will seem incoherent, mainly because I've been up over 30 hours at this point but I shut her up with....
*from a chat log*
It's a form of trap. God makes man. But God wants man to choose God. so he makes man imperfect and lays forth a plan and path for those who are worthy and pure from the alchemical distillation of the human experiment to reach God. Everyone else can fry. That......... seems unkind to me.
It's been over 5 minutes and she hasn't replied. /flex
*** EDIT THE SECOND ***
Oh my science. I like this woman and all but dear SCIENCE does she remind my why I grew to hate fundamentalists and that dogmatic bullshit. Wow. I'm throwing so much logic in her face it she's offering these mystical, bullshit answers to everything.
I really wish the world was so simple and all I had to do was bow down to an invisible man in the sky and follow a set of rules and say some words. If this is how most of humanity is? I really DON'T want to be on this planet anymore.
I really wish the world was so simple and all I had to do was bow down to an invisible man in the sky and follow a set of rules and say some words. If this is how most of humanity is? I really DON'T want to be on this planet anymore.
It doesn't matter, because you don't have to associate with most of humanity - just the good bits, like this forum.
I really wish the world was so simple and all I had to do was bow down to an invisible man in the sky and follow a set of rules and say some words. If this is how most of humanity is? I really DON'T want to be on this planet anymore.
It doesn't matter, because you don't have to associate with most of humanity - just the good bits, like this forum.
One cannot live in a complete bubble. Even if one hides away in ivory towers, you're still going to have to deal with the external pressures of all those other billions of people.
Yes, it's true that these things also have significant effects, but fortunately most of us can avoid quite a lot of the worst by simply not associating with those people.
This is, of course, a matter of privilege; many people around the world (and in the U.S.) do not have that option since their rights are being directly curbed in ways that yours are not. There are two things to take from this: 1) Enjoy that privilege. 2) Seek to spread those rights to others.
It's not something to be dejected about, though. Just think about how far we've come in the past few decades, or centuries, or millenia, or even how far we've come since one week ago.
Comments
Fucks, I'm out of. But I've got meh enough for a lifetime.
(I might be drunk right now)
I miss her so much.
Don't worry, Joe. You will be less lonely in time. You might find someone cool!
Nukerjsr, simply, do not be friends with people who treat you like that. You do not deserve it and they don't deserve or appreciate who you are. I'm sort of blind going into your situation based off a single post, but bro, fuck those people. I reached a point in my life that was extremely important- the moment I realized that I need to straight up DROP people that are immature, abusive, or not "good" to you. There are so many things to be avoided here that although it might be difficult at first, the reward over the long term is more than worth it. You're a better person than that, and you don't need to be wasting your time and emotion around people who do not care about you. You will be the one to regret it in life, not them.
As for replaying the situation, just give it some time and try and get over it. Things don't always come out the way they are, and all you can do is ignore those people, remove them from your life with a swift, but metaphorical middle-finger, and move on. There are plenty of situations in which I regretted what I did (or didn't) do, but as hard as they are, it's just something that you work through and settle on over time. If it is deep, meds do a lot to help.
I hope I haven't missed the mark too much, and maybe I'm just preaching to the choir advice-wise, but I do hope you get to feeling better and also wish you luck with dealing with inconsiderate people like that.
Basically I talked it over with my friends there at the call, and because they got my side of the story, they definitely turned around and went "Wow...fuck that dude." So everything thankfully was patched up. My Skype friends and I had a pretty intense chat about friendships and people within our group that we need to straighten things out with. He was really asking fucked up questions, like if I advocated rape or if I was an alcoholic because I drank to celebrate Obama's victory. And this is all unprovoked and there's no conversation even leading up to that.
I made that post before I talked with anyone else about the situation. And my mistake was that, I was more of trying to find a reason for why this person was angry or being a dick, rather than immediately counteracting him then and there. My good buddy Chris told me that it was more of a problem that I took the beating rather than standing up for more myself. (Which I generally don't fight, as I'm very docile and very much about saving face)
It was a good thing I walked away from the conversation rather than going off (which my friends DID compliment me on, because more drama is always bad). Next time I am dealing with someone who just wants to screw with me for no reason, I am really going to not hold back, call them out, demand answers and judgement because I can't tolerate people like that at all.
But I'll still admit, it was a rough 12 hours. I recovered after really talking it out and thinking about how I would talk to my friends later.
I'm kind of angry about this. It's a huge double standard, too, because this girl called me at 4am drunk and crying numerous times my sophomore year, but a few tipsy text messages from me noting what a good friend she is somehow precipitate this. It just feels really manipulative and shitty to veil an, "I'm too busy for you," with a, "You're sick and you need professional help." I'm a fucking adult. If you can't talk, tell me that. If you don't want to be woken up at night, put your phone on silent. And don't manipulate friends so that only YOU wind up on the receiving end of all the support and advice. Christ.
People with depressed friends: Don't be shitty to them. If you can't offer the support they need or can't deal with their weirdness at that moment, just tell them that. Don't play along and then pretend you're a victim when they finally get their shit together.
All that said, I really don't miss the cheating, ignorant bitch one bit. For the first 2 years I'd have gladly taken her back, no doubt about it, and been very happy about it. Now? Can't stand the sight of her. I've had a few conversations with her here and there on facebook and such when we've had incidental contact, and I honestly couldn't say why I was ever attracted to her in the first place beyond physically. While we shared some interests, she's just flat out ignorant in a way I had somehow managed not to notice for years.
Fuck, it's just reminding me why I stopped believing in those things so long ago.
It's a brilliant plan. Tell the one person you know won't try to help but rather convert me into a believer before I do it and then tell myself, "Whelp, you tired telling someone!"
*** EDIT***
This will seem incoherent, mainly because I've been up over 30 hours at this point but I shut her up with....
*from a chat log*
It's a form of trap. God makes man. But God wants man to choose God. so he makes man imperfect and lays forth a plan and path for those who are worthy and pure from the alchemical distillation of the human experiment to reach God. Everyone else can fry.
That.........
seems unkind to me.
It's been over 5 minutes and she hasn't replied. /flex
*** EDIT THE SECOND ***
Oh my science. I like this woman and all but dear SCIENCE does she remind my why I grew to hate fundamentalists and that dogmatic bullshit. Wow. I'm throwing so much logic in her face it she's offering these mystical, bullshit answers to everything.
I really wish the world was so simple and all I had to do was bow down to an invisible man in the sky and follow a set of rules and say some words. If this is how most of humanity is? I really DON'T want to be on this planet anymore.
This is, of course, a matter of privilege; many people around the world (and in the U.S.) do not have that option since their rights are being directly curbed in ways that yours are not. There are two things to take from this:
1) Enjoy that privilege.
2) Seek to spread those rights to others.
It's not something to be dejected about, though. Just think about how far we've come in the past few decades, or centuries, or millenia, or even how far we've come since one week ago.