I may have been "that guy" at Connecticonn. In my defense that weekend was the beginning of the custody battle that led to my daughter living with me.
Eh, not to us at least. ;^)
One difference between RIT and now is that we (GeekNights) actually are busy, on our way somewhere, or held to some looming deadline most of the time. So, blowing people off is genuine 90% of the time: we actually do have somewhere to be.
People don't always stay "that guy" I have very good friends who become "that guy" at some points and other times they are perfectly fine depending on life events, mood and other stuff.
I've behaved like "that guy" before I'm sure in situations where I either over or under estimated the type of behavior expected at a particular event. (doesn't happen always but I know I can be over powering sometimes with a group of quiet gamers) I usually go in thinking behaving like a FRC guy is the way to go and sometimes it doesn't work.
One of my good friends is possibly "that guy" at concerts and bars and such. He's actually great to game with, it's just that his body language and mannerisms seem to lead to bullying in public. He's actually pretty awesome if you're not of that personality type that feels the need to pick on the weakest person in the room.
It didn't help that you could never completely avoided because they would come to RWAG or Anime club.
That was a two-fold problem. Many of the girls we knew refused to attend one or both due to the "that guys" that were present. Lots of anime fans avoided the (still massive) anime club due to "that guys" who were there.
I guess I'm fairly lucky I've never had to even interact with that guy, at least not that I know of. If people annoy me, I just flat out tell and make it clear I'm not interested in social interaction.
Perhaps I've acted like him but just never realized...
I think someone earlier in the thread thread said it best: If you think you're a That Guy, you're probably not. While it's possible, I think one of the key factors of being a That Guy is a complete lack of self-awareness, as that's a factor that tells you when to back off or press forward.
I think the real problem with That Guys is that there's not always a WhaleShark telling them to get the fuck out, and then they become intertwined with the group. Especially that's bad when they have some resource (GMing skill, books, a house) that the rest of the group needs. All that means is that they're tied to this shitty situation.
Let's say I meet someone who is blind. Obviously if I mess with them, that is not cool. I could also help them with directions or guide them to a location if they asked, and that is nice. The thing is, I can't cure their blindness. It's not my area of expertise. Nobody would expect me, or anyone, to try. The blind person probably wouldn't like every person they met trying to cure them. Nobody would consider anyone else a dick for not trying to cure a blind person, unless they had magical blind curing powers they were choosing not to use.
So if I meet "that guy," I'm not going to actively attack or harm them. I'll even talk to them briefly or whatever. But I'm not going to try to cure their problems, whether they are merely personality flaws or actual mental issues. That's not my cross to bear. Nobody should be considered to be a bad person because they refuse to bear the burden of "that guy."
The thing is, unlike a blind person, that guy attaches themselves to others. Imagine a blind person not letting you go and trying to make you guide them everywhere all day long. Sorry bro, I think you need a service animal, let me get you the phone number of the people who can hook you up, and I'll be on my way. I'll be nice to you as much as I can, but helping you does not automatically become my full time job because I met you at a convention for five minutes.
To get away from a blind person you can just run away physically. But "that guy" is much harder to evade. Often the only way to get them off your back is to harm them by being mean. Imagine a blind person who could follow you with exceptional hearing, so the only way to get away was to trip them or spin them around a whole bunch. You are stuck in a situation where your only choice is to do something at least a little jerky.
The thing is, our society already has things setup to help blind people, and people with all kinds of other problems. We don't really have anything setup to help "that guy." There should be "that guy" groups where all the "that guys" can get together and fix their shit as much as possible. Someone else can run that place as a full time highly paid job. I, for one, am not going anywhere near it.
You are a thousand steps behind the "that guy" I am describing. Truly. He was a pioneer of being "that guy."
Really I'm just an older and more experienced "that guy". I'm what that looks like. Granted, some never apply their experience but that's not peculiar to them as a group.
Also... I never had experiences with having to physically avoid a person since middle school. That you guys had to do that in college... is... well... odd to me.
I think someone earlier in the thread thread said it best: If you think you're a That Guy, you're probably not. While it's possible, I think one of the key factors of being a That Guy is a complete lack of self-awareness, as that's a factor that tells you when to back off or press forward.
Well said. Sometimes the "That Guy" is too self-aware, though, or too self-conscious rather.
I had a very interesting experience that is a different wrinkle from the anecdotes told so far: hanging out with a guy who was formerly normal, but had devolved into a "that guy." We were having people over frequently when the Wii U first came out, and through an ill-advised posting to Facebook, basically said that anyone I was friends with was welcome to come.
"That Guy," an old friend from college who I did not stay in touch with, showed up one day. It was like talking to someone who had been in a cave for many years. It had all the signs:: over-eager behavior, awkward and ill-timed laughter, constant fear of missing out if he wasn't in the room for something, etc.
Lest this sound like a tale of me being a complete dick about someone coming over and enjoying their time at my house, I will mention I was 100% willing to rehabilitate him, but he brought along.... "That Girl."
Making fun of "That Guy" today? IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!
Also... I never had experiences with having to physically avoid a person since middle school. That you guys had to do that in college... is... well... odd to me.
Nerdiest college on earth. The fact that there were so few "that guys" was astounding.
One "that guy" in particular transferred from another college. Their anime club actually contacted our anime club in advance to let us know he was coming.
I never went to college until I was into my thirties, but the fact that there was an "anime club" that you could go to is pretty impressive to me. Sure, it's way more popular now, but when I was in high school the only way to talk about "Japanimation" was to find someone else who knew what you were talking about by sheer luck. We didn't even have Yahoo yet.
I used to get all of my anime (mostly Sailor Moon, back in the day) on VHS with inkjet printed labels from a guy at the Waterbury mall who sold bootlegs.
That middle school comment made me realize a weird phenomenon. My friend Nate was known as "Cheeser" in 6th and 7th grade. He was just trying to "fit in" with someone somewhere, and as the unspoken rules seem to go someone trying to "fit in" isn't allowed to "fit in" because they're trying too hard. The oddity is this: After he finally earned acceptance into the group, he moved on to another group where he was the exile. This repeated like four times before he finally quit and settled into hanging out with my friends again.
Sounds like he was trying to upgrade his social circle, using his own internalized metrics for what an "upgrade" comprised, but that's just my intuitive guess, not knowing him at all.
I remember feeling like the group of misfits and misanthropes I hung around with were low-grade friends, and that I needed to do better. I floated through a few groups in junior and senior year of high school but didn't really fit in with any of them, settled back in with the misfits.
I sort of know that I am That Guy, in that I do not mesh well with others and I have fairly narrow interests. I try to make up for it by doing as many cool things as possible, so if people don't like me, they might like something I do. It's probably why I run games more than I play them.
I sort of know that I am That Guy, in that I do not mesh well with others. I try to make up for it by doing as many cool things as possible, so if people don't like me, they might like something I do. It's probably why I run games more than I play them.
This strategy has some merits. There are plenty of famous or semi-famous geeks that are "that guy". People like their work and become fans. Then if they meet them in person they go "ewwww."
Yeah. I'm 99% certain I was "that guy" at Paxes. :-/
Be sure not to base "that guy" ness on me and Scott. We blow our own close friends off without a second glance backward. Us blowing you off at a con is like a scorpion stinging or the wind blowing.
Comments
One difference between RIT and now is that we (GeekNights) actually are busy, on our way somewhere, or held to some looming deadline most of the time. So, blowing people off is genuine 90% of the time: we actually do have somewhere to be.
I've behaved like "that guy" before I'm sure in situations where I either over or under estimated the type of behavior expected at a particular event. (doesn't happen always but I know I can be over powering sometimes with a group of quiet gamers) I usually go in thinking behaving like a FRC guy is the way to go and sometimes it doesn't work.
He was... something to behold.
Agreed. I'm just not sure what to do about the general problem that some people have naturally socializing en masse.
Perhaps I've acted like him but just never realized...
I think the real problem with That Guys is that there's not always a WhaleShark telling them to get the fuck out, and then they become intertwined with the group. Especially that's bad when they have some resource (GMing skill, books, a house) that the rest of the group needs. All that means is that they're tied to this shitty situation.
So if I meet "that guy," I'm not going to actively attack or harm them. I'll even talk to them briefly or whatever. But I'm not going to try to cure their problems, whether they are merely personality flaws or actual mental issues. That's not my cross to bear. Nobody should be considered to be a bad person because they refuse to bear the burden of "that guy."
The thing is, unlike a blind person, that guy attaches themselves to others. Imagine a blind person not letting you go and trying to make you guide them everywhere all day long. Sorry bro, I think you need a service animal, let me get you the phone number of the people who can hook you up, and I'll be on my way. I'll be nice to you as much as I can, but helping you does not automatically become my full time job because I met you at a convention for five minutes.
To get away from a blind person you can just run away physically. But "that guy" is much harder to evade. Often the only way to get them off your back is to harm them by being mean. Imagine a blind person who could follow you with exceptional hearing, so the only way to get away was to trip them or spin them around a whole bunch. You are stuck in a situation where your only choice is to do something at least a little jerky.
The thing is, our society already has things setup to help blind people, and people with all kinds of other problems. We don't really have anything setup to help "that guy." There should be "that guy" groups where all the "that guys" can get together and fix their shit as much as possible. Someone else can run that place as a full time highly paid job. I, for one, am not going anywhere near it.
"That Guy," an old friend from college who I did not stay in touch with, showed up one day. It was like talking to someone who had been in a cave for many years. It had all the signs:: over-eager behavior, awkward and ill-timed laughter, constant fear of missing out if he wasn't in the room for something, etc.
Lest this sound like a tale of me being a complete dick about someone coming over and enjoying their time at my house, I will mention I was 100% willing to rehabilitate him, but he brought along.... "That Girl."
Making fun of "That Guy" today? IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!
One "that guy" in particular transferred from another college. Their anime club actually contacted our anime club in advance to let us know he was coming.
I used to get all of my anime (mostly Sailor Moon, back in the day) on VHS with inkjet printed labels from a guy at the Waterbury mall who sold bootlegs.
I remember feeling like the group of misfits and misanthropes I hung around with were low-grade friends, and that I needed to do better. I floated through a few groups in junior and senior year of high school but didn't really fit in with any of them, settled back in with the misfits.
I'm not sure if this is a challenge, or a trap.