If you listen to the show, we do make the very important point that "that guy" is a relative thing. I am "that guy" to light/casual gamers who don't want people to try too hard to win (they exist).
I'm one of those gamers, and you're definitely that guy. :P Board gaming for me is much more social than gaming. PC gaming is where I play for keeps. ^_^
Also I was definitely that guy when I first met you years ago. I've become less of a that guy as years have gone on and I've gotten better at making new friends.
I'll never have close friends for as long as I live. I'm just not wired for it. .
I kinda feel the same way. I mean I guess I have a few close friends, but generally I just drift away from them. I'm usually just "friends" with whoever is convenient and nearby but once that changes I don't really see them that often. I can get along in groups alright, but usually I just want to go home and be alone again. Even when I keep thinking "I need to get out and meet people and blah blah blah" but once I do something like that I tire of it quickly.
There are plenty of famous or semi-famous geeks that are "that guy". People like their work and become fans. Then if they meet them in person they go "ewwww."
There are plenty of famous or semi-famous geeks that are "that guy". People like their work and become fans. Then if they meet them in person they go "ewwww."
Does someone like RMS qualify?
Does anyone think RMS would be cool to hang out with?
There are plenty of famous or semi-famous geeks that are "that guy". People like their work and become fans. Then if they meet them in person they go "ewwww."
There are a couple of “that guys” at my school’s gaming club. They both will say random pop culture quotes and non sequiturs to no one in particular. And they don’t respond to input. It’s like they have this single conversation with many different people—really just those that happen to make eye contact with them. It’s awkward just to watch, as I’ve always been perceptive when a person who was talking to someone had stopped paying attention or walked away mid-conversation, but they’ll just continue with a new person as though they had always been talking to them.
There are a couple of “that guys” at my school’s gaming club. They both will say random pop culture quotes and non sequiturs to no one in particular. And they don’t respond to input. It’s like they have this single conversation with many different people—really just those that happen to make eye contact with them. It’s awkward just to watch, as I’ve always been perceptive when a person who was talking to someone had stopped paying attention or walked away mid-conversation, but they’ll just continue with a new person as though they had always been talking to them.
That is 100% that guy. I have witnessed that exact behavior many a time.
I call foul on that, to an extent. I suffer from social anxiety and I cannot ever see myself doing that sort of thing. I'm sure I exhibited "that guy"'itude in my past but never did I behave like that.
I'm much more now thinking that I was only ever in the "that guy" camp due to circumstance and to a much lesser extent my own social awkwardness. I don't think it's a coincidence that the older I get and the more I learn how to navigate social situations that I'm less and less that guy.
Most people have at least mild social anxiety, it's perfectly normal and is a learning mechanism for how to behave. Social anxiety as a disorder is also nothing to blink at, and I respect that. I suppose what I'm trying to get at is the same thing you said - there is some form or level of mental disorder at play... even though that's kind of an obvious point.
Also, I think saying "that guy" is really not the most precise language here. I know what you guys mean, but there's a difference between being, say, the-odd-one-out and the-highly-toxic-individual. I wouldn't latch on to that term... but then again I can't think of anything more precise!
I think part of it has to do with the dynamic of the gaming group itself. RPG's take up a lot of time. I don't want to spend that much time with someone I don't know well and like on a regular basis.
Con gaming maybe long, but it's infrequent enough that I can deal with ppl.
Let's say I meet someone who is blind. Obviously if I mess with them, that is not cool. I could also help them with directions or guide them to a location if they asked, and that is nice. The thing is, I can't cure their blindness. It's not my area of expertise. Nobody would expect me, or anyone, to try. The blind person probably wouldn't like every person they met trying to cure them. Nobody would consider anyone else a dick for not trying to cure a blind person, unless they had magical blind curing powers they were choosing not to use.
.
The thing is, our society already has things setup to help blind people, and people with all kinds of other problems. We don't really have anything setup to help "that guy." There should be "that guy" groups where all the "that guys" can get together and fix their shit as much as possible. Someone else can run that place as a full time highly paid job. I, for one, am not going anywhere near it.
Scott you have a brilliant way of summing things up mate - well done
FYI, when Rym says "we" in that toomble, he means "Pete." He locked himself in his room while I told That Guy why he was That Guy
Pete saved us all.
I stood from the relative safety of a locked dorm room listening at the door, terrified to exit and trapped. I took a coward's escape. But for the grace of the gods, any one of us would have been the one who snapped and destroyed him. Pete snapped first, and the mountains knew the consequences.
What was amazing, to this day, is how he gained allies (from the various open doors around the hall), and lost them (when his guyness became apparent) in the span of minutes.
I have always sincerely hoped that Pete's throwdown of truth put him on a course of redemption.
That's one surprising typo I've always been prone to when typing distractedly. I type "queue" so often in my daily life that it's second nature to always type it.
Comments
I've been helping to move the lab for the last two weeks. I work with That Guy. That Guy deserves my unmitigated hatred.
Also I was definitely that guy when I first met you years ago. I've become less of a that guy as years have gone on and I've gotten better at making new friends.
NUMBER ONE ANSWER!
I'm much more now thinking that I was only ever in the "that guy" camp due to circumstance and to a much lesser extent my own social awkwardness. I don't think it's a coincidence that the older I get and the more I learn how to navigate social situations that I'm less and less that guy.
Also, I think saying "that guy" is really not the most precise language here. I know what you guys mean, but there's a difference between being, say, the-odd-one-out and the-highly-toxic-individual. I wouldn't latch on to that term... but then again I can't think of anything more precise!
Con gaming maybe long, but it's infrequent enough that I can deal with ppl.
http://geeknightsrym.tumblr.com/post/45191436262/that-guy
I also coined the phrase "Cargo Cult Socialization" and plan to use it extensively. ;^)
Edit: Also I keep getting this notion that you are operating with a "cargo cult vocabulary" in some sentences.
Great post, by the way. It is certainly tragic that we create people who cannot distinguish between "hello" and "I value you as a person."
I stood from the relative safety of a locked dorm room listening at the door, terrified to exit and trapped. I took a coward's escape. But for the grace of the gods, any one of us would have been the one who snapped and destroyed him. Pete snapped first, and the mountains knew the consequences.
What was amazing, to this day, is how he gained allies (from the various open doors around the hall), and lost them (when his guyness became apparent) in the span of minutes.
I have always sincerely hoped that Pete's throwdown of truth put him on a course of redemption.
That's one surprising typo I've always been prone to when typing distractedly. I type "queue" so often in my daily life that it's second nature to always type it.