Relationships are both support in times of stress, and take effort as well. It depends on what balance you strike.
I can see that but how do I convince someone of this? I suppose I'm too "the dude" and don't want to begrudge her the choice. Those things ARE very important to her and if I'm a detraction from that, it wouldn't be fair. I guess another way of putting it is, I'm not usre how to express to her I'm worth the perceived "bother" of a relationship.
I guess another way of putting it is, I'm not usre how to express to her I'm worth the perceived "bother" of a relationship.
It's hard to say from what you've told us. I'd have to go with gomidog and say that maybe she just needs to straighten out her professional life before expanding on her personal life. So just give her whatever space she needs and stay in contact in a friendly way (if she hasn't cut off all contact from you).
My boyfriend and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary a little over a week ago but our year together wasn't without me doubting myself. I'm finally back working again, at a not-so-glamorous job, but it was definitely the support I got from my boyfriend that helped me through the unemployment phase. It felt overbearing (only because I'm stubborn) but it really was what I needed to get serious about being able to support myself. I made the decision to keep at our relationship while finding stable work because I knew that I'm the type that needs a little push even when I hate it. I can't speak for this girl, thus my advice of just giving her whatever space she needs to sort things out herself if that's what she wants.
But if she just wants out, then that's what some girls will do. Give a vague, slightly logical answer to cover up the real reason they don't want to be in a relationship. Our way letting guys down gently so try not to beat yourself up too much.
Our way letting guys down gently so try not to beat yourself up too much.
That...Doesn't really work. My ex either tried to do that or didn't have a good reason, but it just caused me to repeatedly question her because she readily admitted she "didn't have a good reason." I remain doubtful of that still, but it didn't stop me from beating myself up thinking about what the "real answer" was. I'm sure some guys could be satisfied this way, but it's not a guaranteed solution.
I've had far more women in my life (Read; all but this one) just walk away so I was left with nothing but the wondering. I know objectively it does nothing but the mind wanders...
Tonight's date: a no show. And this isn't the first time for her. More like the fourth or fifth. Some people just have a different thought process on meeting up with people, meetings you've arranged in advance.
Me: I make it to every date. If something comes up before and I can't make it, I say right away. If I'm going to be late, I send a message saying I'll be late BEFORE the time of the meeting. It's no point saying you're going to be late after you've already not turned up on time. Right?
Tonight's date: Arranges a date, and seems enthusiastic. It's her idea, normally, saying she wants to meet up. But then when I send a text saying "I'm heading home now, I'll meet you there soon" I get something like "I'm [elsewhere], send a txt later!" And then nothing.
I think that clears up that non-relationship! I've only got a few dozen days in Berlin until mid-September. I didn't meet up with other friends tonight (a regular bi-weekly get-together) because I thought I would meet up with her. My evenings are worth more to me than sitting around waiting for someone to turn up or get in contact and then just not bother.
So I'm not going to make any more dates with this girl in the evenings. If she wants to meet up in the day time, when I'm close by home anyway, I'll work it out. And the photography projects we're working on can carry on too, but I'm not giving up my social life with other people for her because she has pretty consistently let me down.
So tonight I had some spare time on my hands. I chatted with some friends online.
And then I chatted a bit with my date for tomorrow night, which will be my first internet-date in about 8 years, and the first one ever from a matchmaking website or service. It was a really fun conversation! I only hope that's a good sign for tomorrow evening. Quite a few topics came up where we both said "I'll tell you the full story tomorrow" so at least we'll have a lot to talk about.
That...Doesn't really work. My ex either tried to do that or didn't have a good reason, but it just caused me to repeatedly question her because she readily admitted she "didn't have a good reason." I remain doubtful of that still, but it didn't stop me from beating myself up thinking about what the "real answer" was. I'm sure some guys could be satisfied this way, but it's not a guaranteed solution.
Understandable. I was just pointing out that some girls will do that, not that it's very effective or useful. I, on the other hand, would rather take a straight forward approach to certain things in relationships.
Yeah. So, she came back to my place, and looked about, and asked "Where are all your books?" I explained I gave them all away to the second hand bookshop around the corned in exchange for free book rentals. And that I read audiobooks too.
Yeah. So, she came back to my place, and looked about, and asked "Where are all your books?" I explained I gave them all away to the second hand bookshop around the corned in exchange for free book rentals. And that I read audiobooks too.
This isn't the geek mentioned a few weeks back. This is the opera singer I met for the first time on Thursday. Or are you calling my haiku update geeky?
Can you give me any info on how to acquire a couch like this? What is it called, or where did you get it. Typing "large awesome couch" into Google doesn't help enough. I got my roommates to fall in love with it, but we can't get further then that.
So, as I mentioned in the Boo-Yah thread, the girl who I've mentioned here a few times in the last couple months (Katie) and I have agreed to make our relationship somewhat official. Technically we're not going out, since we both agree that it doesn't really work with us living several hours away from each other. But, we both feel like we've reached a point where we are willing to wait for each other to be living in the same area and won't pursue anyone else. So, just for the sake of argument, whenever someone asks, she is my girlfriend.
As an aside, it's hard for me to really believe that so much has happened just in the first half of this year. Went from a virgin with no dating experience at all to my first girlfriend and just months after that was over, I'm now together with one of the coolest girls I've ever met.
Also, to corroborate what other people have said over the course of this thread, if you need any more proof that friendships can turn into something more, I have known Katie for over three years. She admits that when we first met, she didn't think it would really go anywhere, but I have matured significantly in the years since, to the point where she didn't even know why she wanted me, she just did. And this is all proof to myself that all the work I've put into improving my character and my interactions with people over the last few years really has been worth it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the whole "Girl doesn't start liking you and then starts liking you and 'doesn't know why'" thing happened to me and she broke up with me. Your relationship could probably still work out, but a lack of a reason is not a good thing, trust me.
Axel, not to be harsh, but breakups happen in most relationships. In most people's lives, the majority of relationships and attempts at relationships just don't work. There are plenty of relationships that started in mutual "love at first sight" that also end in sudden and terrible breakups.
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My boyfriend and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary a little over a week ago but our year together wasn't without me doubting myself. I'm finally back working again, at a not-so-glamorous job, but it was definitely the support I got from my boyfriend that helped me through the unemployment phase. It felt overbearing (only because I'm stubborn) but it really was what I needed to get serious about being able to support myself. I made the decision to keep at our relationship while finding stable work because I knew that I'm the type that needs a little push even when I hate it. I can't speak for this girl, thus my advice of just giving her whatever space she needs to sort things out herself if that's what she wants.
But if she just wants out, then that's what some girls will do. Give a vague, slightly logical answer to cover up the real reason they don't want to be in a relationship. Our way letting guys down gently so try not to beat yourself up too much.
Be the duck. (Read: Let things things you cant control just roll off your back, like water on a duck.)
Me: I make it to every date. If something comes up before and I can't make it, I say right away. If I'm going to be late, I send a message saying I'll be late BEFORE the time of the meeting. It's no point saying you're going to be late after you've already not turned up on time. Right?
Tonight's date: Arranges a date, and seems enthusiastic. It's her idea, normally, saying she wants to meet up. But then when I send a text saying "I'm heading home now, I'll meet you there soon" I get something like "I'm [elsewhere], send a txt later!" And then nothing.
I think that clears up that non-relationship! I've only got a few dozen days in Berlin until mid-September. I didn't meet up with other friends tonight (a regular bi-weekly get-together) because I thought I would meet up with her. My evenings are worth more to me than sitting around waiting for someone to turn up or get in contact and then just not bother.
So I'm not going to make any more dates with this girl in the evenings. If she wants to meet up in the day time, when I'm close by home anyway, I'll work it out. And the photography projects we're working on can carry on too, but I'm not giving up my social life with other people for her because she has pretty consistently let me down.
And then I chatted a bit with my date for tomorrow night, which will be my first internet-date in about 8 years, and the first one ever from a matchmaking website or service. It was a really fun conversation! I only hope that's a good sign for tomorrow evening. Quite a few topics came up where we both said "I'll tell you the full story tomorrow" so at least we'll have a lot to talk about.
Luke is smitten! *sigh* Yeah. So, she came back to my place, and looked about, and asked "Where are all your books?" I explained I gave them all away to the second hand bookshop around the corned in exchange for free book rentals. And that I read audiobooks too.
And then she left.
And I said "You're reading Daemon?"
And she said "Yes, I just started it."
So I said "Stop at the end of part one. It's the only way to enjoy the book."
I hope she doesn't learn the hard way.
Whirlwind romance in progress.
Falling for her hard.
Transient is probably debatable thought.
Can you give me any info on how to acquire a couch like this? What is it called, or where did you get it. Typing "large awesome couch" into Google doesn't help enough.
I got my roommates to fall in love with it, but we can't get further then that.
EDIT: Moar liek "sexional sofa," amirite?
As an aside, it's hard for me to really believe that so much has happened just in the first half of this year. Went from a virgin with no dating experience at all to my first girlfriend and just months after that was over, I'm now together with one of the coolest girls I've ever met.
Also, to corroborate what other people have said over the course of this thread, if you need any more proof that friendships can turn into something more, I have known Katie for over three years. She admits that when we first met, she didn't think it would really go anywhere, but I have matured significantly in the years since, to the point where she didn't even know why she wanted me, she just did. And this is all proof to myself that all the work I've put into improving my character and my interactions with people over the last few years really has been worth it.