There are rules here. Your mom can't be legitimately crazy, just "I love you so much I'm going to tell you what to do all the time because I only want what's best for you" crazy.
My mom doesn't hold a candle to a lot of this, but she is extremely naggy, kind of rude about things, extremely opinionated, and has difficulty letting go. She also doesn't listen to me or my brother very well.
Student comes into my class. Said student is always disruptive, irritating, and never does any work. Said student starts playing with the black acrylic paint jug, which has a pump, squirts it on a piece of cardboard, and starts wiping the paint on random shit on the table until I tell him to stop for the fifth time.
Student sits, puts head down on arm in a poor attempt to try and hide his texting, which he also ignores my warnings to stop.
I continue teaching and assisting the other kids, when said student jumps up all angry. He shows me that he has black paint smeared up the inside of his arm, which he set on his designer (or what he is convinced is designer) shorts. He starts demanding stain-remover. GEE, WONDER WHERE THE PAINT CAME FROM.
Me: "Lulz, that's acrylic paint, bro. Good luck.' Him: "Don't fucking tell me that. How the fuck do I get it the fuck out?" Me: "Try water. Lots. Now. I'd say you're going to have a nasty stain forever." Him: *torrent of profanity*
Here's the kicker, as he's cleaning, he starts yelling at me and the other students that my room is messy because all the other kids are slobs.
I lose at all crazy parenting stories: my parents are awesome and treat me like an intelligent, rational human being.
Same.
My mom is totally awesome and open-minded, likes the music I listen to (true test of parental coolness), and our politics are pretty much point-for-point the same, right down to drug policy. Totally liberal, laid-back, and awesome; she's open to persuasion from me on political points and any kid knows that that is a really awesome quality in a parent.
My dad's your typical hardcore hispanic disciplinarian which caused no end of childhood strife, but he's a lot better now. Unfortunately, his politics are relatively batshit right-wing (why, I dunno; he's an immigrant), and he has no internal filter and can be a bit homophobic sometimes. Still, he respects me enough that pissing him off in tiny ways is just funny nowadays, not something to avoid. Also, he taught me how to drive and doesn't care if I get ticketed--probably something to do with all the tickets he's gotten (and gotten out of) and the time he pushed the car to 150MPH while I was sitting shotgun.
My extended family, though, there's an aunt in there who could be in the running for craziest mom. Glad I wasn't born into that family; if I had been and she knew about me what my mom knows about me, I'd probably have been disowned years ago...
I think my mom would get at least an honorable mention for everything she's done (especially over the last four years), including the year I cut her out of my life.
If we're going into extended family I'm pretty sure my aunt would win something in that category.
I think my mom would get at least an honorable mention for everything she's done (especially over the last four years), including the year I cut her out of my life.
If we're going into extended family I'm pretty sure my aunt would win something in that category.
Are we excluding drug addicts, 'cause holy shit my uncle is a mess.
My aunt put her kids into an Opus Dei school that taught intelligent design. And then pulled her eldest daughter out in sixth grade to homeschool her because she thought the school was too liberal and didn't give her enough control over what her daughter was learning.
There are rules here. Your mom can't be legitimately crazy, just "I love you so much I'm going to tell you what to do all the time because I only want what's best for you" crazy.
I haven't paid attention to what tolls cost in the 10+ years since I've used EZ-Pass. That said, damn son:
Toll Charge (MTA Bridges/Tunnels (Verrazano Narrows Br) on May 12th, 9:18am) $9.60 Toll Charge (New Jersey Turnpike (PA Turnpike/Florence) on May 12th, 10:45am) $6.65 Toll Charge (PA Turnpike Comm (Valley Forge) on May 12th, 11:16am) $3.98 Toll Charge (PA Turnpike Comm (Delaware River Bridge) on May 13th, 10:31am) $3.32 Toll Charge (New Jersey Turnpike (I-278/Eliz/Goethals/Verrazano) on May 13th, 11:19am) $6.65 Toll Charge (Port Authority NY/NJ (Goethals Br) on May 13th, 11:21am) $9.50 Total Charges $39.70
The real rule of lying is the same rule as everything else society looks down on; "Don't Get Caught". Well, that or "Have Enough Money or Influence so it Doesn't Matter."
5. If you're going to tell a lie, make it one so ballsy/outrageous they will think "man, there is NO WAY he/she made that up because no one would ever believe it if it wasn't true."
5. If you're going to tell a lie, make it one so ballsy/outrageous they will think "man, there is NO WAY he/she made that up because no one would ever believe it if it wasn't true."
Funny, that's the exact advice Biggie Smalls gave me a few years ago over cocktails in Venice.
They drink it. And I believe these were unsourced mythings years ago.
Pick the "dumbest" thing you ever overheard in highschool.
Mine will be "a man can get pregnant from anal sex".
"Life begins at conception."
I went to a really selective college prep school. Most of the dumb shit I heard was just ignorant bullshit or stuff from the conservative kids or religion teachers (i.e., global warming isn't real, the Dalai Lama is going to hell because he isn't Catholic). One time I heard a girl say her skin care secret was her boyfriend's semen, but I think she was just kidding. Or at least I hope she was.
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Student sits, puts head down on arm in a poor attempt to try and hide his texting, which he also ignores my warnings to stop.
I continue teaching and assisting the other kids, when said student jumps up all angry. He shows me that he has black paint smeared up the inside of his arm, which he set on his designer (or what he is convinced is designer) shorts. He starts demanding stain-remover. GEE, WONDER WHERE THE PAINT CAME FROM.
Me: "Lulz, that's acrylic paint, bro. Good luck.'
Him: "Don't fucking tell me that. How the fuck do I get it the fuck out?"
Me: "Try water. Lots. Now. I'd say you're going to have a nasty stain forever."
Him: *torrent of profanity*
Here's the kicker, as he's cleaning, he starts yelling at me and the other students that my room is messy because all the other kids are slobs.
The class:
My mom is totally awesome and open-minded, likes the music I listen to (true test of parental coolness), and our politics are pretty much point-for-point the same, right down to drug policy. Totally liberal, laid-back, and awesome; she's open to persuasion from me on political points and any kid knows that that is a really awesome quality in a parent.
My dad's your typical hardcore hispanic disciplinarian which caused no end of childhood strife, but he's a lot better now. Unfortunately, his politics are relatively batshit right-wing (why, I dunno; he's an immigrant), and he has no internal filter and can be a bit homophobic sometimes. Still, he respects me enough that pissing him off in tiny ways is just funny nowadays, not something to avoid. Also, he taught me how to drive and doesn't care if I get ticketed--probably something to do with all the tickets he's gotten (and gotten out of) and the time he pushed the car to 150MPH while I was sitting shotgun.
My extended family, though, there's an aunt in there who could be in the running for craziest mom. Glad I wasn't born into that family; if I had been and she knew about me what my mom knows about me, I'd probably have been disowned years ago...
If we're going into extended family I'm pretty sure my aunt would win something in that category.
Heroin is bad fucking news.
So yeah.
Toll Charge (MTA Bridges/Tunnels (Verrazano Narrows Br) on May 12th, 9:18am) $9.60
Toll Charge (New Jersey Turnpike (PA Turnpike/Florence) on May 12th, 10:45am) $6.65
Toll Charge (PA Turnpike Comm (Valley Forge) on May 12th, 11:16am) $3.98
Toll Charge (PA Turnpike Comm (Delaware River Bridge) on May 13th, 10:31am) $3.32
Toll Charge (New Jersey Turnpike (I-278/Eliz/Goethals/Verrazano) on May 13th, 11:19am) $6.65
Toll Charge (Port Authority NY/NJ (Goethals Br) on May 13th, 11:21am) $9.50
Total Charges $39.70
1. Never lie if you won't be able to deal with the consequences of said lie being unwound.
2. Never lie if you don't know exactly what the person being lied to is going to do with the information in the lie.
3. Never lie without there being a kernel of truth in the lie.
4. Never lie out of malice.
1. Don't lie.
Pick the "dumbest" thing you ever overheard in highschool.
Mine will be "a man can get pregnant from anal sex".
I went to a really selective college prep school. Most of the dumb shit I heard was just ignorant bullshit or stuff from the conservative kids or religion teachers (i.e., global warming isn't real, the Dalai Lama is going to hell because he isn't Catholic). One time I heard a girl say her skin care secret was her boyfriend's semen, but I think she was just kidding. Or at least I hope she was.