Goddamit why are girls (or maybe just this girl) so DAMN CONFUSING. ARGH. SHE IS MAKING THIS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO MOVE ON.
So, to put some perspective behind my anger...The past two major posts by me in here were about the same girl...She is continuing to cause much confusion. We've become very close friends over the past few weeks, getting progressively more cuddly and friendly and all that. It was built upon her dealing with this ass that she was dating and then having me sort of be there to make her feel better. I had begun to come to the conclusion that she was becoming a bit of attention whore, but I was okay with that, because I didn't mind giving her some attention, because I knew I wouldn't do it if she asked something ridiculous of me. I even mentioned to her once that she was getting a bit too clingy, and she started to get better.
My story for her when we've talked has now become that I realize we wouldn't make a particularly good couple, and we're not compatible, which I think is mostly true. Our life goals and values aren't the same, so our relationship would be very shallow. I'd go into it knowing it wouldn't last a long time, and that's just wrong of me to do. So...She admits to me earlier this week, after I say this, that she apparently started liking me after I was nice to her (xkcd situation, essentially), but apparently had "stopped" and didn't like me that much anymore, and so it was supposedly all cool. The past two nights in the row we've hung out until late at night, and by the last hour or two weren't doing much but sitting around, cuddling a bit (especially tonight), and just complaining about how we were tired. Both nights it felt to me like were both thinking we just wanted to cuddle up in one of our beds (way more comfy than a chair) and go to sleep, which is not at all appropriate. Based on the looks and emotions I pick up from her, I think she's confused as well, but might still be interested.
For me, this is the difference between what is easy and what is right (yes, I am unfortunately quoting Harry Potter). I think, at this point, with the right timing, it would be easy for us to both fall into a relationship. However, it's not really right, because I couldn't be with her in the long term because we have different life goals, and I was never her first choice, and so someone else she's more attracted to will always be there to tempt her. Like...I'm so confused right now. I don't know what's going to happen. It could go either way at this point. All's I know for sure is that I really like cuddling with her. >_<
Sounds like you have a case of the I-feel-this-way-but-I-think-I-should-feel-this-other-way-for-some-arbitrary-reason's.
Yeah. It's like...I know it wouldn't work. I know I could never marry her. I don't think I can date with the foreknowledge that it has a guaranteed end. I could go into it not knowing if it would work or not...But if I knew for sure that it had some end, I couldn't do it, because I would always just be thinking about the end. And it's not something small, either. Like, she doesn't want to get pregnant and have a normal family like that... I...There are some things in my life that I can't really compromise on. That's pretty much one of them. Beyond that, she's just interested in me because I'm there, and I'm nice, and I'm dependable, and...It shouldn't make me feel bad, but it does, because before that, what she wanted over me was attractive, dynamic, and interesting. Now that she can't have that, she's going for, like I said, the easy relationship. Or, at least, I think she's going for. I really can't tell, but it seems like she's honestly considering it.
That is what my mind keeps telling me, but I feel like...Ugh. Yes, I know you were partially joking, but partially, you're right, I should get over it. Like, all first relationships fail, of course mine will. It's just like, knowing one reason why it couldn't might make it worse. I mean, we would probably break up over something else first anyways, but who knows? Maybe we'd be really compatible for a college relationship, just not out of college. I...Don't know if I could handle that. It's just not what I believe a relationship should be. I...Don't even know.
Axel, I think you should do it. Even if you think that it won't last forever, or you won't get that family you want, doesn't mean you won't have fun. I have had a few relationships in my 16 years on this earth, so while my advice may not be old and wise, I do think it rings true.
Just go with it. See what happens. Ive done that and learned a lot, like what kinda girls I like and how to not get all caught up in things when trying to act ("should I kiss her? What if she doesn't want one?") and not be all Micheal Cera about things.
Also, think of it this way. When you finally meet the one, you will be trained and skilled. You'll know a lot more about yourself and who your "one" is.
Axel, is it possible for you to have fun without feeling bad about it? :P
To be fair, it's not like I've got the healthiest love life in the world. Right now I'm trying really hard not to try and approximate what I feel for a girl that I really shouldn't get into a relationship with by chasing girls I don't genuinely care for. It does seem like the complete opposite of Axel's problem, though. I'm far too eager.
Comments
So, to put some perspective behind my anger...The past two major posts by me in here were about the same girl...She is continuing to cause much confusion. We've become very close friends over the past few weeks, getting progressively more cuddly and friendly and all that. It was built upon her dealing with this ass that she was dating and then having me sort of be there to make her feel better. I had begun to come to the conclusion that she was becoming a bit of attention whore, but I was okay with that, because I didn't mind giving her some attention, because I knew I wouldn't do it if she asked something ridiculous of me. I even mentioned to her once that she was getting a bit too clingy, and she started to get better.
My story for her when we've talked has now become that I realize we wouldn't make a particularly good couple, and we're not compatible, which I think is mostly true. Our life goals and values aren't the same, so our relationship would be very shallow. I'd go into it knowing it wouldn't last a long time, and that's just wrong of me to do. So...She admits to me earlier this week, after I say this, that she apparently started liking me after I was nice to her (xkcd situation, essentially), but apparently had "stopped" and didn't like me that much anymore, and so it was supposedly all cool. The past two nights in the row we've hung out until late at night, and by the last hour or two weren't doing much but sitting around, cuddling a bit (especially tonight), and just complaining about how we were tired. Both nights it felt to me like were both thinking we just wanted to cuddle up in one of our beds (way more comfy than a chair) and go to sleep, which is not at all appropriate. Based on the looks and emotions I pick up from her, I think she's confused as well, but might still be interested.
For me, this is the difference between what is easy and what is right (yes, I am unfortunately quoting Harry Potter). I think, at this point, with the right timing, it would be easy for us to both fall into a relationship. However, it's not really right, because I couldn't be with her in the long term because we have different life goals, and I was never her first choice, and so someone else she's more attracted to will always be there to tempt her. Like...I'm so confused right now. I don't know what's going to happen. It could go either way at this point. All's I know for sure is that I really like cuddling with her. >_<
And it's not something small, either. Like, she doesn't want to get pregnant and have a normal family like that...
I...There are some things in my life that I can't really compromise on. That's pretty much one of them. Beyond that, she's just interested in me because I'm there, and I'm nice, and I'm dependable, and...It shouldn't make me feel bad, but it does, because before that, what she wanted over me was attractive, dynamic, and interesting. Now that she can't have that, she's going for, like I said, the easy relationship. Or, at least, I think she's going for. I really can't tell, but it seems like she's honestly considering it.
Yes, I know you were partially joking, but partially, you're right, I should get over it. Like, all first relationships fail, of course mine will. It's just like, knowing one reason why it couldn't might make it worse. I mean, we would probably break up over something else first anyways, but who knows? Maybe we'd be really compatible for a college relationship, just not out of college. I...Don't know if I could handle that. It's just not what I believe a relationship should be. I...Don't even know.
>:0
AAAAAAAaaaaaaaargh!
Just go with it. See what happens. Ive done that and learned a lot, like what kinda girls I like and how to not get all caught up in things when trying to act ("should I kiss her? What if she doesn't want one?") and not be all Micheal Cera about things.
Also, think of it this way. When you finally meet the one, you will be trained and skilled. You'll know a lot more about yourself and who your "one" is.
1) Put on some nice clothes. Dark jeans fitted right, boots, a classy shirt. Flannel is in right now. I recommend it.
2) Sack the fuck up.
There should be a significant quote here, but fuck it. It's Courage Wolf time.
To be fair, it's not like I've got the healthiest love life in the world. Right now I'm trying really hard not to try and approximate what I feel for a girl that I really shouldn't get into a relationship with by chasing girls I don't genuinely care for. It does seem like the complete opposite of Axel's problem, though. I'm far too eager.