I think you should just date around and don't think about marriage with all of it. It something that wont happen for many years. Just gather some exp with a bunch of girlies and see what you want. Really, what you want now may NOT be what you want in a partner later. Go out there and grind for some level ups in romance, even if it's this chick. Break up if it doesn't work. Take advantage that you are in fucking college and there a plethora of girlies!
Probably. I know I shouldn't be thinking about the potential future, but that's just the way I look at relationships. It's complicated. And beyond all that, I just honestly don't know if she is really interested in me, or just lonely and affectionate. I don't want to put myself out there for a second time if she's gonna say no again.
Probably. I know I shouldn't be thinking about the potential future, but that's just the way I look at relationships. It's complicated. And beyond all that, I just honestly don't know if she is really interested in me, or just lonely and affectionate. I don't want to put myself out there for a second time if she's gonna say no again.
You might be being used as a human body pillow. You aren't committed to her or anything so play the field. I think if you do get wit' her, do so if she insists.
Probably. I know I shouldn't be thinking about the potential future, but that's just the way I look at relationships. It's complicated. And beyond all that, I just honestly don't know if she is really interested in me, or just lonely and affectionate. I don't want to put myself out there for a second time if she's gonna say no again.
You might be being used as a human body pillow. You aren't committed to her or anything so play the field. I think if you do get wit' her, do so if she insists.
This is what I've thought for the past several weeks, but like...She told me she was interested in me, but now isn't...And I don't think she's the type to make that up to get me to stay...But I don't even know.
As my Russian grandmother used to say: If you look to far ahead for the church to pray, you'll get run over by the farmer as he takes his cows to slaughter...
Here's a strategy. It's really simple. I use it regularly to great effect.
1) Put on some nice clothes. Dark jeans fitted right, boots, a classy shirt. Flannel is in right now. I recommend it. 2) Sack the fuck up.
There should be a significant quote here, but fuck it. It's Courage Wolf time.
I concur wholeheartedly, and if you can, Follow Luke's patented answer for everything above - After all, As my brother once told me(In his usual fashion) when I was feeling similar, "Don't be a Enunch, Just fucking do it. Can't expect to get laid if you don't have balls."
Maybe a little ambitious of a quote for what you're trying to do here, but it's about right in spirit.
You're not that into her and she's not that into you and you need to stop jerking each other around.
Either make it official and be Friends with Benefits while you look around for other people to have real relationships with, or stop wasting your time on her and break it off already.
And for future reference...
I'd go into it knowing it wouldn't last a long time, and that's just wrong of me to do.
That's just stupid-ass ill-considered nonsense that you've sponged up from the culture and never questioned. The definition of a successful relationship is not "stay glued together until death." It's having a relationship that's good for both of you until it ends. That end does not have to be when you both kick the bucket in eighty years. If you don't expect to be together forever, be honest about that, but don't let it stop you from enjoying each other for now.
It sounds like it's too late for this one to be healthy, but keep that in mind for the future, okay? Don't worry about Old Man Axel when you're looking at a cute girl and wondering if you should try to hook up. Old Man Axel will be grateful for the happy memories.
At the risk of sounding like a lonely nerd who's afraid to talk to girls, I want to hear your guys' expert opinion on online relationships, and by extension long-distance relationships in general.
I've seen instances where they can work, but in all of them the two people involved are not strictly long-distance and are capable of seeing each other when they have the chance. And considering that a lot of romantic relationships seem to involve some form of intimacy, it doesn't seem to me like a long-distance relationship can last very long without it. I guess it can be hard to love somebody that you rarely if ever get to be in the same room with.
Long-distance relationships that begin as meatspace relationships and have a solid foundation that's at least a year or two old can work, for a while. It's a big stress on everyone and the only times I've seen them succeed, the separation has been short or else the relationship has been open while there's a geographic separation.
Relationships that begin online and long-distance are stupid and doomed. Sure, you'll hear about success stories to the contrary, but you hear about lottery winners, too, and that doesn't mean buying lottery tickets is a good use of your money. The one and only exception is if you have some kind of special needs that can't be met in your location - a physical disability that leaves you in need of someone understanding, or a kink or fetish that doesn't have much of a presence in your area. If you have something like that that's a really big deal to you, you might have to go online. Be prepared to invest a lot of time and money in travel if you do meet someone and want it to work out, though.
If you wanna talk online relationships, no, I don't think it's a good idea to be in a relationship with someone you've never met or won't ever get to see.
My girlfriend and I live on opposite coasts and get to see eachother for just a few days out of each month. If there wasn't that to look forward to, I don't think either of us could deal with staying in the relationship, no matter how much we cared about eachother.
Although, I will say that the hardest part about being in an LDR is other people telling you it's never going to work.
My girlfriend and I live on opposite coasts and get to see eachother for just a few days out of each month. If there wasn't that to look forward to, I don't think either of us could deal with staying in the relationship, no matter how much we cared about eachother.
How long is that situation supposed to last? This isn't a "We're going away to college but we want to stay together anyway so we're just going to keep dating across the country for four years" deal, is it?
At the risk of sounding like a lonely nerd who's afraid to talk to girls, I want to hear your guys' expert opinion on online relationships, and by extension long-distance relationships in general.
I've seen instances where they can work, but in all of them the two people involved are not strictly long-distance and are capable of seeing each other when they have the chance. And considering that a lot of romantic relationships seem to involve some form of intimacy, it doesn't seem to me like a long-distance relationship can last very long without it. I guess it can be hard to love somebody that you rarely if ever get to be in the same room with.
I've been in a long distance/internet relationship for 10 months now, which used to be across a whole ocean (Europe/America). The only reason I went into it is because I knew that I would ultimately end up in America if things went well. Things like skype, especially video calls, keep us together. It is quite hard, and you need a lot of dedication.I'm the shy and reserved type so I don't know if "disloyal thoughts" (I have my own beef with this concept but I'll continue operating within its bounds) can endanger the relationship, and hell my boyfriend may have well been cheating on me and there's no way I can now it as I have no proof either way, but it is rather hard to continue in a relationship in which your only contact is through the internet or a phone. The lack of physical touch is maddening, to say the least.
At the risk of sounding like a lonely nerd who's afraid to talk to girls, I want to hear your guys' expert opinion on online relationships, and by extension long-distance relationships in general.
I don't know if "disloyal thoughts" (I have my own beef with this concept but I'll continue operating with it) can endanger the relationship, and hell my boyfriend may have well been cheating on me and there's no way I can now it as I have no proof either way, but it is rather hard to continue in a relationship in which your only contact is through the internet or a phone. The lack of physical touch is maddening, to say the least.
I reiterate that the only time I've seen this really be successful over a distance that wasn't manageable at least once a week, the relationship was open. Expecting someone to be celibate for you for months or years at a time is cruel, unreasonable, and frankly, delusional.
There's a difference between dating an avatar and being in an open honest long distance relationship in which you use all the tools at your disposal to help your relationship. Like i said, I've used skype and their video calls to keep in touch a lot. Meeting and dating a second life avatar just ain't the same.
You seem to be rather animately against LDRs, balderdash, so I'd like to hear about the experience you had that has set you against them.
During a shy phase in college, I was in three relationships that started online. In the first, I ended up driving halfway across the country to meet the girl, and just wasn't attracted to her. In the second, she turned out to be a little nutty and I called it off just in time to keep her from coming to see me. In the third, we did meet, once, and I guess she just wasn't sufficiently into it to keep speaking to me. Oh well.
But I'm not actually adamantly opposed to them, in principle. I'm just realistic about how they can and can't work.
Two good friends of mine lived apart for most of a year for career reasons, after they'd been together for almost three. Once they reunited, they were perhaps even happier than before, and while they did eventually split up several years later, that was a consequence of further life changes that had nothing to do with the earlier distance. The key, however, was that their relationship was essentially in stasis while they were apart. When they were in the same city, they were dating; when they weren't, they were still a part of each other's lives, but they could see (and yes, sleep with) other people. It was a humane, reasonable, and if not easy then at least exciting and fulfilling way to accommodate the situation.
The other time I've seen it work, two friends who eventually got married dated long-distance for a couple of years... but the "long" distance was a few-hour drive and they could see each other at least every other weekend.
My opposition to exclusive long-distance relationships is grounded at least as much in my opposition to knee-jerk exclusivity as it is in any negative experiences with long-distance. Constantly worrying about whether your partner is faithful while they're thousands of miles away is toxic and awful and I have seen it firsthand make people miserable, jealous wrecks, and I have never seen it work out well.
Constantly worrying about whether your partner is faithful while they're thousands of miles away is toxic and awful and I have seen it firsthand make people miserable, jealous wrecks, and I haveneverseen it work out well.
The only thing I have to say is that if you don't trust someone enough to be able to quell those thoughts from entering your mind, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with them period, whether it's long or short distance.
The only thing I have to say is that if you don't trust someone enough to be able to quell those thoughts from entering your mind, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with them period, whether it's long or short distance.
Oh, don't be absurd. Jealousy is part of the human condition. It's something we all cope with, and just like fear, the measure of your maturity and strength is in how well you handle it, not in whether or not you feel it.
You can't keep thoughts from "entering your mind." They just do. When you start talking about thoughtcrime, you sound like a conservative Christian talking about being "unfaithful in the heart."
Without rehashing a LONG discussion on this topic. While a flawed theory as a whole there are bits and pieces that help explain flawed relationships and one of those areas is the aforementioned Cuddle bitch. I know because I have been one.
Comments
I think you should just date around and don't think about marriage with all of it. It something that wont happen for many years. Just gather some exp with a bunch of girlies and see what you want. Really, what you want now may NOT be what you want in a partner later. Go out there and grind for some level ups in romance, even if it's this chick. Break up if it doesn't work. Take advantage that you are in fucking college and there a plethora of girlies!
Maybe a little ambitious of a quote for what you're trying to do here, but it's about right in spirit.
WATAA!
So, go and I live without regrets!
Either make it official and be Friends with Benefits while you look around for other people to have real relationships with, or stop wasting your time on her and break it off already.
And for future reference... That's just stupid-ass ill-considered nonsense that you've sponged up from the culture and never questioned. The definition of a successful relationship is not "stay glued together until death." It's having a relationship that's good for both of you until it ends. That end does not have to be when you both kick the bucket in eighty years. If you don't expect to be together forever, be honest about that, but don't let it stop you from enjoying each other for now.
It sounds like it's too late for this one to be healthy, but keep that in mind for the future, okay? Don't worry about Old Man Axel when you're looking at a cute girl and wondering if you should try to hook up. Old Man Axel will be grateful for the happy memories.
I've seen instances where they can work, but in all of them the two people involved are not strictly long-distance and are capable of seeing each other when they have the chance. And considering that a lot of romantic relationships seem to involve some form of intimacy, it doesn't seem to me like a long-distance relationship can last very long without it. I guess it can be hard to love somebody that you rarely if ever get to be in the same room with.
Relationships that begin online and long-distance are stupid and doomed. Sure, you'll hear about success stories to the contrary, but you hear about lottery winners, too, and that doesn't mean buying lottery tickets is a good use of your money. The one and only exception is if you have some kind of special needs that can't be met in your location - a physical disability that leaves you in need of someone understanding, or a kink or fetish that doesn't have much of a presence in your area. If you have something like that that's a really big deal to you, you might have to go online. Be prepared to invest a lot of time and money in travel if you do meet someone and want it to work out, though.
My girlfriend and I live on opposite coasts and get to see eachother for just a few days out of each month. If there wasn't that to look forward to, I don't think either of us could deal with staying in the relationship, no matter how much we cared about eachother.
Although, I will say that the hardest part about being in an LDR is other people telling you it's never going to work.
Also relevant.
The author says it better than I ever could.
Anyway, I'm gonna be making a move on a girl within the next couple of weeks. Stupid holiday on the day of a once a week class. Wish me luck.
But I'm not actually adamantly opposed to them, in principle. I'm just realistic about how they can and can't work.
Two good friends of mine lived apart for most of a year for career reasons, after they'd been together for almost three. Once they reunited, they were perhaps even happier than before, and while they did eventually split up several years later, that was a consequence of further life changes that had nothing to do with the earlier distance. The key, however, was that their relationship was essentially in stasis while they were apart. When they were in the same city, they were dating; when they weren't, they were still a part of each other's lives, but they could see (and yes, sleep with) other people. It was a humane, reasonable, and if not easy then at least exciting and fulfilling way to accommodate the situation.
The other time I've seen it work, two friends who eventually got married dated long-distance for a couple of years... but the "long" distance was a few-hour drive and they could see each other at least every other weekend.
My opposition to exclusive long-distance relationships is grounded at least as much in my opposition to knee-jerk exclusivity as it is in any negative experiences with long-distance. Constantly worrying about whether your partner is faithful while they're thousands of miles away is toxic and awful and I have seen it firsthand make people miserable, jealous wrecks, and I have never seen it work out well.
But thanks for that. It is helpful.
You can't keep thoughts from "entering your mind." They just do. When you start talking about thoughtcrime, you sound like a conservative Christian talking about being "unfaithful in the heart."
You need to read these two books STAT.
Kick Me: Adventures in Adolescence (ISBN 0-609-80943-1, 2002)
Superstud: Or How I Became A 24-Year-Old Virgin (ISBN 1-4000-5175-4, 2005)
I think you'll feel better reading those and realize that well things get better over time and it will work out.
ALSO look up what a Cuddle Bitch is.. YOU ARE THIS.