This conversation actually makes me feel way better about myself, considering Chris is nearly two years younger than me. The thing is, we're at pretty much the same place in life and in a lot of ways, we balance out really well. I do think he and I have different ideas about dating in some ways, but those ideas also tend to balance each other out so... really, the 2 years thing doesn't make any difference, despite the fact that people pick on me about it constantly.
The fact that you are this self-conscious shows that there is nothing wrong with the age gap.
Age differences being creepy is kind of outmoded. If two people are both of age and are comfortable with each other's intelligence and maturity level, it's absolutely no one else's place to judge.
Yeah. I will say that when I see the trophy wife thing, the older rich man with the younger model, it makes me roll my eyes, but they have entered into a contract accordingly and it's their choice. I am of the opinion that as long as it is consensual, two adults can do whatever. There are a few cases when I would say mental illness might come into the picture and should probably be stopped, like the furry who wanted the guy to break into his house and bite off his wang. Severe self harm or harm to partner might indicate that these people might need an intervention by professional therapy.
I guess it says something about him that I didn't even consider he might be way younger than me. The age thing didn't really occur to me until his birthdate came up in a class exercise we were doing. In third year college classes with prequisites, I've just kind of stopped questioning that everyone in them is at least 20. I remembered later, though, that this was the guy who walked unexpectedly into German 300 on the second day of class saying that his instructors had moved him out of both the 100 and 200 level classes for knowing too much German already. If he was going to be taking German 100 originally, it makes sense that he'd be fresh out of high school.
Anyway, we'll see what happens. I still think the gap is a little on the large side, so I'm more inclined to just stay friends with him at this point. If he continues to prove to be on my level intellectually and maturity-wise, though, we shall see. Thanks for all the input, guys. Makes me feel like I can approach this rationally and not feel unnecessarily guilty or encouraged either way.
I actually have a real friend that is stuck in a fairly common situation. One person is just out of college. The other person is in the thick of college. Good idea, yes/no?
I suspect that there is still a significant difference in lifestyles, but I'm not too sure what to tell them.
It's unfair that people can get drunk off of 1-3 beers. I usually drink 3-5 bottles, and it barely makes me buzzed.
Sadly that's where I am, it seems like it takes a 6pack of tallboys to start the night. A couple scotch's will still do the trick though.
My recommendation is to move onto some fancy fancy beer. Idk what is in those tallboys, but I can almost guarantee that if you were drank six of something that didn't come in a 24 oz. can (with a few exceptions) you would feel it in the end.
Yeah there aren't really any tallboys that are going to get you drunk if you drink regularly. Dark beer will get me drunk decently but after one or two dark beers I'm kinda done with hops. That's usually when I move to some whiskey.
Violin Girl is about 3 years younger than me, and it really doesn't bother me too much. She hasn't really commented on how she feels about the age difference, though.
We hung out in my room Monday and one of my friends was there to help curve the intimidation factor of my room. "Intimidating" was the word she used to describe it, but it seemed to be in a joking tone. I think I'm going to add a little bit of stuff back to this here and there in order to get it back to where it was, especially considering the fact that my friend was talking about how you see something new every time you're in there.
We hung out in my room Monday and one of my friends was there to help curve the intimidation factor of my room. "Intimidating" was the word she used to describe it, but it seemed to be in a joking tone. I think I'm going to add a little bit of stuff back to this here and there in order to get it back to where it was, especially considering the fact that my friend was talking about how you see something new every time you're in there.
So.. you DID end up hiding stuff?
Also I realize two years really isn't a big difference, particularly when it comes to my situation, but I feel like people are more weirded out by older girl + younger guy for whatever reason. Most of the time I don't even think about it, though. It's mostly in jest that it even comes up, because people think it's fun to call me a cougar. Though honestly when people meet Chris and I, if they guess our ages, typically they pin him as 22-23 and me as 18-20, so he looks mature for his age and I look young for mine.
A 2 year difference really only matters to teenagers and maybe young twenty somethings. Anybody older than that who is worrying about it is abnormally insecure.
My first wife was 3 years older than me and we got married when I was.... 21? I think people were more weirded out about the fact that we never dated prior to being engaged than they were about our relative ages.
It's more of a "I put the stuff away initially and just never set it back up" kind of thing.
Just don't get in the habit of making small lies and bending truths because you think it will make things mildly more convenient. Lying about stupid little things makes you distrustful and doesn't really benefit you at all, it just makes people think that if you're willing to lie about little things that don't really matter you'll be willing to lie about way bigger, more important things. Seriously. Just man up and be honest.
Speaking of lies, it came to light recently that one of my exes is a pathological liar. While we were dating she claimed that she dislocated her neck, she was a drug dealer, her brother died, her friend committed suicide, and that she was only dating me. After we broke up she told everyone that she had joined the coast guard and shipped off to basic for several months. Turns out none of that was true. She even got engaged to somebody while she was supposedly in basic training, then came back and tried to hook up with one of my friends.
One of my exes told me that she had an inoperable and fatal brain tumor, and went into great detail about the anatomy, location, and size of the thing. That was only the biggest lie. She also claimed to be a schizophrenic (but described symptoms from A Beautiful Mind) and to be descended from Danish royalty or something. Then there were the incidental, daily convenience lies.
One of my apartment-mates is a pathological liar on a much, much smaller scale. He doesn't lie about anything fucked up, but lying is his default response to a lot of things, even small otherwise insignificant ones.
ahhh a 2 year difference is never an issue. In fact almost every relationship I've been in and/or people around me are in involves around 2 year difference in age. Hell, I'm 2 years older then the median age of the FRC.
One of my apartment-mates is a pathological liar on a much, much smaller scale. He doesn't lie about anything fucked up, but lying is his default response to a lot of things, even small otherwise insignificant ones.
One way to deal with someone like that is to call them out on every single lie as it happens. ;^)
So just call him out on the ones you do know about. Obviously there are some or you wouldn't even know he was a liar.
We did this with the girl my daughter's age who moved in across the street a few years back from Poland. She was a compulsive liar, and since she was young, it was easy to detect. We called her out on EVERYTHING. She lies far, far less now (or got much better at it, one or the other.)
Grizzly Bear Girl and I are doing lunch on Monday. Her suggestion, not mine; I was talking to her and she proposed doing things next week. I haven't even texted her about plans for this week, so I was kind of taken by surprise.
Grizzly Bear Girl and I are doing lunch on Monday. Her suggestion, not mine; I was talking to her and she proposed doing things next week. I haven't even texted her about plans for this week, so I was kind of taken by surprise.
Feeling pretty super good about this.
Good deal. Early dating goes best when you relax and let it happen, intermediate dating is all about presentation and consideration, and late dating is all about comfort, compatibility, and maintaining mutual respect.
Calling people out on their shit when they lie never seems to work out for me. Some people don't want to accept their own faults or change. Eventually I just gave up trusting people who I know consistently lie about dumb shit and have determined that if they do nothing but lie to me for stupid reasons, they aren't really worth putting in a ton of work for anyway. It kills valuable friendships, but also takes a lot of stress out of my life, so I guess it's worth it.
The challenge in calling people out on their shit is that you need to have enough self confidence not to be reflexively shamed or cowed when they rage back at you over it, or follow up with further lies that you further have to challenge. It requires a moderate amount of guts and the willingness to be a mutual source of conflict with a friend or acquaintance, which is not the easiest thing.
Comments
I am of the opinion that as long as it is consensual, two adults can do whatever. There are a few cases when I would say mental illness might come into the picture and should probably be stopped, like the furry who wanted the guy to break into his house and bite off his wang. Severe self harm or harm to partner might indicate that these people might need an intervention by professional therapy.
Anyway, we'll see what happens. I still think the gap is a little on the large side, so I'm more inclined to just stay friends with him at this point. If he continues to prove to be on my level intellectually and maturity-wise, though, we shall see. Thanks for all the input, guys. Makes me feel like I can approach this rationally and not feel unnecessarily guilty or encouraged either way.
I suspect that there is still a significant difference in lifestyles, but I'm not too sure what to tell them.
We hung out in my room Monday and one of my friends was there to help curve the intimidation factor of my room. "Intimidating" was the word she used to describe it, but it seemed to be in a joking tone. I think I'm going to add a little bit of stuff back to this here and there in order to get it back to where it was, especially considering the fact that my friend was talking about how you see something new every time you're in there.
Also I realize two years really isn't a big difference, particularly when it comes to my situation, but I feel like people are more weirded out by older girl + younger guy for whatever reason. Most of the time I don't even think about it, though. It's mostly in jest that it even comes up, because people think it's fun to call me a cougar. Though honestly when people meet Chris and I, if they guess our ages, typically they pin him as 22-23 and me as 18-20, so he looks mature for his age and I look young for mine.
My first wife was 3 years older than me and we got married when I was.... 21? I think people were more weirded out about the fact that we never dated prior to being engaged than they were about our relative ages.
Seriously. Just man up and be honest.
Needless to say, I'm getting my shit tested soon.
Some people are just screwed up.
We did this with the girl my daughter's age who moved in across the street a few years back from Poland. She was a compulsive liar, and since she was young, it was easy to detect. We called her out on EVERYTHING. She lies far, far less now (or got much better at it, one or the other.)
Feeling pretty super good about this.