Because Chris keeps himself so busy with school and work that we pretty much only see each other late at night if at all, we tend to try to have "date night" roughly once a week, which is basically him (well, both of us, but I almost always have time right now) setting aside an evening to do something as a couple. The fact that he's so busy and goes out of his way to make time for me really says a lot about how much he values me, so I don't think I'd change the fact that he's busy/invested. Aside from the fact that his incredible ambition and dedication is extremely attractive.
But despite my protests that I want him to have time for his work, he's taking me to the Theater Department Winter Formal. I've never been and it's my last chance, I'm pretty sure he knows it's sort of important to me.
Over the past few week I've kept thinking that, the longer I've distanced myself from my previous relationship, the less I feel like I could ever become friends with her again. Just now she messaged me saying that she doesn't feel like she could be friends with me either and was going to sever our Facebook ties. So I guess that works out or something. Except for the fact that she's still "friends" with 9 or so of my close friends :P
Over the past few week I've kept thinking that, the longer I've distanced myself from my previous relationship, the less I feel like I could ever become friends with her again. Just now she messaged me saying that she doesn't feel like she could be friends with me either and was going to sever our Facebook ties. So I guess that works out or something. Except for the fact that she's still "friends" with 9 or so of my close friends :P
I'm really only friends with one girl from my previous relationships, somehow it just worked despite the same circumstances cropping up with other relationships. It's kinda difficult to carry things on Seinfeld style and since there was once something there it's hard to forget that experience.
Also, the characters in Seinfeld are terrible examples, save for Jerry and Elaine. One of the reasons I like Parks and Recreation so much is because it's the one show on television where characters are actually mature and can deal with interacting with people they were previously in a relationship with.
Not saying that all relationships are salvageable, but I do think there is a very dumb and common thought that it is impossible to stay or become friends with one's ex. Also that you should hate them.
It's circumstantial, but it should never be ruled out.
Also I was just using the Jerry/Elaine being friends reference because I use a Seinfeld reference whenever I can.
Also for the record P&R faltered with stupid relationship drama the same way the U.S. Office did, personally I think to a lesser degree but they still made the same mistake. You could argue that it makes you connect with the characters more but it doesn't make me like them any more than I did before.
Then again I'm more into characters being egomaniacal like Seinfeld and Always Sunny.
Every now and then Jeremy and I go out for special occasions. One instance will be this Saturday.
We'll be watching the Hobbit in IMAX 3D. After we'll be using our Pacific Science Center Memberships to just mess around all day looking at science exhibits. Perhaps even check out the King Tut exhibit. Then we're going to dinner at a Moroccan restaurant using a Groupon I've had for a while.
Chris broke up with me today, after borrowing my car to "work on his stuff for finals", not mentioning the fact that he went to dinner with his ex. He then proceeded to ignore me for five consecutive days, until I finally got sick of it and told him that I was tired of being ignored and we needed to handle whatever it was.
So he called me over to HIS apartment to tell me quite simply that he did not, and could not, love me. He more or less told me he'd felt that way for awhile, and had just not dealt with it because "he was too busy to deal with it". He openly admitted that I had done literally everything right, that I'd been amazingly good to him, and yet I wasn't what he wanted or expected when he met me. That he got together with me because, quote "I don't know, you liked me and we had similar interests and I wanted to see where it went?"
I feel very taken advantage of. And not even because he kinda pushed me for sexual things and I was totally inexperienced before him; that part doesn't really even bug me. The fact that he tried to pin that on me pissed me off, but I feel taken advantage of because I was so ridiculously good to him. I would stay up late until he was done working to give him rides home, I would bring him food while he was working, I would bend over backwards to do whatever I could to help... and he let it go on, saying that now he was "trying to do the right thing and break it off before it got too far along".
*hug* It's just the proof that you can and will be an excellent partner to someone. Unfortunately, sometimes you just give these benefits to someone who isn't worthy of them.
Shiiiit. Well, it's just like everyone has said, it wasn't your fault and it was all bad luck. He should have dealt with things the second he knew it wasn't going to work for him instead of wasting your time and energy and leading you on. Seems like you dodged a bullet more than anything, you definitely don't want to be in a relationship with someone like that.
Remaining friends with an ex is easy when you are single. The drama tends to come into play when you date someone new and they have a problem with you being in contact with a former lover.
That sucks. But don't worry: you are both super-awesome and very pretty, so I doubt you'll have much of a hard time finding another person who makes you happy.
Katie, good for you for standing up for yourself. I'm glad you told him you were tired of being ignored and insisted on the conversation. It sounds like he was just avoiding confrontation, which is way unfair to you. You are an adult and deserve to have all the information so you can make your own decisions. Lots of people have trouble understanding that and coming to grips with the conversation they need to have.
I'm sorry Chris turned out not to be a great relationship in the end, but at least you seem to be moving in a good direction. Every boyfriend is a learning experience, and most of them are worth having.
I don't know, it doesn't sound like he was that bad to you. You were a thing for a while, it didn't work out. Yes, he could have manned up a bit better and told you more upfront when he really decided it wasn't working out.
I don't know, it doesn't sound like he was that bad to you. You were a thing for a while, it didn't work out. Yes, he could have manned up a bit better and told you more upfront when he really decided it wasn't working out.
This. A lot of people don't seem to get that it's OK for relationships not to work out. That's natural. The most important thing is to keep talking to each other so you can make changes when it's not working, even if that means ending the relationship.
While I agree with you that a lot of our relationship was okay or even really good, a lot of it definitely wasn't. The way he would secretly spend time alone with his ex, although I told him it was okay to be friends with her, and he'd always come back from hanging out with her very upset and disinterested in everything... made it look like he'd been cheating on me. He was really shady about it when he didn't have to be. I also never actually met her, and he made a noticeable effort to keep it that way. His friends confirm that his usual way is to fall back in with his ex, and with how well things had originally been going with me, they had hoped he would shape up, sense I made him happy and she never really did.
The other thing that was constantly problematic, and was pushing me away and making me consider breaking up with him earlier on, was how ridiculously dissatisfied he was with literally everything I ever did for him. I made him a vest that he bitched about not being what he expected; he said it wasn't my best work and didn't fit correctly (before I was able to fit it on him, mind you. Fittings are kinda required to make things fit perfectly. Even if I'd had all the measurements I could possibly take, this wouldn't change). He never wore it and recently gave it back for me to "fix" it. I'm not really inclined to return it. He also disliked my cooking and would complain about what I chose to make, and also no matter what, no matter who else told me it was amazing and delicious, he never liked it. I would go out of my way to make him dinner when he was busy, and sure, he was glad for the food and thankful enough, but he would insult my cooking and say that I would "just have to get better". He was incredibly picky but also stupidly indecisive, so he would refuse to tell me what he wanted but he would be dissatisfied if I chose. It was grinding on my nerves, and was adding to my desire to break things off myself.
Not to mention he was pushy sexually and would often ask for things while being consciously aware of me being uncomfortable and inexperienced. I did a good job standing my ground on those issues and I don't really regret things, but his manner about it was still pretty douchey.
The fact that he "didn't want to deal with it because he was so busy" compounded on how he "knew for awhile and just didn't want to deal with it" and yet found time to ask me over and watch movies and act as a couple sexually... yeah dude, you had time to deal with it, you just didn't bother because I was being irreplaceablely good to you.
So TL;DR: No, it wasn't all bad, and I'm not really upset about being broken up with, per se. I'm upset in the manner in which he went about it, his selfish douchey attitude, his probable cheating, and his desire to try to pin a lot of it on me while simultaneously saying I did literally nothing wrong.
I can agree that being told you're being dumped when "it isn't your fault" while your partner/ex-partner is clearly simultaneously upset with you and things you have done is incredibly frustrating.
He sounds kind of shitty really. As others have said, learn from it and move on. The dude was a D to the highest degree, I mean who complains when food is made for them? or clothes are made for them? Thats just shit. Better off with out him sister.
Whoa whoa! A cute girl went to a Wavves show with me last week. She and our mutual best friend are coming to my grandparents' home for Christmas Eve since their families suck and mine is awesome. We're going to exchange gifts, drink Lagavulin 16, and sing Irish Christmas songs.
She just tweeted, "Green eyes I'd run away with you" (pretty significant Wavves quote, given my eye color and the show we went to) and then "I want ya so bad I can't breathe."
This Christmas Eve might be the Fairytale of Chicago. ~_~
Comments
But despite my protests that I want him to have time for his work, he's taking me to the Theater Department Winter Formal. I've never been and it's my last chance, I'm pretty sure he knows it's sort of important to me.
Also, the characters in Seinfeld are terrible examples, save for Jerry and Elaine. One of the reasons I like Parks and Recreation so much is because it's the one show on television where characters are actually mature and can deal with interacting with people they were previously in a relationship with.
Not saying that all relationships are salvageable, but I do think there is a very dumb and common thought that it is impossible to stay or become friends with one's ex. Also that you should hate them.
Also I was just using the Jerry/Elaine being friends reference because I use a Seinfeld reference whenever I can.
Also for the record P&R faltered with stupid relationship drama the same way the U.S. Office did, personally I think to a lesser degree but they still made the same mistake. You could argue that it makes you connect with the characters more but it doesn't make me like them any more than I did before.
Then again I'm more into characters being egomaniacal like Seinfeld and Always Sunny.
We'll be watching the Hobbit in IMAX 3D. After we'll be using our Pacific Science Center Memberships to just mess around all day looking at science exhibits. Perhaps even check out the King Tut exhibit. Then we're going to dinner at a Moroccan restaurant using a Groupon I've had for a while.
So he called me over to HIS apartment to tell me quite simply that he did not, and could not, love me. He more or less told me he'd felt that way for awhile, and had just not dealt with it because "he was too busy to deal with it". He openly admitted that I had done literally everything right, that I'd been amazingly good to him, and yet I wasn't what he wanted or expected when he met me. That he got together with me because, quote "I don't know, you liked me and we had similar interests and I wanted to see where it went?"
I feel very taken advantage of. And not even because he kinda pushed me for sexual things and I was totally inexperienced before him; that part doesn't really even bug me. The fact that he tried to pin that on me pissed me off, but I feel taken advantage of because I was so ridiculously good to him. I would stay up late until he was done working to give him rides home, I would bring him food while he was working, I would bend over backwards to do whatever I could to help... and he let it go on, saying that now he was "trying to do the right thing and break it off before it got too far along".
Too late for that, asshole.
Ah well. At least I'm good at being single....
You do, however, win this one. You really did do everything right. Don't look at it as a failed relationship, more like fail of a boyfriend.
It's just the proof that you can and will be an excellent partner to someone. Unfortunately, sometimes you just give these benefits to someone who isn't worthy of them.
I'm sorry Chris turned out not to be a great relationship in the end, but at least you seem to be moving in a good direction. Every boyfriend is a learning experience, and most of them are worth having.
Aren't you near NYC or some big city?
1) Make many good friends.
2) Hug/cuddle with all of them.
3) Have sex with some of them.
That's what I'm doing until I'm 30. Being single is fun.
The other thing that was constantly problematic, and was pushing me away and making me consider breaking up with him earlier on, was how ridiculously dissatisfied he was with literally everything I ever did for him. I made him a vest that he bitched about not being what he expected; he said it wasn't my best work and didn't fit correctly (before I was able to fit it on him, mind you. Fittings are kinda required to make things fit perfectly. Even if I'd had all the measurements I could possibly take, this wouldn't change). He never wore it and recently gave it back for me to "fix" it. I'm not really inclined to return it.
He also disliked my cooking and would complain about what I chose to make, and also no matter what, no matter who else told me it was amazing and delicious, he never liked it. I would go out of my way to make him dinner when he was busy, and sure, he was glad for the food and thankful enough, but he would insult my cooking and say that I would "just have to get better".
He was incredibly picky but also stupidly indecisive, so he would refuse to tell me what he wanted but he would be dissatisfied if I chose. It was grinding on my nerves, and was adding to my desire to break things off myself.
Not to mention he was pushy sexually and would often ask for things while being consciously aware of me being uncomfortable and inexperienced. I did a good job standing my ground on those issues and I don't really regret things, but his manner about it was still pretty douchey.
The fact that he "didn't want to deal with it because he was so busy" compounded on how he "knew for awhile and just didn't want to deal with it" and yet found time to ask me over and watch movies and act as a couple sexually... yeah dude, you had time to deal with it, you just didn't bother because I was being irreplaceablely good to you.
So TL;DR: No, it wasn't all bad, and I'm not really upset about being broken up with, per se. I'm upset in the manner in which he went about it, his selfish douchey attitude, his probable cheating, and his desire to try to pin a lot of it on me while simultaneously saying I did literally nothing wrong.
Edit; I make good english.
Also, my comment was based on the fact that up until just now my only info on this relationship was "everything is super duper awesome
She just tweeted, "Green eyes I'd run away with you" (pretty significant Wavves quote, given my eye color and the show we went to) and then "I want ya so bad I can't breathe."
This Christmas Eve might be the Fairytale of Chicago. ~_~