Can't you guys just cut me a break?! I'm still new to this whole love thing, so I've never been through something like this before. How am I supposed to know how to recognize this stuff?! I can't look it up because everybody's feelings and personalities are different and all explanations vary, so the only way is to experience it and I'm just starting out.
Days from now you'll want to be done with this thing and finally decide to put it out of your head. Two months from now you'll look back on this experience and understand the little quirks, the maneuvers, and what you need to do next time. Four to six months from now you'll encounter someone you'll like, and decide this is the time to try again. Some time after that, everything will make perfect sense.
Can't you guys just cut me a break?! I'm still new to this whole love thing, so I've never been through something like this before. How am I supposed to know how to recognize this stuff?! I can't look it up because everybody's feelings and personalities are different and all explanations vary, so the only way is to experience it and I'm just starting out.
No, we can't cut you a break, because we've been there at some point, and we know what you need to do to get over it.
It sounds harsh, but honestly, get over her. Don't dwell on it, or it'll just crush you more. Move on. Doing that is an important step in developing your emotional maturity.
In the future, don't hesitate. If you think you like a girl, ask her out. Don't pine after her, don't expect her to realize how "wonderful" you are and feel exactly the same way that you do. It doesn't happen like that. If you want something, you have to get it. Put forth some effort. If you spend a whole bunch of time planning things out expecting the other person to wait, you're going to be sorely, sorely disappointed. People don't sit around in little glass jars waiting for you to do something.
I'm really sorry if that sounds very harsh, and I'm sure it will given that you're very broken up over this right now, but believe me, you need to hear it. Go ahead and get emotional and do all the crying you need to do, then come back to this thread, read it with a level head, and listen to what we're telling you. We've been there. We've got an idea of what you're going through. No, we don't know exactly, but people aren't really all that much different from each other. We each share similar experiences, and are aware of many of the same potential solutions. Trust us on this one.
Can't you guys just cut me a break?! I'm still new to this whole love thing, so I've never been through something like this before.
I have bad news - you have much worse to come - but, this too, shall pass. It'll hurt, and it'll suck for a while, but you'll get over it. Trust us, for we are wise, except for me, who has a lucky moment here and there. Sorry if I'm not very good at the whole comforting thing.
Human beings are really complicated. If girls seem more complicated than most, it's because they choose to be that way.
Some guys they can just be a sympathetic friend to the girl they have a crush on, and hope that one day after she has been hurt by too many jerks, that she will realize she's crazy in love with you. If you decide to be that guy, you might be waiting a really long time.
see that XKCD. Seriously, don't do the "just friends" with a rebounding girl expecting to get more out of it. It happens sometimes, but as a strategy for romance, I find that many times the girl just wants a friend and she will treat you exactly the same as she would her female pals. I'm not saying you can't find your female friends attractive, but if you get pissy with them because after a few months they don't jump into your arms, you need to reevaluate you definition of friendship. However, befriend many girls and sometimes friendship will develop into love.
No, we can't cut you a break, because we've been there at some point, and we know what you need to do to get over it.
Basically, yes. It isn't "fail of your life." No one is dead. Nothing is on fire. Go do something cathartic, be strong, and let go.
A while from now you're going to laugh at your mountain you made from a molehill. Consider this a experience to learn from. What everyone said it on the nose so far. We all have our own stories similar to this. Let out your emotions and go have a fun. Besides, it's a HIGH SCHOOL relationship and you're about to graduate and do the college thing. Better pickings are ahead, Yupa!
Remember, even if you do get a steady girlfriend now, you will be graduating soon and that puts a shelf-life on most high school relationships.
Fun fact: one of my friends has been dating a guy for three months and she says they've talked about it and that they plan to "stay together through college." I don't think I've ever had to work as hard to repress the "yeah, right" sentiment as I did at that very moment.
Go do something cathartic, be strong, and let go.
Suggestions:
1) Are fireworks legal in your area? If so, light up the sky! Hell, they aren't legal here and I *still* feel happier about life when my hands smell like flash powder and there are sparks everywhere. Be safe, though. 2) Pick something you're especially good at (something like Brawl or Halo is good for this). Get a bunch of male friends together and ruminate on how much a bitch life is. You get a confidence boost from kicking ass and from their brotherly agreement and sympathy. You will owe them, though. 3) Make a mixtape to accentuate your sadness. Listen to it, cry, wake up the next morning and feel refreshed! 4) Have a car with a manual transmission? Get all Initial D with that shit. I can personally attest to the fun to be had here. Again, be safe. Obey speed limits, unless of course you can find a backwater country road where neither pedestrians or police are to be found.
Also, I've found that it helps to mentally tally the amount of adult couples you know who met in high school and lasted. I, for one, know none.
Remember, even if you do get a steady girlfriend now, you will be graduating soon and that puts a shelf-life on most high school relationships.
Fun fact: one of my friends has been dating a guy for three months and she says they've talked about it and that they plan to "stay together through college." I don't think I've ever had to work as hard to repress the "yeah, right" sentiment as I did at that very moment.
My sister-in-law started dating her current boyfriend in high school. They've been together for about ten years now. However, they did break up for about a year during college. They seem great together, but they are the exception that proves the rule.
Remember, even if you do get a steady girlfriend now, you will be graduating soon and that puts a shelf-life on most high school relationships.
My sister-in-law started dating her current boyfriend in high school. They've been together for about ten years now. However, they did break up for about a year during college. They seem great together, but they are the exception that proves the rule.
I definitely acknowledge that it's possible, the chances are just slim. Especially in the case of my friend, whose significant other is fucked up from all the drugs he used to take (read: likely permanent brain damage in one area or another. Heroin doesn't mix well with gas vapors, I suppose).
@trogdor- I remember that, that was pretty sweet. I think there wasn't a walk sign because it was a breakable model. Had we triggered the event earlier you would've been able to get over to us. That was pretty hilarious, though. ^_^
You aren't helping. As his seniors in life we may be giving out the tough love around here, but we aren't making fun of him. High School is rough.
QFT. @Lordyupa: I can't speak for everyone, but I really am not mocking your pain. I just want to help. Simply recognize that this is all new to you and overwhelming. When the world seems like it is spiraling away, just try and put your pain and your life as a whole into perspective. Feel your pain, but don't wallow in it unnecessarily. When you start to get that tight feeling in your chest just remember to breathe and that tomorrow is a new day with new joys and tribulations. Try helping someone out that is having as bad or worse a time than you have. You can help yourself by helping them.
No it's not. Unless you only mean American high school, at which point I cannot comment.
Not the actual school. The state of being a teenager. Teenage love sickness pretty much a global phenomenon. Don't try to pretend that teenagers in the Netherlands don't also get all dramatic and hormonal from time to time.
No it's not. Unless you only mean American high school, at which point I cannot comment.
What? You mean that only in America are some students harassed to the point of suicide/violent outbursts? Is it only in America that kids get overly emotionally worked up because their hormones are insane and they live in such a small and scrutinized environment that everything in their life seems magnified and over-the-top? Only in America teens have to deal with idiot peers, restrictions that seem (and sometimes are) oppressive, and new experiences that overwhelm them because they have limited life experience? I am not saying that the melodrama of high school is as terrible as it feels, but it can feel pretty bad. Look it isn't a prison camp, but high school can be unpleasant and occasionally traumatic.
I attended a very small high school (64 people in my graduating class). I was one of the few "weirdos". I always had excellent scores in school and was active in clubs and sports, but I had three friends in school (and two of them weren't close friends, they were just default social partners because they were fellow oddballs). I was also the first openly bisexual kid in school. Because I was different, from grades 7-10 I was pushed down staircases and into walls. I had at least one injury in every hallway of my school. People threw books, supplies, food, etc. at me on a daily basis. My best friend, a closeted but obvious gay boy, was assaulted on more than one occasion and I had to come to his defense. Beyond the physical violence, there was also constant verbal abuse. If I didn't have friends from other schools and an incredible family, I can tell you with 100% surety that I would have killed myself, like two of my fellow class mates did. Was high school always hell? No, after two successful suicides in the grade and three attempted suicides people started acting like people. It did get better and I do have some great memories from my last year. 11th grade was actually quite pleasant.
EDIT: It also helped when I finally bonded with my wresting teammates. ^_~
I'm over it right now, I'll still like her a lot as we are good friends as I mentioned in the Prom thread. I can accept it can be nothing further than a good friendship, but hey...anything can happen but I won't think on it too much.
Hmm, interesting article. It didn't mention the people that are NOT smart and try ever so hard to be popular, yet fail miserably. (People like Meg Griffin...)
It also didn't mention possible immunity by being in band. Everyone knows band kids are total nerds/geeks/whatever, yet at my school we didn't seem to get picked on so much. Maybe its different for other schools. I dunno, are band geeks classified as rebels? I had the highest average in high school all 4 years, rarely wore name brand clothes, was very hyper and talkative about all of the nerdy things I liked. Yet people only picked on me behind my back, they were never really mean to me to my face. I always wondered why. Maybe they were afraid of my band nerd friends attacking them with instruments.
Right now, I smell like rotting lettuce. We had 54 enriched samples spill their contents during decontamination in the autoclave. There was lettuce all over the inside of the sterilization chamber. I had to climb in and clean it out.
Been thinking a lot about a problem my girlfriend's been having, so I figured I'd toss it out in this thread and see if anyone has advice/has experienced something similar:
She has a childhood friend who has been going down a horrible slump throughout high school. The girl suffers from bipolar disorder, is usually medicated (but tends to smoke weed and drink), and has a criminal record. Despite these problems, the girl is incredibly loyal (if a little abrasive) and has never done something destructive to a close friend (other than be needy and an annoyance). In my opinion, all of her problems stem from a lack of willpower and crazy-irrational parents. I'm not trying to show the girl as sympathetic, but I do believe I should explain why this is a more difficult problem than it appears.
While most people in their group of friends went off to college, the friend stayed home, tried doing some county classes, tried keeping a job, but eventually fell into a self-destructive depression, falling into habits that her friends who are now in college tried to keep her out of. Her parents have been no help, since their main form of punishment is taking away her car. If the girl has no car, she can't get to her job and school, and has suffered seriously as a result.
My girlfriend knew all that all of this was happening, but was 6 hours away and unable to help, outside of advice (which typically wasn't taken). While others jumped the ship, my girlfriend kept trying to help, until she got into the predicament she is in now: she is one of the only stable people in her friend's life, hearing (and trying to solve) all of her insane problems which the friend brings upon herself. The most recent shenanigan: the girl is seeing a guy she met at a mental ward in the hospital. He was addicted to meth at the time, but now does heroin instead.
I and plenty of other people just think such a self-destructive person doesn't deserve the kind of attention my girlfriend (who never even drank when I met her) gives her, but the girl would either harass my girlfriend (as she has done to someone else who neglected her), or lash out in a more extreme fashion (I do think suicide is a possibility, and I know the guilt would absolutely crush my girlfriend). For now, her stance seems to be reluctantly help whenever possible, knowing full well it will just get worse once she goes back to college.
Well, that was a relief to vent out. Advice would be appreciated.
@Socha - Woof. Sounds like a doozy of a problem. There are many times that people who care about a self destructive person, such as their non-immediate family or friends, end up taking on more than they bargained for when they assume this sort of emotional responsibility for the person's well being. I've seen this happen with alcoholism, just to use one example. However, trying to shoulder this burden on your own will almost never result in good things. Don't try to "save" the person, but don't just abandon them either. Try to use your influence and the fact that they trust you to guide them toward professional help. You can still be there for them, but instead of counseling the friend herself, say, she should talk her into finding a good psychiatrist. (Or if the friend is already in counseling, a therapist that she really clicks with. If she is currently in therapy, obviously something is not working.) You will just end up being a martyr for someone else's emotional problems otherwise.
fail of my day: (not so big) My baguette from Hale and Hearty had dish soap or some other cleaning chemical on it. I now have a nasty industrial palmolive taste in my mouth. I spit the first soapy mouthful out, and then took the bread back, but all they did was give me a new one.
Going on what you said, your girlfriend is making herself a martyr for a bad friend. She can't help her friend; her friend needs to help herself. The destructive girl is obviously not loyal if she lashes out at those that reach their limit with her selfish and destructive behavior. If your girlfriend is only giving support out of fear of retribution or for fear that her friend will commit suicide, then your girlfriend is being self-destructive by maintaining such an unhealthy relationship. If your girlfriend keeps giving and giving without any return, then she is allowing herself to be victimized by a destructive person. What does your girlfriend get out of this relationship? If she just keeps being supportive of the girl in her current circumstances, then she is validating/enabling her friend's choices. If she genuinely wants to help her friend build a stable life, I would recommend that she stage an intervention for her friend. If the friend doesn't get help after that, then your girlfriend needs to walk away before she is hurt even more by this tainted relationship. NO RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE A ONE WAY STREET.
Not the actual school. The state of being a teenager. Teenage love sickness pretty much a global phenomenon. Don't try to pretend that teenagers in the Netherlands don't also get all dramatic and hormonal from time to time.
Never seen it happen. High school was pretty awesome, if we ignore a few select teachers. On hindsight the first year was slightly below average in terms of awesome, after that first year, everyone in the class pretty much knew each other and we were like "Hey, we're awesome" and we continued to be awesome for the next 5 years. So no, high school is not rough (again, unless you only mean American high school of course, at which point I cannot comment), it's merely what you make of it yourself.
OH MY GOD! The shadow of that tree branch looks like Michael Jackson! HE GONNA RAPE ME! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Comments
It sounds harsh, but honestly, get over her. Don't dwell on it, or it'll just crush you more. Move on. Doing that is an important step in developing your emotional maturity.
In the future, don't hesitate. If you think you like a girl, ask her out. Don't pine after her, don't expect her to realize how "wonderful" you are and feel exactly the same way that you do. It doesn't happen like that. If you want something, you have to get it. Put forth some effort. If you spend a whole bunch of time planning things out expecting the other person to wait, you're going to be sorely, sorely disappointed. People don't sit around in little glass jars waiting for you to do something.
I'm really sorry if that sounds very harsh, and I'm sure it will given that you're very broken up over this right now, but believe me, you need to hear it. Go ahead and get emotional and do all the crying you need to do, then come back to this thread, read it with a level head, and listen to what we're telling you. We've been there. We've got an idea of what you're going through. No, we don't know exactly, but people aren't really all that much different from each other. We each share similar experiences, and are aware of many of the same potential solutions. Trust us on this one.
1) Are fireworks legal in your area? If so, light up the sky! Hell, they aren't legal here and I *still* feel happier about life when my hands smell like flash powder and there are sparks everywhere. Be safe, though.
2) Pick something you're especially good at (something like Brawl or Halo is good for this). Get a bunch of male friends together and ruminate on how much a bitch life is. You get a confidence boost from kicking ass and from their brotherly agreement and sympathy. You will owe them, though.
3) Make a mixtape to accentuate your sadness. Listen to it, cry, wake up the next morning and feel refreshed!
4) Have a car with a manual transmission? Get all Initial D with that shit. I can personally attest to the fun to be had here. Again, be safe. Obey speed limits, unless of course you can find a backwater country road where neither pedestrians or police are to be found.
Also, I've found that it helps to mentally tally the amount of adult couples you know who met in high school and lasted. I, for one, know none.
@Lordyupa: I can't speak for everyone, but I really am not mocking your pain. I just want to help. Simply recognize that this is all new to you and overwhelming. When the world seems like it is spiraling away, just try and put your pain and your life as a whole into perspective. Feel your pain, but don't wallow in it unnecessarily. When you start to get that tight feeling in your chest just remember to breathe and that tomorrow is a new day with new joys and tribulations. Try helping someone out that is having as bad or worse a time than you have. You can help yourself by helping them.
Look it isn't a prison camp, but high school can be unpleasant and occasionally traumatic.
I attended a very small high school (64 people in my graduating class). I was one of the few "weirdos". I always had excellent scores in school and was active in clubs and sports, but I had three friends in school (and two of them weren't close friends, they were just default social partners because they were fellow oddballs). I was also the first openly bisexual kid in school. Because I was different, from grades 7-10 I was pushed down staircases and into walls. I had at least one injury in every hallway of my school. People threw books, supplies, food, etc. at me on a daily basis. My best friend, a closeted but obvious gay boy, was assaulted on more than one occasion and I had to come to his defense. Beyond the physical violence, there was also constant verbal abuse. If I didn't have friends from other schools and an incredible family, I can tell you with 100% surety that I would have killed myself, like two of my fellow class mates did.
Was high school always hell? No, after two successful suicides in the grade and three attempted suicides people started acting like people. It did get better and I do have some great memories from my last year. 11th grade was actually quite pleasant.
EDIT: It also helped when I finally bonded with my wresting teammates. ^_~
Link.
@Lordyupa: Yay! Go do something fun!
It also didn't mention possible immunity by being in band. Everyone knows band kids are total nerds/geeks/whatever, yet at my school we didn't seem to get picked on so much. Maybe its different for other schools. I dunno, are band geeks classified as rebels? I had the highest average in high school all 4 years, rarely wore name brand clothes, was very hyper and talkative about all of the nerdy things I liked. Yet people only picked on me behind my back, they were never really mean to me to my face. I always wondered why. Maybe they were afraid of my band nerd friends attacking them with instruments.
I may need to burn these pants.
She has a childhood friend who has been going down a horrible slump throughout high school. The girl suffers from bipolar disorder, is usually medicated (but tends to smoke weed and drink), and has a criminal record. Despite these problems, the girl is incredibly loyal (if a little abrasive) and has never done something destructive to a close friend (other than be needy and an annoyance). In my opinion, all of her problems stem from a lack of willpower and crazy-irrational parents. I'm not trying to show the girl as sympathetic, but I do believe I should explain why this is a more difficult problem than it appears.
While most people in their group of friends went off to college, the friend stayed home, tried doing some county classes, tried keeping a job, but eventually fell into a self-destructive depression, falling into habits that her friends who are now in college tried to keep her out of. Her parents have been no help, since their main form of punishment is taking away her car. If the girl has no car, she can't get to her job and school, and has suffered seriously as a result.
My girlfriend knew all that all of this was happening, but was 6 hours away and unable to help, outside of advice (which typically wasn't taken). While others jumped the ship, my girlfriend kept trying to help, until she got into the predicament she is in now: she is one of the only stable people in her friend's life, hearing (and trying to solve) all of her insane problems which the friend brings upon herself. The most recent shenanigan: the girl is seeing a guy she met at a mental ward in the hospital. He was addicted to meth at the time, but now does heroin instead.
I and plenty of other people just think such a self-destructive person doesn't deserve the kind of attention my girlfriend (who never even drank when I met her) gives her, but the girl would either harass my girlfriend (as she has done to someone else who neglected her), or lash out in a more extreme fashion (I do think suicide is a possibility, and I know the guilt would absolutely crush my girlfriend). For now, her stance seems to be reluctantly help whenever possible, knowing full well it will just get worse once she goes back to college.
Well, that was a relief to vent out. Advice would be appreciated.
fail of my day: (not so big) My baguette from Hale and Hearty had dish soap or some other cleaning chemical on it. I now have a nasty industrial palmolive taste in my mouth. I spit the first soapy mouthful out, and then took the bread back, but all they did was give me a new one.
OH MY GOD! The shadow of that tree branch looks like Michael Jackson! HE GONNA RAPE ME! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!