A few notes about the "Friend Zone" It can get frustrating from time to time; but good friends ,regardless of gender, are a boon. Instead of thinking it's an inescapable cage, cuz it's not, try to consider the positive aspects:
-Knowing where you stand even if it's not where you want to be is a good thing. You know she likes you enough to be friends, and you can stop worrying about trying to impress her. This lets you be more relaxed around women in general. That's good thing.
-You're now free to express yourself without worrying about screwing things up. Use this to like a training area. Take her out on practice dates (go Dutch), compliment her (don't be creepy), talk to her about your dating frustrations and accept constructive criticism. This will lead to being more confident the next time you peruse a girl. (WARNING! Don't go too far and don't convince yourself this is something that it's not. That's tricky.)
-This isn't just about her. This is about you too. Friendship works both ways. She may complain about guys, but you should be free to complain about girls. It's OK to be her emotional support but don't be her punching bag. Tell her if she crosses your boundaries.
-You are still free to purse your own romantic endeavors. She shouldn't be jealous of time you spend with other girls, and you shouldn't hate on every guy she hangs out with. Again. Don't HATE every other guys she knows. You're being an overprotective control freak asshole, and you'll ruin the friendship.
Exactly. Use your female platonic friends to practice girl-dating on. If you hang around with girls, you will not see them as this mysterious, unnerving thing, but as normal people. It will up your charisma and make you into a person who is easy for girls to hang around with.
Then there's the one thing that no one seems to mention -- the one thing that works better than everything else when it comes to attracting your preferred sex: Be attractive. It doesn't matter how charming or smart or funny you are if potential dates just aren't physically attracted to you. Obviously we've all got to work with what we were given, but there are things you can do. Shower. Shave. Get a haircut. If you dress shitty, dress better. If you're overweight, lose some weight. If you're scrawny, eat some sandwiches and and lift some weights. It's not rocket science.
Then there's the one thing that no one seems to mention -- the one thing that works better than everything else when it comes to attracting your preferred sex: Be attractive. It doesn't matter how charming or smart or funny you are if potential dates just aren't physically attracted to you. Obviously we've all got to work with what we were given, but there are things you can do. Shower. Shave. Get a haircut. If you dress shitty, dress better. If you're overweight, lose some weight. If you're scrawny, eat some sandwiches and and lift some weights. It's not rocket science.
No doubt. Brush your teeth. Brush your teeth. Brush your goddamn teeth.
Wear deodorant, nigga. Wear deodorant, nigga.
Also remember, maybe they're just not into you. Just because you're attracted to them, doesn't mean they have to be attracted to you.
I find that for most people, dress and grooming is about 75% of the issue. Learn how to work with what you've got by wearing the right clothes and giving a damn about grooming. It shows that you care about yourself, and that goes a long way towards making you attractive to someone else.
Then there's the one thing that no one seems to mention -- the one thing that works better than everything else when it comes to attracting your preferred sex: Be attractive. It doesn't matter how charming or smart or funny you are if potential dates just aren't physically attracted to you. Obviously we've all got to work with what we were given, but there are things you can do. Shower. Shave. Get a haircut. If you dress shitty, dress better. If you're overweight, lose some weight. If you're scrawny, eat some sandwiches and and lift some weights. It's not rocket science.
That's a hard one to pin down. Physical attraction varies from one person to the next. Everyone has their own turn on's and turn off's. Clean yourself, watch what and when you eat, break a sweat at least 3 times a week,,, the point is to make an effort. It'll show. That tells them you're interested and thought about them prior to the date. They'll appreciate that you took the time to make the attempt even if you miss the mark.
Smell is the strongest sense linked to memory. I didn't believe that until I had to Fabreeze my car after a particularly bad date.
Also, have manners. Especially when eating. Most dates end up with going out to eat or any kind of consumption of mass quantities. Don't talk with food in your mouth. Don't eat like a pig.
I was on a date, and the guy was such a sloppy eater that it destroyed my appetite. I was never as disgusted by a person's eating habit.
Also, have manners. Especially when eating. Most dates end up with going out to eat or any kind of consumption of mass quantities. Don't talk with food in your mouth. Don't eat like a pig. I was on a date, and the guy was such a sloppy eater that it destroyed my appetite. I was never as disgusted by a person's eating habit.
I find that for most people, dress and grooming is about 75% of the issue. Learn how to work with what you've got by wearing the right clothes and giving a damn about grooming. It shows that you care about yourself, and that goes a long way towards making you attractive to someone else.
And the most important part to doing this right is getting help where you need it. Being hygienic is an easy thing to do, and for guys, it only takes maybe 20 minutes per day to do upkeep. Knowing what to wear and how to present yourself is not as easy. And if you don't know what looks good on you, ask people who are good at that stuff.
Case in point, for almost 12 years or so, I did crew cuts and nothing but crew cuts. This year I decided to grow my hair out and have a friend, who is a hair stylist, do something with it. All of my friends and acquaintances have complimented me on it, saying I look way better that way. My wardrobe is also completely outdated, so I go shopping with friends who have worked in clothing stores, cause they know way the hell more about it than I do.
I hate when people say be confident, because you either are or aren't confident. You can't decide to be confident, you either have confidence in yourself or you don't. I don't. I can't just solve that on my own.
Oh the topic of the new macbook air, I'd much rather just spend about $500 on one of these than a new air. Sure the new Macbook Airs look pretty but they really aren't that much better than something half the price. Plus this eeepc has usb 3.0, charging from usb while the unit is off, and the new ION gpu (I don't remember if the Macbook one is better or not, but since its a Mac, probably not), and a better battery life.
I hate when people say be confident, because you either are or aren't confident. You can't decide to be confident, you either have confidence in yourself or you don't. I don't. I can't just solve that on my own.
That's your perception.
You can totally decide if you want to be confident. Change your perspective in yourself and your life. If you think you can solve it on your own, then you probably have more insecurities you need to handle and deal with.
My boyfriend gets like this when he makes a mistake. I tell him to stop the pity party, it doesn't help shit. If you think you can't change, then you probably never will.
I hate when people say be confident, because you either are or aren't confident. You can't decide to be confident, you either have confidence in yourself or you don't. I don't. I can't just solve that on my own.
It's simpler then that. Confidence is one of those things that can carry over from one thing to the next. Build confidence in one area of your life and then use that new found confidence to fail at other things ^_^
You don't just choose to believe things. If you are a person who thinks rationally, and logically you find problems in yourself, then you're going to have low self-confidence in yourself. It's whiny, yes, but it's also my natural thought processes. I can't really stop those thoughts from happening. I could tell myself the opposite is true, but like...You know, this argument isn't worth having. Never mind.
You don't just choose to believe things. If you are a person who thinks rationally, and logically you find problems in yourself, then you're going to have low self-confidence in yourself. It's whiny, yes, but it's also my natural thought processes. I can't really stop those thoughts from happening. I could tell myself the opposite is true, but like...You know, this argument isn't worth having. Never mind.
Not to try to start a religious debate, but you choose to believe in Christianity and Jesus Christ. Just saying.
You don't just choose to believe things. If you are a person who thinks rationally, and logically you find problems in yourself, then you're going to have low self-confidence in yourself. It's whiny, yes, but it's also my natural thought processes. I can't really stop those thoughts from happening. I could tell myself the opposite is true, but like...You know, this argument isn't worth having. Never mind.
I know exactly where you're at. I'm that guy too. The only solution I've found is to fake it as hard as you can until confidence comes naturally.
I can't really stop those thoughts from happening.
No you can't, but if you believe at all in the concept of free will - or even if you don't but want to lead a functional life - you are in complete control of how you respond to those thoughts.
The self-perceptive individual will be riddled with doubt. I'm a scientist; doubt is what I do. I doubt anything and everything that I see. If you're paying attention, you'll doubt things. The difference is that I accept a certain level of doubt and continue onward regardless; you can't get rid of uncertainty, so instead you must track its impact on what it is that you do.
That's how you handle self-doubt. Confidence doesn't necessarily mean that you no longer doubt yourself; it means that you have the courage to proceed even in the face of doubt.
That's how you handle self-doubt. Confidence doesn't necessarily mean that you no longer doubt yourself; it means that you have the courage to proceed even in the face of doubt.
Exactly, I still have TONS of doubt, but I don't let that stop me.
That's how you handle self-doubt. Confidence doesn't necessarily mean that you no longer doubt yourself; it means that you have the courage to proceed even in the face of doubt.
QFMFT.
I have so many insecurities. I really don't think about them that much as I once did in my youth. I've realized I'm awesome and continue to do awesome thing and improve myself and my insecurities.
You obviously have the courage to talk to girls and they seem to want to talk and confide in you about things. That shows people can trust you. That's something. It can honestly be hard to earn someone's trust.
If you are a person who thinks rationally, and logically you find problems in yourself, then you're going to have low self-confidence in yourself. It's whiny, yes, but it's also my natural thought processes. I can't really stop those thoughts from happening.
Then maybe you should start trying to shape up in areas that are giving you low self-confidence?
I don't let it stop me either. I act even when I don't have confidence. But the fact is, asking a girl out when you don't believe in yourself still doesn't work. I can respond any way I want, you're right, but people can still usually tell that I don't have confidence, or at the very least, I don't.
Comments
It can get frustrating from time to time; but good friends ,regardless of gender, are a boon. Instead of thinking it's an inescapable cage, cuz it's not, try to consider the positive aspects:
-Knowing where you stand even if it's not where you want to be is a good thing. You know she likes you enough to be friends, and you can stop worrying about trying to impress her. This lets you be more relaxed around women in general. That's good thing.
-You're now free to express yourself without worrying about screwing things up. Use this to like a training area. Take her out on practice dates (go Dutch), compliment her (don't be creepy), talk to her about your dating frustrations and accept constructive criticism. This will lead to being more confident the next time you peruse a girl. (WARNING! Don't go too far and don't convince yourself this is something that it's not. That's tricky.)
-This isn't just about her. This is about you too. Friendship works both ways. She may complain about guys, but you should be free to complain about girls. It's OK to be her emotional support but don't be her punching bag. Tell her if she crosses your boundaries.
-You are still free to purse your own romantic endeavors. She shouldn't be jealous of time you spend with other girls, and you shouldn't hate on every guy she hangs out with. Again. Don't HATE every other guys she knows. You're being an overprotective control freak asshole, and you'll ruin the friendship.
...more later
Wear deodorant, nigga. Wear deodorant, nigga.
Also remember, maybe they're just not into you. Just because you're attracted to them, doesn't mean they have to be attracted to you.
Smell is the strongest sense linked to memory. I didn't believe that until I had to Fabreeze my car after a particularly bad date.
I was on a date, and the guy was such a sloppy eater that it destroyed my appetite. I was never as disgusted by a person's eating habit.
/offended
Also as bad as friend zone can be you never know when they can change on you. Most of my relationships started as friends and well..
Case in point, for almost 12 years or so, I did crew cuts and nothing but crew cuts. This year I decided to grow my hair out and have a friend, who is a hair stylist, do something with it. All of my friends and acquaintances have complimented me on it, saying I look way better that way. My wardrobe is also completely outdated, so I go shopping with friends who have worked in clothing stores, cause they know way the hell more about it than I do.
tl;dr - Ask for advice.
Suddenly, WOMEN EVERYWHERE.
You can totally decide if you want to be confident. Change your perspective in yourself and your life. If you think you can solve it on your own, then you probably have more insecurities you need to handle and deal with.
My boyfriend gets like this when he makes a mistake. I tell him to stop the pity party, it doesn't help shit. If you think you can't change, then you probably never will.
1) Look in the mirror.
2) Think, "I am the greatest man alive. Truly, I am glorious."
3) Believe that shit when you go out.
4) ????
5) PROFIT!
Or, for the shortcut:
1) Don't believe in the you who believes in you.
2) Believe in the me that believes in you.
The self-perceptive individual will be riddled with doubt. I'm a scientist; doubt is what I do. I doubt anything and everything that I see. If you're paying attention, you'll doubt things. The difference is that I accept a certain level of doubt and continue onward regardless; you can't get rid of uncertainty, so instead you must track its impact on what it is that you do.
That's how you handle self-doubt. Confidence doesn't necessarily mean that you no longer doubt yourself; it means that you have the courage to proceed even in the face of doubt.
I have so many insecurities. I really don't think about them that much as I once did in my youth. I've realized I'm awesome and continue to do awesome thing and improve myself and my insecurities.
You obviously have the courage to talk to girls and they seem to want to talk and confide in you about things. That shows people can trust you. That's something. It can honestly be hard to earn someone's trust.