This thread reminds me, vaguely, of a post I saw on 4chan via Reddit. It was basically the epitome of "Of course I'm right; I'm from the INTERNET!". I can't remember it exactly, nor can I find it or the counterpoint Rageface comic, but it was basically "If I ever got depressed enough to kill myself, I'd, like, donate my life to charity, go help some sick kids in Africa, fight some warlords, whatever, cus what does it matter, I already don't value my life, and maybe that'll snap me out of it". It was an impressive piece of talking without understanding.
My problem tends to be low self-esteem, coupled with not being able to deal with small groups of people. Anyone who's ever met me can confirm: I tend to do very well one-on-one, or when I can abstract a large group of people into "That's one group", like at panels, but if it's a group of say, 3-5 people, I'll tend to hang back and be very quiet. It's something I'm working on, though.
You're totally not alone. I'm going through pretty much the same thing right now, and it's really thrown my life off track lately. Perhaps among other factors, it has something to do with the changing of the season. This isn't the first time it's happened in April.
Perhaps among other factors, it has something to do with the changing of the season. This isn't the first time it's happened in April.
April is a really fucking stupid month in this regard. Suddenly, after a winter full of bleary darkness, there is one day sun. One perks up and thinks, "My god! Spring!" But then you actually open the window, and what do you get? COLD. And then what do you get after this one, miraculous day of sun? A week of dreary, horrible, chilling rain. Preparing for May flowers my ass; April, you are the biggest cocktease of a month. Die in a fire.
Silliness aside, I feel y'all about getting in funks. I have never tried to commit suicide - I don't actually have the balls to ever administer physical pain to myself - but there were many times this winter where I fell into a grinding spiral of "I'm worthless, fat, ugly, stupid, and exhausted. I am helpless to make real changes in my life, I have no future; it would be better if I stopped existing." My inner criticism voice really doesn't stop once it gets rolling. Luckily I have a partner whose presence continually reminds me that I have many things to be happy about, or at the very least, some reasons to get out of bed.
I hope everyone in this thread feels better. The people in the FRC and in these forums are some of the best and most intelligent people I have ever met. You deserve happiness.
You're totally not alone. I'm going through pretty much the same thing right now, and it's really thrown my life off track lately. Perhaps among other factors, it has something to do with the changing of the season. This isn't the first time it's happened in April.
I'm pretty much constantly depressed. But I've got goals and I know that, once I accomplish those, I wont be depressed anymore. So I work towards them with a happier future in mind. Also, I have my little brother. Any thoughts of suicide or running away get very quickly squelched by remembering that all that I do I do in the hope of making a better world for him and his generation.
The first one is very good. The second one, not so good. This is pretty much going to be my party line, but actively fight to rid depression with every tool you have. The earlier, the better. That shit is like kudzu, or mint (but not nearly as pretty or yummy).
Okay, well, maybe I'm not CONSTANTLY depressed, but its often enough that I've taken notice and am taking steps to fix myself. I'm changing my diet, exercising, reminding my self that the things that make me depressed now are only temporary and will change for the better.
Today I started medication. 12mg Citalopram daily which has already started to show, if not it's main effects, then the side effects and the added good feeling that help is on the way.
Upside: Feeling pretty good, though this may not be the drug itself. I already feel more in control of my life.
Downside: Citalopram is also used to treat premature ejaculation. Side effects also include very slight nausea as well as dry mouth.
The side effects should go away after a couple of weeks or the hair on my hands is going to be enough to warm my hands through winter.
Im still not sure if I want to take need yet. I have been working on recovery techniques. I still have small relapses for an hour or two. I had to call a hotline.
Im still not sure if I want to take need yet. I have been working on recovery techniques. I still have small relapses for an hour or two. I had to call a hotline.
At east you called the hotline. That's good. It means you didn't give up.
First week of medication over. Lack of appetite and problems getting to the kitchen due to construction work mean I've been sleeping 12+ hours a day and feel like I've run a mile when I wake up. Despair has been replaced by occasional feelings of loneliness, like the world is stretching out around me and no-one's in sight. I might draw it some time.
I just found out my friend Heather from my school committed suicide. She never seemed like she would. She was so talented, cool and funny. So cute, so together it seemed. She was going through what I was ging through. I just didn't know. I looked up to her as a student I wanted to be more like. I never told her that. Now I never will. I just can't stop crying.
I'm trying to avoid that situation right now. I'm currently talking to someone on Skype -- an internet friend -- who wants to kill herself. She has depression and has attempted in the past, but now she seems committed to it and I'm trying to do what I can to stop her while desperately searching for a way to get her some help. If I knew her full name and where she lived it'd make this a lot easier...
I'm trying to avoid that situation right now. I'm currently talking to someone on Skype -- an internet friend -- who wants to kill herself. She has depression and has attempted in the past, but now she seems committed to it and I'm trying to do what I can to stop her while desperately searching for a way to get her some help. If I knew her full name and where she lived it'd make this a lot easier...
Here's a good resource on way to help someone who wants to. Maybe convince her to call a hotline as well. Maybe ask her to talk and reveal her name at least.
I've been dealing with depression for the last 3-4 years. I was in a very intense bout for about 2 years which ended almost exactly 2 years ago from now, but since then I've been a lot better. I'm off my medication and have it under control. Sometimes I almost want to go back to that time. I feel like a have a lot of good memories from back then, things that mean a lot to me emotionally, and I just have a general feeling sometimes of wanting to go back to that. But I know I couldn't, I have a very big life change ahead of me not too long from now and I just can't afford to have that added on to everything I have to deal with already. It's a weird, very conflicting feeling. Plus, that feeling is just unreasonable in the first place. But I completely understand where your coming from, I struggled with suicide on a daily basis back then and I remember many days very clearly from back then.
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My problem tends to be low self-esteem, coupled with not being able to deal with small groups of people. Anyone who's ever met me can confirm: I tend to do very well one-on-one, or when I can abstract a large group of people into "That's one group", like at panels, but if it's a group of say, 3-5 people, I'll tend to hang back and be very quiet. It's something I'm working on, though.
Silliness aside, I feel y'all about getting in funks. I have never tried to commit suicide - I don't actually have the balls to ever administer physical pain to myself - but there were many times this winter where I fell into a grinding spiral of "I'm worthless, fat, ugly, stupid, and exhausted. I am helpless to make real changes in my life, I have no future; it would be better if I stopped existing." My inner criticism voice really doesn't stop once it gets rolling. Luckily I have a partner whose presence continually reminds me that I have many things to be happy about, or at the very least, some reasons to get out of bed.
I hope everyone in this thread feels better. The people in the FRC and in these forums are some of the best and most intelligent people I have ever met. You deserve happiness.
I'm depressed, but I don't let rule me.
This is pretty much going to be my party line, but actively fight to rid depression with every tool you have. The earlier, the better. That shit is like kudzu, or mint (but not nearly as pretty or yummy).
Upside: Feeling pretty good, though this may not be the drug itself. I already feel more in control of my life.
Downside: Citalopram is also used to treat premature ejaculation. Side effects also include very slight nausea as well as dry mouth.
The side effects should go away after a couple of weeks or the hair on my hands is going to be enough to warm my hands through winter.
Despair has been replaced by occasional feelings of loneliness, like the world is stretching out around me and no-one's in sight. I might draw it some time.
I'm trying to avoid that situation right now. I'm currently talking to someone on Skype -- an internet friend -- who wants to kill herself. She has depression and has attempted in the past, but now she seems committed to it and I'm trying to do what I can to stop her while desperately searching for a way to get her some help. If I knew her full name and where she lived it'd make this a lot easier...