As much as I tend to be the first guy to give him a dope-slap, I think that's a bit cruel. If he wants to come in, he can come on in. I won't advise him to try and give advice, but I refuse to keep him out, nor vote that he should be.
As for the chats themselves...Well, I'm available pretty much all the time. Benefits of being a freelancer/running your own business.
What exactly do you do Churba? That description sounded an awful lot like a drug dealer.
Pretty much anything but dealing drugs, funnily enough. If it makes money, I'll do it. Everything from Welding to Boat-captaining, to antiques finding and art brokerage. Also, I do a decent amount of freelance writing, and have a small side thing making badges, ID cards, and some other similar things.
I would like to take part, too. I am can make myself free any night except Wednesday.
Actually, I was just going to say that Wednesday would be the be the best for me. I could maybe be available on Tuesday, depending on what I get accomplished today and tomorrow, more possibly Thursday, and definitely Friday.
My appetite's become a problem. Eating hasn't really felt worth it over the past few days, which is probably only making my mood worse. Bleh.
I started having trubs with the wife around Columbus day. A lot of it has to do with her frustration with me because she's one of those people who think I should just "snap out of it". I weighed myself last week and saw that I have lost forty (40) pounds since Columbus Day, primarily due to lack of eating. It's kind of fun in a way, since I can fit into clothes I haven't been able to wear in years. However, I've started to try to eat at least one decent meal during the day even if I really have to force it in. Of course, it all tastes like ashes, but I have to have enough calories to get through the day.
I don't think it has to be just once. Y'all could rotate nights.
That's a good idea. Who can do Wednesday at around 7:00 p.m. EST?
I also like the idea of doing it on a regular basis. It would be something to look forward to and kinda be like a bright spot in the week for someone (me).
I'd also like to add a caveat: I think anything said should be CONFIDENTIAL. This is not for entertainment (well, at least mostly not - we can goof around and stuff, but we really should be there to try to talk about what's bothering us, get help, and give help). This is not going to be a podcast. This shouldn't be recorded. Anyone who participates should be able to trust that what they say won't be talked about to anyone else in any other venue unless they give their express permission.
More like a support group than a hangout. AA style but less God.
I don't think I can do this Weds. I'll be visiting with my friend Steve in the City. But nothing says I have to be there.
On another interesting note, I've been thinking about this for a few days because I'm out of my drugs and in the process of moving my stuff. When you are really down and thinking about suicide, what keeps you from doing it?
The worse pain/deep depression I'm in, the harder it is to come up with things. For me, it's usually little things. Like, "If I die now then I'll never make that yarn I bought into the sweater I wanted." It feels kind of stupid, I guess, but it starts with the little selfish things. Then I move on to things that include other people like, "If I die now, how will Moe find a new roommate to live with her for the next 4 months? I can't do that to her; she's too awesome to deserve that." Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person who does that, but I'm sure I can't be.
I'm also really fucking stubborn, and I just spent all this time and money on law school, dammit. I'ma use that shit before I die.
When I've thought about suicide I've always thought about the idea that if you truly want to die you should make something of it. Become a firefighter or do something really dangerous. If I could get enough initiative to do something like that I probably wouldn't want to die anymore anyways so it would work out either way.
When you are really down and thinking about suicide, what keeps you from doing it?
I honestly don't know. It's terrifying and kind of encouraging at the same time. I've come extremely close to ending it many times, but every time some spark of self-preservation jumps out of nowhere and puts down the open pill bottle, drops the razor blade, or puts my foot on the brake pedal. Afterwards I go mentally numb and can't function beyond breathing for a few hours, but I stay alive.
I can't say I've ever quite been to the point of wanting to commit suicide. The closest I've come is thoughts of "well, if I don't wake up after going to bed tonight, that wouldn't be so bad." That, combined with lack of motivation and a few other symptoms, was enough to get me diagnosed and medicated.
I can't say I've had it as bad as some of the others here, but I think I've had it bad enough to have a decent idea of where you're coming from.
When you are really down and thinking about suicide, what keeps you from doing it?
What stops me from dying is a promise I made to a friend who committed suicide. I swore on her casket that I would never attempt to kill myself again. If losing my friend hurt me that much, I actually can understand how others would feel if I did it.
When you are really down and thinking about suicide, what keeps you from doing it?
Mostly Intelligence, partially other people. Intelligence, because when I contemplate suicide, I'll normally catch myself and force myself to do as I do with all other Life-changing(how appropriate a term) decisions, and contemplate the rationality and logic of it, along with the cost benefit ratio. So far, it has always come down on the "continue" side of the equation, rather than "stop."
I'm one of those people that doesn't "get" depression. If I need to have more willpower, I decide to have more will power. If I need more self esteem, I decide to have more self esteem. These are essentially "free" things to me that can be claimed.
As a consequence of how easy this stuff comes to me, I also don't really get overly positive either. I mostly sit in a null state of not being happy or sad about anything.
I don't really "take" compliments. Only cold skepticism gives me comfort. Actually, I occationally feel something "like" joy when I watch someone elses expectations get stomped on by the cold unfeeling world. I am a horrible person. It's very surreal sometimes.
When you are really down and thinking about suicide, what keeps you from doing it?
The experience of my grandfather committing suicide by blowing his head off with a shotgun and having to clean up after him.
Knowing that new tech and new geek media is always on the way. It's never been a better time to be geeky.
Hoping for Skynet and/or Oasis and/or the Singularity.
Hoping for biotech/cyborg enhancements and/or enhanced lifespan (I know - enhanced lifespan is somewhat odd, but a lot of the suicidal thoughts concern regret over what could have been done. If you have a 200 year lifesapn, you have plenty of time to do many things, and so - pressure is off).
Hoping for genetic research to provide cure for depression.
Remembering times when I've felt that low before and how good things happened afterwards that I would have missed.
Remembering what might sound like a silly, sappy argument: "Are you so sure that there is no possibility that you will have one more happy day? If you are sure that there will not be even one more happy day, then do it. However, if you have any hope - any hope at all that there will be at least one more happy day, calm down, go for a workout, go to the library, then to a movie, and enjoy yourself."
When you are really down and thinking about suicide, what keeps you from doing it?
A few things, really. I do not believe in an afterlife, so existence (even a painful one) is more desirable than non-existence. Also, I have people that love me and count on me, the thought of causing them pain rather than seeking help was not something I could bear. Additionally, even when I felt worthless, there were smart, good people that loved me and thought I was worthwhile, so I trusted their healthy opinions over my own sick feelings/thoughts.
Battling depression and trying to force myself to learn how to program has been....interesting. Progress on both fronts is slow but moving. Also, I want to god damned IRS to get me the money they owe me!
Tick - It depends. I would suggest letting them know it's something that afflicts you and, if you're close enough to these people, ask them if it's something they'd be ok talking with you about. It's awesome to have a resource in your home. My former roomie was invaluable for a great many years.
What advice would you give someone living with you when you are depressed?
Encourage professional help (both with their general practitioner and possibly a counselor/therapist/psychiatrist), research support groups and free/low cost therapy/counseling providers, understand that the person is sick and "positive thinking" will no more heal them than positive thinking will cure cancer, help promote more physical activities and a healthy diet (can have a huge impact), be prepared to enter therapy with them if need be, etc. If the person is genuinely considering/attempting to harm themselves or others, call the national suicide hotline or emergency services.
However, the mentally/emotionally well person/people in the household need to protect their own well being. If the person refuses help, continues in destructive behavior, poses a harm to themselves and/or others, then more drastic action may be necessary. If they need to re-define their living arrangements or relationship, then so be it. A good rule of thumb is to always be there for the person as long as they are genuinely attempting to get better (which may be a continual, life long journey), but don't support or indulge their illness to anyone's detriment (be it the ill person's detriment or their family member's).
Before my divorce was final I had to call 911 on several occasions due to my ex threatening suicide. Rather than thanking me she berated me. Funny thing is I still have all of the suicidal voice mails and text messages yet she claims she never threatened suicide...
I tried for a long time to live with her and her mental problems. Went to shrinks with her and everything. When I tried to share my concerns with them about her suicidal behavior all I got was the doctor/patient confidentiality wall. Even though I was her husband they would not listen to me. I can understand not discussing her sessions but if a spouse calls seeking help they shouldn't just hang up on you.
Speaking from experience, it is WAY easier to get up and do something with someone else when you are depressed. I'd sit around and eat brown sugar for 3 days knowing I need to go grocery shopping, but when my roommate says, "hey, let's go grocery shopping!" I'm on my way out the door with her. I think the biggest thing the person living with you can do to help your well-being is to get you up and doing every day stuff by being willing to do it with you. YMMV.
When you are really down and thinking about suicide, what keeps you from doing it?
Honestly, as odd as it sounds, comics.
I want to create tons of stories and all the stories I have in my head before I die. It will take me decades to finish. Maybe by then, I will stop feeling that way.
My passion to become a great comicker is stronger then my need to throw my life away. That's something, right?
Speaking from experience, it is WAY easier to get up and do something with someone else when you are depressed. I'd sit around and eat brown sugar for 3 days knowing I need to go grocery shopping, but when my roommate says, "hey, let's go grocery shopping!" I'm on my way out the door with her. I think the biggest thing the person living with you can do to help your well-being is to get you up and doing every day stuff by being willing to do it with you. YMMV.
What advice would you give someone living with you when you are depressed?
Depends. It'd probably range from "Don't let me be a bother" if I'm merely in a somewhat saddened state and not sleeping properly, to "Hide the bottles and blades" if I think I'm going to self-harm. It's never come to the latter, luckily. I count myself as lucky that I've never developed any lasting self-destructive tendencies.
I'm definitely feeling depressed today. It feels like the greatest physical symptom of it, to me, is when I lay completely still on my bed and the sound of my own heartbeat appears to louder and more important than anything else. It's so...haunting.
I have an exam in two days, which no matter what I do, I have a 90% chance of failing the course. Yet, I've done the math and even if I fail the course, with my bizarre transcript, my GPA should still by high enough to start fresh next semester. Yet, a growing doubt in me is taking over that I'll still get put on suspension, making me lose all connections with current people in my life.
And it's all because I simply can't study. I fell into the teacher's lies and his taking his joke of "Is there a book for this class?" too seriously. Yet, I just don't have the confidence to tell people how I really feel or act out. And I feel too ashamed to really do anything because I'm just too fucking dumb. This week, I've broken two of my brother's beer glasses by accident, and haven't even told him.
This probably isn't sadness on the level that some people are feeling, but at this point, I feel like there's no way for someone to individually and self-awarely know what's the difference between depression or being too pathetic. Because I even doubt myself with what's the truth and focus more on just how people see me.
Comments
Also, I'm available any day to talk.
As for the chats themselves...Well, I'm available pretty much all the time. Benefits of being a freelancer/running your own business.
I also like the idea of doing it on a regular basis. It would be something to look forward to and kinda be like a bright spot in the week for someone (me).
I'd also like to add a caveat: I think anything said should be CONFIDENTIAL. This is not for entertainment (well, at least mostly not - we can goof around and stuff, but we really should be there to try to talk about what's bothering us, get help, and give help). This is not going to be a podcast. This shouldn't be recorded. Anyone who participates should be able to trust that what they say won't be talked about to anyone else in any other venue unless they give their express permission.
I don't think I can do this Weds. I'll be visiting with my friend Steve in the City. But nothing says I have to be there.
On another interesting note, I've been thinking about this for a few days because I'm out of my drugs and in the process of moving my stuff. When you are really down and thinking about suicide, what keeps you from doing it?
The worse pain/deep depression I'm in, the harder it is to come up with things. For me, it's usually little things. Like, "If I die now then I'll never make that yarn I bought into the sweater I wanted." It feels kind of stupid, I guess, but it starts with the little selfish things. Then I move on to things that include other people like, "If I die now, how will Moe find a new roommate to live with her for the next 4 months? I can't do that to her; she's too awesome to deserve that." Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person who does that, but I'm sure I can't be.
I'm also really fucking stubborn, and I just spent all this time and money on law school, dammit. I'ma use that shit before I die.
I can't say I've had it as bad as some of the others here, but I think I've had it bad enough to have a decent idea of where you're coming from.
As a consequence of how easy this stuff comes to me, I also don't really get overly positive either. I mostly sit in a null state of not being happy or sad about anything.
I don't really "take" compliments. Only cold skepticism gives me comfort. Actually, I occationally feel something "like" joy when I watch someone elses expectations get stomped on by the cold unfeeling world. I am a horrible person. It's very surreal sometimes.
Knowing that new tech and new geek media is always on the way. It's never been a better time to be geeky.
Hoping for Skynet and/or Oasis and/or the Singularity.
Hoping for biotech/cyborg enhancements and/or enhanced lifespan (I know - enhanced lifespan is somewhat odd, but a lot of the suicidal thoughts concern regret over what could have been done. If you have a 200 year lifesapn, you have plenty of time to do many things, and so - pressure is off).
Hoping for genetic research to provide cure for depression.
Remembering times when I've felt that low before and how good things happened afterwards that I would have missed.
Remembering what might sound like a silly, sappy argument: "Are you so sure that there is no possibility that you will have one more happy day? If you are sure that there will not be even one more happy day, then do it. However, if you have any hope - any hope at all that there will be at least one more happy day, calm down, go for a workout, go to the library, then to a movie, and enjoy yourself."
However, the mentally/emotionally well person/people in the household need to protect their own well being. If the person refuses help, continues in destructive behavior, poses a harm to themselves and/or others, then more drastic action may be necessary. If they need to re-define their living arrangements or relationship, then so be it. A good rule of thumb is to always be there for the person as long as they are genuinely attempting to get better (which may be a continual, life long journey), but don't support or indulge their illness to anyone's detriment (be it the ill person's detriment or their family member's).
I tried for a long time to live with her and her mental problems. Went to shrinks with her and everything. When I tried to share my concerns with them about her suicidal behavior all I got was the doctor/patient confidentiality wall. Even though I was her husband they would not listen to me. I can understand not discussing her sessions but if a spouse calls seeking help they shouldn't just hang up on you.
I want to create tons of stories and all the stories I have in my head before I die. It will take me decades to finish. Maybe by then, I will stop feeling that way.
My passion to become a great comicker is stronger then my need to throw my life away. That's something, right?
I have an exam in two days, which no matter what I do, I have a 90% chance of failing the course. Yet, I've done the math and even if I fail the course, with my bizarre transcript, my GPA should still by high enough to start fresh next semester. Yet, a growing doubt in me is taking over that I'll still get put on suspension, making me lose all connections with current people in my life.
And it's all because I simply can't study. I fell into the teacher's lies and his taking his joke of "Is there a book for this class?" too seriously. Yet, I just don't have the confidence to tell people how I really feel or act out. And I feel too ashamed to really do anything because I'm just too fucking dumb. This week, I've broken two of my brother's beer glasses by accident, and haven't even told him.
This probably isn't sadness on the level that some people are feeling, but at this point, I feel like there's no way for someone to individually and self-awarely know what's the difference between depression or being too pathetic. Because I even doubt myself with what's the truth and focus more on just how people see me.