He did no such thing, he asked a question about how someone as smart and nerdy as Joe got into this situation in the first place. It's a fair question.
You're just assuming that Scott was acting like an expert, since that's usually a safe thing to assume. This time it was just the air of Scott that you were sensing.
I just thought it extremely funny that someone with such a dearth of relationship experience stepped in as an expert on creating healthy unions.
I don't think you need to have much experience to know that if you are going to dedicate the rest of your life with one person it should be someone who you have something in common with. If that person is the closest person to you in the world, and they can't even respect who you are as a person, that's a major fucking problem!
it was just the air of Scott that you were sensing
That sounds creepy.
But to try to answer Scott's original question, we've had so many discussions about this. Emotions and relationships can be very complicated things. People do a lot of stupid things because of emotions.
You are a person who sticks to your beliefs and preferences and have a lot of logic/common sense/reasoning. Your chances of being in an IBM marriage are minimal as long as you stay the course.
In my case I took nothing from the marriage except my clothes and games. She kept all of the furniture. She even kept my xbox and Wii! She claimed my daughter wanted them but they sit unused at her place.
My post-breakup spending was very moderate. I did buy a 40" plasma and surround sound system but I got them on sale and only spent about $900 for both. I also picked up a new Xbox, Wii and PS3. Overall "splurge" spending was under $2,000.
Over time I purchased new pots and pans. I started with the crappy ones from Walmart but I've been slowly replacing them with much better ones. Same with dishes. Start with the cheapest option available and later on, when you have decided on a style save up and buy it.
For furniture I started on the cheap going with a real crappy (hurt your ass if you sit too long) futon and some cheap particle board furniture. I also cruised the thrift stores looking for functional (if ugly) furniture. I now have a nice Ikea couch that folds out to a queen size sleeper that I managed to pick up off of craigslist for half off retail in brand new condition. I managed to take it apart and get it all home in one trip but I drove with my knees up to my ears to do so.
It takes about six months for the "yeah, it's really over, I'm free" feeling to sink in and take hold.
Your financial situation is likely very different than mine. I got screwed over financially and I'm living on about 1/3rd of my income because of the screwing. Between taxes, alimony, child support and paying off the legal debt I'm left with just under $2,000 a month to support myself. That money has to cover rent, food, gas, car repairs, etc... Even though I make a lot of money on paper I don't see most of it. I can deduct alimony paid off of my income for tax purposes but not child support.
Enough whining from me.
I've been looking for over two years for a good geeky girl to date. The ones I have found tend to either live far away or are physically unattractive to me. I have also dated girls who said they were into geeky stuff but actually were not. Also keep an eye out for the "daddy shoppers" out there. In our age range most of the women you will meet will have kids. To be honest, I don't trust a woman my age who doesn't have kids.
Am I the only dude on earth who has a brain in my head that always wins over the brain in my pants?
No. I can make the same claim. I think I'm just significantly less of a dick about it (pun intended), so I get less people jumping on me about it (again).
People do a lot of stupid things because of emotions.
This is a serious question. Please take it seriously and stop joking.
Am I the only dude on earth who has a brain in my head that always wins over the brain in my pants?
A) Ro was being serious. I have the same problem, despite the fact that being single is probably best for me right now in several ways I still feel lonely.
Do not confuse emotions with sex drive. While often related, they are not the same thing.
The thread jumped the shark when Jason took an unhealthy obsession with Scott's sex life.
The thread didn't jump the shark it simply fell victim to Rubin's Law: "As an FRC discussion grows longer, the probability of the discussion becoming all about Scott approaches 1."
The thread jumped the shark when Jason took an unhealthy obsession with Scott's sex life.
The thread didn't jump the shark it simply fell victim to Rubin's Law: "As an FRC discussion grows longer, the probability of the discussion becoming all about Scott approaches 1."
What's weird is that this will happen IRL too. >_<
Scoot, loneliness is a powerful motivator. I think it can override rational decision making.
The solution to loneliness is making regular friends. Why would you try to solve it by finding one person who is more than friends, but not a regular friend?
That is how I would solve it, personally, but other people are not me or you. Also, it's hard to have the same level of closeness with a group of regular friends.
Eliminating the sexytime stuff, it's someone who you can be around and share things with nearly 100% of the time. Even when I had close friends and roommates who hung out a lot it wasn't nearly the same. It's hard to explain.
People do a lot of stupid things because of emotions.
This is a serious question. Please take it seriously and stop joking.
Am I the only dude on earth who has a brain in my head that always wins over the brain in my pants?
You need to realize that emotions and ideas actually change over time. Literally. Your brain chemistry changes throughout a relationship. So what was a fantastic idea to start with may wind up being a bad idea 20 years later.
In no way does the potential future failure of a relationship necessarily mean that the thing was a bad idea from the start. Certainly, many relationships are bad ideas from the start, but many relationships have a time and a place.
Just because your emotions are simple doesn't mean everyone's emotions are simple. It's all chemistry, and the chemistry does not function consistently from person to person. Biology is sloppy.
Scoot, loneliness is a powerful motivator. I think it can override rational decision making.
The solution to loneliness is making regular friends. Why would you try to solve it by finding one person who is more than friends, but not a regular friend?
Regular friends, while good, don't fill the same gap in your life.
Just because your emotions are simple doesn't mean everyone's emotions are simple. It's all chemistry, and the chemistry does not function consistently from person to person. Biology is sloppy.
You science guys really need to step up your quality control.
People do a lot of stupid things because of emotions.
This is a serious question. Please take it seriously and stop joking.
Am I the only dude on earth who has a brain in my head that always wins over the brain in my pants?
You need to realize that emotions and ideas actually change over time. Literally. Your brain chemistry changes throughout a relationship. So what was a fantastic idea to start with may wind up being a bad idea 20 years later.
In no way does the potential future failure of a relationship necessarily mean that the thing was a bad idea from the start. Certainly, many relationships are bad ideas from the start, but many relationships have a time and a place.
Just because your emotions are simple doesn't mean everyone's emotions are simple. It's all chemistry, and the chemistry does not function consistently from person to person. Biology is sloppy.
This is true, but how can there be such a drastic change? Is it really that common for someone to go from totally nerding out and going to conventions and then ten year's later throwing the spouse's nerdy things in the trash?
Also, this could just be anecdotal, but I only notice this problem really happening in old and middle aged people. The young people I know are nerdy people married to nerdy people totally nerding out like crazy. Are all of those couples doomed to de-geekify in a decade or two? If so, that is very sad.
Regular friends, while good, don't fill the same gap in your life.
I don't feel this gap. It's like, there's a whole bunch of people and everyone is so close that there is no empty space. But at the same time, if another person comes along, we can always make room to fit them in.
Also, this could just be anecdotal, but I only notice this problem really happening in old and middle aged people. The young people I know are nerdy people married to nerdy people totally nerding out like crazy. Are all of those couples doomed to de-geekify in a decade or two? If so, that is very sad.
Maybe not, but they may also just straight up start hating each other.
I think he means in regards to affection. But you don't like hugs. I would hug you, but I know you don't like that.
I also think that some people need that person that they can put most of their trust into emotionally. To have a person who can support you when you are at your most vulnerable is a very precious thing and vice versa.
People change. I noticed a marked person change, I just don't buy or like to wear geeky t-shirts any more. I think they're kinda juvenile.
That's a small change that is perfectly understandable. I used to like to decorate by covering everything in wall scrolls. Now I try to decorate like an IKEA catalog with more subtle geekery. That's not the kind of drastic change where you go from completely loving and getting along with a person so much you want to marry them to bossing them around and disregarding their feelings.
I also think that some people need that person that they can put most of their trust into emotionally. To have a person who can support you when you are at your most vulnerable is a very precious thing and vice versa.
Comments
You're just assuming that Scott was acting like an expert, since that's usually a safe thing to assume. This time it was just the air of Scott that you were sensing.
But to try to answer Scott's original question, we've had so many discussions about this. Emotions and relationships can be very complicated things. People do a lot of stupid things because of emotions.
You are a person who sticks to your beliefs and preferences and have a lot of logic/common sense/reasoning. Your chances of being in an IBM marriage are minimal as long as you stay the course.
tl;dr
Scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, Scootaloo scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott, scott.
Edit: I had the same thought...
My post-breakup spending was very moderate. I did buy a 40" plasma and surround sound system but I got them on sale and only spent about $900 for both. I also picked up a new Xbox, Wii and PS3. Overall "splurge" spending was under $2,000.
Over time I purchased new pots and pans. I started with the crappy ones from Walmart but I've been slowly replacing them with much better ones. Same with dishes. Start with the cheapest option available and later on, when you have decided on a style save up and buy it.
For furniture I started on the cheap going with a real crappy (hurt your ass if you sit too long) futon and some cheap particle board furniture. I also cruised the thrift stores looking for functional (if ugly) furniture. I now have a nice Ikea couch that folds out to a queen size sleeper that I managed to pick up off of craigslist for half off retail in brand new condition. I managed to take it apart and get it all home in one trip but I drove with my knees up to my ears to do so.
It takes about six months for the "yeah, it's really over, I'm free" feeling to sink in and take hold.
Your financial situation is likely very different than mine. I got screwed over financially and I'm living on about 1/3rd of my income because of the screwing. Between taxes, alimony, child support and paying off the legal debt I'm left with just under $2,000 a month to support myself. That money has to cover rent, food, gas, car repairs, etc... Even though I make a lot of money on paper I don't see most of it. I can deduct alimony paid off of my income for tax purposes but not child support.
Enough whining from me.
I've been looking for over two years for a good geeky girl to date. The ones I have found tend to either live far away or are physically unattractive to me. I have also dated girls who said they were into geeky stuff but actually were not. Also keep an eye out for the "daddy shoppers" out there. In our age range most of the women you will meet will have kids. To be honest, I don't trust a woman my age who doesn't have kids.
Am I the only dude on earth who has a brain in my head that always wins over the brain in my pants?
Also get back on topic.
Eliminating the sexytime stuff, it's someone who you can be around and share things with nearly 100% of the time. Even when I had close friends and roommates who hung out a lot it wasn't nearly the same. It's hard to explain.
In no way does the potential future failure of a relationship necessarily mean that the thing was a bad idea from the start. Certainly, many relationships are bad ideas from the start, but many relationships have a time and a place.
Just because your emotions are simple doesn't mean everyone's emotions are simple. It's all chemistry, and the chemistry does not function consistently from person to person. Biology is sloppy.
Also, this could just be anecdotal, but I only notice this problem really happening in old and middle aged people. The young people I know are nerdy people married to nerdy people totally nerding out like crazy. Are all of those couples doomed to de-geekify in a decade or two? If so, that is very sad.
I also think that some people need that person that they can put most of their trust into emotionally. To have a person who can support you when you are at your most vulnerable is a very precious thing and vice versa.