But if you woke up tomorrow and decided you were gay, or that you really didn't like the original Legend of Zelda, or that Pinkie Pie was superior to Rainbow Dash, would it really be that terrible?
YES only because you fuckers would never let me live it down if say, I suddenly said WoW was awesome and Counter-Strike sucks.
But if you woke up tomorrow and decided you were gay, or that you really didn't like the original Legend of Zelda, or that Pinkie Pie was superior to Rainbow Dash, would it really be that terrible?
YES only because you fuckers would never let me live it down if say, I suddenly said WoW was awesome and Counter-Strike sucks.
But I thought that smart people just ignore trolls, bullies, and insults. That shit should just roll right off your back, like some kind of hairy duck.
But if you woke up tomorrow and decided you were gay, or that you really didn't like the original Legend of Zelda, or that Pinkie Pie was superior to Rainbow Dash, would it really be that terrible?
YES only because you fuckers would never let me live it down if say, I suddenly said WoW was awesome and Counter-Strike sucks.
But if you woke up tomorrow and decided you were gay, or that you really didn't like the original Legend of Zelda, or that Pinkie Pie was superior to Rainbow Dash, would it really be that terrible?
YES only because you fuckers would never let me live it down if say, I suddenly said WoW was awesome and Counter-Strike sucks.
Wait, you care about what we say? That's not the Scott Rubin I know...
But if you woke up tomorrow and decided you were gay, or that you really didn't like the original Legend of Zelda, or that Pinkie Pie was superior to Rainbow Dash, would it really be that terrible?
YES only because you fuckers would never let me live it down if say, I suddenly said WoW was awesome and Counter-Strike sucks.
Wait, you care about what we say? That's not the Scott Rubin I know...
I don't love Lisa any less, but her personality did change significantly when she developed polycystic ovary syndrome. Her sex drive dropped to rock-bottom, she became moodier, her interests changed, she developed some weird physiological quirks like sensitivity to heat, and she developed some severe anxiety/compulsive issues.
Am I married to a different person? Maybe. Is there less compatibility? Certainly. Does it mean that the non-optimum pairing should be ended or that it is "stupid" or "illogical?" Negatory.
It does mean that I have to change and grow as a person to compensate, and I've decided to shift the values I place on certain things.
Medical changes are going to happen. You're going to have to deal with them. For some, the right answer is divorce and for others it's not. There are a lot of variables. It's not a black-and-white answer.
I'm beginning to believe that some of the foundational ideas supporting marriage are just outdated. I mean, when life expectancies were in the 40s and not that many people even lived to experience menopause things might have been different. If one or both of us had died in our 40s, we would've had a "forever" marriage.
Haven't gotten the PS3 yet. Today I'm getting one of those super - humongous shower head dealies.
Every divorce is different. I tried to make it work but both parties have to be honest about what the real problems are and be willing to address them, assuming they can be addressed.
I work with a guy that has been married for fourty years to a woman with brain damage. They don't have much of a marriage because her brain damage is of the "I'm going to stand in my yard and talk to my friends the shrubs" variety. Why are they still together? They were high school sweeties, best friends and all and the brain damage occurred in an accident. He loves her too much to dump her and he has a good support group of friends and family.
I also know of couples that divorced because someone new and exciting came along to temp the board home dweller person in the marriage. The board home dweller liked the attention and was pissed that the other person was always at work. Never did the home dweller think, "maybe if I worked a job when the kids are at school my other half wouldn't always be at work." Instead the new person sold them a line about getting the soon to be ex to pay for everything after the divforce. Several thousand dollars later working ex-spouse is struggling to make ends meet (which is why they were always at work in the first place) and the bored one is now broke, bored and still lonely cause the tempter moved on.
Some marriages break down because of communication problems. For example in my marriage I was always the cleaner. I'm borderline OCD when I clean but in a good way. What started out as her playfully poking fun at my cleaning system grew into mean insults over time. Part of it was based on her realization that anything she did I could do better in almost every way. She saw my cleaning as a competition where no competition existed. Since she couldn't beat me at cleaning she chose to beat me down until I eventually stopped cleaning. This allowed her to win.
I tried telling her in counseling that her quitting her job was the beginning of the end of our relationship but she would not accept that because it put the root blame on her, which would make her the loser in the argument. Funny thing is that all of her friends and family agree that it was a mistake for her to quit. So much of who she was came from her job. When she quit she struggled to find a new identity but she never achieved a similar level of satisfaction or accomplishment. In the end she settled on parent and me as the other parent was perceived not as a partner but a competitor. The more I did thinking we were acting as partners the more competitive she became in trying beat me.
If she had been honest and communicated, even if it pointed out her own failings, we might have worked through the early problems before they became big problems.
I'm beginning to believe that some of the foundational ideas supporting marriage are just outdated. I mean, when life expectancies were in the 40s and not that many people even lived to experience menopause things might have been different. If one or both of us had died in our 40s, we would've had a "forever" marriage.
Haven't gotten the PS3 yet. Today I'm getting one of those super - humongous shower head dealies.
Go with the double showerhead setup if you have good water pressure. One of my first purchases when I got my apartment was a new showerhead.
I get the regular size showerhead that can also be handheld with a bunch of settings. If you don't pay the water bill, remove the regulator thingy for maximum illegal pressure!
Yes. From what I learned about the double shower head when I saw it at the Westin Inn at PAX East last year, you have one shower head for your face, the other one for your crotch.
What if I do pay the water bill but just want the best possibly shower available? Can I still do something to it to make it awesome?
You'll get caught if you remove the regulator and be in big trouble because your water bill will go way up, and they are looking for it. The system will flag you.
@jason: Everything I've posted at least applies only to the shorter term. I see people now, in relationships measured in months making the mistakes I'm talking about. A multi-decade marriage, injury, disease, etc...: that's all out of scope. ;^)
I do believe that relationships can wane as people change. Life and all. But I see so many people getting into relationships that start with these problems that it's kind of ridiculous.
@Scott, people struck by lightning often have severely different personalities afterward. It happens. Our brains are fragile masses of goo at best.
@Rym is the mistakes you see in the relationships only lasting months an issue of your friends quickly figuring things out or blindly entering bad relationships?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. How the shit old do you think I am? This summer will only be a single decade, fella. Don't add any more white hairs than I already have
But if you woke up tomorrow and decided you were gay, or that you really didn't like the original Legend of Zelda, or that Pinkie Pie was superior to Rainbow Dash, would it really be that terrible?
YES only because you fuckers would never let me live it down if say, I suddenly said WoW was awesome and Counter-Strike sucks.
Actually, though you might not believe it, I wouldn't bother you about it. I'd be confused and maybe question why you'd suddenly changed your mind, but shit, dude, if that's how you wanna roll, that's how you wanna roll.
But if you woke up tomorrow and decided you were gay, or that you really didn't like the original Legend of Zelda, or that Pinkie Pie was superior to Rainbow Dash, would it really be that terrible?
YES only because you fuckers would never let me live it down if say, I suddenly said WoW was awesome and Counter-Strike sucks.
Actually, though you might not believe it, I wouldn't bother you about it. I'd be confused and maybe question why you'd suddenly changed your mind, but shit, dude, if that's how you wanna roll, that's how you wanna roll.
Well you guys should know that if any of you come to me and admit I am right about something after arguing against me, I will cram so many "I told you sos" up your ass you'll be able to lick Saturn's rings.
But if you woke up tomorrow and decided you were gay, or that you really didn't like the original Legend of Zelda, or that Pinkie Pie was superior to Rainbow Dash, would it really be that terrible?
YES only because you fuckers would never let me live it down if say, I suddenly said WoW was awesome and Counter-Strike sucks.
Actually, though you might not believe it, I wouldn't bother you about it. I'd be confused and maybe question why you'd suddenly changed your mind, but shit, dude, if that's how you wanna roll, that's how you wanna roll.
Well you guys should know that if any of you come to me and admit I am right about something after arguing against me, I will cram so many "I told you sos" up your ass you'll be able to lick Saturn's rings.
I know. That's why every time I've changed position, I've done so in such a way that you don't notice. We've been communicating in the same space on a daily basis for, what, 4 years now? You pick up a few tricks over time.
I believe Vikings did 7-year contracts. At the end, you could walk away or renegotiate.
That's awesome! I like that. Maybe I will institute that in my life. We renewed our relationship lease more than a year ago, then. It has almost been a decade!
I remember when I was really hungry and I had a headache and I started getting cranky at Rym. He said, "You aren't mad at me, you are in a bad mood because you feel bad. Let's go get some food." and then we went and got lunch and I felt better. Or when I am stressed after a bunch of weekend work, Rym is like "Don't be mad at me, you are mad about work and projecting." He is really good at letting me know when to separate me actually feeling bad about other stuff from the way I act to him. When he has seen me through so much anxiety and stress, I think that we will be okay, even if my hormones get out of whack with age. My mom did not really change that much, except that she had physical symptoms, like hot flashes.
Jeremy did the same thing with projecting his frustrations at me for being sick for so long today that I did the same thing Rym did with you just a few hours ago.
He ended up apologizing and thanking me for taking care of him so well. It's always nice to have a different perspective to keep yourself in check whenever you get frustrated.
I find making up your own rules helps a great deal. Fuck arbitrary standards.
You have to be monogamous? Who fucking says? The only people whose opinions matter are you and me. So let's set fidelity rules that WE want and can be happy with.
You can't re-evaluate your commitments after time has passed? Who says? Make sure you have a partner who is cool with periodically assessing your joint situation and making rational decisions about the future.
Also, I flat out tell Pete when I dislike his friends or his activities. I am not going to help him brew beer or go to a party where there will be a crazy chick who hates me because she wants to date my boyfriend. It's a lot better not to secretly hate (okay, dislike) things. Do it out in the open!
No subjects are taboo for us to talk to each other about. If he wants to ask about my age/hormones/whatever, that's cool. Society might say you never ask a woman if she is PMSing, but in my case that is a really good question to ask if I'm acting wonko!
Man, that's really damn pragmatic. In a positive way though. I want to meet someone who thinks like that instead of working within circumscribed societal dating norms.
I believe Vikings did 7-year contracts. At the end, you could walk away or renegotiate.
That's awesome! I like that. Maybe I will institute that in my life. We renewed our relationship lease more than a year ago, then. It has almost been a decade!
Well, to be fair, Vikings also engaged in arranged marriages. The contract was formed between the respective families, not the married couples.
I could actually be wrong about the duration thing. I think it was actually either 10 years, or they could just get divorced for essentially no reason.
Jeremy has friends that I don't particularly care to be homies with. They are overall nice guys, but I they're not the sort of people I would go out of my way to be friends with. I have no problem with Jeremy having sausagefest shenanigans with them either at or away from the apartment.
I tell Jeremy I don't care how silly or small it is to share anything he's thinking in regards to the relationship. I'll listen.
I edited up above, but that's a pretty awesome outlook to have. I feel like if someone approached a relationship with me like that, we'd have a pretty good thing going-- especially because I am just as likely to be the one who is going to be all moody and shit as anyone else. Communication, yeah!
Comments
Well, that's chemistry for ya.
Am I married to a different person? Maybe. Is there less compatibility? Certainly. Does it mean that the non-optimum pairing should be ended or that it is "stupid" or "illogical?" Negatory.
It does mean that I have to change and grow as a person to compensate, and I've decided to shift the values I place on certain things.
Medical changes are going to happen. You're going to have to deal with them. For some, the right answer is divorce and for others it's not. There are a lot of variables. It's not a black-and-white answer.
Haven't gotten the PS3 yet. Today I'm getting one of those super - humongous shower head dealies.
I work with a guy that has been married for fourty years to a woman with brain damage. They don't have much of a marriage because her brain damage is of the "I'm going to stand in my yard and talk to my friends the shrubs" variety. Why are they still together? They were high school sweeties, best friends and all and the brain damage occurred in an accident. He loves her too much to dump her and he has a good support group of friends and family.
I also know of couples that divorced because someone new and exciting came along to temp the board home dweller person in the marriage. The board home dweller liked the attention and was pissed that the other person was always at work. Never did the home dweller think, "maybe if I worked a job when the kids are at school my other half wouldn't always be at work." Instead the new person sold them a line about getting the soon to be ex to pay for everything after the divforce. Several thousand dollars later working ex-spouse is struggling to make ends meet (which is why they were always at work in the first place) and the bored one is now broke, bored and still lonely cause the tempter moved on.
Some marriages break down because of communication problems. For example in my marriage I was always the cleaner. I'm borderline OCD when I clean but in a good way. What started out as her playfully poking fun at my cleaning system grew into mean insults over time. Part of it was based on her realization that anything she did I could do better in almost every way. She saw my cleaning as a competition where no competition existed. Since she couldn't beat me at cleaning she chose to beat me down until I eventually stopped cleaning. This allowed her to win.
I tried telling her in counseling that her quitting her job was the beginning of the end of our relationship but she would not accept that because it put the root blame on her, which would make her the loser in the argument. Funny thing is that all of her friends and family agree that it was a mistake for her to quit. So much of who she was came from her job. When she quit she struggled to find a new identity but she never achieved a similar level of satisfaction or accomplishment. In the end she settled on parent and me as the other parent was perceived not as a partner but a competitor. The more I did thinking we were acting as partners the more competitive she became in trying beat me.
If she had been honest and communicated, even if it pointed out her own failings, we might have worked through the early problems before they became big problems.
I do believe that relationships can wane as people change. Life and all. But I see so many people getting into relationships that start with these problems that it's kind of ridiculous.
@Scott, people struck by lightning often have severely different personalities afterward. It happens. Our brains are fragile masses of goo at best.
I remember when I was really hungry and I had a headache and I started getting cranky at Rym. He said, "You aren't mad at me, you are in a bad mood because you feel bad. Let's go get some food." and then we went and got lunch and I felt better. Or when I am stressed after a bunch of weekend work, Rym is like "Don't be mad at me, you are mad about work and projecting." He is really good at letting me know when to separate me actually feeling bad about other stuff from the way I act to him. When he has seen me through so much anxiety and stress, I think that we will be okay, even if my hormones get out of whack with age. My mom did not really change that much, except that she had physical symptoms, like hot flashes.
He ended up apologizing and thanking me for taking care of him so well. It's always nice to have a different perspective to keep yourself in check whenever you get frustrated.
You have to be monogamous? Who fucking says? The only people whose opinions matter are you and me. So let's set fidelity rules that WE want and can be happy with.
You can't re-evaluate your commitments after time has passed? Who says? Make sure you have a partner who is cool with periodically assessing your joint situation and making rational decisions about the future.
Also, I flat out tell Pete when I dislike his friends or his activities. I am not going to help him brew beer or go to a party where there will be a crazy chick who hates me because she wants to date my boyfriend. It's a lot better not to secretly hate (okay, dislike) things. Do it out in the open!
No subjects are taboo for us to talk to each other about. If he wants to ask about my age/hormones/whatever, that's cool. Society might say you never ask a woman if she is PMSing, but in my case that is a really good question to ask if I'm acting wonko!
I could actually be wrong about the duration thing. I think it was actually either 10 years, or they could just get divorced for essentially no reason. Yup.
Jeremy has friends that I don't particularly care to be homies with. They are overall nice guys, but I they're not the sort of people I would go out of my way to be friends with. I have no problem with Jeremy having sausagefest shenanigans with them either at or away from the apartment.
I tell Jeremy I don't care how silly or small it is to share anything he's thinking in regards to the relationship. I'll listen.