So I have come to the crushing realization that a vast majority of my social issues (especially my issues with talking to people of the opposite sex) have come from my crushing issues with my mother and her seeming inability to accept me for who I am. My attempts at relationships with women seem to not really stem from me wanting to date them, but rather wanting them to give me the love an acceptance that I never really got from my mom.
I also seem to have some serious abandonment issues from the fact that the only real affectionate interaction that I have received from a woman beyond the realm of friendship was when I drunkenly made out with a friend who then proceeded to tell me to not tell people about it and then didn't talk to me for a number of months afterwards. To top it off, she's now dating one of my best friends.
This has been a very productive night of drinking in that it has made me realize that I need to seek some serious psychiatric help if I am ever to hope to achieve a real relationship with a woman.
Anybody want to touch this shit with a 10 feet cattle prod?
Oh Ryan, I've been trying to tell you these things for years... I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation, I have always adored you for who you are and have tried to tell you for years that you are a very important friend to me no matter what, and you deserve so much better.
But seriously please do seek help. The first step to getting better is accepting help. I will be there to support you in whatever ways I can.
Moms will totally fuck you up. My mom taught me avoidance as a primary way to deal with difficult or complex emotional issues. Coming to grips with that was a huge step for me.
@Katie: If someone consistently deprecates the things you do for them, the correct thing to do is punch them in the neck.
My advice there is to communicate your need for appreciation and reassuarance of value. We all need that. And if they continue to be relentlessly negative - well, you can figure that one out. You should find people who appreciate your efforts and acknowledge your value.
At the same time, recognize constructive criticism and take feedback. I'm not saying that you weren't here - it's just a good practice in general.
It's hard to figure out what came out of my childhood. I'm an outlier on a lot of fronts from my family. If anything, I took after relatives that died before I was born, I'm told.
My mom taught me I was a mean person for not liking enough foods, and that while she would help me, I owed her, and that if I told her I didn't want her to give me special treatment, she would give it to me anyways and then be upset over the fact that she had to give me special treatment.
I feel like a lot my the people I end up getting close to have mom issues. Mine straight-out told me that no one could ever actually love me because I'm broken and no one wants someone who is broken; tried to get me to drop out of college and get a minimum wage job to pay for my sister to go to school, and outright said that I would never make it anywhere in life. Obviously I don't consciously believe her, but to have someone who does nothing but put down my work and then breaks up with me by saying that he "does not and cannot love" me, yeah, it fucks with your mind a good deal.
I tried to explain that criticism, if constructive, was acceptable, but he was just being a pouty bitch about it. Again, something will not automatically fit perfectly the first time I put it together. I'm well acquainted with my own self and I still have to fit things to me 4-5 times before they're perfect. But no matter what I said, he just kept spouting shit like, "Well if you'd taken better measurements it would have come out right" and "you shouldn't have tried to make it so fast".
I feel like this article (both pages) is generally applicable to this Dating thread. And to life. Dating is specifically addressed halfway through the article. I love the idea of making Alec Baldwin's speech my phone's morning alarm tone.
The Moms is too cool for me to have mommy issues. Whenever I'm home, we just chat and sip bourbon and watch movies. Maybe if you qualify "Being total bros with The Moms" as a mommy issue; I don't, though.
Dad might have fucked me up a bit w/r/t to being a chubby, unpopular, unathletic kid in my middle/high school years. I'm mostly over that these days, mainly because I'm thinner than him and pretty well-liked now.
In all seriousness, it's just a small written affectation that I picked up from an author I really admire. I didn't realize it was apt to irritate anyone.
Comments
EDIT: Also, this girl has a very cute slight lisp and snakebite piercings which just about drive me crazy when I think about them. Sheesh.
I also seem to have some serious abandonment issues from the fact that the only real affectionate interaction that I have received from a woman beyond the realm of friendship was when I drunkenly made out with a friend who then proceeded to tell me to not tell people about it and then didn't talk to me for a number of months afterwards. To top it off, she's now dating one of my best friends.
This has been a very productive night of drinking in that it has made me realize that I need to seek some serious psychiatric help if I am ever to hope to achieve a real relationship with a woman.
Anybody want to touch this shit with a 10 feet cattle prod?
But seriously please do seek help. The first step to getting better is accepting help. I will be there to support you in whatever ways I can.
@Katie: If someone consistently deprecates the things you do for them, the correct thing to do is punch them in the neck.
My advice there is to communicate your need for appreciation and reassuarance of value. We all need that. And if they continue to be relentlessly negative - well, you can figure that one out. You should find people who appreciate your efforts and acknowledge your value.
At the same time, recognize constructive criticism and take feedback. I'm not saying that you weren't here - it's just a good practice in general.
Obviously I don't consciously believe her, but to have someone who does nothing but put down my work and then breaks up with me by saying that he "does not and cannot love" me, yeah, it fucks with your mind a good deal.
I tried to explain that criticism, if constructive, was acceptable, but he was just being a pouty bitch about it. Again, something will not automatically fit perfectly the first time I put it together. I'm well acquainted with my own self and I still have to fit things to me 4-5 times before they're perfect. But no matter what I said, he just kept spouting shit like, "Well if you'd taken better measurements it would have come out right" and "you shouldn't have tried to make it so fast".
So I'm glad I'm away from that, for sure.
Also, this!
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
Dad might have fucked me up a bit w/r/t to being a chubby, unpopular, unathletic kid in my middle/high school years. I'm mostly over that these days, mainly because I'm thinner than him and pretty well-liked now.
In all seriousness, it's just a small written affectation that I picked up from an author I really admire. I didn't realize it was apt to irritate anyone.