"Bro, I don't think we are really getting along very well. Let's just split."
"Yeah, bro. I really don't like you, and I know you don't like me, but we're both chill. Let's just let it be."
And that's how you play board games with a right wing crazy.
However crazy sometime is just still just crazy, I have tried this with someone at a gaming event one time only for them to try to flip it on me. Needless to say I no longer go to that event again.
Sometimes crazy shit happens and you have to deal with it. Not all crazy shit is Drama (as in, unnecessary bullshit), and not all Drama is avoidable. You deal with it the best you can. This is why my talk on the subject is called "Dealing with Drama," not "Avoiding Drama Altogether."
Some people, especially those who do not come from crazy families, have better success at avoiding the crazy bullshit. That's all.
I think the rule of "Can't be in the same place as ex" is also bullshit. Sometimes people can't get along. It is the SMARTER thing to do to avoid them rather than be in the same place. Sometimes, two people who've been that close and broken it off have done so because there were negative feelings, and being around each other will further invoke said feelings. This will lead to a desire to cause outbursts, drama, anger, etc.
Therefore, avoiding them is actually the "drama"-free option.
Also, some people have drama but are good people. They had family problems, they had relationship problems, they have been damaged, and just need someone to be their friend through all the shit they have to go through. Ignoring them because "drama" means they can never move past it and are stuck there forever only with the people who cause drama. If you are their friend, they may someday escape it.
No. The drama free solution option is to be able to be in the same room as someone else without having an attack like a baby. Just don't talk to that person. Self control is the opposite of drama and the same as being a mature adult and cool person.
I think the rule of "Can't be in the same place as ex" is also bullshit. Sometimes people can't get along.
On that front, if one party acts out and causes problems due to proximity, I cut that person out of my social interactions. I have zero patience for dealing with "well I'm not coming if HE comes" bullshit.
If I know two people who don't get along, and I like both of them, I will not in any way facilitate their avoidance of one another, and either one causing issues due to the other is automatically socially "at fault."
No. The drama free solution option is to be able to be in the same room as someone else without having an attack like a baby. Just don't talk to that person. Self control is the opposite of drama and the same as being a mature adult and cool person.
That requires both parties to be civil. Not being in the same place as someone usually comes about because one of the two will cause drama.
No. The drama free solution option is to be able to be in the same room as someone else without having an attack like a baby. Just don't talk to that person. Self control is the opposite of drama and the same as being a mature adult and cool person.
That requires both parties to be civil. Not being in the same place as someone usually comes about because one of the two will cause drama.
That's the point. If you aren't civil, you are drama and uncool, so GTFO until you fix your shit.
I'm just saying, sometimes you can control yourself, but situations will test you. No one's will is iron. You can be chill and in control, but some people set you off. Maybe you are so iron control that you can handle all the way up to Fred Phelps/other levels of hatemongers without losing your cool. However, maybe you don't, and people who've hurt you/caused drama with you will test you very far. In this case, it is both easier and a service to everyone involved for you to avoid that person.
NOW, if you are saying things like, "Don't invite this person or I won't come," that is quite rude. Rather, if you hear that someone goes to a particular club or event and decide to back out because you think it would be better for yourself and others, you are not drama. You are actively avoiding potential drama because you know your limits. Not everyone has perfect control of themselves when they've been through pain. I think expecting that of everyone is a bit extreme. I expect everyone to know their limits and what they can handle. If they can't handle something, I expect them to choose to back out.
If you can't control yourself, you are drama and need to work on that. I could probably sit and have a chat with Hitler (I win Godwin's LAW!), but I think he might be the one who loses his cool.
Well, then you are a paragon of humanity, my dear Scott. But I can't expect everyone to be the most above average, because then I'd miss out on lots of people who provide cool and meaningful experiences, even if they have/will provide drama experiences.
No. The drama free solution option is to be able to be in the same room as someone else without having an attack like a baby. Just don't talk to that person. Self control is the opposite of drama and the same as being a mature adult and cool person.
That requires both parties to be civil. Not being in the same place as someone usually comes about because one of the two will cause drama.
That's the point. If you aren't civil, you are drama and uncool, so GTFO until you fix your shit.
The person you are with may not be the problem. However because they know they other party will cause trouble they avoid them at all costs. That is not drama, that is avoiding drama.
No. The drama free solution option is to be able to be in the same room as someone else without having an attack like a baby. Just don't talk to that person. Self control is the opposite of drama and the same as being a mature adult and cool person.
That requires both parties to be civil. Not being in the same place as someone usually comes about because one of the two will cause drama.
That's the point. If you aren't civil, you are drama and uncool, so GTFO until you fix your shit.
The person you are with may not be the problem. However because they know they other party will cause trouble they avoid them at all costs. That is not drama, that is avoiding drama.
Whoever freaks out is the drama person. It doesn't even matter who freaks out first. If one freaks out and the other is like "huh?" and remains chill, then they are not drama. If they both freak out, both drama.
Cool people who are in control will be chill. I don't have time or energy in my life for drama people.
Maintaining your cool when there would otherwise be drama causes internal stress. Maybe if you're perfect I guess not. But stopping yourself from doing that takes energy, work, and can stress and tire someone out. I don't fault someone who puts themselves out of that situation.
If they can't hang around someone and make that choice for themselves, affecting no one else and not trying to change anyone else's actions, I really can't justify calling them drama.
Maintaining your cool when there would otherwise be drama causes internal stress. Maybe if you're perfect I guess not. But stopping yourself from doing that takes energy, work, and can stress and tire someone out. I don't fault someone who puts themselves out of that situation.
If they can't hang around someone and make that choice for themselves, affecting no one else and not trying to change anyone else's actions, I really can't justify calling them drama.
If it takes energy to NOT freak out, then see #2 above. For me, it takes energy TO freak out. Chill is default. I remove all drama people from my life. I have nothing to do with them. I don't even see drama these days except on the streets, or hear secondhand stories about it from other people.
I'm pretty sure that person is Fred Phelps. His family bases their living on goading reasonable people into doing dumb things. He's likely much smarter than we all give him credit for, the bastard.
I am completely happy and comfortable with my decision to never meet, communicate with, refer to by name or be in the presence of the psycho ex-girlfriend. A few weeks ago I found myself invited to a private Facebook group that she was in, and I left the group immediately. This might seem like I'm holding a grudge, or causing drama, but the decision I made back when she left my life has served me well for the last 9 years, 11 months, 2 weeks and 3 days.
Some people are very crazy. Some people are kind of crazy. Some people, you just have a bad history with. All of these people are worth being avoided. If this means you miss out on social opportunities, well, that sucks. At least you're not creating drama for everyone else in that social situation.
Thankfully living in a different country means not many social functions overlap. Unfortunately she is still friends with family members so she pops up now on the on social media (but is thankfully easily blocked).
Comments
Sometimes crazy shit happens and you have to deal with it. Not all crazy shit is Drama (as in, unnecessary bullshit), and not all Drama is avoidable. You deal with it the best you can. This is why my talk on the subject is called "Dealing with Drama," not "Avoiding Drama Altogether."
Some people, especially those who do not come from crazy families, have better success at avoiding the crazy bullshit. That's all.
Therefore, avoiding them is actually the "drama"-free option.
Also, some people have drama but are good people. They had family problems, they had relationship problems, they have been damaged, and just need someone to be their friend through all the shit they have to go through. Ignoring them because "drama" means they can never move past it and are stuck there forever only with the people who cause drama. If you are their friend, they may someday escape it.
If I know two people who don't get along, and I like both of them, I will not in any way facilitate their avoidance of one another, and either one causing issues due to the other is automatically socially "at fault."
NOW, if you are saying things like, "Don't invite this person or I won't come," that is quite rude. Rather, if you hear that someone goes to a particular club or event and decide to back out because you think it would be better for yourself and others, you are not drama. You are actively avoiding potential drama because you know your limits. Not everyone has perfect control of themselves when they've been through pain. I think expecting that of everyone is a bit extreme. I expect everyone to know their limits and what they can handle. If they can't handle something, I expect them to choose to back out.
Cool people who are in control will be chill. I don't have time or energy in my life for drama people.
If they can't hang around someone and make that choice for themselves, affecting no one else and not trying to change anyone else's actions, I really can't justify calling them drama.
But if someone flips out consistently (and isn't getting professional help related to said flipping out), I cut them off.
Luckily, I am not friends with any people who can not share the same space with one another for an evening without incident.
(but it might be hard because I would have to deal with them)