Scott you realize there are many successful relationships where the age difference is 10 or more years... Once you get to Thirty, 25 year olds are not that young and 35 are not that old... I know people having a successful life with people 15 years older then them. It's only scary if you are going after under 20 year old women after your 30+ :-p Then it gets creepy, it also matters how you go about doing it too.
Scott you realize there are many successful relationships where the age difference is 10 or more years... Once you get to Thirty, 25 year olds are not that young and 35 are not that old... I know people having a successful life with people 15 years older then them. It's only scary if you are going after under 20 year old women after your 30+ :-p Then it gets creepy, it also matters how you go about doing it too.
I know that there exist many relationships that are many years apart. I mean, Hugh Hefner exists.
Even so, I still think that's really creepy. Part of it is because I have two younger siblings, and I still think of them as kids. If some girl tells me she is 21, then I think she is as old as my sister, and then she might as well be 16 years old. I have no problem talking to them or hanging out with them, but any romantic ideas set off all the alarms.
Girls account for roughly 50% of the population, so all the people who whine about there being no single women need to realize that either there are a ton of polygamists, or they are just mistaken.
There are totally car girls! My sister is one (although she has been more into motorcycles lately.) She is cuter than me, super smart, played Half Life and NS, and turned down graduating early so she could spend most of her senior year taking automotive-tech at the local trade school. She's been dating the same guy since she was 14, so this does apply to you, but I'm just saying, I know first hand what it is like to live with a total car geek.
OK notice I said that there are no single girls into cars, not no girls into cars. The problem is much like Scott said and since cars are so far skewed male, single girls into cars do not remain that way for any length of time. Like you said, your sister has been dating the same guy since she was 14. I've only found one single girl into cars and failed to hit it off with her in any way.
Now, I'm trying to increase my chances here by not looking for just car people. I'm looking for an girl who's smart and into at least one geekery (cars, computers, guns, video games, board games, anime, sci-fi, etc). Even on OKCupid this is a terribly narrow field in the DC area, I've only gotten one reply and maybe a date.
TL/DR I'm being defeatist based on an ever growing sample size of failures.
EDIT: Also, the people who tell me the most that there are tons of geeky women out there are my geeky female friends who are already in relationships. Not to be cynical, but your perspective is skewed me thinks. :P
Also, as Scott said, I'm totally a Flutterguy. I'm really nice and respectful of girls, and unless a girl overtly shows interest I'd probably disregard it.
TL/DR I'm being defeatist based on an ever growing sample size of failures.
Ya for reals. Get over yourself. Nobody gets it perfect on the first couple of tries. Even I, who am awesome, have had 4 serious, long-term relationships that failed. That's not even counting the people who didn't get to that stage of relationship.
After I talked to Pete about how many ladies he dated before giving up on finding a sane one, I was really surprised at how low the number was. Come on you guys, dating is not like a college class. Just because you failed it twice doesn't mean you should give up on it. Stop telling yourselves how much the odds are stacked against you. With the infinite variety of personalities out there, you're going to have to wade through some people before you find one that meshes with you.
TL/DR: Man up and stop blaming your singleness on a lack of suitable candidates.
TL/DR: Man up and stop blaming your singleness on a lack of suitable candidates.
Hardly the case, I have met these girls, they exist. Also, given the data I have at hand, the only logical conclusion is that I am not datable. It's the only common thread. :P
See, at least with my failures, I actually got to the dating stage with a handful of women. I never counted women that I attempted to date, which is where George is right now.
George, you're shooting yourself down before you actually fail. You haven't even gotten a single data point yet!
When I say common interest, it doesn't mean someone who is a copy of yourself. Even within the realm of nerdery there is such diversity. Look at any of the nerdy couples in this forum. Both people are geeky, but different geeky. You can have a team up of board game guy and Dr. Who girl. Maybe both people like anime, but one of them likes it way more than the other.
The thing is that when you are a geek of any kind, (even sports geek, car geek, etc.) those interests are a thing that takes a significant part of your life. In a way, they are already your lover. If someone is going to be your actual lover, then they need to be able to understand that you also love these geekeries. If they are geeky about something, anything at all, then odds are good they will accept, respect, or even share in your geekery. You must avoid at all costs the person who tries to tell you not to go to board game night, or to get rid of all your toys/comics.
I'll agree that you should never date someone who is going to try and completely redefine you or make you give up stuff you love, but it's foolish to have your interests dictate who you are as well. Having someone be "into one geekery" isn't on my list of criteria because I believe there are far too many geekeries to define, and I'd rather find someone who is obsessive about something I never really pursued but was always interested in (political action, art, theater) and is equally open-minded. To disqualify someone because they aren't into the same stuff as you seems like some weird phobia to me.
TL/DR: Man up and stop blaming your singleness on a lack of suitable candidates.
Hardly the case, I have met these girls, they exist. Also, given the data I have at hand, the only logical conclusion is that I am not datable. It's the only common thread. :P
Oh, this advice is for everyone. Not just you. Also, if someone doesn't want to date you, they aren't worth you dating. Just wait.
@George: I suggest finding a girl that's into guns. If a girl is into gun, then she will most likely be into beer and cars as well. Possibly sex. Maybe sex with you.
Also, cowboy up*.
*EDIT: I mean emotionally and not physically. You can wear a 10 gallon hat and snake skin boots if you want. That's cool with me, but you can be confident without being cocky or aggressive. Being sure of yourself help you get dates.
Someone's got to make the first move and you shouldn't "Flutterguy"** away from it being you.
Well, that's dandy. I'll keep that in mind, since I'm 6'3" and could stand to lose a bit of weight. Still, I'm getting thinner all the time. Now all I cringe about are my scars, really.
Anyway, I've been trading commiserative posts, likes, and flirty comments with a girl I had a massive crush on in high school (never acted on it due to weight and self-esteem, derp). We're both really homesick, insomniacs, and struggle with depression. Trying to bone up the courage to even send her a message, because I think we kind of click.
If George was wider and heavier, I'd totally be into him. George's brain is hawt. His sense of humor ain't bad either.
Girls exist that like wide and heavy? Maybe all my crippling self-esteem problems are silly after all!
Have you seen my boyfriend? That is not a look I am "stuck with." If you look at my past 3 boyfriends as well as my current one, you will notice I have a distinct type. It is not skinny boys.
Edit: PS, scars, bellies, spots, etc. give girls things to fidget with. As a polka-dotted American obsessed with touch, I find plain skin pretty boring.
Edit: PS, scars, bellies, spots, etc. give girls things to fidget with. As a polka-dotted American obsessed with touch, I find plain skin pretty boring.
I'm not the only one!
Jeremy doesn't like it at times, but he learns to deal with it and ignore most of it.
Comments
Even so, I still think that's really creepy. Part of it is because I have two younger siblings, and I still think of them as kids. If some girl tells me she is 21, then I think she is as old as my sister, and then she might as well be 16 years old. I have no problem talking to them or hanging out with them, but any romantic ideas set off all the alarms.
Child
Punk Kid
Adult
Old
The only age categories in existence. ;^)
Legal and Emotionally Immature
Legal and Emotionally Mature
Old Curmudgeon
Will reply more when I have more time, damn work.
Now, I'm trying to increase my chances here by not looking for just car people. I'm looking for an girl who's smart and into at least one geekery (cars, computers, guns, video games, board games, anime, sci-fi, etc). Even on OKCupid this is a terribly narrow field in the DC area, I've only gotten one reply and maybe a date.
TL/DR I'm being defeatist based on an ever growing sample size of failures.
EDIT: Also, the people who tell me the most that there are tons of geeky women out there are my geeky female friends who are already in relationships. Not to be cynical, but your perspective is skewed me thinks. :P
Also, as Scott said, I'm totally a Flutterguy. I'm really nice and respectful of girls, and unless a girl overtly shows interest I'd probably disregard it.
TL/DR EDIT: I agree with Scott.
After I talked to Pete about how many ladies he dated before giving up on finding a sane one, I was really surprised at how low the number was. Come on you guys, dating is not like a college class. Just because you failed it twice doesn't mean you should give up on it. Stop telling yourselves how much the odds are stacked against you. With the infinite variety of personalities out there, you're going to have to wade through some people before you find one that meshes with you.
TL/DR: Man up and stop blaming your singleness on a lack of suitable candidates.
George, you're shooting yourself down before you actually fail. You haven't even gotten a single data point yet!
EDIT: Really just dumb.
Go get data!
EDIT: OK, 1 dumb, 2 crazy, and 1 dumb and crazy.
Oh, and XKCD continues to be relevant:
GOTO: Pony Bar, Blind Tiger, or any other bar where the beer selection cycles enough that what you're drinking is always a conversation starter
END IF
Also, cowboy up*.
*EDIT: I mean emotionally and not physically. You can wear a 10 gallon hat and snake skin boots if you want. That's cool with me, but you can be confident without being cocky or aggressive. Being sure of yourself help you get dates.
Someone's got to make the first move and you shouldn't "Flutterguy"** away from it being you.
**F.U. for making me type that.
Anyway, I've been trading commiserative posts, likes, and flirty comments with a girl I had a massive crush on in high school (never acted on it due to weight and self-esteem, derp). We're both really homesick, insomniacs, and struggle with depression. Trying to bone up the courage to even send her a message, because I think we kind of click.
She likes The Antlers. Good sign.
Edit: PS, scars, bellies, spots, etc. give girls things to fidget with. As a polka-dotted American obsessed with touch, I find plain skin pretty boring.
Jeremy doesn't like it at times, but he learns to deal with it and ignore most of it.