I went out with an A-sexual, Bi-polar, girl with a fiance'. Lets just say life was complicated, and I was kind of a jerk.
How did you manage to get into that one?
Freshman year of college. She was beautiful, different, and very smart. I studies Criminal justice and there are very few people different, smart, or beautiful in my major. So I went for an engineering girl who hung out with a few nerdy guys. 1st loves are precious.
Well then, I guess you made her...sexual? I don't know, there should be some kind of one-liner here, but I can't think of it right now.
Lets just say it didn't end well, and I guess I did... Because following that about a month later she described how great sex with her Fiance' was in VERY GRAPHIC DETAIL. And I was love struck enough to smile and tell her how great that was for her, as my heart was crushed into dust. Then crushed a lot more in the coming months.
I just got a girl's number on the subway. We texted back and forth for two hours or so, then I proceeded to ask her out. After 5 unbearable hours of silence, she just said yes.
I broke up with Chelsea last Sunday because she was falling fast and I was afraid of hurting her later on. The next day she lost her job, and the day after that her best friend died in a car crash. She wanted to talk to me about it at school, and when she said hello I didn't hear her, so she assumed that I was ignoring her. I feel like a dirtbag.
I can't say you did the right thing, because I don't know the entirety of the situation, nor the insides of your own feelings. But I can say you didn't do the wrong thing, and you're not a dirtbag.
You know as well as I do that you couldn't predict the wreck, nor can you predict her getting fired. And you honestly just didn't hear her, shit happens, dude, and sometimes it hurts people, even if you didn't really do it.
You're no dirtbag, Walker. And think about it this way - You're being honest with what you're feeling and what's within yourself. Think - Aside from all the things that happened at the time, ask the little Chealsea that lives in your memory if she would prefer you be honest with yourself and go the way you have, or if she'd rather you kept down a path of doubt, uncertainty, and dishonesty with the self?
If she would have answered the former, then when she's thinking clearer, she would have agreed. If she answers the latter, then you're probably better off having taken the path you have, rather than damaging yourself to please her.
So I've gone on two dates with this girl I met and she's nice and really into me. However, I'm not into her. I'm not sure why. I seem to do most of the talking when we're on dates and she laughs at my jokes and all. But she doesn't seem that smart. Not dumb, just not well above average like me and most of my friends. It could be that she's just socially awkward and doesn't know what to say. I don't know. I don't wanna hurt her feelings, cause she really seems to like me.
I guess try getting her to talk? Ask her about things she likes/thinks. If she can't answer those, then she might be too nervous/shy, or she could be bland. At the same time, you can't afford to be that choosy. If you don't like her, you don't, but everyone doesn't need to be an intellectual. As long as she's not really ignorant about important things.
At the same time, you can't afford to be that choosy.
Eh? Why not?
What George said. Seriously? Really?
Most people really can't. A lot of people can't be choosy. It wasn't a direct insult. Besides, I've also heard George sit and complain about his lack of options constantly.
At the same time, you can't afford to be that choosy.
Eh? Why not?
What George said. Seriously? Really?
Most people really can't. A lot of people can't be choosy. It wasn't a direct insult. Besides, I've also heard George sit and complain about his lack of options constantly.
At the same time, you can't afford to be that choosy.
Eh? Why not?
What George said. Seriously? Really?
Most people really can't. A lot of people can't be choosy. It wasn't a direct insult. Besides, I've also heard George sit and complain about his lack of options constantly.
Be as choosy as you want, just be able to accept that in turn you are single by CHOICE. Don't turn people down on nitpicky reasons and traipse around saying it's IMPOSSIBLE to find someone and you HATE being single and BEING LONELY SUCKS. If it were really that bad, THEN you can't afford to be choosy.
I suggest breaking in the backseat of the MAZDA 2 before making any real discussions. What she may lack in intelligence, she may make up for in flexibility
What a horrible thing to say, Axel! I've been telling him to wait for a good girlfriend, and cheering him on to have patience till he finds someone he gets on well with! If it doesn't click, it doesn't click, and if you pursue the dating despite that, you'll probably have an unfulfilling relationship. I'm not saying wait for the perfect supermodel, just that there needs to be that spark there of comradeship and attraction for things to work. You are saying "just settle!" People who settle are the people who get into crappy marriages that end in tears and bitterness and divorce. It's better to be single than in a relationship you're not happy about.
I only tell people I hate that they "can't afford to be choosy." Everyone can afford to be choosy. In relationships, mutual happiness is absolutely paramount!
In any case, make sure the Mazda "2" lives up to that part of its name before you break it off, like Wyatt said. It's possible she's just not being that cerebral because she's scared guys off like that before, so wait a little bit and see if she comes out of her shell.
Introvert girl and I are talking back and forth again. Seems she had taken a temporary hiatus from internet stuff, and she also appears to have ascertained that I was merely drunk and in a bad place emotionally, instead of crazy/creepy/not a cool person. This is good.
I have never been in a situation where giving the person more time when I was not "feeling it" changed my mind. In fact, more time just makes it harder to break things off. By continuing to date, you're implying that you're finding something between the two of you. If the butterflies in your stomach aren't there, in my experience, that probably won't change regardless of how well it works on paper.
I myself have been in the situation where I don't really feel something, and I keep pursuing it to sort of "figure out" the situation. It's never worked out.
That doesn't mean it will never work out for anyone, but that's been my own experience. You could give it one more shot (I like 3 data points to form a line, etc), but if you feel the same way after the 3rd date, I'd break it off.
I guess try getting her to talk? Ask her about things she likes/thinks. If she can't answer those, then she might be too nervous/shy, or she could be bland. At the same time, you can't afford to be that choosy. If you don't like her, you don't, but everyone doesn't need to be an intellectual. As long as she's not really ignorant about important things.
Also, while "you can't afford to be choosy" is very very very poor wording, there's good advice in here. Someone may not be "smart" about the things you are "smart" about, but they might know a lot about other things.
The measure is not how much a person knows, it's how they treat their ignorance. If they're willing and eager to learn about things they don't know about - well, that's pretty fucking smart.
Don't look for a clone of you. Common ground is good, but you want someone who is definitely different from you.
EDIT: And George, I'll be honest - we didn't think you were all that smart when we first met you. Remember when you started posting and you were all Republican and stuff? So yes, it can take time to figure out that a person is actually interesting.
I suppose that yes, saying you can't afford to be choosy sounds bad. I didn't mean it in a rude way, but again, you have mentioned many times that it's difficult for you to find people and break out of your shell, have you not? I'm not saying to sit in a relationship that doesn't mean anything to you, but what Pete said above is right on the mark. After two dates, if she hasn't opened up, you need to try and make her. If you can't open her up and she continues to not interest you, then yes, there's nothing wrong with looking for someone else. It's just your first post sounded kinda judgmental to me, in the same way that my first post sounded kinda rude.
I don't wanna hurt her feelings, cause she really seems to like me.
This is a problem. Telling her now will be the kinder option in the long run. Man up.
If you're not absolutely sure if you like her or not, and you think you might give it a few more dates to see, try telling her that. "Hey so&so, I'm not really sure how I feel about us. I'd like to keep dating and see if I can figure that out; what do you think?"
At least that gives her the option to make a decision with all the cards on the table, which is the least dickish thing you can do. She might react badly, or she might react maturely but say goodbye. OR she might say yes.
You need to figure out whether you are truly interested in exploring who this girl is any farther, and TAKE ACTION accordingly. Don't be a selfish dick and string her along because you don't like confrontation. (Which is what "I don't want to hurt her feelings" usually means.)
Also, sometimes the act of dating and expectation of relationship can fog things up. Maybe if you got to know her in a non-pressured non-relationship expecting way (aka friends) she might open up. I'm the kind of girl that doesn't open up or fall for a guy unless I've known him awhile. That's just me though, everyone's different. Buy yeah, ditto what everyone's already said. Don't worry about it not working out though, you attracted her, so you shall attract more in the future.
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I went out with an A-sexual, Bi-polar, girl with a fiance'.
Lets just say life was complicated, and I was kind of a jerk.
I studies Criminal justice and there are very few people different, smart, or beautiful in my major. So I went for an engineering girl who hung out with a few nerdy guys. 1st loves are precious.
You know as well as I do that you couldn't predict the wreck, nor can you predict her getting fired. And you honestly just didn't hear her, shit happens, dude, and sometimes it hurts people, even if you didn't really do it.
You're no dirtbag, Walker. And think about it this way - You're being honest with what you're feeling and what's within yourself. Think - Aside from all the things that happened at the time, ask the little Chealsea that lives in your memory if she would prefer you be honest with yourself and go the way you have, or if she'd rather you kept down a path of doubt, uncertainty, and dishonesty with the self?
If she would have answered the former, then when she's thinking clearer, she would have agreed. If she answers the latter, then you're probably better off having taken the path you have, rather than damaging yourself to please her.
oh...damn it! >_<
It's been two dates. Relax.
People who settle are the people who get into crappy marriages that end in tears and bitterness and divorce. It's better to be single than in a relationship you're not happy about.
In any case, make sure the Mazda "2" lives up to that part of its name before you break it off, like Wyatt said. It's possible she's just not being that cerebral because she's scared guys off like that before, so wait a little bit and see if she comes out of her shell.
Introvert girl and I are talking back and forth again. Seems she had taken a temporary hiatus from internet stuff, and she also appears to have ascertained that I was merely drunk and in a bad place emotionally, instead of crazy/creepy/not a cool person. This is good.
That doesn't mean it will never work out for anyone, but that's been my own experience. You could give it one more shot (I like 3 data points to form a line, etc), but if you feel the same way after the 3rd date, I'd break it off.
The measure is not how much a person knows, it's how they treat their ignorance. If they're willing and eager to learn about things they don't know about - well, that's pretty fucking smart.
Don't look for a clone of you. Common ground is good, but you want someone who is definitely different from you.
EDIT: And George, I'll be honest - we didn't think you were all that smart when we first met you. Remember when you started posting and you were all Republican and stuff? So yes, it can take time to figure out that a person is actually interesting.
If you're not absolutely sure if you like her or not, and you think you might give it a few more dates to see, try telling her that. "Hey so&so, I'm not really sure how I feel about us. I'd like to keep dating and see if I can figure that out; what do you think?"
At least that gives her the option to make a decision with all the cards on the table, which is the least dickish thing you can do. She might react badly, or she might react maturely but say goodbye. OR she might say yes.
You need to figure out whether you are truly interested in exploring who this girl is any farther, and TAKE ACTION accordingly. Don't be a selfish dick and string her along because you don't like confrontation. (Which is what "I don't want to hurt her feelings" usually means.)