Edit: I totally just fell for the not being on the last page thing, again :-P
Nah, you're good. You are probably right, I need to sort myself a bit before I try to add in another person. I'm a bit different around the crew simply because I'm comfortable in that environment. But around people I don't know, especially girls, I'm shy.
I'm also thinking about my life now. All my friends are either getting married or married and talking about/having kids. I'm 27 with no serious romantic relationships to my history. Am I falling behind in life? Am I on a different path all together? I don't know anymore. Life was a lot simpler when my goals were "pass this class", "graduate" and "find job."
Most geeks are shy around people they don't know. It's a geek trait. The ones who aren't, are outliers.
I'm so shy around people I don't know (and figures of authority even if I do know them) that I stutter and lisp and can't speak coherently. Double this for women I'm attracted to.
Still, I've been married twice (yeah, but still), have two beautiful daughters with a beautiful home. Shyness is no real barrier. I had a lot of luck with online dating, even though it has its caveats. Getting to know somebody online first is a good way to jumpstart things if you can't perform socially in person very well.
Edit: I totally just fell for the not being on the last page thing, again :-P
Nah, you're good. You are probably right, I need to sort myself a bit before I try to add in another person. I'm a bit different around the crew simply because I'm comfortable in that environment. But around people I don't know, especially girls, I'm shy.
I'm also thinking about my life now. All my friends are either getting married or married and talking about/having kids. I'm 27 with no serious romantic relationships to my history. Am I falling behind in life? Am I on a different path all together? I don't know anymore. Life was a lot simpler when my goals were "pass this class", "graduate" and "find job."
Note, a lot of those people are older then you. For example in the crew, James is 32, Adam is 33? and I am 32. Your a good 3 years younger then most of the crew and 5 older then the old folks of the crew.
It is not a race. Only worry about what makes you happy, not what everyone else is doing. So what if you have not serious dated? People thought I was weird in high school because I didn't date boys, and I was 19 by the first time I had a real boyfriend. As for shyness, you just have to fight it. Practice and you will feel less and less shy. This is coming from someone who was super shy before.
It is not a race. Only worry about what makes you happy, not what everyone else is doing. So what if you have not serious dated? People thought I was weird in high school because I didn't date boys, and I was 19 by the first time I had a real boyfriend. As for shyness, you just have to fight it. Practice and you will feel less and less shy. This is coming from someone who was super shy before.
See I know that it's not a race, but that doesn't make me feel any better. It's stupid and illogical.
It sounds like you need to get out of your comfort zone. Take dancing classes or start up a new community sport. Or if that is too physical, why not join your local car club or something.
If you see kids as an impediment to life then you are squarely in the camp that should never have one. :-)
Which is why I don't have one, unlike most of the people I went to high school with that I secretly make fun of when I see their baby pics on Facebook :-P
I think certain factors determine if a couple wants to have kids. For Dina and I, it's a combination of me having an emotionally abusive dad and Dina having a sister who got pregnant three times (one of them an abortion) before turning 21. We just felt there was too much baggage. Could we be good parents? Maybe, but why take that chance and not only make ourselves miserable, but also have a kid that would have to be a part of that?
If you see kids as an impediment to life then you are squarely in the camp that should never have one. :-)
So even if you change your mind you still shouldn't have kids?
I dunno. Good question. I think the change of mind had better be pretty revelatory and profound.
There is also that hormonal thing. Biological clock messing with your head, people suddenly want babbies because its nature, etc etc. I'm sure this will happen to me one day, yay. In all seriousness, seems once you get preggers, accidental or on purpose, most peoples' brains switch to baby mode, and suddenly having a baby is what they want and is perfect for their life. So you can't necessarily say those people shouldn't have babies, maybe they just didn't realize they really wanted it and could do it yet, and will be good parents?
Also, my personal opinion is that you (people in general) shouldn't have babies just because you "want" to. Because everyone else is having babies and they say you should too, because mom wants a grandbabby, because you want to continue the line, etc. Instead, you should only have kids if you are financially and emotionally responsible, and you truly feel your life is in the right stage for kids, whatever that may be for you. I also think doing some hardcore research into what you're getting into would be very wise. Of course there is that tricky situation where kids come unexpectedly, but that is another discussion.
Anyway, all joking aside, I don't want a kid because I'm too young, and I don't have tons of money (no way am I going to struggle financially all my life just because of a kid, if I can help it). I also am afraid of raising a kid with all of these demon spawn that seem to be cropping up these days. I don't want my kid to be a horrible disgusting brat, like the kids that made my mom quit teaching.
Horrible demon spawn come from people who didn't want kids but got knocked up accidentally (and didn't believe in abortion or couldn't go through with it) OR they come from people who wanted a little boy or girl in the same way that other people want a handbag or a new pair of shoes.
Horrible demon spawn come from people who didn't want kids but got knocked up accidentally (and didn't believe in abortion or couldn't go through with it) OR they come from people who wanted a little boy or girl in the same way that other people want a handbag or a new pair of shoes.
Horrible demon spawn come from people who didn't want kids but got knocked up accidentally (and didn't believe in abortion or couldn't go through with it) OR they come from people who wanted a little boy or girl in the same way that other people want a handbag or a new pair of shoes.
Broad generalization is broad.
Truth. On the one hand yes, The horrible demon spawn are plentiful. Then again, how many times do you read on the Internet about some awesome kid trying to escape parents from hell? Somehow kids with shit parents got so smart the parents want to disown them. I'm not sure if they accidentally raised good kids, or if they were so bad at it the Internet raised their kids for them. Maybe all kids should be raised by the Internet?
I'm sure there are plenty of parents doing the "right" things, yet demon spawn abound. You can teach the kid morals and how to be good, but whether it sticks is up to their little brain/personality, or whether the parent happened to pick the right method for teaching these things. They gotta send their perfect little angel that knows bullying (for example) is wrong to school, and then hope the other demon spawn don't convince it that bullying is "cool" and their parents are wrong. -_-
I'm sure there are plenty of parents doing the "right" things, yet demon spawn abound. You can teach the kid morals and how to be good, but whether it sticks is up to their little brain/personality, or whether the parent happened to pick the right method for teaching these things. They gotta send their perfect little angel that knows bullying (for example) is wrong to school, and then hope the other demon spawn don't convince it that bullying is "cool" and their parents are wrong. -_-
Actually, good parenting seems to be able to prevent kids form being bad, assuming they don't have a biological disorder of some kind. Kids in France behave. Kids in America do not.
Yeah, its easy to say most bad kids come from bad parenting, I believe this is true, but of course there's always exceptions. Kids in other countries are great because of good parenting, yes. I really wish America could be that way. It really helps though that since most kids over there have good parents, there aren't nearly as many "badly raised" kids to influence the good ones. So the bad ones will turn good due to peer pressure or get weeded out of the system. Unlike the opposite in America, where you can do everything right, but you have to let the kid grow up with peers and society constantly badgering them with bad things. Remember kids aren't as rational as us. They KNOW not to do X, Y, and Z, but they'll do it anyway for whatever stupid reason. I remember being a kid and doing bad things I knew not to do. What I lacked was experience, aka experiencing the bad side effects of doing bad things, instead of just hearing them. Luckily I was smart and turned out okay. Not everybody is smart.
Related, I would really like to study how kids are raised in other countries and try their methods. However since America is so used to helicopter parenting and blaming parents for every little thing that happens, I'd be afraid to do certain things. Like ignoring them (omgs neglect!!!) or letting them try dangerous things that could hurt them (omgs Abuse!!1). I read that article about a 3 yr old French kid who could bake by herself. Could you see most Americans being okay with a 3 yr putting/pulling things into/from a hot oven? If she got burned doing this in 'Merica, child services would likely come knocking if anyone found out. Sigh.
I'm sure there are plenty of parents doing the "right" things, yet demon spawn abound. You can teach the kid morals and how to be good, but whether it sticks is up to their little brain/personality, or whether the parent happened to pick the right method for teaching these things. They gotta send their perfect little angel that knows bullying (for example) is wrong to school, and then hope the other demon spawn don't convince it that bullying is "cool" and their parents are wrong. -_-
Sorry, this type of thinking is a product of the "nobody is responsible" epidemic that's flooding this country, heck the whole first world, over the last two decades. If you raise a shithead, barring biologically based disorders, you have fucked up. There is no such thing as a "bad seed" except in cases of mental illness.
So what do we do? Make parents take a test before they're allowed to have kids? Have mandatory abortion of accidents? HAH! Yeah right, we can't even get everyone okay with birth control. Also we'd be like China. (As much of a cold-hearted monster as it makes me, I wish these things would happen. Alas...)
Sorry, this type of thinking is a product of the "nobody is responsible" epidemic that's flooding this country, heck the whole first world, over the last two decades. If you raise a shithead, barring biologically based disorders, you have fucked up. There is no such thing as a "bad seed" except in cases of mental illness.
Sorry, this type of thinking is the product of "rationalizing out the complexity" of an inherently complex issue.
Sorry, this type of thinking is a product of the "nobody is responsible" epidemic that's flooding this country, heck the whole first world, over the last two decades. If you raise a shithead, barring biologically based disorders, you have fucked up. There is no such thing as a "bad seed" except in cases of mental illness.
Sorry, this type of thinking is the product of "rationalizing out the complexity" of an inherently complex issue.
Sorry, if you have a bad kid, you've screwed up. You're ultimately responsible for your child. If external influences have played a role in the kid being screwed up, you're still responsible for not adequately sheltering your kid from those external influences or otherwise mitigating them.
It may not be your FAULT, but you are still RESPONSIBLE.
This distinction seems to be lost on most of this generation.
Sorry, this type of thinking is a product of the "nobody is responsible" epidemic that's flooding this country, heck the whole first world, over the last two decades. If you raise a shithead, barring biologically based disorders, you have fucked up. There is no such thing as a "bad seed" except in cases of mental illness.
Sorry, this type of thinking is the product of "rationalizing out the complexity" of an inherently complex issue.
Sorry, if you have a bad kid, you've screwed up. You're ultimately responsible for your child. If external influences have played a role in the kid being screwed up, you're still responsible for not adequately sheltering your kid from those external influences or otherwise mitigating them.
It may not be your FAULT, but you are still RESPONSIBLE.
This distinction seems to be lost on most of this generation.
You can't say "if you have a bad kid, you screwed up" and "it may not be your FAULT" in the same argument.
"Screwing up" = "your fault"
Bad kids exist. Yes, they're often a product of bad parenting. But sometimes, good parents are stuck with a problematic child, and they fall into bad parenting...
Your whole argument smacks of "I have kids, so I know what I'm talking about." Parenting is complicated, and there are variables that you literally cannot control, no matter how hard you try.
Uh, yeah, you can. It's the distinction between fault and responsibility. Adults are often responsible for things that are not their fault. It's still a failure. Life's not fair.
Comments
I'm also thinking about my life now. All my friends are either getting married or married and talking about/having kids. I'm 27 with no serious romantic relationships to my history. Am I falling behind in life? Am I on a different path all together? I don't know anymore. Life was a lot simpler when my goals were "pass this class", "graduate" and "find job."
I'm so shy around people I don't know (and figures of authority even if I do know them) that I stutter and lisp and can't speak coherently. Double this for women I'm attracted to.
Still, I've been married twice (yeah, but still), have two beautiful daughters with a beautiful home. Shyness is no real barrier. I had a lot of luck with online dating, even though it has its caveats. Getting to know somebody online first is a good way to jumpstart things if you can't perform socially in person very well.
As for shyness, you just have to fight it. Practice and you will feel less and less shy. This is coming from someone who was super shy before.
Also, my personal opinion is that you (people in general) shouldn't have babies just because you "want" to. Because everyone else is having babies and they say you should too, because mom wants a grandbabby, because you want to continue the line, etc. Instead, you should only have kids if you are financially and emotionally responsible, and you truly feel your life is in the right stage for kids, whatever that may be for you. I also think doing some hardcore research into what you're getting into would be very wise. Of course there is that tricky situation where kids come unexpectedly, but that is another discussion.
Anyway, all joking aside, I don't want a kid because I'm too young, and I don't have tons of money (no way am I going to struggle financially all my life just because of a kid, if I can help it). I also am afraid of raising a kid with all of these demon spawn that seem to be cropping up these days. I don't want my kid to be a horrible disgusting brat, like the kids that made my mom quit teaching.
http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/07/02/120702crbo_books_kolbert
Related, I would really like to study how kids are raised in other countries and try their methods. However since America is so used to helicopter parenting and blaming parents for every little thing that happens, I'd be afraid to do certain things. Like ignoring them (omgs neglect!!!) or letting them try dangerous things that could hurt them (omgs Abuse!!1). I read that article about a 3 yr old French kid who could bake by herself. Could you see most Americans being okay with a 3 yr putting/pulling things into/from a hot oven? If she got burned doing this in 'Merica, child services would likely come knocking if anyone found out. Sigh.
It may not be your FAULT, but you are still RESPONSIBLE.
This distinction seems to be lost on most of this generation.
"Screwing up" = "your fault"
Bad kids exist. Yes, they're often a product of bad parenting. But sometimes, good parents are stuck with a problematic child, and they fall into bad parenting...
Your whole argument smacks of "I have kids, so I know what I'm talking about." Parenting is complicated, and there are variables that you literally cannot control, no matter how hard you try.
> Laughing_girls.jpeg