Flirting --> Make ladies feel good --> They might like you more
If you work at making stage two your aim, it makes reaching three in the end more likely. Plus you can take away a little hurt from someone you care about, which is always nice.
I don't have any problems talking with women and flirting is kinda easy but I don't do it as much as I'd like because my depression takes the opportunity to tell me I'm some kind of monster.
There's fun flirting just for the heck of it, makes you feel cool and attractive, etc, not really trying to get anywhere. People sometimes say I flirt a lot but I don't think so. Apparently me talking to guys about normal stuff and smiling because I'm entertained is flirting? Basically the stuff Rym is saying. I personally feel like flirting should be intentional, but whatever. Then there's serious flirting where you're trying to get booty, or get someone to notice you for a potential relationship or whatnot. Its hard to tell though what kind of flirting someone is doing if you don't know them too well. Hence angry misunderstandings, etc etc.
Anyway I'm not the best to give flirting advice, I think I'm posting because I'm bored. :-P
The only conclusion I can draw at this moment is flirting is a different thing for everyone and therefore a worthless term.
People have different techniques to accomplish the same thing: be engaging, project confidence, and create interest.
Generally, you'll want to sound somewhat arrogant. Keep the conversation going. Eye contact is key. Make jokes. Smirk a lot. Look somewhat smug and self-satisfied.
So conversing with someone of the gender which you would like to bed?
Yes, but with an attempt to engage and hold their interest.
For example, you're bad at eye contact, George. Your eyes tend to move away from the subject a lot during a conversation. Keep your eyes focused on the subject, and you'll project confidence and hold their attention. When your gaze wanders, it signals that you're not invested in the conversation. You could be elsewhere and you wouldn't care. Investing in a situation signals that you care about the outcome and its impact on you.
So stop your eyes from wandering. Change your face and direction of gaze, but do so purposefully.
I can't not do that, I have ADHD and things are shiny. >_<</p>
Yeah that's because you aren't that interested in what you're looking at. You can't force yourself to be interested in someone. You and I need to date people who are many-faceted so they keep us interested. How many hobbies does Pete have?
Also, flirting isn't supposed to take a long time; Rym's example could easily take you 15 seconds or less. Spot a lady, flirt, move on. Interest has been planted. If you see her again, flirt again. She'll remember you from the first time and be intrigued. IF NOT YOU DON'T NEED HER ANYWAY.
I can't not do that, I have ADHD and things are shiny. >_<</p>
Yeah that's because you aren't that interested in what you're looking at. You can't force yourself to be interested in someone. You and I need to date people who are many-faceted so they keep us interested. How many hobbies does Pete have?
That's not true for me. I mean yes I want to talk to and date interesting people, but things really are straight up shiny. I can't not look away. I usually don't mean to convey disinterest.
Also, flirting isn't supposed to take a long time; Rym's example could easily take you 15 seconds or less. Spot a lady, flirt, move on. Interest has been planted. If you see her again, flirt again. She'll remember you from the first time and be intrigued. IF NOT YOU DON'T NEED HER ANYWAY.
George, you can think of it this way. When we first met and you kept talking to me on gchat, that was flirting. You were funny, you were interesting and you were giving me your attention. Also asking me to hang out was also good too. That's what I suggest you do in the future.
If it's any consolation George, I have no fucking clue how to flirt either.
You flirt with me all the time!
I suppose, yes, but I only really recognize it as such in retrospect, when think about any particular occasion afterward. At the time, from my perspective, I'm just acting as I normally would - when I think back, It's a little easier to recognize, since I have the ability to look back and assess my previous action as if it was another person.
That's actually a little hard to say, it feels like I'm being unintentionally insulting, but I assure you, even if I recognized it at the time, I'd most likely proceed as such anyway, unless you indicated otherwise. In short, I just go with the flow of it.
Trust me to just take all the wonderful romance out of it, but it's terribly hard to explain myself with a rose clamped between my teeth.
I can't not do that, I have ADHD and things are shiny. >_<</p>
That's fine. Think of it like hitting a target. When it's in your sights, don't hesitate - fire. If your attention drifts involuntarily, make those moments where you're focused even more important. Like Nuri pointed out, flirting might only be a few seconds in passing.
The best flirting is not intentional flirting. It is just being yourself. That means you are comfortable with flirting. If you have to try, there is an implicit element of discomfort.
True, but practically, flirting is nothing but creepy unless you master the previous 95%.
While I think you're describing my flirting method to a T, I think that the creepiness or not creepiness of the methods that focus entirely on the 5% depends largely on the audience.
To get back to my original post, it was just that we feel compelled to search out interest in other people, essentially. While I understand that is fairly normal, there's still a lot of stressful stuff going on. We're ignoring it for the moment because it stresses us out to much over texting from a large distance away.
If you need guidelines to flirting, just ask a few more questions to the person, spend more time commenting on the person and their stories than yourself, and be slightly more expressive in your facial expressions/eye contact. Basically, pretend to be genuinely interested in the person (...unless you are genuinely interested in the other person... then you're solid!).
However, this is also solid advice for talking to people in general.
Comments
Flirting --> Make ladies feel good --> They might like you more
If you work at making stage two your aim, it makes reaching three in the end more likely. Plus you can take away a little hurt from someone you care about, which is always nice.
I don't have any problems talking with women and flirting is kinda easy but I don't do it as much as I'd like because my depression takes the opportunity to tell me I'm some kind of monster.
There's fun flirting just for the heck of it, makes you feel cool and attractive, etc, not really trying to get anywhere. People sometimes say I flirt a lot but I don't think so. Apparently me talking to guys about normal stuff and smiling because I'm entertained is flirting? Basically the stuff Rym is saying. I personally feel like flirting should be intentional, but whatever.
Then there's serious flirting where you're trying to get booty, or get someone to notice you for a potential relationship or whatnot. Its hard to tell though what kind of flirting someone is doing if you don't know them too well. Hence angry misunderstandings, etc etc.
Anyway I'm not the best to give flirting advice, I think I'm posting because I'm bored. :-P
Generally, you'll want to sound somewhat arrogant. Keep the conversation going. Eye contact is key. Make jokes. Smirk a lot. Look somewhat smug and self-satisfied.
For example, you're bad at eye contact, George. Your eyes tend to move away from the subject a lot during a conversation. Keep your eyes focused on the subject, and you'll project confidence and hold their attention. When your gaze wanders, it signals that you're not invested in the conversation. You could be elsewhere and you wouldn't care. Investing in a situation signals that you care about the outcome and its impact on you.
So stop your eyes from wandering. Change your face and direction of gaze, but do so purposefully.
Also, flirting isn't supposed to take a long time; Rym's example could easily take you 15 seconds or less. Spot a lady, flirt, move on. Interest has been planted. If you see her again, flirt again. She'll remember you from the first time and be intrigued. IF NOT YOU DON'T NEED HER ANYWAY.
That's what I suggest you do in the future.
That's actually a little hard to say, it feels like I'm being unintentionally insulting, but I assure you, even if I recognized it at the time, I'd most likely proceed as such anyway, unless you indicated otherwise. In short, I just go with the flow of it.
Trust me to just take all the wonderful romance out of it, but it's terribly hard to explain myself with a rose clamped between my teeth.
We're ignoring it for the moment because it stresses us out to much over texting from a large distance away.
However, this is also solid advice for talking to people in general.
I think our George Patches just needs some practice. From now on he should try to get into every poster's pants.