Scott has it right. The way to get a good date is to meet people in general and be friendly about shared interests. We say this over and over again and people do not remember. People who are like "I must meet ladies!" and then try to specifically do the action of meeting ladies are doing it wrong. I was like "I want to watch animation!" I met a cool guy and we hung out and now we are dating. So to recap: Have interests, go out and do things, be friendly and talk to people. Then you will get a girlfriend.
Scott has it right. The way to get a good date is to meet people in general and be friendly about shared interests. We say this over and over again and people do not remember. People who are like "I must meet ladies!" and then try to specifically do the action of meeting ladies are doing it wrong. I was like "I want to watch animation!" I met a cool guy and we hung out and now we are dating. So to recap: Have interests, go out and do things, be friendly and talk to people. Then you will get a girlfriend.
I just wore hot pants and asked a dude at a con if he was single. Now we're in a relationship and living together.
Scott has it right. The way to get a good date is to meet people in general and be friendly about shared interests. We say this over and over again and people do not remember. People who are like "I must meet ladies!" and then try to specifically do the action of meeting ladies are doing it wrong. I was like "I want to watch animation!" I met a cool guy and we hung out and now we are dating. So to recap: Have interests, go out and do things, be friendly and talk to people. Then you will get a girlfriend.
I just wore hot pants and asked a dude at a con if he was single. Now we're in a relationship and living together.
George next time I invite you to the shore, go, you would have totally been hanging with a single young lawyer the last time we went down the shore :-p
George next time I invite you to the shore, go, you would have totally been hanging with a single young lawyer the last time we went down the shore :-p
I would have been broke, I was planning to go away to a family thing the next weekend. Ironically, the family thing was cancelled the weekend you guys were at the shore.
Bleagh, just came back from the date. It went well, had lots and lots of fun, but... I was friend zoned. We shared numbers, promised to "do this again sometime", and that type of dialogue.
From the update at the end of June? Talked to the girl at a 4th of July barbecue. Our connection is my good friend is dating her roommate, and I was both defending my friend's relationship while insisting I personally wasn't looking for anything serious. Results were a painful "Oh... let's just stay friends...". Got some hurt feelings as well as a few I-told-you-so's from various friends. Took a week to get over that, decided I'm thinking about girls too much, and, low-and-behold, met someone at a party a week later. Definitely not going to be anything serious, but it's been a nice little summer distraction.
Also, Scott is absolutely correct about "dates". A girl I used to work with in high school once told me "never label it a first date until afterward".
Chainsaw Suit sums up my opinion on "Friend Zoning" (probably not VentureJ's specific case, but the general case of when nerds say they were "Friend Zoned")
Chainsaw Suit sums up my opinion on "Friend Zoning" (probably not VentureJ's specific case, but the general case of when nerds say they were "Friend Zoned")
Oh yeah, I've seen that happen to a few friends of mine as well. That's definitely not what happened in this specific instance, since we were both being quite direct. It ended with the whole, "I'm not too sure what I'm looking for, but I know for SURE that we can be friends", deal. It's a bummer.
The problem with dating advice is that there are so many variables. Namely: your entire personality. Dating techniques, social methods, etc, are all heavily dependent on what sort of person you are.
And despite the "someone for everyone" mantra that many espouse, some people just aren't cut out for a relationship and need to do some hardcore work on themselves before it's ever gonna pan out. Unfortunately, it's awkward and uncomfortable to tell them that so people don't.
I'm not saying that's relevant here. Just spouting.
There's no such thing as the "friend zone." It's a shit term that means nothing. Dates and hanging out at restaurants are the same thing. You guys fail the moment you treat these "dates" differently from how you would treat getting dinner or seeing a movie with a friend.
"Friend zone" is code for "I wanted to turn this physical, but the other person wasn't interested in that with me." Most people aren't interested in that with most other people, nevermind people they don't know that well yet.
Think about how shitty it sounds if you parse out what "friend zone" implies. You're basically saying "I put forth this effort to have sex with this person, but they just wanted to hang out, converse, and intellectually connect with me instead!"
I think if you're honest with wanting the relationship to be physical, that's fine, but don't be surprised if you get turned down.
If you're only dating/wanting to date (Long term dating, not "hey, you're cute, let's bang") someone because you want them physically, and have no interest in the "Friend stuff", then you're an idiot, but it's your prerogative to be such an idiot.
There's no such thing as the "friend zone." It's a shit term that means nothing. Dates and hanging out at restaurants are the same thing. You guys fail the moment you treat these "dates" differently from how you would treat getting dinner or seeing a movie with a friend.
"Friend zone" is code for "I wanted to turn this physical, but the other person wasn't interested in that with me." Most people aren't interested in that with most other people, nevermind people they don't know that well yet.
Think about how shitty it sounds if you parse out what "friend zone" implies. You're basically saying "I put forth this effort to have sex with this person, but they just wanted to hang out, converse, and intellectually connect with me instead!"
Scott's actually doing things right.
Maybe that's what it means now to the younger generation (younger than me), but it's not how I remember the dreaded "let's just be friends" term being regarded when I was younger. "Officially" dating carries social weight and isn't necessarily inextricably linked with physicality.
Well, I'm right and I'm also wrong. My goal is not sex. If that is your goal, then doing as I do is wrong, as it will not help you have sex. It will only help you connect with nerdy peoples.
What Rym said. If you actually care about the other person emotionally, being their friend should be a plus instead of something to mope about. Its like that asofterworld comic: "I love the friend zone. Who couldn't use more friends?"
What Rym said. If you actually care about the other person emotionally, being their friend should be a plus instead of something to mope about. Its like that asofterworld comic: "I love the friend zone. Who couldn't use more friends?"
The frustration comes from serially attempting and failing to connect to someone on a deeper level, not from the logistics of managing too many friends :-P The reasons for the failure are multitudinous and can't be easily packaged into a one paragraph conclusion or advice.
It's like when 13 year olds date. They're not (typically) making out or having sex. They're just saying "yeah we're dating now." It's a mutual elevation in status between two (sometimes more) people and it's socially and psychologically meaningful. Pretending this doesn't exist or is only about sex is silly.
The best way to connect to someone on a deeper level is to be friends with them.... I mean we are talking about people you don't know well to begin with.
See, being in the friend zone is only a problem for people who are not friends with the people they date, or whom never have more intimate relations with friends, and not just "Lovers" in the traditional sense.
Comments
People who are like "I must meet ladies!" and then try to specifically do the action of meeting ladies are doing it wrong.
I was like "I want to watch animation!" I met a cool guy and we hung out and now we are dating.
So to recap: Have interests, go out and do things, be friendly and talk to people. Then you will get a girlfriend.
But sure, I'll try to go next time.
Futurama, if you didn't get the reference
Hot damn!
Also, Scott is absolutely correct about "dates". A girl I used to work with in high school once told me "never label it a first date until afterward".
note: you should still be direct.
And despite the "someone for everyone" mantra that many espouse, some people just aren't cut out for a relationship and need to do some hardcore work on themselves before it's ever gonna pan out. Unfortunately, it's awkward and uncomfortable to tell them that so people don't.
I'm not saying that's relevant here. Just spouting.
"Friend zone" is code for "I wanted to turn this physical, but the other person wasn't interested in that with me." Most people aren't interested in that with most other people, nevermind people they don't know that well yet.
Think about how shitty it sounds if you parse out what "friend zone" implies. You're basically saying "I put forth this effort to have sex with this person, but they just wanted to hang out, converse, and intellectually connect with me instead!"
Scott's actually doing things right.
If you're only dating/wanting to date (Long term dating, not "hey, you're cute, let's bang") someone because you want them physically, and have no interest in the "Friend stuff", then you're an idiot, but it's your prerogative to be such an idiot.
But some girls do turn guys into cuddle bitches, and that is something that actually pisses me off.
It's like when 13 year olds date. They're not (typically) making out or having sex. They're just saying "yeah we're dating now." It's a mutual elevation in status between two (sometimes more) people and it's socially and psychologically meaningful. Pretending this doesn't exist or is only about sex is silly.
//and making out.