Yeah, check out the depression thread. Plenty of men have anxiety too. There are people (like Rym) who don't worry hardly at all, and then there are people who need to take medicine so they don't panic themselves into a corner constantly. I'm kinda in the middle. Anxiety is definitely a fight for many people.
My anxiety issues have gotten dramatically worse since I've started grad school.
Mine were kicked off by having to carry an after hours phone. At this point I think it was just a part of Getting Older as many anxiety disorders only manifest in late 20's.
My anxiety issues got a lot better after my mental breakdown when my first wife cheated on, then took off on me. I don't get all clingy and dependent any more, that's for sure.
I certainly suffer from some level of depression symptoms, it's genetically improbable for me not to because both my Dad and Brother do, and my Mom suffers from severe anxiety. I'm basically predisposed to be a bit insane about this sort of stuff.
I understand I need to push myself, and I did try during my previous relationship. I would do social outings I wasn't okay with, and I did try a few foods. It was rather that she wanted me to WANT to try things, and she wanted me to be HAPPY in social gatherings that I was anxious about, and that I couldn't do. I can't change how predisposed I am towards doing something, I just can't. I can act against it, and I tried a lot for her, but that wasn't enough, and it made me feel like a failure. She didn't want me to feel that way, and she tried not to make me feel that way, but she couldn't be happy not pushing me, and that's why we ended our relationship. I hold no grudges because we both tried to make it work, but we couldn't be fully happy doing what the other needed. When we started dating, she had a nervous breakdown about my eating habits, and I did my best to help her because she pretty much demanded that I change or try to change. But it wasn't ever good enough, because she just couldn't actually be happy with someone who has my habits.
You have to find the things you can compromise over in a relationship. I need to find someone who can compromise over food.
Rym take a picture of you wearing shades and put this on there. Or just take a picture of you wearing shades.
I dunno I used to worry myself so much over school shit and other stuff that I would make myself sick. My parents would constantly tell me to not worry so much. My Dad worries all the time. I tried really hard to just not worry so much and one day it was just like
My anxiety issues have gotten dramatically worse since I've started grad school.
Do you medicate? I think about a third of the grad students I've mentored in the lab were on (or wound up on) some sort of anti-anxiety meds - seemed to help tremendously.
I feel that with the relationship that I'm in, along with my overall alpha personality I can't afford to have anxiety issues. It happens every now and then, but I just let it takes its course and it normally passes within a few hours to at most a day.
I'm not sure if it's healthy, but it's always been that way for me.
I can't change how predisposed I am towards doing something, I just can't. I can act against it...
Bullshit. Exposure Therapy. While you can't change what you are predisposed too (fear of heights, anxiety, fear of unknown food) you can rise to the challenge and even learn to like or at least deal with the things you were unhappy with. I know Acrophobic people who learned to like mountain hiking and Ferris wheels, and people with social anxiety who constantly mingle and talk with masses of fans. My anxiety is genetic too, but hate that it bothers me so I fight it and fight it until it retreats to its little den in a corner of my mind. I don't think you will ever be rid of depression and fear of social stuff, but once you learn to manage it, it's much more pleasant. I'm not saying you should enjoy the fear, but you should seek out the challenge because it will make your life better in the long term. I taught myself to like peas by eating peas. I put bell peppers in things that I cook, and eat (most) of them when Rym puts them raw in salads. I never liked these two vegetables growing up, but I wanted to like them.
Axel, you can do it, dude. I went through it too. I believe in you.
Grizzly Bear Girl totally flaked (did not respond) despite expressing enthusiasm, so the answer here seems pretty clear-cut. Take photos of her improv troupe in badass photographer mode, go get drinks with the improv troupe since I am a badass photographer, and then ask her directly if she wants to go on a date or is cool just staying friends. Order us both Old Fashioneds made with Knob Creek, because the kid's got class. It's nice because right now I'm at the stage where I can unambiguously be like, "Look, I have a date tomorrow. You are more interesting than her. Give me a reason to cancel and I will text her to do that right this moment," which I feel is a pretty validating thing to say to anyone.
Getting coffee with one of two molecular bio prospective PhDs on Tuesday. Asking the second one tomorrow.
The only thing I'm ever sort of bummed about is that she's not really interested in video games and as a result never wants to play with me. All she ever wants to play is Sudoku on her computer
Yeah, it's totally OK for the person not to like the exact same things. In fact, that is a good thing. If someone else is the same as you it will be very boring. At least if you have two nerds you could have one person who is big on Zelda and another who is big on Star Wars and then combine for even better nerdiness. Two Star Wars people starts to go down a bad road of extremely concentrated nerdiness that is scary and gets posted to the Internet where even other geeks will look at it and say "whoah, they are extreme fans!"
What is not acceptable is someone unwilling to even try other things. I don't watch TV, but most people do. If I had a girlfriend who watched TV I did not watch, I would probably end up watching at least a few episodes of things that are way down low in my queue if they were high up in hers. Of course, she would also end up watching some sci-fi anime.
Everyone enjoys sharing things they like with people they like if those people have not already seen those things. That's why we all have seen Attack the Gas Station 5+ times and Cowboy Bebop a zillion times. If you find someone who you can share your things with and they can share their things with you, there will be many happy times.
My anxiety issues have gotten dramatically worse since I've started grad school.
Do you medicate? I think about a third of the grad students I've mentored in the lab were on (or wound up on) some sort of anti-anxiety meds - seemed to help tremendously.
No. I think the worst part is that I've started having bouts of insomnia because I either fret I need to get my work done or just cannot get my mind to stop thinking.
My anxiety issues have gotten dramatically worse since I've started grad school.
Do you medicate? I think about a third of the grad students I've mentored in the lab were on (or wound up on) some sort of anti-anxiety meds - seemed to help tremendously.
No. I think the worst part is that I've started having bouts of insomnia because I either fret I need to get my work done or just cannot get my mind to stop thinking.
Insomnia was horrifyingly terrible. It's what finally got me to go to the doctor, and got me diagnosed and got me good meds. Now I sleep like a baby. Naked and wailing.
Anxiety medication is like magic when it comes to sleep. Sleep becomes like a reward for getting your work done, so everything gets finished. Then, your bed feels amazing. Finally, you have these insane dreams for like eight hours and you wake up feeling like you slept for days.
Anxiety medication is like magic when it comes to sleep. Sleep becomes like a reward for getting your work done, so everything gets finished. Then, your bed feels amazing. Finally, you have these insane dreams for like eight hours and you wake up feeling like you slept for days.
I am a pretty anxious person. It worries me (hah) that my mom has gotten so bad now that she takes meds. I hope I don't end up like her. I think I'm like Emily with anxiety. I work really hard not to be that way, but it shows up every now and then.
I don't outright hate it though, because due to my incredible anxiety for getting things done and trying to be perfect, I've done well in school and now have a good job with good reviews. I freak out about stuff, but as a result things get done. I hate feeling stressed, but I can't stand forcing myself to be relaxed about something I feel is important... I think about the future and possible consequences so much I get over-worried.
This. Also, if you're interested in her BE INTERESTED IN HER. Talk to her, ask her questions about what she does and be sincerely interested in everything she says.
Actually, that's good advice no matter the social situation. Just be open minded and interested in everything under the sun, then you'll always have something to talk about.
I just meant Anrild, in this case.
Also, I agree with what Scott said. Man speaks the truth.
This. Also, if you're interested in her BE INTERESTED IN HER. Talk to her, ask her questions about what she does and be sincerely interested in everything she says.
Actually, that's good advice no matter the social situation. Just be open minded and interested in everything under the sun, then you'll always have something to talk about.
I just meant Anrild, in this case.
You mean you like me as a person, or my advice, or...? I mean, thanks either way.
This. Also, if you're interested in her BE INTERESTED IN HER. Talk to her, ask her questions about what she does and be sincerely interested in everything she says.
Actually, that's good advice no matter the social situation. Just be open minded and interested in everything under the sun, then you'll always have something to talk about.
I just meant Anrild, in this case.
You mean you like me as a person, or my advice, or...? I mean, thanks either way.
Both, really, but in this case it's more like "I like what you're saying, and I stand behind it."
Comments
Usually in about that order.
I understand I need to push myself, and I did try during my previous relationship. I would do social outings I wasn't okay with, and I did try a few foods. It was rather that she wanted me to WANT to try things, and she wanted me to be HAPPY in social gatherings that I was anxious about, and that I couldn't do. I can't change how predisposed I am towards doing something, I just can't. I can act against it, and I tried a lot for her, but that wasn't enough, and it made me feel like a failure. She didn't want me to feel that way, and she tried not to make me feel that way, but she couldn't be happy not pushing me, and that's why we ended our relationship. I hold no grudges because we both tried to make it work, but we couldn't be fully happy doing what the other needed. When we started dating, she had a nervous breakdown about my eating habits, and I did my best to help her because she pretty much demanded that I change or try to change. But it wasn't ever good enough, because she just couldn't actually be happy with someone who has my habits.
You have to find the things you can compromise over in a relationship. I need to find someone who can compromise over food.
Rym take a picture of you wearing shades and put this on there. Or just take a picture of you wearing shades.
I dunno I used to worry myself so much over school shit and other stuff that I would make myself sick. My parents would constantly tell me to not worry so much. My Dad worries all the time. I tried really hard to just not worry so much and one day it was just like
I'm not sure if it's healthy, but it's always been that way for me.
I don't think you will ever be rid of depression and fear of social stuff, but once you learn to manage it, it's much more pleasant. I'm not saying you should enjoy the fear, but you should seek out the challenge because it will make your life better in the long term.
I taught myself to like peas by eating peas. I put bell peppers in things that I cook, and eat (most) of them when Rym puts them raw in salads. I never liked these two vegetables growing up, but I wanted to like them.
Grizzly Bear Girl totally flaked (did not respond) despite expressing enthusiasm, so the answer here seems pretty clear-cut. Take photos of her improv troupe in badass photographer mode, go get drinks with the improv troupe since I am a badass photographer, and then ask her directly if she wants to go on a date or is cool just staying friends. Order us both Old Fashioneds made with Knob Creek, because the kid's got class. It's nice because right now I'm at the stage where I can unambiguously be like, "Look, I have a date tomorrow. You are more interesting than her. Give me a reason to cancel and I will text her to do that right this moment," which I feel is a pretty validating thing to say to anyone.
Getting coffee with one of two molecular bio prospective PhDs on Tuesday. Asking the second one tomorrow.
Doin' good.
What is not acceptable is someone unwilling to even try other things. I don't watch TV, but most people do. If I had a girlfriend who watched TV I did not watch, I would probably end up watching at least a few episodes of things that are way down low in my queue if they were high up in hers. Of course, she would also end up watching some sci-fi anime.
Everyone enjoys sharing things they like with people they like if those people have not already seen those things. That's why we all have seen Attack the Gas Station 5+ times and Cowboy Bebop a zillion times. If you find someone who you can share your things with and they can share their things with you, there will be many happy times.
It's so good.
I don't outright hate it though, because due to my incredible anxiety for getting things done and trying to be perfect, I've done well in school and now have a good job with good reviews. I freak out about stuff, but as a result things get done. I hate feeling stressed, but I can't stand forcing myself to be relaxed about something I feel is important... I think about the future and possible consequences so much I get over-worried.
So yeah my head goes in circles all the time. :-P
Also, I agree with what Scott said. Man speaks the truth.
It makes more sense when it's not text.