Yeah, actually it's fine. I saw him this morning and expressed that I wasn't upset he was busy, I was annoyed he got my hopes up for nothing. He apologized and said he would make time after he got back. But I may still go with Nuri's Option #1 because it really can't hurt.
Also you guys are right, if this is the worst of my problems, then I'm doing well, and honestly I know that, but this is also the first relationship where I've had sexual issues to deal with at all.
Well it's good you didn't. We all know that alcohol impairs judgement. Worse case scenario: the next morning she forgot what happened then accuses you of rape.
In all seriousness, I had someone tell me that he regretted not raping me while I was drunk. And I had quite definitely not professed my love to him. So thank you from my Sophomore Year self, WUB. You are all that is man.
I haven't heard "didn't have sex" classified as a "sexual issue" in a relationship since... I don't remember! At my age it's more of a feature than an issue.
Well it's good you didn't. We all know that alcohol impairs judgement. Worse case scenario: the next morning she forgot what happened then accuses you of rape.
Yeah, true shit. I would have been pretty disgusted with myself in the end, I think. It's just really difficult to have lots of sex in college when you aren't wasted at every event.
So, you regret not raping the drunk girl?
I know you're joking, but this makes me super uncomfortable.
In all seriousness, I had someone tell me that he regretted not raping me while I was drunk. And I had quite definitely not professed my love to him. So thank you from my Sophomore Year self, WUB. You are all that is man.
Awwwwwww. Srsly glowing right now, girl. Also, oh my god, that guy is seriously fucking horrible, Jesus CHRIST.
Anyway, she was all like, "I love you. I really love you, and I need you to understand that." To which I responded, "I think we can work something out." Felt pretty awesome.
I encourage talking. "I know you've got a lot on your plate, but I need to know that I am a high priority." Discuss strategies and schedules. Make your needs totally clear. Avoid ultimatums for now. Express your frustrations. Understand that you are not the only thing in someone's life, and be ready to compromise.
I'm just giving you shit, WUB. I don't think you actually think you should have committed sexual assault for jollies, nor do I believe you would have done it. I can totally understand a visceral level of disappointment at a missed chance for intimacy even though intellectually you know it was ill advised.
I'm just giving you shit, WUB. I don't think you actually think you should have committed sexual assault for jollies, nor do I believe you would have done it. I can totally understand a visceral level of disappointment at a missed chance for intimacy even though intellectually you know it was ill advised.
I know; the word "rape" just makes me uncomfortable. I'm just sexually frustrated and more than a little bit irritated that this stuff doesn't happen to me when people are sober.
But! I can probably get with that girl in a safe, sane, consensual manner, because she's in love with me. So there's that.
Talking with Anrild, I have determined that I'm not upset about making the right decision, but rather that I didn't kiss her and say, "You're way too drunk, but here's my number in case you remember me in the morning." This is because I ran into that other girl who wound up being a really shitty person.
Basically, I guess I'm mad that I keep meeting shitty human beings instead of the awesome ones who go to the same parties, goddamn.
If you keep meeting shitty human beings, examine your criteria for who you approach in social gatherings.
Could it be that "Watches The Wire" and "Likes the Talking Heads" are not outward expressions of infinite coolness!?
You're right, though. I get invested too fast and for stupid reasons, and asking people out is probably an outmoded method of interpersonal communication.
Generally I think the problem is with more intuitive/implicit criteria than that. :-)
I'm not good with understanding my own implicit criteria for meeting people. I just want my labwork, friends, Lagavulin, and a LOT of casual sex right now.
Anrild, I have confidence you'll sort it all out. Better to be sexually frustrated than ignorant.
WUB, you did the right thing, obviously. You could've done more for yourself, yes, but...We all make mistakes. Be happy that you made the lightest of them.
Generally I think the problem is with more intuitive/implicit criteria than that. :-)
I'm not good with understanding my own implicit criteria for meeting people. I just want my labwork, friends, Lagavulin, and a LOT of casual sex right now.
I never really understood the casual sex thing. It sounds good on paper, but I never pulled it off. I never had sex with a woman that I didn't fall in love with, but in only two cases was that ever really terribly misguided.
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Wow that makes us sound really creepy. Not my intention!
It's not like I'm asking anybody in this thread to record the experience and share it with the group... that might be creepy.
But I may still go with Nuri's Option #1 because it really can't hurt.
Also you guys are right, if this is the worst of my problems, then I'm doing well, and honestly I know that, but this is also the first relationship where I've had sexual issues to deal with at all.
I kind of regret that in light of recent events, but there's a lot of cognitive dissonance involved because I don't really get drunk anymore.
So thank you from my Sophomore Year self, WUB. You are all that is man.
Anyway, she was all like, "I love you. I really love you, and I need you to understand that." To which I responded, "I think we can work something out." Felt pretty awesome.
I encourage talking. "I know you've got a lot on your plate, but I need to know that I am a high priority." Discuss strategies and schedules. Make your needs totally clear. Avoid ultimatums for now. Express your frustrations. Understand that you are not the only thing in someone's life, and be ready to compromise.
Edit: Ah, you did. Cool.
Good that things were communicated.
But! I can probably get with that girl in a safe, sane, consensual manner, because she's in love with me. So there's that.
Though let's be real, it's not plural for me, it's really just the one that I'm concerned with.
Basically, I guess I'm mad that I keep meeting shitty human beings instead of the awesome ones who go to the same parties, goddamn.
You're right, though. I get invested too fast and for stupid reasons, and asking people out is probably an outmoded method of interpersonal communication.
WUB, you did the right thing, obviously. You could've done more for yourself, yes, but...We all make mistakes. Be happy that you made the lightest of them.