I'm going to go see Tangled with a girl I like on Thursday. I don't know if she realized that I asked her out (as this happened before with the last girl I asked out) but I can at least be cautiously optimistic.
That's the best way, because you have plausible deniability in case it goes badly.
I cried at the lanterns. Not as much as I cried at Toy Story 3, but I cried when the king and queen release the first lantern and look sad because they are mourning their daughter.
This seems to be a problem with some of the fellows around here. Why not just be more direct about your intentions in the first place so that you don't have to worry about it?
[Edit] "I am delaying the possibility of rejection" is not a valid answer.
This seems to be a problem with some of the fellows around here. Why not just be more direct about your intentions in the first place so that you don't have to worry about it?
[Edit] "I am delaying the possibility of rejection" is not a valid answer.
Some women are just a little thick. Theres this girl at work. One day, after she brings up she's single, I ask her "Hey, do you want to catch a movie with me this weekend? Maybe get some dinner before?"
Dinner and a Fucking Movie. Classic Date scenario. And yet it took her a week to realize, "Hey, this guy is taking me out on a DATE."
This seems to be a problem with some of the fellows around here. Why not just be more direct about your intentions in the first place so that you don't have to worry about it?
[Edit] "I am delaying the possibility of rejection" is not a valid answer.
Some women are just a little thick. Theres this girl at work. One day, after she brings up she's single, I ask her "Hey, do you want to catch a movie with me this weekend? Maybe get some dinner before?"
Dinner and a Fucking Movie. Classic Date scenario. And yet it took her a week to realize, "Hey, this guy is taking me out on a DATE."
No, things that are a vague "want to go see this movie with me in the on-campus theater and eat on campus?" do NOT qualify as dates in most people's minds. Particularly if you don't tell them up-front that you mean for it to be one-on-one. As someone who has been the girl in that situation MANY times, you either say it's a date when it's something like that, or it ISN'T A DATE. Otherwise, Ryan, you and I have been on MANY dates.
Sure, but I'm saying it's possible to be even MORE direct. Let there be no question. "Hey, you seem like a cool/interesting/etc. person and I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime?"
No, not the shitty campus theater, I specifically mentioned the nice theater at the local mall and Chili's. A REAL theater and a REAL restaurant.
I was talking about his situation in specific, it's different if it's a REAL restaurant and a REAL theater. You also state things up front about who else is going, if you plan to pay, your intentions/interests... but let me simplify: -Campus events, particularly FREE events and dinners, are not dates unless otherwise stated. -Not mentioning that you plan to go just the two of you and not in a group when you normally go to these events as a group is borderline deceit, and overall it's better just to lay your intentions down on the line, and save yourself the trouble and the awkwardness. -If it's a REAL establishment, it's easier to assume it's a date, but it's always safe to mention ahead of time your intentions. -If it's a date, the one asking should pay the bill UNLESS you ask for it to be split BEFORE the bill comes. I don't have an issue with paying for my food, just don't ask me out on a date and wait until the bill comes to tell me I have to pay. It's tacky.
Edit: This is mainly directed at several guys that are NOT of these forums (but also to the "she didn't/might not know it's a date" crowd here), as I'm frustrated with going out on "dates" or "non-dates" or "semi-dates" that are always in this weird kinda-sorta-they-don't-really-clarify state. Tell us. It'll save both parties headaches in the long run. You'll be more hurt and more upset the more you prolong the rejection, and you'll just feel stupid if you delay a good thing coming. I'll often go to my other female friends and ask, "Should I consider this a date?" and the general female consensus is, amongst MY peer review group, if it's on campus, no. If the asker doesn't pay, assume no. As a girl, I much prefer guys that are outright about these things over those who leave it up for interpretation. Vagueness makes them seem like noncommittal wimps who aren't really sincerely interested. Aside from the fact that I'd rather not do the awkward thing and ask if it's a date if it's totally not and make a perfectly good friends dynamic super awkward.
I agree that the person who did the asking out should be prepared to pay the whole bill, but I also think the date should be willing to take the initiative of paying his/her portion for a variety of reasons. Probably the biggest being that it sends the right message, like "I'm here because I want to be, not just because you offered me free food." Also, in college everyone is poor, so I think it's a courteous thing to pay your share, especially if you want that person to still be able to afford to take you out on more dates.
Not that dates necessarily have to cost anything at all. The girl I'm dating currently and I have pretty much been doing only free or near-free activities on our dates and have always had a great time. Going to places like the California Science Center, Santa Monica Pier(there's an arcade!), Norton Simon Museum, and San Gabriel Mission, the latter half of those suggested by her. Neither of us have all that much money, so there's an understanding about keeping things relatively cheap. It does help that we've known eachother for a couple of years now too though, so it's easy to have fun in pretty much any situation.
I don't argue with paying for my dinner, just let me know ahead of time. As an example, I had a guy ask me out, choose a really nice Japanese restaurant for dinner, he talked up this whole date thing and then RIGHT as the bill came, he asked me to split it with him. I was annoyed he didn't tell me up front, because if he had I probably would have urged him to pick somewhere else as that place wasn't really my top choice and was a place he really pushed for us to go to. Considering I still asked to spend more time walking around and talking afterward, I feel like I did my share of "I'm here 'cause I want to be", and it's not like I would've been at all bothered had I known. It was just aggravating for him to wait to the last minute like that, is all. I still paid my bill without any argument at the time, it just seemed from the way he was talking to be a move that said "I talked this up and expected this to go much better than it actually did and so now I don't want to be saddled with it". (The guy also insulted my viewpoints on both spirituality as a whole and my major/line of work, so he was a dud in any case, but I still found the situation annoying)
I don't argue that free things can be dates either, but again, CLARIFY, CLARIFY, CLARIFY. Particularly if you're the type to generally do things in groups of friends. I wholly support free or cheap dates. I'm poor too. I just want to know that it's a date BEFORE I say "I'm here because I want to be".
I don't understand why it is so difficult for people to just come out and say "Hey, by the way, I mean for this to be a date."
True, but it's hard and scary.
Personally, I'm creating an online dating profile right now. Summarizing myself in a few paragraphs is proving difficult as writing was never my strong suit.
Personally, I'm creating an online dating profile right now. Summarizing myself in a few paragraphs is proving difficult as writing was never my strong suit.
Cars and Manliness. Did I mention I have a sports car?
Man, why does this always come up? These women aren't "thick," they just assume hanging out with male people is like hanging out with female people, unless otherwise stated that there is a distinct sexual intent. If a chick in class asked me to go to a movie, I'd be like sure, cool, let's hang out. If she said that she asked me because I was cute and did I want to go steady, it would put in a whole different context. I would still hang out with her if she was nice, but I would make sure to let her know of my tendency toward straightness and probably let her down gently. Same thing with guys. Until they actually bring up the "you are cute, and I would like to date you" or you do the same, it is just hanging out, just chillin.' If I "dated" every guy I went to a movie and coffee with, I would probably rank as a slut.
hese women aren't "thick," they just assume hanging out with male people is like hanging out with female people, unless otherwise stated that there is a distinct sexual intent.
Exactly.
You could easily classify my outings with various art girls over the years as "dates," but that's a meaningless term. Going to dinner with someone is, gasp, "going to dinner with someone." By all of your silly definitions of "date," I've dated most of the girls I've known.
If you're hung up on whether or not it was a date, you're doing it wrong. If you have fun, but are then upset that the other person didn't consider it a "date," then again, you're doing it wrong. In that case, it's clear you're looking for sex, and not simply enjoying a night out with someone.
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[Edit] "I am delaying the possibility of rejection" is not a valid answer.
Dinner and a Fucking Movie. Classic Date scenario. And yet it took her a week to realize, "Hey, this guy is taking me out on a DATE."
[Edit] Anrild beat me to it.
People won't understand your subtleties until they get to know you, dude. Just spell it out for them.
Edit: Double Ninja, all the way across the sky.
-Campus events, particularly FREE events and dinners, are not dates unless otherwise stated.
-Not mentioning that you plan to go just the two of you and not in a group when you normally go to these events as a group is borderline deceit, and overall it's better just to lay your intentions down on the line, and save yourself the trouble and the awkwardness.
-If it's a REAL establishment, it's easier to assume it's a date, but it's always safe to mention ahead of time your intentions.
-If it's a date, the one asking should pay the bill UNLESS you ask for it to be split BEFORE the bill comes. I don't have an issue with paying for my food, just don't ask me out on a date and wait until the bill comes to tell me I have to pay. It's tacky.
Edit: This is mainly directed at several guys that are NOT of these forums (but also to the "she didn't/might not know it's a date" crowd here), as I'm frustrated with going out on "dates" or "non-dates" or "semi-dates" that are always in this weird kinda-sorta-they-don't-really-clarify state. Tell us. It'll save both parties headaches in the long run. You'll be more hurt and more upset the more you prolong the rejection, and you'll just feel stupid if you delay a good thing coming. I'll often go to my other female friends and ask, "Should I consider this a date?" and the general female consensus is, amongst MY peer review group, if it's on campus, no. If the asker doesn't pay, assume no. As a girl, I much prefer guys that are outright about these things over those who leave it up for interpretation. Vagueness makes them seem like noncommittal wimps who aren't really sincerely interested. Aside from the fact that I'd rather not do the awkward thing and ask if it's a date if it's totally not and make a perfectly good friends dynamic super awkward.
Not that dates necessarily have to cost anything at all. The girl I'm dating currently and I have pretty much been doing only free or near-free activities on our dates and have always had a great time. Going to places like the California Science Center, Santa Monica Pier(there's an arcade!), Norton Simon Museum, and San Gabriel Mission, the latter half of those suggested by her. Neither of us have all that much money, so there's an understanding about keeping things relatively cheap. It does help that we've known eachother for a couple of years now too though, so it's easy to have fun in pretty much any situation.
As an example, I had a guy ask me out, choose a really nice Japanese restaurant for dinner, he talked up this whole date thing and then RIGHT as the bill came, he asked me to split it with him. I was annoyed he didn't tell me up front, because if he had I probably would have urged him to pick somewhere else as that place wasn't really my top choice and was a place he really pushed for us to go to. Considering I still asked to spend more time walking around and talking afterward, I feel like I did my share of "I'm here 'cause I want to be", and it's not like I would've been at all bothered had I known. It was just aggravating for him to wait to the last minute like that, is all. I still paid my bill without any argument at the time, it just seemed from the way he was talking to be a move that said "I talked this up and expected this to go much better than it actually did and so now I don't want to be saddled with it".
(The guy also insulted my viewpoints on both spirituality as a whole and my major/line of work, so he was a dud in any case, but I still found the situation annoying)
I don't argue that free things can be dates either, but again, CLARIFY, CLARIFY, CLARIFY. Particularly if you're the type to generally do things in groups of friends. I wholly support free or cheap dates. I'm poor too. I just want to know that it's a date BEFORE I say "I'm here because I want to be".
If the person you are asking out isn't able to handle being asked out on a date, you probably don't want to be dating them.
Personally, I'm creating an online dating profile right now. Summarizing myself in a few paragraphs is proving difficult as writing was never my strong suit.
If I "dated" every guy I went to a movie and coffee with, I would probably rank as a slut.
Here we go again!
I mainly linked to that site because I think it's ridiculous, not because I agree or disagree with the theory itself.
You could easily classify my outings with various art girls over the years as "dates," but that's a meaningless term. Going to dinner with someone is, gasp, "going to dinner with someone." By all of your silly definitions of "date," I've dated most of the girls I've known.
If you're hung up on whether or not it was a date, you're doing it wrong. If you have fun, but are then upset that the other person didn't consider it a "date," then again, you're doing it wrong. In that case, it's clear you're looking for sex, and not simply enjoying a night out with someone.