Ax, I know you probably get this a lot, but you gotta chill out, man. If you break up, you don't lose her - I dated one of my best friends for a little while, and we broke up because it wasn't working so well at the time - and we were just as close as before. As long as you don't break up by screaming at each other, throwing things, and burning everything they own before going out and getting horrendously drunk and wake up the next day with a killer hangover and a transexual prostitute who hasn't shaved for a few days, and you have beard burn on your snail-trail, if that isn't the case, it's likely you'll still be friends if you're reasonable about the whole thing.
I got sad news for you, brother - Love is not a fix all. Couples who love each other deeply break up all the time, for often the stupidest of reasons. Marriages break down, engagements are called off, and people break up - shit happens, even with love in the equation, in fact, more often with love in the equation, because love makes you do fucked up things that make no goddamn sense to anyone but you, because hey, you're in love. Love will not save your relationship. Hard work, communication, and understanding will. What love will do is just make it hurt like a motherfucker if and when it all falls down.
Pardon me for being so bleak, but It's the best I got, right now - I can't tell you what to do, because I'm not in your situation, I don't know all the details in which the devil resides. All we can really do here is tell you things, and try to help you make what decision is right for you.
People seem to be reacting pessimistically (which is probably statistically correct), but sometimes someone saying they don't know what they want is just being honest. People don't always know. It's possible she hasn't yet figured out whether she wants to stay in the relationship. Just let her know that it's okay either way; she is who she is.
If you're willing to wait for her to figure it out, I'd say spend the interim working on being okay with yourself. You shouldn't be getting panic attacks from the thought of a break-up. The way I usually think of it is, "Yes, I will be very sad. However, I don't want to be dating someone who doesn't want to be with me, and I don't want to be in a destructive relationship."
I am a girl magnet. tonight a girl randomly kissed me. it happens a lot lately. Whoa! ?I think it's the rounds of shots form tonight. So much FUN!
I'm admittedly sexist about the female kiss attack. Male kiss attack not so fun. One tends to be like a question, the other an assertion. One leaves me catatonic, the other punchy-angry.
People seem to be reacting pessimistically (which is probably statistically correct), but sometimes someone saying they don't know what they want is just being honest. People don't always know. It's possible she hasn't yet figured out whether she wants to stay in the relationship. Just let her know that it's okay either way; she is who she is.
This. Although often, this is a set of pros and cons without clear hierarchy. With people I trust, I essentially give them a core dump of my thought process to enable them to add things.
Also, ITT Emily is a slut and jail-bait! Thing of my day.
Anyhoo, just because you don't have a lot of fights isn't always a real indicator that the relationship is working.
See the last few months of my last long relationship. Even though we only ever fought over small bullshit things (which I cringe to think about now), I thought the fact that we weren't fighting anymore was a good sign. Turns out Pola had already decided she'd probably dump me after our summer travels, and just didn't care any more.
She is unsure about, apparently, everything. She doesn't know what she wants. A part of her wants to be with me still, and that part is holding us together. But she has admitted having interests in other people, I'm giving her space over the summer because she wants independence, and she hates me asking her any questions about how she feels because she really apparently doesn't know.
I can empathize; I wasn't sure what I wanted from around the middle of November until, well, I still am. But being unsure and being in a relationship is really a painful experience - you have the occasional unbidden disloyal thought, then you feel incredibly guilty about it, and when trying to figure out why it happened, you suddenly realize that your emotions are jumbled enough that you have no idea what you actually want.
The only thing you can really do is give her space and time, and hope she sorts out her feelings and comes to the conclusion that she still loves you. You might want to chat or Skype my sister about it - she got her emotions sorted out about a month ago, although you might not like some of what she has to say.
A side thought - by your definition of love, I love a lot more people than I give myself credit for. Including you, if that makes you feel any better.
On my front, life pretty much sucks. Of the people I know and am attracted to, one is a good friend who I'm almost entirely sure is uninterested in me, one has relationship issues, and the rest are either taken, crazy, or both.
You'll probably learn this lesson the hard way, but trust me, this is a bad outlook to have. You need to be the most important person in your life, always. Yes, it's selfish, but it's the kind of selfish that is warranted.
But don't give up yet. Yes, it could end with heartbreak, and that is the statistically likely outcome. But that doesn't mean it will. Don't bank on any result, and as Nuri said, work on you over the summer. The best partner in a relationship is someone who is complete and comfortable with themselves.
She has said that she foresees only a small chance that she'll want to be with me at the end of the summer.
What she's doing now is basically considering us as half-dating, because she said there's a part of her right now that still wants to cling on and be with me. Over the summer, I'm giving her freedom to figure stuff out, and we'll come back later in the summer and make a decision.
I'd prefer not to just end it now, because even though I'm not completely stable now, I know I'd have an emotional train-wreck if we break up. I don't want to be that guy, but I know I would be. My response to thinking about our relationship ending is physically shaking all over and just plain breaking down. I don't know how to deal with that right now. Over the summer, if things go bad, I can at least not be in college, though I probably will have a job.
Honestly, it's not that bad now, I'm just always paranoid that I'm making her unhappy. She says the thing that makes her unhappy is me asking questions about how she feels, so I'm just gonna live with the fact that she seems okay with us walking around and being together.
She has said that she foresees only a small chance that she'll want to be with me at the end of the summer.
What she's doing now is basically considering us as half-dating, because she said there's a part of her right now that still wants to cling on and be with me. Over the summer, I'm giving her freedom to figure stuff out, and we'll come back later in the summer and make a decision.
I'd prefer not to just end it now, because even though I'm not completely stable now, I know I'd have an emotional train-wreck if we break up. I don't want to be that guy, but I know I would be. My response to thinking about our relationship ending is physically shaking all over and just plain breaking down. I don't know how to deal with that right now. Over the summer, if things go bad, I can at least not be in college, though I probably will have a job.
Honestly, it's not that bad now, I'm just always paranoid that I'm making her unhappy. She says the thing that makes her unhappy is me asking questions about how she feels, so I'm just gonna live with the fact that she seems okay with us walking around and being together.
Just a note, while she is off finding herself (and possibly dating other guys) don't just sit and mope around. You are young and in college, go out and find some fun and when you get back from the summer then see where you are at.
I intend to have a job and trying to do at least semi-fun things over the summer. I don't intend on trying to be with anyone else, but you know, I'm gonna try and not mope. At the very least, I'll have my brother's PS3 to waste free time.
Just a note, while she is off finding herself (and possibly dating other guys
On that note, she's agreed that if she is interested in other people (she's bisexual, it could be more than just guys), she will talk to me about it first so that I'm not thrown off guard.
I intend to have a job and trying to do at least semi-fun things over the summer. I don't intend on trying to be with anyone else, but you know, I'm gonna try and not mope. At the very least, I'll have my brother's PS3 to waste free time.
Well, just don't close your heart to other chances. There are many fish in that sea.
I know from experience that summer break and the start of a new school year was always a time of drama in a relationship, if it is rocky going into those periods it's probably not going to survive.
But having met your GF at Zenkaikon, she was pretty cool I can understand getting a bit hung up on her ^_^
At the very least, have an understanding as to what exactly a "break" stipulates. I had friends who took a "break", and the guy went out and "had fun" with other girls, and the girl had an understanding that they wouldn't see other people during that break, and they ended up being very upset with each other (now not talking, mostly hating each other) because they didn't work out what parameters they had. That aside, I think your best option is to not try to hang on like it's all going to be the same. You can adjust things to suit your current situation, but once you hit this point, your friendship/relationship will not have the same dynamic. Not that it'll be better or worse, but just different.
Having had a conversation with her, I disagree, and will ignore your advice. Don't assume the intentions of someone you've never even seen before.
Lulz, ok. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I know this can end badly for me. But right now I'm happier this way, and I don't feel like dealing with my long-term happiness. If things go wrong, I'd rather have a summer to get over it than be distracted in my relatively important last quarter of my first year of college.
I know this can end badly for me. But right now I'm happier this way, and I don't feel like dealing with my long-term happiness. If things go wrong, I'd rather have a summer to get over it than be distracted in my relatively important last quarter of my first year of college.
The only issue I have with this, is being aware of this you are already dealing with a distraction.
I know this can end badly for me. But right now I'm happier this way, and I don't feel like dealing with my long-term happiness. If things go wrong, I'd rather have a summer to get over it than be distracted in my relatively important last quarter of my first year of college.
The only issue I have with this, is being aware of this you are already dealing with a distraction.
You are truly a god among men then :-p, because knowing my relationship is rocky always distracted me way more then when my relationship actually ended. Because if there is a chance I can do something it causes me a lot more anxiety then something I can't do anything about.
You are truly a god among men then :-p, because knowing my relationship is rocky always distracted me way more then when my relationship actually ended.
If my relationship ended, I don't think I'd be able to be in class right now. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but that's what I think. Also...We're sort of doing a group project together in one of our main classes this quarter, and so loosely dating is better for that project than us being broken up.
If my relationship ended, I don't think I'd be able to be in class right now. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but that's what I think. Also...We're sort of doing a group project together in one of our main classes this quarter, and so loosely dating is better for that project than us being broken up.
If my relationship ended, I don't think I'd be able to be in class right now. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but that's what I think. Also...We're sort of doing a group project together in one of our main classes this quarter, and so loosely dating is better for that project than us being broken up.
See the last few months of my last long relationship. Even though we only ever fought over small bullshit things (which I cringe to think about now), I thought the fact that we weren't fighting anymore was a good sign. Turns out Pola had already decided she'd probably dump me after our summer travels, and just didn't care any more.
'Kay Churba. This happens to people sometimes. This might happen to me. It's not guaranteed to happen to me. People can warn me all they want. I know that I'm treading on dangerous ground. I made this choice.
'Kay Churba. This happens to people sometimes. This might happen to me. It's not guaranteed to happen to me. People can warn me all they want. I know that I'm treading on dangerous ground. I made this choice.
Oh, s'ok. I'd just be remiss not to warn you, considering. It might not be useful know now, or ever. But It's a cold comfort when it does happen, and you can rid yourself of the question of not loving enough.
If my relationship ended, I don't think I'd be able to be in class right now. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but that's what I think.
Yeah, you should learn how to not have your motivation depend on other people. And if you can't, you might want to seek some help for that. I'm dead serious. You need to be able to function independently in the real world.
Don't assume the intentions of someone you've never even seen before.
People are not nearly as diverse as we'd like to think they are. But it's all good. No amount of advice will sway you, and the vast majority of people need to experience something before they learn how to deal with it.
I'm going to give you (Axel) a piece of sage advice my father, a man of deep wisdom and tremendous driving skill, gave to me the day he and my mom took me to college for the first time.
"Whatever you do, don't fall in love with the first girl you meet."
If she's being up front and honest about her intentions, what is the big deal? It sounds like she's giving Axel all of the information she has about how she is feeling. She's already told him it's unlikely to pan out. It's his choice how he acts on it. Just because a relationship has a foreseeable end doesn't mean it has to be ended right away!
You people are all acting like you are deathly afraid of temporary relationships. In my book, the most important thing is knowing where you stand so you can make a decision about how to act based on the most complete information possible.
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I got sad news for you, brother - Love is not a fix all. Couples who love each other deeply break up all the time, for often the stupidest of reasons. Marriages break down, engagements are called off, and people break up - shit happens, even with love in the equation, in fact, more often with love in the equation, because love makes you do fucked up things that make no goddamn sense to anyone but you, because hey, you're in love. Love will not save your relationship. Hard work, communication, and understanding will. What love will do is just make it hurt like a motherfucker if and when it all falls down.
Pardon me for being so bleak, but It's the best I got, right now - I can't tell you what to do, because I'm not in your situation, I don't know all the details in which the devil resides. All we can really do here is tell you things, and try to help you make what decision is right for you.
If you're willing to wait for her to figure it out, I'd say spend the interim working on being okay with yourself. You shouldn't be getting panic attacks from the thought of a break-up. The way I usually think of it is, "Yes, I will be very sad. However, I don't want to be dating someone who doesn't want to be with me, and I don't want to be in a destructive relationship."
Also, ITT Emily is a slut and jail-bait! Thing of my day.
The only thing you can really do is give her space and time, and hope she sorts out her feelings and comes to the conclusion that she still loves you.
You might want to chat or Skype my sister about it - she got her emotions sorted out about a month ago, although you might not like some of what she has to say.
A side thought - by your definition of love, I love a lot more people than I give myself credit for. Including you, if that makes you feel any better.
On my front, life pretty much sucks. Of the people I know and am attracted to, one is a good friend who I'm almost entirely sure is uninterested in me, one has relationship issues, and the rest are either taken, crazy, or both.
But don't give up yet. Yes, it could end with heartbreak, and that is the statistically likely outcome. But that doesn't mean it will. Don't bank on any result, and as Nuri said, work on you over the summer. The best partner in a relationship is someone who is complete and comfortable with themselves.
What she's doing now is basically considering us as half-dating, because she said there's a part of her right now that still wants to cling on and be with me. Over the summer, I'm giving her freedom to figure stuff out, and we'll come back later in the summer and make a decision.
I'd prefer not to just end it now, because even though I'm not completely stable now, I know I'd have an emotional train-wreck if we break up. I don't want to be that guy, but I know I would be. My response to thinking about our relationship ending is physically shaking all over and just plain breaking down. I don't know how to deal with that right now. Over the summer, if things go bad, I can at least not be in college, though I probably will have a job.
Honestly, it's not that bad now, I'm just always paranoid that I'm making her unhappy. She says the thing that makes her unhappy is me asking questions about how she feels, so I'm just gonna live with the fact that she seems okay with us walking around and being together.
OHHHHH THOSEEEEE SUMMMMMMERRRRR NIIIIIIGGGHHHHHTTTTSSSSS ;-p
I know from experience that summer break and the start of a new school year was always a time of drama in a relationship, if it is rocky going into those periods it's probably not going to survive.
But having met your GF at Zenkaikon, she was pretty cool I can understand getting a bit hung up on her ^_^
That aside, I think your best option is to not try to hang on like it's all going to be the same. You can adjust things to suit your current situation, but once you hit this point, your friendship/relationship will not have the same dynamic. Not that it'll be better or worse, but just different.
Also...We're sort of doing a group project together in one of our main classes this quarter, and so loosely dating is better for that project than us being broken up.
It's going to suck.
"Whatever you do, don't fall in love with the first girl you meet."
You should probably think on that a while.
You people are all acting like you are deathly afraid of temporary relationships. In my book, the most important thing is knowing where you stand so you can make a decision about how to act based on the most complete information possible.