So time to get a whole bunch of stuff off my chest. Hopefully typing this will help me sort my shit out. If not, then maybe some responses from pseudo-strangers will help.
Several Months Ago So I'm dating this girl, Layna. I know her from camp and I really enjoy hanging out with her but I almost never get to see her. We only live a few hours apart by train but it just never works out. Not only that, but she disappears from the internet for long period of time without explanation. Seeing her name lit up on AIM (yeah, she used that) was a rare and exciting thing. Every few months she sends out a dramatic facebook note to tons of people about how terrible of a person she is and how much she is sorry for letting everyone down and how she is a new person who will show up to stuff and be available. Yeah, not so much. On my 3 month trip abroad she only responded to one of my dozens of e-mails and didn't send me the package that she promised (and even showed me a picture of). Also, she was interested in an open relationship. I don't know why but for some reason I agreed to that despite it bothering me. I never took advantage of that fact to get with other girls.
Flashback to Several Years Ago It is freshman year of high school, I start dating this girl Belinda (I seem to date exclusively girls with weird names). She was my first kiss. We have an awesome time together but things fall apart after the summer and it just isn't the same. She breaks up with me. I'm crushed and we aren't talking at all but we still see each other frequently as a result of having mostly the same friends and attending a tiny private school. Over the next few years, she and I become a bit closer but aren't really friends.
Back to a Few Months Ago So in Israel, Belinda and I become way closer. It started out with just hang out with each other, and seeking each other out for activities, but it got to the point where she would find my room and nap in my empty bed when her room was too loud. Our relationship (as in the interpersonal kind) became much more physical too. More hugs, more cuddling, holding hand when walking places. The final night of the trip, she even slept in my bed. I wanted her, and I knew that my open relationship would allow me to have her, but I just wasn't OK with that. Rumors were everywhere and we vehemently denied them. Still, in private we basically behaved like a couple minus the touching of specific body parts.
Fewer Months ago I'm still with Layna though I getting increasingly fed up with her. She doesn't answer her phone, she doesn't respond to e-mails, texts or facebook posts, and she doesn't show up to the camp reunion in the city that was specifically planed around her and I seeing each other for the first time in months. It has been nearly 7 months since I've seen her in person. She has excuses for these things but I'm getting tired of expecting an excuse from her for every missed call. I'm complaining about her regularly to my friend James and to Belinda. I'm not sure why I talked to Belinda about this. Maybe it was because she and I talked every night at that point (yeah, that was a thing), maybe because I wanted to vent to someone and I trusted her a shit ton. Either way, she and James convinced me to break up with Layna. After two weeks of her not getting back to me, I do so.
A Week After That Belinda and I are on gchat and she is telling me how she is fed up with being cooped in at her house. I invite her over to hang out. Her mom doesn't want her driving alone so she invites a mutual friend who lives close to her, Lee (male) along to hang out with us. I end up getting to work really late so she and Lee go over to a friend of the three of us, and my neighbor, Daniel. I walk over to Daniel's where we hang out and wile away the hours. Belinda and Lee decided to come back to my house to sleep over. Lee (as is characteristic of him) falls asleep before everyone. Belinda and I are alone in my room. Long bit made short, after two hours of hanging out I remember that I have a pair and kiss her. We were both kind of surprised but decided it was something we wanted more of. Around this time, James, who is in contact with Layna somehow, tells me that she has an explanation for her two weeks of not contacting me and it is good but she should tell me herself. She has yet to contact me and removed me from her friends of facebook.
The Month-ish Since Then Being with Belinda is awesome. We continue to talk all the time, hang out regularly, and do cool stuff together. To not have to deal with telling the whole world that it was right, our relationship is a secret from all but our closest friends. This has made parties kind of awkward but we always find some alone time, even if it means staying up until 4:30 cuddling.
The State of Things Now and The Problem 1. Fuck Layna. Seriously, the way she was treating me wasn't OK and I don't know why I dealt with it for so long. I wish I could have broken up with her a long time ago and not had to deal with feeling saddled my entire trip abroad. 2. Belinda and I are off to college; I'm at Tufts and she is at Boston University. We are going to be less than a half hour apart by subway but are afraid that going into freshman year with a relationship will screw us socially and academically. I suggested we not see each other for a month after school starts but she obviously has reservations. I just don't want to fuck up freshman year but I also don't want to lose her, and I'm not sure I can have it both ways.
Edit: Accidentally posted this early, edited to finish it. Also damn did that feel good to say.
Well, in response to The Problem... The only advice that I can give is to enjoy what you have, while you have it. However, especially if she's not going to college nearby (if at all yet), *don't* let yourself get into the mindset that this can continue. Seriously, your life is about to change 100% for the better, especially socially. You would be doing yourself a disservice if you let emotional ties back home keep you from enjoying the next four years. Take it from me, I have been in that exact situation, and made the wrong decision. I paid for it, and I'm sure as hell glad it's over.
As I said in the edit, she will be less that a half hour away. In fact, sit will be easier to get to at BU that it currently is for me to get to her in NJ.
One time I went to lunch with a smart, beautiful girl, which turned into a walk, which turned into chilling at her dorm and listening to her vast and intriguing collection of music (she dressed kinda weird, she was an Atmosphere fan). As I was leaving, I asked if she wanted to go get dinner with me later that week, and she was like, "Oh yeah, that'd be awesome!" And I was like, "Oh, cool, it's a date," and started walking away, whereupon she was like, "No wait sorry I mean I didn't mean to--I have a boyfriend." I explained that it was fine and I was sorry for the confusion and then I went home and got really drunk later that evening.
Another time, I asked if a girl would like to get dinner with me, and she said yes, she'd tell me her availability by Facebook. Two days, no answer. On the third day, I return to the building where I went to Psych and usually saw her and see her as I'm heading into the building. She gives me this fucking deer-in-the-headlights look and disappears into the labyrinth of this building. Never saw or heard from her again, despite going to many parties at her apartment (I'm friends with her roommate). Don't know what the fuck happened there. Apparently, she took a semester off to tour Europe with her band. Whatevs.
Anyway, I'm considering the UK a "greener pasture." I don't really have any interest in the type of girls who are in Urbana-Champaign, with the notable exception of one friend who is likely unattainable.
As I said in the edit, she will be less that a half hour away. In fact, sit will be easier to get to at BU that it currently is for me to get to her in NJ.
Still doesn't change the fact that you're both gonna be in totally different social situations, where both of you would probably do well exploring it on your own. If it works out such that you can keep things going through at least the beginning of school, then awesome. Don't expect that it'll be able to continue, though. There's a good reason why 'Thanksgiving breakup" is a thing.
Belinda and I are off to college; I'm at Tufts and she is at Boston University. We are going to be less than a half hour apart by subway but are afraid that going into freshman year with a relationship will screw us socially and academically. I suggested we not see each other for a month after school starts but she obviously has reservations. I just don't want to fuck up freshman year but I also don't want to lose her, and I'm not sure I can have it both ways.
Im in the same situation there my friend. The advice I would give is take it as it comes. The more you try to plan stuff and set markers the more it goes tits up. Go with the flow, you never know it might last.
Was asking for specifics. I already have the notion from this entire thread along with the Fail thread that it's "more often than not". Anyone care to share specific stories?
Would you keep track of those? They aren't interesting stories. Meet girl, she's cute, fun, into cool things (my list is anime, cars, computers, guns, etc) and then she has a boyfriend.
Usually goes something like
Me: "do you know of blah?" Her: "oh my gosh, my boyfriend and I love blah." Me: "cool, what about blah or blah?" Inside my head: damn.
This is definitely a bad time for me to have an LDR with a high-schooler.
Yes.
If, at the end of high school, you're going a significant distance from your significant other, expect that relationship to end. I didn't end mine till March because I'm dumb, and the first few months of second semester were depressing as hell because I was too far away to see her, knew it wasn't going to last, but wasn't free to pursue anybody else out of the tens of really cool women I had met there.
Belinda and I are off to college; I'm at Tufts and she is at Boston University. We are going to be less than a half hour apart by subway but are afraid that going into freshman year with a relationship will screw us socially and academically.
If you get yourself a bike, take it Red Line to Central or MIT and ride south over one of the bridges (depending upon where she lives). It is much faster than Red Line to Green Line, plus Green Line has been fucked lately, I hear. I'd just ride my bike the whole way. It takes me like 35 minutes to BU Bridge from a little bit west of Alewife by bike (sans snow); at least that is what it took me on Wednesday.
Seriously, Tufts and BU are not mutually exclusive. Tufts, BU, Harvard, MIT, NEU, etc, etc, etc. It's one big fucking community. You can both explore Boston together with friends you've met through classes and grow a nice network of buds.
The relationship thing is up to you guys, of course, but it would have to be intentional avoidance to not see each other living where you both live.
More recently, hung out with a cute girl with curls (I'm a sucker for curls) almost daily for a few weeks. We had good times. I was interested in her, so at the end of a bike ride, I decided to invite her to pick up some groceries at Whole Foods and cook up some dinner with me. She said she thought that'd be super fun. We pretty much never hung out again after that point, she dodged every time I asked her to hang out (too busy), and so on. She later hooked up with one of my really good friends.
Less recently, I was just getting out of a long relationship and bumped into a high school crush. We hung out pretty much daily, all the time, for a week or two. She had a boyfriend, but that relationship seemed to be on the rocks. I decided to tell her that I was crushing on her, just in like in high school. She told me that in high school she tried to get into an open relationship with her boyfriend at the time, just for me (I had no idea). So we continued hanging out, getting close, and things got a bit much.
One night we hugged each other goodbye as I dropped her off at her place. It was a really, really long hug. I think hugging is less appropriate to say as perhaps grinding would fit better. To be fair, we had talked about fucking each other's brains out for about 2-3 hours prior to that, alone at my house. I don't condone infidelity though, so nothing happened even after she asked if I had condoms in the house, and I, in fact, did. Well, that whole night blew a fuse in her brain. Things got all dramatic and shit, and she became the closest thing to an enemy I've ever had. This was years ago.
She got a hold me more recently and apologized for her behavior. I did the same. She's married now and I will probably never see her again, but at least I don't have some enemy phantasm lurking in my subconscious.
I haven't had much luck in the Dating department. I never really did anything serious in high school because of a combination of me being a nerd, it being a small town, and just the fact that I saw any actual relationships in high school to be a bit silly since they all break up in a week anyway.
Last year, my Sophomore year didn't go too great either.
One girl, Ashley, I was into a bit. We would hang out randomly and were pretty good friends. I had feeling but it wasn't anything serious. Things went well and we were close friends, but that changed. Gradually she seemed more and more into my roommate and ended up being his fuck buddy and then girlfriend. For some reason this made me really angry. Don't get me wrong, I've felt jealous before. This was different. I could deal with her not being with me, but it was like I lost her as a friend. She used to come over to hang out with me, but now she always would come over to see him. It was never really the same after that.
Another girl, Abbi was a sort of fuck up I guess. We met when the semester began and hit it off really well. She had a boyfriend but I was fine with it. I don't just befriend girls because I want sex. We talked in real live and on facebook quite a bit and it was going well. One night we were drinking with some friends in my suitemates room and starting talking more serious. In the morning she thanked me for now nice I had been the night before. Then, I don't know what happened. Maybe a week or two after than something changed. She became more and more distant, to the point where even me saying hi would make her make the (why are you talking to me?) face and barely respond. I tried asking her what was up but I could never really get a response. I finally texted Ashley (same one, they are close friends) and asked why she was treating me like that. Apparently I had said something that made her uncomfortable because she had a boyfriends or some shit like that. For one thing, I had never really ever seriously flirted with her or anything like that. I really don't know where that was coming from. I ended up apologizing Via facebook because it was during Christmas break, and she never responded but things did get better. Gradually, we became more friendly again but it was never the same. I think we're ok now. She did at least come say I when I moved back in, but for some reason there's always a bit of awkwardness.
Not really dating stories but close I suppose.
In current news, I think the girl across the hall might be into me. Well, maybe. We me just through the course of moving into the dorms and meeting people and all that, but we've sort of become closer because we both stay up way to late at night. We've planned on staying up late watching movies and shit in the TV room while everyone else is asleep, and shes said multiple times how glad she is that I live right across from her. She said I could be her "stay up all night" friend, which could be taken as dirty though I don't think she meant it that way. I don't know, she seems cool so hopefully something works out.
So, ex-is talking to me again, not long after becoming so, and I try to be nice and friendly, but all she does is be vauge and then question why I ask her to elaborate as if I did something wrong by doing so, or she keep giving short answers that drive the conversation nowhere, dammit, why are you making this conversation harder when it hurts to talk to you in the first place?
How is it that this is affecting me as much as it is?
I've been with my current girlfriend for just over three months now. So far she has done nothing even slightly annoying or irritating, nor have we had any kind of meaningful disagreement. Normally at three months there are all kinds of little niggles that creep in, but this time nothing. I think this is partly down to finding someone awesome, but also that I've become a much cooler person over the last few years.
Also she came with me on my last cruise, and loved my lifestyle as much as I do. Hopefully we'll take many more work trips together in the future.
But now we have two weeks apart while I continue my current work trip, and then after a week together in Berlin, I'll be away for another two weeks on my Portland/San Francisco trip. Sucks!
I was talking to a girl I liked on Facebook last night, and asked her for a date. She hasn't responded yet.
Silence is the worst form of rejection, seriously.
A couple pages back, I related the story of how I asked a girl out, she said yes and she'd get back to me on Facebook, and then never did. I know that feel bro.
Comments
Several Months Ago
So I'm dating this girl, Layna. I know her from camp and I really enjoy hanging out with her but I almost never get to see her. We only live a few hours apart by train but it just never works out. Not only that, but she disappears from the internet for long period of time without explanation. Seeing her name lit up on AIM (yeah, she used that) was a rare and exciting thing. Every few months she sends out a dramatic facebook note to tons of people about how terrible of a person she is and how much she is sorry for letting everyone down and how she is a new person who will show up to stuff and be available. Yeah, not so much. On my 3 month trip abroad she only responded to one of my dozens of e-mails and didn't send me the package that she promised (and even showed me a picture of).
Also, she was interested in an open relationship. I don't know why but for some reason I agreed to that despite it bothering me. I never took advantage of that fact to get with other girls.
Flashback to Several Years Ago
It is freshman year of high school, I start dating this girl Belinda (I seem to date exclusively girls with weird names). She was my first kiss. We have an awesome time together but things fall apart after the summer and it just isn't the same. She breaks up with me. I'm crushed and we aren't talking at all but we still see each other frequently as a result of having mostly the same friends and attending a tiny private school. Over the next few years, she and I become a bit closer but aren't really friends.
Back to a Few Months Ago
So in Israel, Belinda and I become way closer. It started out with just hang out with each other, and seeking each other out for activities, but it got to the point where she would find my room and nap in my empty bed when her room was too loud. Our relationship (as in the interpersonal kind) became much more physical too. More hugs, more cuddling, holding hand when walking places. The final night of the trip, she even slept in my bed. I wanted her, and I knew that my open relationship would allow me to have her, but I just wasn't OK with that.
Rumors were everywhere and we vehemently denied them. Still, in private we basically behaved like a couple minus the touching of specific body parts.
Fewer Months ago
I'm still with Layna though I getting increasingly fed up with her. She doesn't answer her phone, she doesn't respond to e-mails, texts or facebook posts, and she doesn't show up to the camp reunion in the city that was specifically planed around her and I seeing each other for the first time in months. It has been nearly 7 months since I've seen her in person. She has excuses for these things but I'm getting tired of expecting an excuse from her for every missed call. I'm complaining about her regularly to my friend James and to Belinda. I'm not sure why I talked to Belinda about this. Maybe it was because she and I talked every night at that point (yeah, that was a thing), maybe because I wanted to vent to someone and I trusted her a shit ton. Either way, she and James convinced me to break up with Layna. After two weeks of her not getting back to me, I do so.
A Week After That
Belinda and I are on gchat and she is telling me how she is fed up with being cooped in at her house. I invite her over to hang out. Her mom doesn't want her driving alone so she invites a mutual friend who lives close to her, Lee (male) along to hang out with us. I end up getting to work really late so she and Lee go over to a friend of the three of us, and my neighbor, Daniel. I walk over to Daniel's where we hang out and wile away the hours. Belinda and Lee decided to come back to my house to sleep over. Lee (as is characteristic of him) falls asleep before everyone. Belinda and I are alone in my room. Long bit made short, after two hours of hanging out I remember that I have a pair and kiss her. We were both kind of surprised but decided it was something we wanted more of.
Around this time, James, who is in contact with Layna somehow, tells me that she has an explanation for her two weeks of not contacting me and it is good but she should tell me herself. She has yet to contact me and removed me from her friends of facebook.
The Month-ish Since Then
Being with Belinda is awesome. We continue to talk all the time, hang out regularly, and do cool stuff together. To not have to deal with telling the whole world that it was right, our relationship is a secret from all but our closest friends. This has made parties kind of awkward but we always find some alone time, even if it means staying up until 4:30 cuddling.
The State of Things Now and The Problem
1. Fuck Layna. Seriously, the way she was treating me wasn't OK and I don't know why I dealt with it for so long. I wish I could have broken up with her a long time ago and not had to deal with feeling saddled my entire trip abroad.
2. Belinda and I are off to college; I'm at Tufts and she is at Boston University. We are going to be less than a half hour apart by subway but are afraid that going into freshman year with a relationship will screw us socially and academically. I suggested we not see each other for a month after school starts but she obviously has reservations. I just don't want to fuck up freshman year but I also don't want to lose her, and I'm not sure I can have it both ways.
Edit: Accidentally posted this early, edited to finish it. Also damn did that feel good to say.
Another time, I asked if a girl would like to get dinner with me, and she said yes, she'd tell me her availability by Facebook. Two days, no answer. On the third day, I return to the building where I went to Psych and usually saw her and see her as I'm heading into the building. She gives me this fucking deer-in-the-headlights look and disappears into the labyrinth of this building. Never saw or heard from her again, despite going to many parties at her apartment (I'm friends with her roommate). Don't know what the fuck happened there. Apparently, she took a semester off to tour Europe with her band. Whatevs.
Anyway, I'm considering the UK a "greener pasture." I don't really have any interest in the type of girls who are in Urbana-Champaign, with the notable exception of one friend who is likely unattainable.
Usually goes something like
Me: "do you know of blah?"
Her: "oh my gosh, my boyfriend and I love blah."
Me: "cool, what about blah or blah?"
Inside my head: damn.
If, at the end of high school, you're going a significant distance from your significant other, expect that relationship to end. I didn't end mine till March because I'm dumb, and the first few months of second semester were depressing as hell because I was too far away to see her, knew it wasn't going to last, but wasn't free to pursue anybody else out of the tens of really cool women I had met there.
Seriously, Tufts and BU are not mutually exclusive. Tufts, BU, Harvard, MIT, NEU, etc, etc, etc. It's one big fucking community. You can both explore Boston together with friends you've met through classes and grow a nice network of buds.
The relationship thing is up to you guys, of course, but it would have to be intentional avoidance to not see each other living where you both live.
More recently, hung out with a cute girl with curls (I'm a sucker for curls) almost daily for a few weeks. We had good times. I was interested in her, so at the end of a bike ride, I decided to invite her to pick up some groceries at Whole Foods and cook up some dinner with me. She said she thought that'd be super fun. We pretty much never hung out again after that point, she dodged every time I asked her to hang out (too busy), and so on. She later hooked up with one of my really good friends.
Less recently, I was just getting out of a long relationship and bumped into a high school crush. We hung out pretty much daily, all the time, for a week or two. She had a boyfriend, but that relationship seemed to be on the rocks. I decided to tell her that I was crushing on her, just in like in high school. She told me that in high school she tried to get into an open relationship with her boyfriend at the time, just for me (I had no idea). So we continued hanging out, getting close, and things got a bit much.
One night we hugged each other goodbye as I dropped her off at her place. It was a really, really long hug. I think hugging is less appropriate to say as perhaps grinding would fit better. To be fair, we had talked about fucking each other's brains out for about 2-3 hours prior to that, alone at my house. I don't condone infidelity though, so nothing happened even after she asked if I had condoms in the house, and I, in fact, did. Well, that whole night blew a fuse in her brain. Things got all dramatic and shit, and she became the closest thing to an enemy I've ever had. This was years ago.
She got a hold me more recently and apologized for her behavior. I did the same. She's married now and I will probably never see her again, but at least I don't have some enemy phantasm lurking in my subconscious.
Man, it sucks having a great relationship and then something like college gets in the way.
Last year, my Sophomore year didn't go too great either.
One girl, Ashley, I was into a bit. We would hang out randomly and were pretty good friends. I had feeling but it wasn't anything serious. Things went well and we were close friends, but that changed. Gradually she seemed more and more into my roommate and ended up being his fuck buddy and then girlfriend. For some reason this made me really angry. Don't get me wrong, I've felt jealous before. This was different. I could deal with her not being with me, but it was like I lost her as a friend. She used to come over to hang out with me, but now she always would come over to see him. It was never really the same after that.
Another girl, Abbi was a sort of fuck up I guess. We met when the semester began and hit it off really well. She had a boyfriend but I was fine with it. I don't just befriend girls because I want sex. We talked in real live and on facebook quite a bit and it was going well. One night we were drinking with some friends in my suitemates room and starting talking more serious. In the morning she thanked me for now nice I had been the night before. Then, I don't know what happened. Maybe a week or two after than something changed. She became more and more distant, to the point where even me saying hi would make her make the (why are you talking to me?) face and barely respond. I tried asking her what was up but I could never really get a response. I finally texted Ashley (same one, they are close friends) and asked why she was treating me like that. Apparently I had said something that made her uncomfortable because she had a boyfriends or some shit like that. For one thing, I had never really ever seriously flirted with her or anything like that. I really don't know where that was coming from. I ended up apologizing Via facebook because it was during Christmas break, and she never responded but things did get better. Gradually, we became more friendly again but it was never the same. I think we're ok now. She did at least come say I when I moved back in, but for some reason there's always a bit of awkwardness.
Not really dating stories but close I suppose.
In current news, I think the girl across the hall might be into me. Well, maybe. We me just through the course of moving into the dorms and meeting people and all that, but we've sort of become closer because we both stay up way to late at night. We've planned on staying up late watching movies and shit in the TV room while everyone else is asleep, and shes said multiple times how glad she is that I live right across from her. She said I could be her "stay up all night" friend, which could be taken as dirty though I don't think she meant it that way. I don't know, she seems cool so hopefully something works out.
How is it that this is affecting me as much as it is?
Also she came with me on my last cruise, and loved my lifestyle as much as I do. Hopefully we'll take many more work trips together in the future.
But now we have two weeks apart while I continue my current work trip, and then after a week together in Berlin, I'll be away for another two weeks on my Portland/San Francisco trip. Sucks!
Silence is the worst form of rejection, seriously.