It's also possible to sometimes be non-clinically depressed despite suffering clinical depression, I'd imagine. And what if you're constantly depressed, but it's situational?
These are all codified as clinical depression in the new DSM-V. Fundamentally, not feeling any emotions (for any period of time, long or short) is not okay.
It's also possible that people on the forum feel more comfortable being "out". Many people will simply give you the good-ol bootstraps talk, or say things to the effect of "Sometimes, I'm sad too, but I'm not such a pansy about it."
Definitely a possibility. This is probably the most candid forum I've been on (but it's still less candid on average than me. Sigh, I guess I'm the least private person on the planet.)
...then again, I haven't had my genitals photographed by paparazzi so I guess I retract that parenthetical.
The thing is anxiety is often very common among creative people too. I know that my anxiety is pretty much 100% physical and genetic. I've had it most of my life, so I cope with it pretty well and am happy most of the time. I've had a few times of high stress when it got very uncomfortable. Also, a huge percentage of the population suffers from anxiety and depression. I think in the forum we are just more open about it. Not everyone feels comfortable in saying that in front of people.
I think high anxiety has been a part of my life for so long that it's just become my baseline. I am constantly wigged the fuck out about finances and medical concerns and it's so prevalent and ubiquitous in my life that now it's just background noise. I wonder how normal people feel. I bet they enjoy their lives. :-P
It's also possible that people on the forum feel more comfortable being "out". Many people will simply give you the good-ol bootstraps talk, or say things to the effect of "Sometimes, I'm sad too, but I'm not such a pansy about it."
I dunno, that's kinda what I do. I get depressed. Sometimes I see someone for it. Most of the time, I feel shitty, but I have to do what I have to do, I can gut it out and deal with it later when there's no more to be done.
I think high anxiety has been a part of my life for so long that it's just become my baseline. I am constantly wigged the fuck out about finances and medical concerns and it's so prevalent and ubiquitous in my life that now it's just background noise.
Are you saying medical anxiety, or anxiousness/worry? Medical anxiety is a whole different heart-palpitating, nauseating, claustrophobic mess.
It's also possible that people on the forum feel more comfortable being "out". Many people will simply give you the good-ol bootstraps talk, or say things to the effect of "Sometimes, I'm sad too, but I'm not such a pansy about it."
I dunno, that's kinda what I do. I get depressed. Sometimes I see someone for it. Most of the time, I feel shitty, but I have to do what I have to do, I can gut it out and deal with it later when there's no more to be done.
I'm talking about the people who think depression = sadness. If you can will your way out of it, lucky for you, your brain can handle its chemistry in a non-destructive way. But that's not a solution for many many people.
Are you saying medical anxiety, or anxiousness/worry? Medical anxiety is a whole different heart-palpitating, nauseating, claustrophobic mess.
Well, I normally only have the hyperventilating/diaphoretic episodes once in awhile, but that's mostly because I've learned to recognize when one is coming and stave it off with conscious breathing exercises and willing myself to relax. I almost never simultaneously feel light-headed while my hands go numb while driving anymore...
What we are talking about is a different kind of anxiety. It's more about phobic responses and irrational thoughts (I am going to suddenly die!) then about stress related to life events (although stressful events may act as a trigger for the panic.) It's like suddenly your fight-or-flight goes off and you get all these physical symptoms, and your brain is telling you OHFUCKOHFUCKGONNADIE! It's irrational, intense, physical anxiety. Although you may be experiencing chronic anxiety, it sounds like it is purely stemming from stress, as opposed to internal predisposition. I think actually that is more "normal person" anxiety (although I am sure it is not pleasant at all.)
edit: Ah, ninja'd. I guess you do have the panic thing. I thought you were just stressed out.
Well, I'll never be analyzed so I'll never know. :-) I have intermittent depression but I think it's always situational. I have HUGE attention problems that really didn't seem to exist before the internet. I have anxiety pretty much always, but it's never full blown OH FUCK type panic. I definitely have traits of OCD (check the locks on the front and back door about 12 times back and forth before going to bed, tap on the lock 4 times each to make sure it's resting against the pin "properly", always blink twice (and must INHALE never exhale while blinking)).
Not that I'm campaigning for a mental illness merit badge or anything. :-)
EDIT: ah yes, the panic thing I do have, but it's few and far between.
I'm talking about the people who think depression = sadness. If you can will your way out of it, lucky for you, your brain can handle its chemistry in a non-destructive way. But that's not a solution for many many people.
Way out of it? I wish. I still feel it the whole time, but I'm just pig-headed enough that I can force myself to perform a task if it has to be done. I do what I've gotta do, that's that. If I don't have to do it, I don't.
Way out of it? I wish. I still feel it the whole time, but I'm just pig-headed enough that I can force myself to perform a task if it has to be done. I do what I've gotta do, that's that. If I don't have to do it, I don't.
Ah, gotcha. I just turn into a jelly roll, myself. A jelly-roll made of anger.
I'm talking about the people who think depression = sadness. If you can will your way out of it, lucky for you, your brain can handle its chemistry in a non-destructive way. But that's not a solution for many many people.
Way out of it? I wish. I still feel it the whole time, but I'm just pig-headed enough that I can force myself to perform a task if it has to be done. I do what I've gotta do, that's that. If I don't have to do it, I don't.
This ability is really the only reason I still have a job. I lost only one job to depression/apathy and never since. Close, though.
Hrm... just recalled that I did have a panic attack once in the last few years. The trigger is hard to summarize. My boss told our department to dress up for a day because the company had visitors. All this means for me is polo and slacks instead of jeans and t-shirt. In reality, he said that as a lie to get me to show up for a photo-shoot thing for my department.
I don't have a real phobia of having my picture taken, but I avoid it when possible. Especially in regards to bullshit marketing or company christmas cards or other things that just grate on me. When I found out, and found out I had been lied to, I told them I wasn't going to do that. The arguments and bullshit surrounding this set me off in multiple ways. I guess it wasn't all panic. It was just anger at first. The panic set in when I finally agreed to do it, and all of a sudden just standing still caused my heart to race and everything to sweat and muscles I didn't even know I had started to twitch.
I couldn't pin that down to a single thing. I can "act", but I feel really sick if I try to be disengenous. I also have extreme distaste for it coming from other people. That's not to say I can't do it, or havn't done it, but when it hits me certain ways it just crushes me. Especially in regards to people I've invested any amount of trust in.
Note that panic attacks don't even necessarily have to have a trigger related to something that you find fear- or panic-worthy. They usually do, but I've had panic attacks over things like sleeping too late on weekends when I was at my worst.
I should note that it's not for relaxation, more like, "I've been having a very public panic attack for an hour and if I don't take an anxiolytic immediately it will be very bad news indeed."
I made a notebook of calming things, like bundling in a blanket, chamomile tea, hugs, and reading children's books. If I am feeling super anxious, I do something that I know is soothing.
I want to get a psychologist to pick my brain. I want some outside perspective from someone that knows a bit about them on mine. Most of my reading, however, implies that's an expensive and poor idea given that my current mind-state seems to be pretty good at stuff.
I still sometimes burn myself. I'm doing a lot better now, but that's one thing I haven't shaken yet.
EDIT: To avoid confusion, I didn't just burn myself, but a few days ago. I'm musing on the fact that I feel a lot better emotionally, but it's not a complete change yet.
Yesterday to Today, I had a horrible relapse of a terrible depressive fit dealing with friendships and that thin line between taunting someone and verbally abusing them. I've had so many bad experiences from friends who kept up to a taunting joke to the point where I'm clearly broken and shaken by the trauma, but they just want to keep on going just to entertain an audience or prove a point about how messed up I AM.
I've learned that, I have this very peculiar dislike for people who hit all three of my pet peeves at once. They have a bad attitude (And I don't mean sad, I mean more hateful/spiteful), they have no reason to explain their bad attitude, and they absolutely show no audible/physical emotion when they talk. It feels like that if you hit that trifecta, that you are a dick.
Today a new guy was brought into a Skype conversation and he was hating on me for absolutely no reason. And he was quite verbal and unflappable about his hatred, it made me really question if this was an act or his real persona. Because he was saying things like "You didn't like Black Swan because of THIS?! YOU UNCULTURED FUCK." I'm never brought down by opinions on popular culture, but I can't stand when people are openly hostile about a disagreement of opinion.
And this guy was keeping up this attitude for 2 hours. At that point, I think simply "messing around" loses it's meaning because that means you are so intent on deconstructing or putting someone in a bad movie. Even his friend who logged on with him at the same time said "Sometimes talking to Brian just ruins my day" (Completely serious) And the other thing that broke me down, is that people were giving him the benefit of the doubt over me, despite having a longer history with my group of friends and how I'm generally positive and kind.
These experiences...I don't know, they kind of rock me to my core. I think they are some of the hardest depressing humps to overcome. I couldn't go to class and I'm still thinking about how the trauma affected me and how I could have handled the situation better.
So, I've been on Lexapro for about three months. Doc said it can kick in after two weeks, but most people start feeling better after a month and get to a baseline around two or three months in. This past week everything finally clicked into place.
I'm really happy right now, so much so that I can recognize that I forgot what this feels like. I'm happy about my decisions, and my friends, and how I live my life, and about next semester's advanced curriculum, and about the career path I'm choosing. I think in general I'm a cool guy, and I think I'm pretty handsome--both of these thoughts are QUITE recent developments.
Having trouble figuring out if maybe I'm hypomanic, if this is just what normal people feel like most of the time, or if this is just incredible depression rebound euphoria.
Comments
...then again, I haven't had my genitals photographed by paparazzi so I guess I retract that parenthetical.
I know that my anxiety is pretty much 100% physical and genetic. I've had it most of my life, so I cope with it pretty well and am happy most of the time. I've had a few times of high stress when it got very uncomfortable.
Also, a huge percentage of the population suffers from anxiety and depression. I think in the forum we are just more open about it. Not everyone feels comfortable in saying that in front of people.
Although you may be experiencing chronic anxiety, it sounds like it is purely stemming from stress, as opposed to internal predisposition. I think actually that is more "normal person" anxiety (although I am sure it is not pleasant at all.)
edit: Ah, ninja'd. I guess you do have the panic thing. I thought you were just stressed out.
Not that I'm campaigning for a mental illness merit badge or anything. :-)
EDIT: ah yes, the panic thing I do have, but it's few and far between.
And when it's really bad, panic attacks, vomiting, linked depressive episodes.
I don't have a real phobia of having my picture taken, but I avoid it when possible. Especially in regards to bullshit marketing or company christmas cards or other things that just grate on me. When I found out, and found out I had been lied to, I told them I wasn't going to do that. The arguments and bullshit surrounding this set me off in multiple ways. I guess it wasn't all panic. It was just anger at first. The panic set in when I finally agreed to do it, and all of a sudden just standing still caused my heart to race and everything to sweat and muscles I didn't even know I had started to twitch.
I couldn't pin that down to a single thing. I can "act", but I feel really sick if I try to be disengenous. I also have extreme distaste for it coming from other people. That's not to say I can't do it, or havn't done it, but when it hits me certain ways it just crushes me. Especially in regards to people I've invested any amount of trust in.
EDIT: To avoid confusion, I didn't just burn myself, but a few days ago. I'm musing on the fact that I feel a lot better emotionally, but it's not a complete change yet.
I've learned that, I have this very peculiar dislike for people who hit all three of my pet peeves at once. They have a bad attitude (And I don't mean sad, I mean more hateful/spiteful), they have no reason to explain their bad attitude, and they absolutely show no audible/physical emotion when they talk. It feels like that if you hit that trifecta, that you are a dick.
Today a new guy was brought into a Skype conversation and he was hating on me for absolutely no reason. And he was quite verbal and unflappable about his hatred, it made me really question if this was an act or his real persona. Because he was saying things like "You didn't like Black Swan because of THIS?! YOU UNCULTURED FUCK." I'm never brought down by opinions on popular culture, but I can't stand when people are openly hostile about a disagreement of opinion.
And this guy was keeping up this attitude for 2 hours. At that point, I think simply "messing around" loses it's meaning because that means you are so intent on deconstructing or putting someone in a bad movie. Even his friend who logged on with him at the same time said "Sometimes talking to Brian just ruins my day" (Completely serious) And the other thing that broke me down, is that people were giving him the benefit of the doubt over me, despite having a longer history with my group of friends and how I'm generally positive and kind.
These experiences...I don't know, they kind of rock me to my core. I think they are some of the hardest depressing humps to overcome. I couldn't go to class and I'm still thinking about how the trauma affected me and how I could have handled the situation better.
I'm really happy right now, so much so that I can recognize that I forgot what this feels like. I'm happy about my decisions, and my friends, and how I live my life, and about next semester's advanced curriculum, and about the career path I'm choosing. I think in general I'm a cool guy, and I think I'm pretty handsome--both of these thoughts are QUITE recent developments.
Having trouble figuring out if maybe I'm hypomanic, if this is just what normal people feel like most of the time, or if this is just incredible depression rebound euphoria.
I'm really glad it's finally working for you.